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The Mel Robbins Podcast

The #1 Journal Exercise to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

When you don't feel like doing anything, this one thing will turn it around. If you struggle with stress and anxiety and can’t let go of the negative thoughts that keep you stuck, this episode will change your life.

Mel Robbinshost

Mar 4, 202434mWatch on YouTube ↗

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

A “portal” to happiness: the core promise of the episode
Mel opens with the metaphor of two worlds: your current life and a happier one you can access by remembering when you felt happier. She frames the episode as a practical, science-grounded way to retrieve “clues” from your past to feel better day-to-day now.
- •Two worlds concept: present life vs. remembered happier life
- •You can’t miss happiness unless you’ve felt it before
- •Mel promises a simple method to “open the portal”
- •Sets expectation: not woo-woo, based on your lived experience
Mel’s fantasy-book obsession becomes a lesson about change
Mel shares her current obsession with the fantasy novel "A Court of Thorns and Roses" and how it inspired the portal idea. She connects fantasy-world travel to the real-life ability to mentally revisit moments that reveal what makes you feel most alive.
- •Book as a narrative hook (not an ad)
- •Being ‘transported’ by stories mirrors mental time travel
- •Fantasy protagonists move between worlds to learn something
- •Transition from escapism to self-improvement
The journal exercise Mel kept secret (until 2020)
Mel introduces the “happy me” exercise as a repeatable tool she’s used for years when she feels lost. She previews that the goal isn’t a life overhaul—just identifying small, actionable clues you can bring into the present.
- •A pen-and-paper method to uncover happiness clues
- •Designed to work quickly in everyday life
- •Helped thousands; Mel has used it repeatedly
- •Focus on finding clues you can apply now
The kitchen conversation: coaching her daughter through a breakdown
Mel tells the story of her daughter Sawyer during COVID: disappointed, depressed, and stuck. In a tense kitchen moment, Mel challenges her by saying she does know what to do—and proves it through the exercise.
- •Sawyer’s post-graduation plans collapse during COVID
- •Coping spiral: drinking, isolation, weight gain, inactivity
- •Mel names fear as the blocker, not lack of knowledge
- •Sets up the exercise as an intervention in real time
How to do it: ‘Happy me’ vs. ‘life right now’ side-by-side
Mel walks Sawyer through drawing a line down the paper: on the left, describe the last time she remembers being happy; on the right, describe her current life. The contrast reveals concrete behavioral differences that become a roadmap forward.
- •Write “happy me” and describe a week from that time
- •Include daily specifics: wake time, friends, movement, routines
- •Describe the current week honestly on the other side
- •The comparison makes the ‘clues’ obvious
The big insight: you don’t need to escape—use your past as a map
Mel explains why the exercise works: your memories contain a blueprint for what supports your well-being. She cautions against assuming happiness requires drastic life changes like moving, quitting, or blowing things up.
- •Your life experience offers a “map” to happiness
- •Happiness clues are embedded in past routines and environments
- •Common mistake: believing happiness requires permanent escape
- •Aim: bring one or two elements back into today
One clue is enough (and the exercise gets ‘magical’)
Mel shares a research-backed tip: don’t overthink it—just find one clue to bring back. She pauses for a sponsor break, teasing that the guided walkthrough is next.
- •Reduce the task: identify just one actionable clue
- •Small additions can create big emotional shifts
- •Sets expectation for a step-by-step walkthrough
- •Reinforces accessibility: anyone can do this
Behind-the-scenes: team coaching reveals common happiness patterns
Mel shares reflections from her team meeting as they tried the exercise. Their stories show how creativity, community, routine, and movement often appear as consistent happiness ingredients.
- •Hearing others’ memories helps unlock your own
- •Janaya’s clue: freedom + dance/creative expression
- •Maddie’s clue: energized routine, community coffee shop, journaling
- •Key theme: it’s not the big things—it’s repeatable daily pieces
Mel’s own ‘happier world’: her 20s in NYC and the clues she kept
Mel describes being 24, a public defender in New York City, constantly moving, walking everywhere, and connecting with friends. She names the specific elements that made her feel alive—and how many are present in her life today.
- •High-mobility days, dynamic work, helping people
- •Long daily walks and being outdoors in the city
- •Walking-and-talking connection with friends/partner
- •Identifying enduring clues that translate across life stages
Your turn: a guided walkthrough of the journal exercise
Mel directly guides listeners to draw the line, write “happy me,” and mentally return to a time they felt happier. She prompts detailed observation—wake time, daily flow, favorite part of the day—to uncover actionable clues.
- •Step-by-step setup: paper, line down the middle, “happy me”
- •Choose any time period: childhood to last year
- •Look for details: routines, people, place, energy, sleep
- •Identify what you loved most—this often contains the clue
If you hate this exercise: trauma, survival mode, and ‘negative clues’
Mel addresses a common reaction: some people can’t find a happy memory due to trauma or unsafe childhood environments. She reframes this as useful data—the past still teaches you what patterns (like people-pleasing) you must stop repeating to heal.
- •Not finding ‘happy’ is normal for many listeners
- •Trauma history can make memories about survival, not joy
- •Clues can be “what not to do” (e.g., people-pleasing, mood-watching)
- •Healing and changing patterns becomes a direct path to happiness
What happiness really is: tiny daily moments, not big life changes
Mel closes by redefining happiness as the accumulation of small, repeatable behaviors and moments. She encourages listeners to stop over-complicating it and to implement the single clue they found.
- •Happiness isn’t a grand destination; it’s built from small actions
- •Examples: coffee ritual, hugging pets, nature, kindness, movement
- •Little things compound into a ‘big happy life’
- •Commit to bringing one clue into today
Homework + sharing with Mel: post your clue and keep the portal open
Mel asks listeners to share what they discovered, emphasizing how community sharing can reveal even more ideas. She ends with encouragement, a call to tag the podcast, and a warm send-off for YouTube viewers.
- •Share your discovery: photo + tag The Mel Robbins Podcast
- •Community benefits: your clues may spark others’ breakthroughs
- •Mel’s personal additional clue: gardening/flowers as an ‘invisible string’
- •Final call: apply the clue now, subscribe/share, keep exploring

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