The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Brutal Truth About Relationships You Need to Hear

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Do you want to know the best relationship advice no one has ever told you before? In today’s episode, Mel is revealing the one rule about relationships you must know. There is a game-changing framework that will help any relationship go the distance, and once you hear it, you’ll want to share it with everyone you know. It reveals why some relationships fail, and it also gives you the secret to sustaining a strong and successful relationship. Here to explain this “4 Levels” framework is New York Times bestselling author Matthew Hussey. Matthew has been helping people for more than 17 years to feel more confident and in control of their relationships. His YouTube channel is number one in the world for love life advice, with over half a billion views. By the end of today’s episode, you’ll know when it’s time to let go of a relationship, when it’s worth fighting for, and the 4 habits of all successful relationships. Matthew's website: https://matthewhussey.com/ Follow Matthew on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thematthewhussey For more resources, including links to Matthew’s new book, YouTube, and social media platforms, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-177 Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast In this episode: 00:02:02: Do you want to feel more confident and in control of your relationships? 00:03:11: What the 4 level framework for any relationship is. 00:05:28: The level that is the most dangerous level to be stuck in with someone. 00:07:22: How to really know if someone is willing to commit to you. 00:09:35: How to have the “what is this” conversation with the person you are newly dating. 00:12:02: How to calmly communicate what you need in a relationship. 00:16:25: If you feel resentment and anger in your relationship, listen to this. 00:19:00: How Matthew almost messed up his relationship with his wife. 00:23:20: When you are getting mixed signals from someone, text them this. 00:26:45 What you need to know if someone you love is wasting your time. 00:28:05: What Matthew means when he says this is THE hardest conversation you will ever have. 00:32:08: How to truly understand what you want and what matters to you. 00:34:12: Date the person, not their potential. 00:36:28: Why love is not all you need for a healthy and long relationship. 00:39:42: How to know if you are compatible with someone you are with. 00:42:10: What it looks like to value yourself in a relationship. #RelationshipAdvice #MixedSignals #RelationshipFramework — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah #lifeadvice #selfdevelopment #habits

Matthew HusseyguestMel Robbinshost

May 27, 202445mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Why Attraction Isn’t Enough: Four Levels That Redefine Relationships

Mel Robbins and relationship coach Matthew Hussey unpack a four-level framework for romantic relationships: admiration, mutual attraction, commitment, and compatibility.
They explain why level two—mutual attraction and chemistry—is the most dangerous stage, because people confuse exciting experiences with real commitment and waste years waiting for partners to change.
Through scripts, stories, and coaching, they show how to initiate hard conversations about exclusivity and life goals, and how standards and self-respect actually create attraction.
The episode closes by reframing self-love as a responsibility to protect and prioritize yourself, so you stop investing in people who cannot or will not meet your fundamental needs.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Know which level of relationship you’re actually in.

Admiration and mutual attraction (levels one and two) feel powerful, but only level three (commitment) and level four (compatibility) create a real, sustainable relationship. Mislabeling level two as a relationship leads to confusion and heartbreak.

Treat mutual attraction as an experience, not a guarantee of a future.

Chemistry and connection are common, but we often act like they’re rare and sacred, over-investing in people who have never clearly chosen us. Seeing level two as “just an experience” keeps you from building castles on empty plots of land.

Have the hard conversation early—even if it risks ending things.

Avoiding questions like “Are we exclusive?” or “Do you want the same future I do?” keeps you stuck in limbo. Clear, calm language about how you allocate your time and energy reveals whether someone is genuinely willing to build with you.

Stop betting your life on the hope someone will ‘one day’ change.

Waiting for a partner to eventually want marriage, kids, or deeper commitment is the “one-day wager” that often costs people their most fertile or flexible years. Real change only shows up through hard conversations plus consistent progress, not wishful thinking.

Redefine compatibility as ‘can my core needs be met here?’

Compatibility isn’t about preferences like shared hobbies; it’s about whether your daily life, values, and emotional needs work together with relative ease. Constant friction, resentment, and walking on eggshells are signs you’re not truly compatible, even if you’re committed.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Level two is a relationship experience. Level three is a relationship.

— Matthew Hussey

You will stay in level two for the rest of your damn life if you're unwilling to have the conversation about level three.

— Mel Robbins

Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you'll understand how foolish it is to think you can change someone else.

— Matthew Hussey (quoting Jacob Bronowski/Broad-style quote)

Love is not all you need. You need compatibility.

— Matthew Hussey

You were born, and someone said, ‘You have one job. Take care of this human.’

— Matthew Hussey

The four levels of relationships: admiration, mutual attraction, commitment, compatibilityWhy level two (mutual attraction) is dangerous and often mistaken for commitmentHow to have hard conversations about exclusivity, commitment, and long-term goalsThe cost of waiting for partners to change and the “one-day wager”Redefining compatibility beyond chemistry and shared interestsTime-sensitive decisions around family, biological clocks, and life goalsSelf-love as a responsibility and setting standards in relationships

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