The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Science of Gratitude & 6 Surprising Ways You’re Getting It Wrong | Mel Robbins

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Today we are digging into the research on #gratitude. Gratitude is a critical life skill, yet most of us are practicing it wrong. That’s right. According to the research, there are 4 essential elements of genuine gratitude. Without all 4, you can’t unlock the powerful physiological, neurological, and psychological benefits of genuine gratitude. For example, if you’re just thinking about what you’re grateful for or writing a list before you go to bed, you’re probably not getting the full impact of its power. Once you know the 4 steps, you can use genuine gratitude to actively rewire your brain! Next, we’ll discuss the “Toxic Gratitude Theory” and the 6 ways you probably use gratitude in a backhanded or manipulative way – and don’t even know it! I’m guilty of all 6 types of toxic gratitude (ouch) and now that I see it, I can stop doing it. So today, let’s learn how to unlock gratitude and all its profound power. You’ll also learn… - The 4 neurotransmitters involved in a science-backed gratitude practice - The important difference between being just “thankful” versus genuinely “grateful” and why it matters - How using one specific word is critical to building up your resilience - What to say to someone who’s going through a really tough time And because I’m so genuinely grateful for you, I have started rolling out a fun bonus with each episode, Mel Robbins Podcast Bloopers, so listen all the way through for a good laugh! Xo Mel In this episode, you'll learn: 00:00 Intro 08:26 Ever met someone who just makes you feel so loved and grounded? 12:12 What happens in your body when you feel more gratitude? 17:32 Here are the four important elements of genuine gratitude. 19:52 What’s the difference between being thankful vs. gratitude? 30:25 Are you using gratitude in a toxic way? Hear these six types of toxic gratitude. 31:40 Let’s unpack the #1 way we engage in toxic gratitude. 34:04 The #2 type of toxic gratitude is actually resentment in disguise. 37:28 This #3 type will keep you stuck in what’s not working for you. 39:01 We use the 4th type of toxic gratitude to escape uncomfortable emotions. 31:46 Being mentally well means giving yourself the space to feel all emotions. 43:57 Let’s unpack how you use the 5th type when you don’t know what to say. 45:23 And please don’t use this type to downplay your accomplishments. 47:19 This is one of my favorite acceptance speeches ever. 49:10 I looked up the meaning of Judah’s name and couldn’t believe what I found. 53:56 So how do you stay grounded in a chaotic environment? Listen to these tips. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostJudah Frankguest

Jun 12, 202358mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Mel Robbins Exposes Toxic Gratitude And Teaches Real Appreciation Science

Mel Robbins explains the science-backed difference between surface-level thankfulness and deep, genuine gratitude that rewires your brain and strengthens relationships.
Using a vivid story about a chaotic morning and a kind studio employee named Judah, she illustrates how real gratitude feels, lingers, and creates connection, versus automatic “thanks.”
Drawing on researcher Robert Emmons’ work, she shows how genuine gratitude can be applied to past, present, and future challenges to boost resilience, focus, and emotional well‑being.
She then identifies six forms of toxic gratitude—ways we misuse ‘gratitude’ to avoid reality, shame others, stay stuck, or minimize our own achievements—and offers corrective reframes plus three grounding practices from Judah.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Distinguish thankfulness from genuine gratitude.

Thankfulness is quick, transactional, and expected (“thanks for holding the elevator”), while genuine gratitude is unexpectedly moving, emotionally rich, and lingers—naming specifically what touched you and why.

Practice gratitude in three time frames: past, present, future.

Look back to find lessons in hard experiences, notice supportive people and moments as they happen, and look forward with appreciation for your capacity to face upcoming challenges—even while still feeling fear or grief.

Stop using ‘gratitude’ to deny or hide real problems.

Only spotlighting the good (“blessed!”) while ignoring relationship, life, or emotional messes is toxic; genuine gratitude makes room for both the beauty and the brokenness in the same sentence.

Never weaponize gratitude to shame or control others.

Phrases like “you should be grateful” toward kids, partners, or friends invalidate their feelings and are really resentment in disguise; instead, own your needs directly without dressing them up as ‘gratitude’.

Don’t let ‘I’m grateful’ become an excuse to stay stuck.

Using gratitude to justify tolerating a miserable job or misaligned relationship (“I’m just grateful for a paycheck”) keeps you stagnant; add the truth: you can be thankful for what is and still decide you deserve more.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Genuine gratitude is a deep appreciation for what you have received, and you acknowledge that it’s coming from outside of you.

— Mel Robbins (summarizing Robert Emmons)

Gratitude is a deep, deep, deep experience and it’s deeply personal. It’s not a word on a clearance pillow at HomeGoods.

— Mel Robbins

If you have a strong enough why, then you can withstand any how.

— Judah Frank

Don’t use gratitude to shame somebody, to blame somebody, to guilt somebody. What you’re expressing is resentment, not gratitude.

— Mel Robbins

I’m not grateful for my success. I worked my fucking ass off for it.

— Mel Robbins

Scientific definition and benefits of genuine gratitudeDifference between being thankful and being genuinely gratefulUsing gratitude for past, present, and future situationsSix types of toxic gratitude and how they show upGratitude’s impact on brain chemistry and emotional healthHealthy emotional processing versus bypassing with positivityPractical grounding and intention-setting techniques (Judah’s practices)

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