What To Do If You’re Having a BAD DAY And Don’t Feel Like YOURSELF | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — You know those days when you just feel “off”? Well, last week, both my friend Amy and I were having bad days. Thankfully, I had just had an appointment with my amazing #therapist that morning. So, as Amy and I started to talk about why we didn’t “feel like ourselves,” I got this crazy idea that maybe we should invite YOU to join us as the conversation started to unfold. We decided to turn on a recording device and unpack how we were feeling – on the fly. I need to say: I stole everything you’re about to hear from my therapist Anne, and you should steal it too. This is way more than just learning how to put on a #happy face. These tools are truly transformational because they help you tap back into the incredible power within you. This is a very intimate and special episode that unfolds live. So I’m inviting you right now: pull up a seat at the kitchen table with Amy and me. Join us. Don’t just listen, but close your eyes and do the exercises with us. Do not miss out on what happens near the end. It is magical and I certainly did not see it coming. And I know you’re going to want to see the cowboy boots: don’t worry, they are in the show notes on my website here. Xo Mel In this episode you will learn: - Why you sometimes feel “off” even when nothing is wrong - Why anxiety hits even when you are riding a high - How to identify where #anxiety lives in your body - How your body senses your emotions - What temporal and seasonal triggers are - How I am replacing “repressing” with “individuating” and why that scares me - How #trauma as a child becomes triggers as an adult - Why we fall back on old habits that keep us feeling protected - What our 2 states of “being” are - How to not be scared of your “injured self” (and what that even means) - How specific memories can bring peace, presence, and connection - How to spot the creative, flow states in your life - How to allow yourself to received and be connected - How to notice where you grip onto old habits and patterns - Habits that help you reach a flow state In this episode: 00:00 Intro 03:19 I don’t know how to fix my bad mood and I don’t want to 07:38 Key Concept: Temporal and seasonal triggers 10:07 The therapy session I NEEDED with Anne Devin 10:54 Tool: Identifying where the anxiety lives in your body 16:08 Key Concept: Individuating instead of repressing 17:45 Processing trauma and ties to triggering memories 22:17 Falling back on old habits that have keeps you feeling protected 30:17 Key Concept: Our 2 states of “being” 34:48 Tool: Stop acting from your “injured self” 37:44 Key Concept: Cognitive behavioral theory of “The Rattle” 40:33 Tool: Find a specific memory that brings peace, presence, connection 43:57 Becoming completely connected to the divine 55:42 Tool: My protector image 58:26 Signs that strengthen the circuitry wired for flow state 1:00:48 You have to love yourself a little harder — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostAmyguestTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)guestKendall Robbinsguest

Oct 24, 20221h 3mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

110 min read · 21,935 words

0:00 – 3:19
Intro
1. MRMel Robbins
  (ticking sound) I said to Amy, "How you doing?" And she looked at me and she said...
2. AMAmy
  "Everything's great, and I'm just in a bad mood today."
3. MRMel Robbins
  You said something about like you need to take responsibility for how you're feeling or whatever. W- why can't you just be in a bad mood?
4. AMAmy
  I think there are two parts to it. Number one, I don't like the feeling of being in a bad mood. Let's unpack that. (instrumental music plays)
5. MRMel Robbins
  Hey, it's Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I'm excited to see what happens here because I was just sitting here talking to my friend Amy.
6. AMAmy
  Hey, everyone.
7. MRMel Robbins
  And, uh, Amy's always in a good mood and she looked a little off today and so I said, "Are you okay? How you doing?"
8. AMAmy
  Yeah. And I said, "No. I don't feel like myself today."
9. MRMel Robbins
  I'm like, you, you literally s- l- I mean, can you hear? It sounds like she's gonna start crying. And so I said, "I think that we should talk about this."
10. AMAmy
  Yeah. I, I, yeah, let's talk about it. But let's, maybe we don't do it with the video.
11. MRMel Robbins
  Oh, that's totally cool.
12. AMAmy
  We don't need to.
13. MRMel Robbins
  You're cool with it, us recording this conversation?
14. AMAmy
  Absolutely.
15. MRMel Robbins
  Okay, great.
16. AMAmy
  Let's just not do video.
17. MRMel Robbins
  Okay. Go ahead.
18. AMAmy
  Okay. All right.
19. MRMel Robbins
  All righty. (instrumental music plays) I am so excited because I was just sitting here talking with my friend Amy and we also work together. I said to Amy, "How you doing?" And she looked at me and she said...
20. AMAmy
  Like, "Everything's great, and I'm just in a bad mood today. I feel like below the line. Not so great."
21. MRMel Robbins
  Well, what does below the line mean? What does that mean?
22. AMAmy
  Below the line is like, (sighs) it just means that you're, you're in a state of mind where you basically like can't really take responsibility for how you feel almost. Like you're... Yeah, like it's like a weird thing, like it's... I wish I could explain it better and, and maybe I will but it's kind of like you're just in kind of like blame mode where you're not taking responsibility for your own stuff and you're just kinda like, "Oh, God." You know? My husband, like, it's so annoying.
23. MRMel Robbins
  Oh!
24. AMAmy
  Like that sorta thing.
25. MRMel Robbins
  Got it.
26. AMAmy
  So you feel like, it's like a victim mode.
27. MRMel Robbins
  So is that- so when you say that you're... 'Cause, 'cause here's what I want you guys to know, 'cause you're gonna get to know Amy-
28. AMAmy
  (laughs) .
29. MRMel Robbins
  ... as you begin (laughs) listen to more and more podcast episodes.
30. AMAmy
  'Cause she's really screwed up and-
3:19 – 7:38
I don’t know how to fix my bad mood and I don’t want to
1. MRMel Robbins
2. AMAmy
  I know.
3. MRMel Robbins
  ... eyes but they started getting a little watery-
4. AMAmy
  I know.
5. MRMel Robbins
  ... as you said, "I'm kinda sad."
6. AMAmy
  Yeah.
7. MRMel Robbins
  And, or mad. You said mad though, I thought you said.
8. AMAmy
  Did I say that?
9. MRMel Robbins
  Or bad mood. You said bad-
10. AMAmy
  I'm in a bad mood.
11. MRMel Robbins
  These are all words that rhyme. Bad-
12. AMAmy
  (laughs) .
13. MRMel Robbins
  ... sad, mad. Well, let's turn this into rad. So here's what I wanted to talk to you about.
14. AMAmy
  Yeah.
15. MRMel Robbins
  I, I had a therapy call this morning and this tool that my therapist, Anne Davin, just shared with me, I not only think, I know it's gonna help you because it really helped me. But before I share that tool with you, I just wanna ask you a question. You said something about like you need to take responsibility for how you're feeling or whatever. W- why can't you just be in a bad mood?
16. AMAmy
  I think there are two parts to it. Number one, I don't like the feeling of being in a bad mood. Let's unpack that. Um, and then number two is I don't know how to be in a bad mood. Like, and just let it go. Like, feel the feelings and just let them go. It's like I feel kinda like I don't know, I, how do I do this? Like how do I manage myself through this bad mood? Because I'll tell you what, like when you're somebody w- when you have this... I don't even know how to say this but I'll just say it very plainly, like when you're normally in a good mood-
17. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
18. AMAmy
  ... and then you're in a bad mood, people notice.
19. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
20. AMAmy
  People ask you like, "Hey, what's up?"
21. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
22. AMAmy
  And then you kinda feel like, "Am I the barometer?" Like, this is... I'm having a bad day. I, I just need my time. And then so that external stuff, the people asking you about it, makes you feel kinda like, "What is going on? What is happening with me?"
23. MRMel Robbins
  Did something happen or did you just wake up in a bad mood?
24. AMAmy
  I just woke up in a bad mood.
25. MRMel Robbins
  I blame mebo- menopause.
26. AMAmy
  (sighs)
27. MRMel Robbins
  No, I'm just kidding.
28. AMAmy
  Good call.
29. MRMel Robbins
  No.
30. AMAmy
  Good call.
7:38 – 10:07
Key Concept: Temporal and seasonal triggers
1. MRMel Robbins
  beautiful house that we've been building.
2. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  (laughs)
3. MRMel Robbins
  And the man is wearing a red flannel shirt.
4. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yes.
5. MRMel Robbins
  He looks very Vermont handsome.
6. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  He had clogs on, like, right?
7. MRMel Robbins
  He had clogs with wool socks on.
8. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  With wool socks.
9. MRMel Robbins
  Yep.
10. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yes.
11. MRMel Robbins
  Yep. He w- he was just looking amazing.
12. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yes.
13. MRMel Robbins
  The colors are exploding. I see two women that I adore, that I love. I see Amy, who you're listening to.
14. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  (laughs)
15. MRMel Robbins
  I see Jessie.
16. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
17. MRMel Robbins
  It's just perfection.
18. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yes.
19. MRMel Robbins
  And as I walk into this house-
20. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Oh.
21. MRMel Robbins
  ... and I see you guys, I feel a massive wave of anxiety.
22. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Maybe you felt my anxiety? (laughs)
23. MRMel Robbins
  I don't know. It wasn't yours, I, it was mine.
24. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  You felt some... Okay.
25. MRMel Robbins
  It wasn't yours, it was mine.
26. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
27. MRMel Robbins
  And I felt myself literally leaving my body. And-
28. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Oh, my gosh.
29. MRMel Robbins
  I put my hand on my heart, and I used the tools from the episode that we did with Dr. Kennedy-
30. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah. Yeah.
10:07 – 10:54
The therapy session I NEEDED with Anne Devin
1. MRMel Robbins
  our girls are going, 'I wish I were there, I wish I were there.' And it makes me sad that they can't be here-
2. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
3. MRMel Robbins
  ... because they can't drive from LA right now-
4. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
5. MRMel Robbins
  ... and they've got a job in Boston right now." And I felt this deep sadness. And I'm like, "But I don't think that's what it is." So fast forward, and lo and behold, it wasn't a massage appointment that was waiting for me when those green lights on 3rd Avenue kept hitting.
6. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  (laughs)
7. MRMel Robbins
  I had a therapy call in place-
8. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Nice.
9. MRMel Robbins
  ... for today. And so when I get on with my just profoundly gifted therapist, Anne Davin-
10. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah, I'm so glad you go to therapy.
11. MRMel Robbins
  Oh my God, Anne Davin, you are my saving grace.
12. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  And, and-
13. MRMel Robbins
  I love this woman.
14. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  ... mine too, Anne.
15. MRMel Robbins
  (laughs)
16. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  You, you didn't know this (laughs) but, um, it's a two-for-one when you talk to Mel, I get the, I get
10:54 – 16:08
Tool: Identifying where the anxiety lives in your body
1. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  the goods to this, so I, like-
2. MRMel Robbins
  I always unpack my therapy sessions-
3. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
4. MRMel Robbins
  ... with you or with Chris.
5. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  It's really good. Yeah, she is-
6. MRMel Robbins
  And she's unbelievable.
7. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Unbelievable.
8. MRMel Robbins
  So I say to her, I kee- I, I explain this whole delicious Disney scene.
9. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
10. MRMel Robbins
  Just like your life has been this Disney-esque thing for the last two months, right?
11. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Right.
12. MRMel Robbins
  Of everything is working.
13. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
14. MRMel Robbins
  Even in the ups and downs-
15. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
16. MRMel Robbins
  ... it's working, right?
17. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Right, it's like, yeah.
18. MRMel Robbins
  And, um, I say to her, after describing these past 14 amazing days-
19. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
20. MRMel Robbins
  ... she had me close my eyes, and she asked me where in my body was I feeling this thing.
21. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Mm-hmm.
22. MRMel Robbins
  And I said it was, for me, a, uh, it was almost like a, a, uh, like a, a brass corset that you would expect somebody to wear on House of Dragons-
23. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Ooh.
24. MRMel Robbins
  ... around my lower, uh, ribs.
25. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Yeah.
26. MRMel Robbins
  Do, where do you feel, like, the heaviness and the sadness?
27. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Like the upper, the upper chest, you know?
28. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
29. TGTherapist (Mel’s therapist, name not given)
  Like maybe even into the neck-
30. MRMel Robbins
  Uh-huh.
16:08 – 17:45
Key Concept: Individuating instead of repressing
1. MRMel Robbins
  moment for me in my anxiety. And every fall, uh, junior and senior year of high school, every fall of Dartmouth, the fall I spent overseas, horrible, the three falls I spent in law school, horrible, and then I met Chris the first year I lived in New York at the end of the fall season. And I said to her, I said, "I think there is a connection with this feeling and the season of fall."
2. AMAmy
  W- And what's... Why? Like, what do you, what do you think that's all about?
3. MRMel Robbins
  Well, she said, "Well, it makes sense because here you are at a moment in your development where you're basically..." I think the word is individuating, indi-
4. AMAmy
  Yes, okay.
5. MRMel Robbins
  What's... Is that the right word?
6. AMAmy
  I mean, I don't know if it's individuating, but yeah, like, you're, you're, you're becoming your own self and you're, like, realizing your shit and, like-
7. MRMel Robbins
  Yes.
8. AMAmy
  ... yeah, taking-
9. MRMel Robbins
  Yes.
10. AMAmy
  ... responsibility for it.
11. MRMel Robbins
  Yes.
12. AMAmy
  Yeah, yeah.
13. MRMel Robbins
  And you're not diagnosed with anxiety yet.
14. AMAmy
  Right.
15. MRMel Robbins
  And you are coping with alcohol-
16. AMAmy
  Yeah.
17. MRMel Robbins
  ... and by attaching yourself in a very, like, suffocating, meaning Mel, you're suffocating him, relationship. (laughs)
18. AMAmy
  (laughs) Yeah.
19. MRMel Robbins
  And, you know, I even said to her, "I didn't really engage in classes either."
20. AMAmy
  No.
21. MRMel Robbins
  Like, I literally was checked out for most of my college years.
22. AMAmy
  I- I relate to that so much. Like, and everybody says, like, college is this amazing t- Like, when you have trauma in your past, like, you can barely remember it.
23. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
17:45 – 22:17
Processing trauma and ties to triggering memories
1. MRMel Robbins
2. AMAmy
  You're like, "I hope I did okay."
3. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
4. AMAmy
  I have report cards that a- are in my dresser in my parents' house that have never been opened.
5. MRMel Robbins
  Oh, my God.
6. AMAmy
  Like, I was just like, "I hope I did okay." I couldn't even look at 'em.
7. MRMel Robbins
  Oh, my God.
8. AMAmy
  So yeah, it's like, it's, it's, it's... Yes, you're in college and you're having a hard time, yeah.
9. MRMel Robbins
  And so I then kept going. And she said, "And, you know, there's two things going on. You process seasons and seasonal changes both through the limbic brain-"
10. AMAmy
  Okay.
11. MRMel Robbins
  "... and through, like, circadian rhythm."
12. AMAmy
  Okay, and?
13. MRMel Robbins
  "And so you're processing things from a psychological and a emotional and chemical and physiological level."
14. AMAmy
  Oh.
15. MRMel Robbins
  "And as the days get shorter and as night starts to go and as this huge season of tra- change happens-"
16. AMAmy
  And the smell too.
17. MRMel Robbins
  Yep.
18. AMAmy
  Like, the smell of fall and-
19. MRMel Robbins
  Yep, yep.
20. AMAmy
  ... all the triggers of fall. They're huge.
21. MRMel Robbins
  Yep, yep. And she said...... that, you know, this is triggering all your stored memories-
22. AMAmy
  Oh.
23. MRMel Robbins
  ... of all the very difficult transitions that you went through as a young adult-
24. AMAmy
  Right.
25. MRMel Robbins
  ... in fall, marked by your self-hatred, marked by your disassociation.
26. AMAmy
  Wow.
27. MRMel Robbins
  So, it gets even cooler and better. So I'm now like, "Oh my God, I have to move from Vermont."
28. AMAmy
  (gasps) .
29. MRMel Robbins
  I can't live in the mountains. I can't live surrounded by the fall.
30. AMAmy
  (laughs) .
22:17 – 30:17
Falling back on old habits that have keeps you feeling protected
1. MRMel Robbins
  to all these beautiful colors, and you're in a state of awe, and it's just incredible, and then you walk into this beautiful house, and all there is to do is for you to just be, that injured part of you, that, that kid that was sitting in that seat in high school being sent to hell, that kid that felt lonely, or sad, or unseen, that part of you looks for a place to plug in." And it was r- and she said, "And what you always did is you disassociated."
2. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
3. MRMel Robbins
  "And that's all that's happened." And she also then said, "The fact that you recognized it, the fact that you recognized that your mind started racing for answers..." So of course she would go, "Well, my daughters aren't here, that's why I'm sad, that's why..."
4. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
5. MRMel Robbins
  That's not why I feel this. I feel this because my body... And I learned this from Dr. Becky. You are an adult living in the body that you were born in, fashioned by the experiences that your mind doesn't have a story to tell about. And so, I still have that body of feeling sad and feeling lonely, and the only thing that my body does in those moments is it disassociates. And so the opportunity for me in those moments is to notice it, to not try to change it-
6. AMAmy
  Right.
7. MRMel Robbins
  ... 'cause I've decided that tonight... I said to Chris, "All I wanna do is lay on the couch with you and watch a movie-
8. AMAmy
  Right.
9. MRMel Robbins
  ... like I used to do when I was a kid. (music) Just wanna watch a movie.
10. AMAmy
  Sounds awesome.
11. MRMel Robbins
  So Amy, what are you getting from this?
12. AMAmy
  Immediately when, you know, when I, I, I, when you did that exercise with like where do you feel, where do you feel your shit? I don't know. What's that exercise called, like where do you feel your-
13. MRMel Robbins
  W- you, you close your eyes-
14. AMAmy
  Yeah, you... Right.
15. MRMel Robbins
  ... and you, like where do you feel the pressure, or the tension-
16. AMAmy
  Right.
17. MRMel Robbins
  ... or the sadness? And tell everybody what you said again.
18. AMAmy
  Right.
19. MRMel Robbins
  Let's, and, and I'll walk you through it.
20. AMAmy
  Like my upper chest and my, and my neck area is where I felt it.
21. MRMel Robbins
  And what, do you feel it now?
22. AMAmy
  You know, it's still there, but it's, it's significantly less.
23. MRMel Robbins
  And can you visualize that oily, viscous thing-... floating out in front of you?
24. AMAmy
  Yeah. I actually find it easier to take a step back from it, but yeah, same thing.
25. MRMel Robbins
  And when you turn it into yourself at any age, what is it?
26. AMAmy
  Oh, I immediately feel so bad for that kid. Just, I just feel so bad for that kid. And what comes up for me is just being left out, you know? Not being, like, the favorite, not ever being able to be the favorite.
27. MRMel Robbins
  Did this happen 'cause you listened to the episode on-
28. AMAmy
  (laughs)
29. MRMel Robbins
  ... narcissism, by any chance?
30. AMAmy
  I happened to do that (laughs) . I happened to do that, yes.
30:17 – 34:48
Key Concept: Our 2 states of “being”
1. MRMel Robbins
  great soft red flannel shirt.
2. AMAmy
  (laughs) Yeah. Right.
3. MRMel Robbins
  Faherty, if you ever wanna sponsor this podcast-
4. AMAmy
  (laughs)
5. MRMel Robbins
  ... let me know, because my son, husband and son live in the legend plaid shirts.
6. AMAmy
  (laughs)
7. MRMel Robbins
  Um, great hugging shirts, by the way. Um, I... And it was a nice long hug.
8. AMAmy
  Yeah.
9. MRMel Robbins
  And it didn't... You know, it got, it left the, it let the alarm go away, but I still felt-... that sort of out-of-body experience.
10. AMAmy
  Yeah.
11. MRMel Robbins
  And it was talking to my therapist, Anne Davin-
12. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
13. MRMel Robbins
  ... and her going, "Well, there are two parts of you, and there's two parts of all of us. There's two parts of Amy. There's two parts of you. There's the part of you that is..." I'm just gonna use the word divine.
14. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
15. MRMel Robbins
  That you have the ability to tap into this flow state. You have magic to offer the world.
16. AMAmy
  Yeah.
17. MRMel Robbins
  It's those moments where you're lost in laughter, or wonder, or awe, or creativity-
18. AMAmy
  Yeah.
19. MRMel Robbins
  ... where things feel effortless, where you feel like connected to something bigger. And I am working my ass off to figure out how to stay in that space more-
20. AMAmy
  Yeah.
21. MRMel Robbins
  ... and not spend so much time in the other part of us, which is the injured part-
22. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
23. MRMel Robbins
  ... the part of us from childhood that had to cope with whatever was happening to you as a young kid-
24. AMAmy
  Yeah.
25. MRMel Robbins
  ... most of which I'm learning more and more as we interview experts on this podcast and talk to people about their lived experiences, that happened to you before you were even five, which means the only story you have about it is the story adults have told you about it.
26. AMAmy
  Right.
27. MRMel Robbins
  If you even have a story about it. But your body has a memory of it.
28. AMAmy
  Yeah.
29. MRMel Robbins
  And so these deep emotions, like the sadness that you're feeling-
30. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
34:48 – 37:44
Tool: Stop acting from your “injured self”
1. MRMel Robbins
  unbelievable transition, that involves not only the color but the weather, and very soon we're gonna have my least favorite day of the year, which is the day we turn the clocks back-
2. AMAmy
  Oh, Lord.
3. MRMel Robbins
  ... and it becomes dark-
4. AMAmy
  Yeah.
5. MRMel Robbins
  ... at 3:00 in the afternoon, and I start to feel like winter is coming and it's Game of Throne's final episode...
6. AMAmy
  Oh my God, Mel. (laughs)
7. MRMel Robbins
  Cue the seasonal depression light ads.
8. AMAmy
  Oh, Lord.
9. MRMel Robbins
  And I, and I, and I just... No wonder-
10. AMAmy
  Yeah.
11. MRMel Robbins
  ... I'm reaching for the uh-oh. But I now have tools-
12. AMAmy
  Yeah.
13. MRMel Robbins
  ... to not be scared of it and to be able to go, "Oh, that's that part of me that I call, you know, the injured self."
14. AMAmy
  So, what does Anne say? Like, is she like, "We have to break this habit"?
15. MRMel Robbins
  No, she says-
16. AMAmy
  What does- No.
17. MRMel Robbins
  She's literally like, "Nobody can ever live..." Unfortunately, there's a lot of us that live in the injured self all day long.
18. AMAmy
  Yeah.
19. MRMel Robbins
  I did for decades.
20. AMAmy
  Right.
21. MRMel Robbins
  When you start to become aware and you start to work on your own healing-
22. AMAmy
  Yeah, the pain body, that- that's what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body, you're just constantly, like, in your own pain all day long, like-
23. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
24. AMAmy
  ... you're creating your own misery.
25. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
26. AMAmy
  Campaign of Misery.
27. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
28. AMAmy
  Yeah.
29. MRMel Robbins
  Campaign of Misery.
30. AMAmy
  Yeah, okay, yeah, go ahead.
37:44 – 40:33
Key Concept: Cognitive behavioral theory of “The Rattle”
1. MRMel Robbins
  from this 14-day amazing high on a roller coaster that was incredible-
2. AMAmy
  Yeah.
3. MRMel Robbins
  ... to refinding my balance as I step into, you know, again, a new home, and-
4. AMAmy
  Yeah.
5. MRMel Robbins
  ... a totally different energy.
6. AMAmy
  Yeah. Or maybe just a different 14 days, that's gonna be great too.
7. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah. Yeah.
8. AMAmy
  But it's like you gotta get off that roller coaster.
9. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
10. AMAmy
  You can't stay on it the whole time.
11. MRMel Robbins
  And so you wanna know, here's, here's what I'm gonna leave you with.
12. AMAmy
  Okay.
13. MRMel Robbins
  The injured self is that shaky feeling, Ann calls it the rattle-
14. AMAmy
  Oh God, yeah.
15. MRMel Robbins
  ... that's still there from childhood, will probably always be there from childhood-
16. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
17. MRMel Robbins
  ... going, "Hey, remember me?"
18. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
19. MRMel Robbins
  There's still a part of me that's sad, there's still a part of me that's scared.
20. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
21. MRMel Robbins
  And it's that period of time after you get off the roller coaster that's divine where you feel shaky until you find your footing again.
22. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
23. MRMel Robbins
  And that's all that it is. And so the good news for both of us is that you've been flying for two months.
24. AMAmy
  Yeah.
25. MRMel Robbins
  And when you say, "I don't feel like myself," what's fucking awesome is you now have an experience of yourself as being a happy, golden child-
26. AMAmy
  Yeah.
27. MRMel Robbins
  ... because you are on this f- on this team.
28. AMAmy
  Right. (laughs) .
29. MRMel Robbins
  That's how we all see you-
30. AMAmy
  Yeah, no, everybody-
40:33 – 43:57
Tool: Find a specific memory that brings peace, presence, connection
1. MRMel Robbins
  platform-
2. AMAmy
  Yeah.
3. MRMel Robbins
  ... and I'm like, "Woo, ho, whoa." And I'm like-
4. AMAmy
  Right.
5. MRMel Robbins
  ... shaky.
6. AMAmy
  Yeah.
7. MRMel Robbins
  Because I'm going from this really high amazing state into kinda my day-to-day life, and that's always where the injured person shows up.
8. AMAmy
  Yeah. Wow. So what did you get when you felt that brass corset and you did that exercise with Ann and you, you let it go? (music playing) What happened?
9. MRMel Robbins
  Great question. Ann did a second exercise with me. I'll walk you through it next. Okay, so the second exercise that Ann did with me was this. She said, "Okay, in the past 14 days, I want you to come up with a very specific memory that really is magical. You were present in the moment, you felt connected, you were happy, and like just describe a moment like that." And so I described this moment where on Friday night of parents' weekend, uh, Kendall's music friends, uh, they're all in the pop music program, they just threw like this impromptu thing where kids were doing an open mic night on someone's porch.
10. AMAmy
  Awesome. Yeah.
11. MRMel Robbins
  So here we are in a random neighborhood in Downtown LA-
12. AMAmy
  (laughs) .
13. MRMel Robbins
  ... so freaking awesome, and there is this awesome kid like just banging it out on the, the kind of keyboard and he was singing these great songs and there are, I don't know, like 17 kids sitting there and a couple parents standing around. And all of a sudden Kendall rolls up with her music friends as this awesome kid's playing and she's got her guitar and the other guy's got like a drum like thing and another one's got a keyboard and somebody else has another guitar, and they were like the big kids coming in.
14. AMAmy
  (laughs) .
15. MRMel Robbins
  And I- like, this is just my vibe, right?
16. AMAmy
  Yeah. Yeah.
17. MRMel Robbins
  And so like as a parent, like, and you gotta understand, she's been in this music program for four years and because of COVID, I've been able to see her perform live once.
18. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
19. MRMel Robbins
  That's it. And so she has been in this program for four years.... working with these Grammy Award-winning artists, the greats of the greats, getting all of this training, music industry stuff. It's just been unbelievable. I've, I've not seen what's going on-
20. AMAmy
  So you're about-
21. MRMel Robbins
  ... live.
22. AMAmy
  ... to see it go down.
23. MRMel Robbins
  And this is just, like, a casual thing on somebody's-
24. AMAmy
  Yeah.
25. MRMel Robbins
  ... front porch, right?
26. AMAmy
  Yeah, yeah, right. Peeling paint on the front porch-
27. MRMel Robbins
  Oh, yeah-
28. AMAmy
  ... like, the whole thing.
29. MRMel Robbins
  ... and bricks falling off-
30. AMAmy
  Yeah, yeah.
43:57 – 55:42
Becoming completely connected to the divine
1. MRMel Robbins
  25 other people's rolling in, and they're like, "Hey, I hear Kendall singing."
2. AMAmy
  Oh my gosh.
3. MRMel Robbins
  So all of a sudden, like, all these people start showing up.
4. AMAmy
  Oh my gosh. That's so cool.
5. MRMel Robbins
  And as she starts to sing, all these phones go up.
6. AMAmy
  Oh my gosh.
7. MRMel Robbins
  And there is this full moon rising-
8. AMAmy
  Oh, no.
9. MRMel Robbins
  ... above the teeny little, you know, rundown college-
10. AMAmy
  Right.
11. MRMel Robbins
  ... student house next door!
12. AMAmy
  (laughs) Right.
13. MRMel Robbins
  And her voice was so insane. She was so in her element. I, I just... To witness somebody-
14. AMAmy
  Oh, yeah.
15. MRMel Robbins
  ... in a state like that, like, just given their gift-
16. AMAmy
  Yeah.
17. MRMel Robbins
  ... completely connected to the divine that I think is inside all of us.
18. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
19. MRMel Robbins
  So I just stood. Like, I was just so in awe of who she's become-
20. AMAmy
  Yeah.
21. MRMel Robbins
  ... and that experience of watching her share this gift and watching the result of years and years and years of work, not only on singing and, and music but also on her confidence and-
22. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm. Yeah.
23. MRMel Robbins
  ... you know, figuring out who she is.
24. AMAmy
  Yeah.
25. MRMel Robbins
  And so Anne said, "Great. Close your eyes. Where is that in your body?" And so I told her it was kinda, like, between my belly button and my, my, um... the hell is it called? Uh, pelvis.
26. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
27. MRMel Robbins
  And she said, "Great. I want you to feel the full moon on you. I want you to hear your daughter's incredible voice."
28. KRKendall Robbins
  Tell me something I need to know. And take my breath and never let it go. If you just let me invade your space. Gonna take the pleasure, take away the pain.
29. MRMel Robbins
  And as she told me-
30. KRKendall Robbins
  And if at all it never was.
55:42 – 58:26
Tool: My protector image
1. MRMel Robbins
  in therapy, whenever I, my therapist is like, "Okay, what's an image of protection for you?" What do I say?
2. KRKendall Robbins
  Buckbeak. (laughs)
3. MRMel Robbins
  (laughs) What did she say? (laughs) Say it again. Tell everybody what it is.
4. KRKendall Robbins
  (laughs) Buckbeak, it's the magical creature from Harry Potter that Hagrid tames and then they pretend to kill-
5. MRMel Robbins
  (laughs)
6. KRKendall Robbins
  ... but they don't actually kill.
7. MRMel Robbins
  And now, whenever she tells me to channel the divine and, like, a flow state Kendall and the infinite...
8. KRKendall Robbins
  So, I'm now the new Buckbeak?
9. MRMel Robbins
  No, Buckbeak is for protection. You can't protect me. That's- that's not gonna happen.
10. KRKendall Robbins
  Yeah, I was gonna say, that's a little...
11. AMAmy
  Yeah, I mean, you're good at guitar and singing, but-
12. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah, you can sing, but-
13. AMAmy
  Not...
14. MRMel Robbins
  Let's be honest.
15. KRKendall Robbins
  I'm no, I'm no Buckbeak.
16. AMAmy
  Yeah.
17. MRMel Robbins
  But I am gonna experience that... I'm gonna come back to that moment all the time, that moment of standing there in that front yard under a full moon watching people stop their cars and your friends gather and phones go up, and you channeling something divine in you, you- you sharing-
18. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
19. MRMel Robbins
  ... your gift with the world.
20. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
21. KRKendall Robbins
  Well, I appreciate that.
22. MRMel Robbins
  All right, I'm gonna hang up 'cause I wanna finish this podcast that we're taping.
23. KRKendall Robbins
  I love you guys. Thanks for calling-
24. AMAmy
  I love you.
25. KRKendall Robbins
  ... and saying that.
26. AMAmy
  All right.
27. MRMel Robbins
  I love you.
28. AMAmy
  Okay.
29. KRKendall Robbins
  I love you too.
30. MRMel Robbins
  Goodbye.
58:26 – 1:00:48
Signs that strengthen the circuitry wired for flow state
1. MRMel Robbins
  love, is that it sends ripple effects that I believe call in crazy-
2. AMAmy
  Yeah.
3. MRMel Robbins
  ... coincidences, like Kendall, of course, calling-
4. AMAmy
  Yeah.
5. MRMel Robbins
  ... randomly, right after we played her song.
6. AMAmy
  Right.
7. MRMel Robbins
  Me referencing Buckbeak as a fricking joke.
8. AMAmy
  Right, as a joke.
9. MRMel Robbins
  And her then looking at the boots she's calling me to buy, and there is a fricking silhouette of what looks like a dragon, which basically is what Buckbeak looks like-
10. AMAmy
  Yeah.
11. MRMel Robbins
  ... a flying hawk dragon thing-
12. AMAmy
  Yeah.
13. MRMel Robbins
  ... in the sky. It is... You know what I call these, everybody? Signs.
14. AMAmy
  Amen.
15. MRMel Robbins
  These and paying attention to the signs and coincidences and magical things that happen in life and calling them out, that is how you also strengthen the circuitry in your brain that is wired for flow and connection and all this incredible magic in your life.
16. AMAmy
  Right.
17. MRMel Robbins
  Period.
18. AMAmy
  Right.
19. MRMel Robbins
  Like, for those of you that have read The High Five Habit, you know that the exercise about looking for hearts that occur naturally in the world, like a heart-shaped cloud, or w- our new puppy has a heart-shaped freckle-
20. AMAmy
  Yes.
21. MRMel Robbins
  ... on his nose.
22. AMAmy
  Yeah.
23. MRMel Robbins
  Or heart-shaped stone or heart-shaped, like, stain on the ground-
24. AMAmy
  Right.
25. MRMel Robbins
  ... or a heart shape in your coffee.
26. AMAmy
  Right.
27. MRMel Robbins
  When you s-
28. AMAmy
  Or a heart-shaped pee stain from the little puppy.
29. MRMel Robbins
  Yes, exactly.
30. AMAmy
  Yes. Yeah.
1:00:48 – 1:03:04
You have to love yourself a little harder
1. AMAmy
2. MRMel Robbins
  And just very casually, we just sat here talking about something else and I'm like, "How are you doing?" And she goes like, "Not so great." And we're... led us... is somewhere amazing.
3. AMAmy
  Yeah. It's true.
4. MRMel Robbins
  God, I love you.
5. AMAmy
  I love you too, Mel. I'm glad you're home. It feels more like home-
6. MRMel Robbins
  Mm.
7. AMAmy
  ... when you're here.
8. MRMel Robbins
  Thank you.
9. AMAmy
  That's great.
10. MRMel Robbins
  Thank you.Okay, everybody. So, um, you wanna see those boots? Go look in the show notes.
11. AMAmy
  Check 'em out.
12. MRMel Robbins
  I'll put some photos of some hearts there too that people find.
13. AMAmy
  Mm-hmm.
14. MRMel Robbins
  And, um, Amy and I just wanna say, look, we love you. We believe in you.
15. AMAmy
  You deserve to feel in the flow.
16. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah.
17. AMAmy
  Peak state. Anybody that wants to come do errands with me on a Saturday-
18. MRMel Robbins
  (laughs)
19. AMAmy
  ... I will show you how to be in a peak state, 'cause that when I'm in my zone. I, I love it when people are in their zone. Like, we're all better off when you're in the flow and you're doing your thing. So, I'm glad that we're, we're doing this and helping people get there and feel it.
20. MRMel Robbins
  Yeah. We're gonna send you out with the best reminder, which is, you gotta love yourself a little harder.
21. AMAmy
  Yeah.
22. MRMel Robbins
  Kendall Robbins covering Ariana Grande.
23. KRKendall Robbins
  'Cause if you want to keep me. You've gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to love me harder. And if you really need me. You've gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to love me-
24. MRMel Robbins
  Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. (smooches)

Episode duration: 1:03:04

Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript

Transcript of episode 5z0xjtb4_e4

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

Add to Chrome