The Mel Robbins Podcast

World Leading Therapist: Why You Feel Stuck in Life & How to Get Unstuck

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In today’s episode, you’re going to learn the root cause of why you feel stuck. Whether you feel trapped in self-doubt, overwhelmed by anxiety, or find yourself in a dynamic that keeps repeating, this conversation will show you how to break free. Joining Mel today is Lori Gottlieb: world-renowned therapist, writer of the “Ask the Therapist” column for The New York Times, author of “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,” which has sold 3 million copies, and host of the podcast Since You Asked. Lori is here to help you change the most powerful force shaping your life: the story you’re telling yourself. What she shares today will change the way you see yourself, your relationships, and your past. In this episode, you’ll learn: -How to identify the story that’s keeping you stuck -What emotional trauma has to do with your inner dialogue -How anxiety is fueled by the way you talk to yourself -The simple tools to calm anxiety and stop spiraling -The biggest questions people bring to therapy and what they all have in common -How to reclaim the author role in your life and stop being defined by your past If you’ve ever felt like you missed your shot, like you’re too much or not enough, or that it’s too late to feel better, this conversation is for you. You are not the story you’ve been telling yourself. You are the author. And today, with Lori’s help, you’ll learn how to write something new – starting now. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-345/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 04:38 Why You Blame Everyone for Your Problems 13:31 The Stories That Keep You Stuck 18:18 What Really Causes People to Overreact 25:15 How to Give (and Receive) Wise, Honest Advice 30:25 How to Finally Get to Know Yourself 36:02 Why You Never Feel Good Enough (and What To Do About It) 42:34 Why Change Feels So Hard 53:43 Tips to Heal From Guilt and Shame 1:00:50 What Anxiety Really Is 1:02:18 How to Identify Your Emotional Needs in a Relationship 1:05:14 How to Fight Without Damaging Your Relationship 1:12:55 How to Support Someone in a Toxic Relationship — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Lori GottliebguestMel Robbinshost

Nov 23, 20251h 26mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Rewrite Your Story: Therapy Tools To Get Unstuck And Empowered

Mel Robbins interviews therapist and author Lori Gottlieb about how the stories we tell ourselves keep us stuck in painful patterns at work, in love, and with family. Gottlieb explains that most people want change but try to change others instead of examining their own role in the “dance” of relationships. She introduces practical tools for identifying and editing your core narratives—like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone”—so you can respond differently and create better outcomes. Throughout, she emphasizes that you are the sole author of your life, and even small edits to your inner story can dramatically shift how you feel and how others respond to you.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Notice where your reaction is bigger than the situation: “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.”

Overreactions usually signal an old story is being triggered; ask, “What about this feels familiar?” and “As an adult, what can I do differently with this feeling?” to separate past from present.

Map your story by listing beliefs about yourself, then hunt for counterexamples.

Write down core beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone,” then force yourself to find even 1–3 concrete times when the opposite was true; this weakens rigid, absolute narratives.

Clean up your self-talk using the ‘kind, true, useful’ test.

Because you talk to yourself more than to anyone else, any thought that isn’t kind, factually true, and practically useful doesn’t belong in your story—and you should consciously reject it.

Use curiosity and “wise compassion,” not agreement, when supporting others.

Instead of “idiot compassion” (automatically siding with someone’s story), ask gentle reality-check questions like, “What do you think wasn’t working for them?” to help people see their own role in patterns.

Set boundaries as promises to yourself, enforced 100% of the time.

A real boundary is, “If you do X, I will do Y,” followed by calm, consistent action—ending the call, leaving the room, or pausing the conversation—rather than demanding that the other person change.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

You can't change another person, but you can influence another person by doing something different.

— Lori Gottlieb

The way that we narrate our lives determines the quality of our lives.

— Lori Gottlieb

If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.

— Lori Gottlieb

There is a story that is going to be written about every single one of us, and that is an obituary… You are the sole author of your life.

— Lori Gottlieb

Why would you want to support a story that makes you feel bad?

— Lori Gottlieb

How personal “stories” shape our emotions, relationships, and choicesThe “relationship dance” and changing your steps to influence othersIdentifying core narratives like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone”Wise compassion vs. idiot compassion in friendships and supportPractical boundary-setting as something you do, not something others honorHandling change, loss, and the pull of the familiar in life transitionsSelf-talk hygiene: is it kind, true, and useful?

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