The Mel Robbins Podcast

Your Toolkit for Preventing Burnout and Improving Resilience In Tough Times | Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, award-winning Harvard-educated journalist and researcher Jenny Wallace is here to discuss “toxic achievement” and the toxic pressure that makes you feel that no matter what you do or what level of success you achieve, it will never be enough. You feel toxic pressure at work, and you feel toxic pressure at home. Jenny Wallace, who just completed a major research study with over 6,000 kids and their parents, is here to tell you this unhealthy pressure is trickling down to your kids, who are buckling under the never-ending demands to measure up. Whether you are sick of spending every weekend racing from one sporting event or club team practice to another, or you are tired of the never-ending video calls that keep you working day and night, one thing is clear: something has to give. Your worth is not determined by the things you achieve. Jenny Wallace is here with the research and the findings that say all this pressure is backfiring because all anyone really wants is to feel like they matter. According to her research, there are seven changes you can make that will boost your kids’ confidence and resilience and get you off this hamster wheel that is leading nowhere. If you struggle with work-life balance and feel burned out, the research will empower you to: - Learn the one question to ask your kid that shows you love them - Stop working yourself into the ground to prove your worth - Why you are your harshest critic and the simple things you need to do to become your biggest fan - Snip the tie between achievement and self-worth - Unplug yourself from the stress loop of other people and never get rattled again - The 3 things you can do to show people you love that they matter to you - Stop beating yourself up for not having the perfect home or getting A’s on every test, and prioritize what really matters instead I want you to get off the hamster wheel and stop being obsessed with achieving, having, and winning. You hold the key to helping yourself and others feel like they matter in this world. It’s time to unlock it. Xo, Mel In this episode: 00:00 Intro 01:15 Not gonna lie; I started freaking out big time after this conversation. 06:44 What exactly is grind culture? 09:34 How did we get sucked into this way of thinking? 10:44 Harvard survey learned powerful information about parents. 17:10 Students who felt this were more likely to be healthy achievers. 22:02 Do this when you don’t feel like you matter. 23:10 The one question you can ask to let your kids know they matter. 26:00 80% of workers have not heard this from their bosses last year. 28:17 A mantra to play on repeat with your family. 30:37 Why good enough is perfect. 36:19 How do we parents erode our kids’ self-confidence? 39:30 How are household chores helpful for kids? 44:31 Jennifer stopped doing this with her kids after reading the research. 48:39 Forget the grades and focus on what teachers say about your kids. 51:00 We all have a responsibility to do this and it will come back to us. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostJenny Wallaceguest

Oct 9, 202355mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Escaping Grind Culture: Replace Toxic Achievement With Everyday Mattering Practices

Mel Robbins and author/journalist Jennifer Wallace unpack how “grind culture” and toxic achievement are driving anxiety, depression, and burnout in both kids and adults. Wallace’s research shows that when worth is tied to performance—grades, schools, income, status—people become trapped in a “never enough” cycle. The antidote is the psychological construct of “mattering”: feeling valued for who you are and being relied on to add value to others. They translate this into concrete shifts at home, work, and in relationships that build resilience, connection, and healthier achievement.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Your worth is not your performance; grind culture says otherwise.

Grind culture teaches that you only matter if you’re productive, impressive, and constantly achieving, which fuels chronic stress and a sense of never being enough. Recognizing this as a cultural narrative—not a truth about your value—is the first step to loosening its grip.

Prioritize mattering: feeling valued and being needed protects mental health.

Mattering means being seen and valued for who you are and being depended on to contribute to others. Research shows high mattering acts like a buoy against anxiety and depression, helping people bounce back from setbacks rather than seeing failures as indictments of their worth.

Home must be a haven from achievement pressure, not another arena.

Kids already get intense achievement messages from school, peers, and society; when parents lead with test scores and outcomes, home becomes another performance stage. Shifting conversations to basic care, daily experiences, and character (e.g., “What did you have for lunch?”) helps kids feel unconditionally valued.

Minimize criticism and shift from generic praise to truly knowing people.

Criticism hits up to five times harder than compliments, so Wallace recommends aiming for at least five positive interactions for every critique and “separating the deed from the doer.” Instead of “You’re so smart,” focus on unique strengths and character traits, which builds a more stable sense of self than performance-based praise.

Small signals of attention or neglect accumulate into powerful ‘mattering’ messages.

Eye contact, putting your phone down, using someone’s name, asking about their day, or thanking them for small acts all provide social proof that they matter. Conversely, distracted interactions or only engaging around achievements quietly tell people they’re secondary or conditional.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Grind culture to me is your worth is contingent upon your performance.

— Jennifer Wallace

At the root of all this suffering is an unmet need to feel like we matter for who we are at our core.

— Jennifer Wallace

My home needs to be a haven from that pressure.

— Jennifer Wallace

What gets in early, gets in deep.

— Jennifer Wallace (quoting sociologist Gregory Elliott)

In case nobody else tells you, I want you to know that I love you, and I mean it… I want you to know that you matter to me.

— Mel Robbins

Definition and impact of grind culture and toxic achievementThe concept of mattering as a core human needParenting pressures, achievement culture, and kids’ mental healthHow criticism, praise, and values at home shape resiliencePractical ways to signal mattering in everyday interactionsInterdependence, social support, and caregiver wellbeingReframing failure, grades, chores, and perfectionism

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