Modern WisdomFinding Your Why - Diren Kartal | Modern Wisdom Podcast 260
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 0:33
Travel as a moral responsibility: what can you teach your kids if you’ve seen nothing?
Diren argues that travel and exposure to different cultures are essential for understanding the world and becoming a better parent and citizen. He frames a British passport and mobility as a privilege many people would “kill for,” and says not using it shrinks your perspective.
- •Lack of travel limits empathy and real-world knowledge
- •Parenting without perspective: “What are you gonna teach that kid?”
- •Passport privilege and opportunity differences across countries
- •Travel as personal growth and a duty, not just leisure
- 0:33 – 2:11
Reconnecting in chaos: Dubai boat memories and setting up the motivation theme
Chris and Diren banter about their previous Dubai meetup and the “recipe for chaos” of their social circle. Chris then pivots the conversation toward motivation and how people can make meaningful change heading into a new year.
- •Callback to filming/meeting in Dubai and the boat day
- •Humor about drinking, being a lightweight, and spontaneity
- •Chris introduces the topic: motivation for resolutions and life changes
- •Framing Diren’s coaching work as broader than fitness
- 2:11 – 3:14
Motivation via enjoyment and simplification: making ‘big problems’ feel small
Diren explains that clients often come for fitness but end up improving broader life areas through better health habits. His core approach is to steer people toward activities they enjoy and to simplify challenges so motivation isn’t crushed by overwhelm.
- •Fitness/nutrition coaching as a gateway to life improvement
- •People wrongly assume progress must feel like constant struggle
- •Reframing: reduce perceived size of the problem to reduce stress
- •Communication style matters—teach fundamentals in a language clients understand
- 3:14 – 9:15
Why you’re doing it: confidence, follow-through, and the ‘future you’ mindset
Chris and Diren explore how motivation collapses when people don’t trust themselves to follow through. Chris shares the idea of having faith in your future self, while Diren emphasizes risk-taking and creating situations where you must perform.
- •Start with the ‘why’ behind a goal before chasing tactics
- •Low confidence comes from repeatedly breaking promises to yourself
- •Cultivating belief in ‘future you’ can unlock action
- •Risk and commitment devices force execution when comfort won’t
- 9:15 – 10:40
Environment is leverage: choose people who push you, not people who keep you safe
Diren argues that social circles can either expand your ambition or shrink it through “play it safe” advice. He advocates surrounding yourself with people who want you to win and who will give tough feedback that improves your output.
- •Many people discourage risk to keep you at their level
- •The right friends apply ‘tough love’ and honest critique
- •Group coaching insight: individuals differ, but problems are often similar
- •Momentum comes from constructive pressure and standards
- 10:40 – 17:05
British insularity and the case for travel: breaking the ‘born, live, die here’ loop
Chris suggests UK geography and culture can produce an insulated worldview, reinforced by staying in the same town for life. Diren pushes further: travel isn’t only for entrepreneurs—families need it to raise globally literate kids and reduce prejudice.
- •Anecdote about hometown loyalty and limited perspective
- •Travel broadens worldview and improves social adaptability
- •Privilege awareness: mobility is not equally available globally
- •Pandemic ‘Groundhog Day’ amplifies the need for new stimulus
- 17:05 – 22:43
Travel as ‘break point’: new environments reset your mind and upgrade your ambition
Chris describes the SAS concept of ‘break point’—a deliberate reset between high-intensity phases—and applies it to travel and mental clarity. Diren adds that airports and movement spark ideas, create opportunities, and accelerate personal development through discomfort.
- •‘Break point’ as a psychological reset between chaotic periods
- •New environments provide stimulus, perspective, and clarity
- •Travel increases creative output and business ideas
- •Being away often makes people more open, humble, and socially aware
- 22:43 – 27:49
Borrowed goals vs chosen goals: explore/exploit and ignoring what people think
They argue many people chase goals they’ve absorbed from culture rather than consciously chosen values. Chris outlines explore/exploit—try many things, then narrow—while Diren identifies fear of judgment as the primary blocker and explains how he stopped caring.
- •People do what they think they want, not what they truly want
- •Explore/exploit: experimentation first, then commitment
- •Fear of looking silly keeps people trapped in familiar routines
- •Diren’s shift: base decisions on what’s best for him, not social pressure
- 27:49 – 33:43
Being ‘selfish’ creates clarity: boundaries, values, and a stronger why
Diren reframes selfishness as healthy prioritization that makes relationships cleaner and more honest. Chris connects this to defining core values and having a strong ‘why’ that naturally filters distractions, obligations, and constant messaging.
- •Boundaries reduce resentment and make your ‘yes’ meaningful
- •People often respect you more when you stop being endlessly available
- •Core values as a practical compass for decisions and time use
- •Weak ‘why’ leads to distraction; strong ‘why’ makes notifications irrelevant
- 33:43 – 39:48
Leadership ‘gravity’ and finding your why: why some people command the room
Chris tells a story about a dinner with Steven Bartlett where the entire table subtly oriented toward him, illustrating ‘social gravity.’ They discuss how mission, clarity, and values create natural leadership, and why it’s unrealistic to compare yourself to people who found their why early.
- •Nonverbal dynamics reveal who leads and why
- •Mission and internal clarity create authority without force
- •Jealousy of people who ‘stumbled into’ their why young (sports, music)
- •Finding purpose can require deliberate work, not instant discovery
- 39:48 – 58:23
Calling off the engagement: pressure, freedom, and choosing a life that fits
Diren recounts ending an engagement and why it became a turning point for his identity and ambition. He describes the emotional difficulty, the isolation of being far from family, and the realization that marriage, mortgage, and timelines would trap him into a life he didn’t choose.
- •Proposing due to external pressure rather than internal readiness
- •Recognizing misalignment: suburban life, distance from family, lost freedom
- •Fear of future resentment as a reason to end it early
- •The breakup’s aftermath: depression-like symptoms and the loneliness of starting over
- 58:23 – 1:00:45
Modern relationships vs modern careers: self-sufficiency, safety, and the ‘you complete me’ trap
They zoom out to relationship dynamics: people choose partners who are ‘there’ and fear being alone, which fuels unhappy commitments and divorce. Diren critiques marriage as a “safety contract” that can reduce effort, and insists both partners should be independently fulfilled first.
- •Traditional relationship timelines conflict with entrepreneurial lifestyles
- •‘You complete me’ implies dependence and insecurity
- •Marriage as perceived safety can lower effort and growth
- •Be happy alone first; relationships should be additive, not compensatory
- 1:00:45 – 1:06:05
Handling trolls, building Project X, and the realistic-fitness movement (wrap-up)
Diren shares a practical mindset shift: engaging trolls is usually wasted energy. He then outlines next-year goals—building an accountability platform and expanding his message—before Chris closes by praising the shift toward sustainable training and diet advice.
- •Less ‘biting back’ at criticism to protect focus and energy
- •Goal: scale coaching impact via Project X accountability platform
- •Ambition to do more live events, podcasting, and travel post-COVID
- •Fitness industry trend: away from bro-science toward sustainable compliance
