JOHN ASSARAF | Understand Your Emotions & Take Control Of Your Life | Modern Wisdom Podcast 143

1. 0:00 – 1:04

   Intro

   1. JAJohn Assaraf0:00

      There are 50 different types of fears that hold most people back, but there's a common seven or so. So fear of failure, fear of succeeding and failing, fear of trying my best and disappointing myself or others, fear of being embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, or judged. All of these fears have to do with our self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth, and what will I think of me or what will others think of me if I don't succeed or if I do and fail? So fears are naturally occurring phenomenons in our subconscious mind as a safety and protective mechanism to keep us away from any danger or real or imagined pain or suffering. And so, it's just an automatic trigger in the subconscious mind. Now, the problem is not fear. The problem is that most people don't understand that fear, it's just a signal. It's a highly sensitive signal and mechanism in the brain, but the ramifications of not understanding what fear does is the problem.

   2. CWChris Williamson1:02

      (wave crashes)

2. 1:04 – 3:32

   John Assaraf

   1. CWChris Williamson1:04

      John Assaraf in the building. How are you, man?

   2. JAJohn Assaraf1:07

      In the building, here I am-

   3. CWChris Williamson1:09

      (laughs)

   4. JAJohn Assaraf1:09

      ... doing great. We're- we're- we're par- we're separated by sea, but we're all connected, right?

   5. CWChris Williamson1:14

      That's- that's absolutely true. Uh, I'm super, super excited to speak to you today. So-

   6. JAJohn Assaraf1:19

      Thank you.

   7. CWChris Williamson1:20

      ... people might have seen you on The Secret or know you as bestselling author or, you know, endlessly successful entrepreneur with multiple projects and stuff like that. Do you think that you were naturally gifted to be successful in this many domains? Is this kind of what you thought you were going to end up doing when you were younger?

   8. JAJohn Assaraf1:38

      (laughs) No. I- I was voted most likely to fail in life, uh, by my grade 11 students and my, uh, my basketball team that I- I excelled in basketball when I was a kid, ever thought I was gonna be a, you know, a jock, uh, you know, uh, an athlete of some sort. They- they used to say, you know, "He- he- he's brilliant on the basketball court, but he's dumber than a doorknob in the classroom."

   9. CWChris Williamson2:05

      (laughs)

   10. JAJohn Assaraf2:05

       And so (laughs) I- I, um, I- I never thought I would be doing what I do today. I never believed that I could. I thought I was way too dumb. Uh, I was- I was hungry, but I was- I just felt like I wasn't as smart as the other kids. Um, me and my, uh, I- I grew up in a family with, you know, hardworking parents who wanted to put food on the table for their kids. We lived in moderate, moderate, moderate, um, you know, means. Um, you know, it's, I had a bedroom with my brother. My sister had a bedroom. Um, we had an apartment. Uh, there was always arguments and fights around the lack of money. My father was a gambler and an, uh, alcoholic, uh, I believe. Uh, he hasn't drank in probably 50 years, but, uh, so a lot of struggles. And, um, and then, um, I- I- we- I didn't have the environment that really fostered me even thinking about achieving success until I had one chance encounter with one man when I was 19 years old, who asked me one question, and the answer to that question changed my life. Uh, but up until the age of 19, I thought I was, you know, gonna work in a factory, making minimum wage, living in an average place. I was struggling for money, uh, struggling to make a great life for myself. The only great life that I ever had in my imagination was from watching television.

3. 3:32 – 7:29

   The generational gap

   1. JAJohn Assaraf3:33

   2. CWChris Williamson3:33

      I suppose when you don't have that role model, there's a lot of people now-

   3. JAJohn Assaraf3:36

      Yeah.

   4. CWChris Williamson3:36

      ... who might not have that close to them, you know. Especially I think the generational gap that has occurred within the last 50 years is really different, you know. When you think about the- the sort of opportunities that became available to you and are now available to the people that are listening at a young age-

   5. JAJohn Assaraf3:53

      Uh, unbelievable.

   6. CWChris Williamson3:54

      ... worlds apart, right? And the- the, uh, sometimes, we might get a little bit resentful of our parents. I know that you've mentioned in previous interviews that you had a little bit of resentment towards not being given the tools necessarily to do what you wanted to do. But from a much more compassionate side, it's a total different operating system now, right? That the rules that- that controlled the old world don't really... It's a lot harder for our parents to think about how to apply those to what's going on now.

   7. JAJohn Assaraf4:22

      Yeah, you know, I remember, uh, I used to live in this neighborhood. And in between the neighborhood that I lived in and the other affluent neighborhood, there was a community center. And so some of the kids in my neighborhood, you know, couldn't afford to be members of the community center, even though it wasn't very expensive. And then there were other kids on the other side of the street that their parents had a little bit more money, nicer cars, nicer homes, um, and I used to meet these kids at the community center, and I used to go over to their house, and I remember, you know, used to feel like I wish my, you know, specifically my father, 'cause back in those days, moms were mostly stay at home, took care of the kids, and maybe they work, which my mother did. But I used to remember feeling like I wish my father was as smart as his father or her father, and I wished that we were able to go on vacations and to, you know, buy nice clothes instead of, you know, the ratty jeans and the ratty coats, you know, that I always felt were less than the other kids. Um, and what I realized as I got older was, you know, my parents just did the best they could. My father went to grade, like, three or four, you know, my mother also grade three or four. Then they went to work at 15, 16 years old to- to try and make ends meet during the war, you know, so they didn't have an education. They didn't have a chance to do anything other than survive, and they didn't know that, um, they could do more. They just believed they were born in this environment, that they were victims of that environment, that, you know, um, they had to make ends meet and struggle, and- and there was scarcity, and that the rich people, you know, they, you know, they either did it illegally or they had these belief systems, you know, that were just disempowering them, and they didn't know that they were disempowered. Uh, you know, back then, you know, if you want to learn, you'd either go to school, read books, listen to the radio, you know, and today-... the least of our concerns is knowing how do I do X, how do I achieve Y? If you want to be healthy, if you want to be happy, if you want to make more money, if you want to build a business, you want to write a book, you want to fill in the blank, "I want to blank," you can Google it, and then in less than three minutes, you can have a step-by-step blueprint of exactly what to do. Today's problem isn't that the how-to doesn't exist.

   8. CWChris Williamson6:49

      Huh.

   9. JAJohn Assaraf6:49

      It's all of the internal bullshit that people are dealing with that holds them back, their fears of failure or fears of, "What will people think of me on social media if I try and I fail or I disappoint them?" You know, "What will people feel if I'm, uh, not doing this or doing that?" So, there's a much bigger internal game going on right now around fears and self-image and limiting beliefs that most people are totally unaware is happening, and that is really causing them to be stuck in this limited cycle and self-fulfilling prophecies that cause them to achieve way less than they're capable of achieving.

4. 7:29 – 12:14

   Fear

   1. JAJohn Assaraf7:29

   2. CWChris Williamson7:29

      Do you think that that's the primary issue that people are coming up against, self-limiting beliefs? We've got the how-

   3. JAJohn Assaraf7:36

      Yeah. Yeah.

   4. CWChris Williamson7:36

      ... it's, it's that, is that the main roadblock people need to get over?

   5. JAJohn Assaraf7:39

      There's only four. There's, there's only four. So, from a, um, purely neuroscience, neuropsychology perspective, what we know about the brain is there are 50 different types of fears that hold most people back, but there's a common seven or so. So fear of failure, fear of succeeding and failing, fear of trying my best and disappointing myself or others, fear of being embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, or judged. All of these fears have to do with our self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth, and what will I think of me or what will others think of me if I don't succeed or if I do and fail. Um, that's number one. So fears are, uh, naturally, uh, occurring phenomenons in our subconscious mind as a safety and protective mechanism to keep us away from any danger or real or imagined pain or suffering. And so, it's just an automatic trigger in the subconscious mind, and fear happens to be one of our six core emotions. Now, the problem is not fear. The problem is that most people don't understand that fear is the equivalent of driving your car and a dash light popping up on your, on your, on your dash. It's just a signal. It's a highly sensitive signal and mechanism in the brain, but the ramifications of not understanding what fear does is the problem. So when fear activates in the brain, it releases cortisol or epinephrine or norepinephrine. It takes blood away from the thinking part of the brain into the motor cortex and the reactive part of the brain. And the untrained person will react over and over and over and over again to the highest level of training that they've had around emotional management. So, what causes you or me to react as a result of fear may not cause the same reaction in, let's say, a Navy SEAL or an astronaut, you know, who is used to understanding that feeling, and they know how to control it so they can respond instead of react. So fear is number one. Number two is limiting beliefs. "I'm too young to do that. I'm too old to do that. I'm too Asian or too Caucasian. You know what? I only went to grade blank in school, therefore I'm not smart enough, not good enough, not worthy enough." So all of these limiting beliefs actually formulate the lens by which our brain sees the world, but more importantly than that, the limiting belief sets up what we will do or don't do. So it affects behaviors. So we had fear as number one. Two, limiting beliefs. Then three, let's say, somebody's watching and they have a, a, a vision or a goal. Doesn't make a difference, you know, what kind of vision or goal it is. But let's say that at the conscious level, I want that. I see me having that, being that, doing that. But if at the subconscious level there is an opposing belief, an implicit belief, or a self-image that says, "But I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not worthy of that yet or now," then our subconscious self-image will recalibrate what we do or don't do. So, that's the third thing. And then the fourth thing, which is a little bit more real, is when we don't have the knowledge or the skill currently to achieve the goal that we want, then we set off a circuit in the brain which is the doubt circuit, the uncertainty circuit. It's triggers the self-image circuit and the fear circuit as well. So they're all interconnected. So if we don't have the knowledge or skill and we feel doubtful, then doubtful actually activates, you know, these other circuits that are saying, "Hold on. If you're doubtful, if you're uncertain, put the brakes on. Don't put your foot on the gas." So, what I do and what my company does, we study the mechanisms by which all of these things are turned on or off, all these triggers are turned on or off that drives the behavior that causes the results. So I never focus on the results themselves. I always focus on what's driving the behaviors that cause me to take action or not take action, and that's really the work that I do and why I wrote, you know, my book Innercise, which I know you're familiar with and some of my other stuff is let's get into the, the neuropsychology of what's happening in there.

5. 12:14 – 16:03

   Strategies

   1. JAJohn Assaraf12:14

      How can we-

   2. CWChris Williamson12:14

      So that's a framework. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's incredibly simple when you look at it like that, but it's so messy, right? We're living in our heads. We have all of these signals going on. We have all of these...... very, they're notions. You know, they're not, they're not inputs and outputs. The way that we consciously experience our own day-to-day life is real ephemeral, difficult to define stuff, right? So how can we break through that noise? What are some of the strategies that we can use to bring a little bit of order to that chaos?

   3. JAJohn Assaraf12:45

      Well, I think, first, we have to understand that, you know, we are the most advanced, you know, biological, neurological, uh, uh, you know, coalesced group of cells and atoms in the known universe. The only thing more advanced than we are is the actual universe itself and what it does. So if it's true that I have a brain, I'm not my brain, but I have a brain, then the, the next question is, is it possible for me to use my brain better? If my brain is processing 400 billion bits of information per second without me being aware of it, um, is it possible for me to be able to direct my brain to look for things that are more aligned with what it is that I want to achieve, do, or become? Yes, it is possible. Is it possible to understand that I was not born, and nobody listening or watching was born, with one belief, one perspective, one habit, one self-image? Not one person was born with any of those, which means that somehow the constructs that I have within my brain, the patterns within my brain were created either by my parents, my teachers, my experiences, what I read, what I wrote, what I watched, what I felt. Is it possible that all our brain is, uh, is, uh, a network of reinforced patterns that we can learn how to be aware of a limiting belief and let it go and create a new empowering belief? Is it possible that, you know, the habits that are constructive and empower me, we can reinforce, and the habits that are nothing more than automatic patterns in my brain that were created, the ones that are disempowering me, is it possible that I could learn the anatomy of a habit, which is a trigger, a behavior, and a reward, trigger, behavior, reward? If I could learn the anatomy of that, then can I let go of disempowering habits and create empowering ones? Yes. Can I create constructive habits that become my keystone habits that allow me to grow, right, and evolve in a way that empowers me in my life versus one that disempowers me in my life? And the answer is yes. So anybody who's watching, what I really want them to understand is you are not a victim of your circumstance or your conditions. The only way you're a victim of your circumstances or conditions or past is if you take that role on and as part of your identity versus saying, "Regardless of my s- current circumstances, my knowledge, my skills, my beliefs, I can change, and now I can learn how to use the most powerful tool that I already own called my brain."

6. 16:03 – 20:07

   Terminology

   1. CWChris Williamson16:03

      I love it. I want to pick up on some of the terminology you've used there. I know that you like to be very precise with your speech, and you like to-

   2. JAJohn Assaraf16:11

      Mm-hmm. Yes.

   3. CWChris Williamson16:11

      ... lead with terminology, which I think is something I've worked on very hard over the last few years, and I absolutely love the way that you do it too. You've chosen to use the term disempower and empower habits rather than good and bad. Why?

   4. JAJohn Assaraf16:26

      Um, it's not binary. It, it's not, you know, positive or negative. Um, it, it's i- it's, it's, um, it's a frame. You know, as soon as I say the word negative, everybody has a connotation that that word means something bad. And I just look at it as it just is. And the question is, can I frame things in a way that lifts me up as a human being instead of puts me down like something is wrong? And we, you know, we're used to this positive, negative, good, bad. What about it just is? Is this thought process going to help me achieve my goal or move me away from it? Is this habit move me towards what I want or away from what I want? Is this person, is this strategy, is this tactic, is this, you know, emotion one that empowers me or disempowers me? Okay, if it disempowers you, if it's not to your taste, you are at choice. You see, the greatest gift we have as, as a species is awareness. We can have a thought, and we can be aware and know that we have a thought. It's going a little bit deeper than the norm, right? So we are not just self-aware, um, but we could be aware that we're self-aware. So if I understand that I am not my thoughts, I'm not my emotions, I'm not my feelings, I'm not my sensations, I'm not my behaviors, I'm not my results, I have those, then the question is, well, if I have them, can I choose ones that are better for me for what I want to achieve and become and do and have? And the answer is absofuckinglutely. That's your power. And so soon as you give away your power, you're a victim.And so, you know, if you study any human beings who have, you know, failed, they will all tell you that, "Yes, I failed. Yes, I, I, I was in a state of pain, panic, suffering, uh, et cetera, and it was one of the best things in my life because I used it and I framed it in a way that empowered me instead of disempowered me." So we have that ability to take things and give them meanings that lift us up versus tear us down. And so what if we've started that with ourselves, and then what if we did that with each other?

   5. CWChris Williamson19:10

      It'd be a much better world.

   6. JAJohn Assaraf19:12

      Then what, right? And so, but it starts with self, right? Because the more I could be aware of, you know, what's happening within me, um, the more I can have, uh, control, the more I can respond instead of react, the more I can be deliberate versus, you know, reacting automatically, and it all begins with awareness. It all begins with awareness of the gifts that you already possess. It's al- ... You already own the greatest gift in the known universe, um, but the lack of skill of how do I use it is really the biggest challenge people have. And so, um, the work that I do is all around re-empowering people to say, "Okay, I have the ability to do what I choose now. How do I do that?"

7. 20:07 – 24:15

   Evolution

   1. JAJohn Assaraf20:08

   2. CWChris Williamson20:08

      Is the reason that we err toward fear and negativity, is it purely fitness-enhancing? Is it purely an evolutionary, uh, byproduct-

   3. JAJohn Assaraf20:18

      Yes.

   4. CWChris Williamson20:18

      ... that's it?

   5. JAJohn Assaraf20:19

      Yeah. So the, the number one responsibility of our brain ... Homo erectus has been walking around this earth for about 2.5 billion years, 2.5 million, excuse me, 2.5 million years. So the evolution of our species is survival above all else, right? So, so every living organism's number one priority, it's biologically wired into us for survival. So the mechanisms of evolution have created a brain that is nothing more than electromagnetic switching station, right? So light comes in through our eyes, sound comes in through our ears, signals come in through our senses, whether it's olfactory, sense of smell, or hands, tactile, and it is being processed in the brain. And the number one algorithm is, is there real danger here that could, um, cause me to die? Number two, uh, is there any potential danger here, you know, where I can get mentally, emotionally, physically, financially hurt? That's number two. Number three, um, is, um, energy conservation so that number one and two can happen. (laughs) So the processing mechanism of our brain ... I know, I know that, you know, you're looking at me through the camera and I'm looking at you and we see this physical body with eyes and a nose and a mouth and the ears. Strip that away, and what are you? You're this brain with a nervous system, okay, that is processing all of this information for survival, right, for avoidance of pain, for energy conservation, and oh yeah, by the way, if we can get some pleasure via sex or food or, or playing with our telephones or playing games, we'll do that once one, two, and three are met. So we have been evolving for 2.5 million years to make sure that that happens. Now, throughout our lives and maybe even at a cellular level, we have memories of things that have caused us or our parents or our teachers or our brother or our sister pain, suffering, death, uh, or, or whatever the case is, and our brain is processing this information. So all of the incoming thoughts or ideas, you know, that we see in the outside world, or even our own thoughts of, of, of achieving X, Y, or Z, it's all processed through these algorithms to say, "Okay, in the memory bank of your life and maybe even your DNA, is there anything in that loop, okay, that could potentially be, um, affecting your survival or cause you pain or suffering?" So as soon as it, there's a match inside our brain through the neural networks, a signal is sent in a billionth of a second called fear. That's, that's the signal. It just, uh, we call it fear, but just a signal of, "Pay attention, stop, put the brakes on. What's going on?" Right? And what most people don't understand is fear is just a signal, and in many cases, it doesn't mean stop, it just means be aware and then make a choice and a decision. But most people have never been taught how to be aware of this feeling and frame it in a way that there's nothing wrong, it's just a really sensitive signal. Now let me use my higher cortical functions, called the left prefrontal cortex, and say, "Is it real danger or is it imagined danger? Is it because of something that's happened in the past or is it something that's happening right in this moment that's really, really, you know, dangerous?" And in that nanosecond of awareness and choice, um, we can learn how to make better decisions where fear can be turned into fuel because the, that little anxiety or stress that's the, um, the neurochemicals going through your bloodstream, um, can actually be used to propel you, you know, forward instead of cause you to retreat.

8. 24:15 – 29:17

   Inner sighs

   1. JAJohn Assaraf24:16

   2. CWChris Williamson24:16

      What's a strategy that we can use to interject that process?

   3. JAJohn Assaraf24:22

      So, um, in my book Innercise there's, um, there's a variety of innercises, which are mental and emotional techniques to empower yourself. So number one is when we are in a state of stress, or fear, or anxiety, or panic, which is the, the highest state, you know, that, uh, that fear signal gets to, um, the first thing we, we could understand is when we're in that state of stress, or anxiety, or fear, or, or, or lack of confidence, or, or self-doubt, um, our sympathetic nervous system has just been triggered. So, we have the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. So first of f- first to understand is I have these two types of nervous systems in, in my body. One is for flight, flight, or fight, flight, freeze, or faint, and the other one is to be able to be calm and respond. So, in the sympathetic nervous system when we're in a state of, of anxiety, or stress, or fear, um, we're not thinking properly. We're reacting based on our highest level of training. But what we can do very, very quickly is in a state of uncertainty, or doubt, or fear, we can just stop. Stop for just one second and do this simple innercise. It's called take six, calm the circuits. So take six, calm the circuits is six deep breaths in through your nose, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, and then you breathe out through your mouth like you're breathing out through a straw as slow as you can. That's one. When w- when we do six of those we can show in fMRI machines blood flow changing, um, and moving back to that left prefrontal cortex which is our thinking brain. When we do those six deep breaths we actually move from a sympathetic nervous system activation to a parasympathetic system activation, which is a calm so I can respond. So step one is take six, calm the circuits. Step two is called AIA, which is A-I-A, and step two stands for awareness, awareness of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, and my behaviors. So s- stop. What am I thinking right now? What am I feeling right now? What, what am I sensing right now? What, what were my behaviors? Well, usually in a state of, of, uh, stress, you know, we're contracted. Usually in a state of stress, you know, we're breathing, uh, uh, m- much more shallow. Usually in a state of stress we have the foot on the brake, not the foot on the gas. So awareness, and whenever we're practicing awareness, what we want to do is practice it without judgment, blame, shame, guilt, or justification. Let me repeat: without judgment, blame, shame, guilt, or justification. Now why is that important? It's important because when you're starting to observe your own processes, you don't want to be in a state of labeling it anything. It's just pure awareness because it's the awareness that now gives you the choice. So if I'm aware then I can change. In an unaware state I can't. So awareness of my thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations, behaviors, then you say, okay, what's my intention right now? Is my intention to walk across that room and meet that guy or meet that girl or to ask for the order, you know, or to ask for a raise? Is that my intention? Yeah, that's my intention. And then the third or the second A is what's one little action step that I could take right now? And the action step has got to be small because you don't want to reactivate the stress or fear center. So if you take one little action step towards that, your brain feels safe, you feel safe 'cause you, you are your brain, right? And so when we practice take six, calm the circuits first, practice AIA second, AIA, awareness, intention, action, now we've just interrupted a pattern that may have been a destructive or disempowering pattern. Now I'm in control, I'm focused, I'm aware, and I create a positive pattern. Well, guess what happens? Do that for one day, do that for seven days, 30 days, six months, you all of a sudden are now in control of your thoughts, emotions, feelings, behaviors, sensations, and that is how you achieve your goals. If you're in control, you're directing. If you're out of control, you're reacting. And so which, which is gonna give you a much more empowered state? And of course we know, we both know the answer. So those are just two innercises and there's many other innercises, you know, that I, uh, that I teach in my book and through my programs. Um, but that is just he- the fundamental of a human being is awareness and choice.

9. 29:17 – 34:30

   The power of story

   1. JAJohn Assaraf29:17

   2. CWChris Williamson29:18

      I love it. (clears throat) I've got a question here that I think might really help some people that are listening. So let's say someone who's listening is in a rut at the moment.

   3. JAJohn Assaraf29:26

      Mm-hmm.

   4. CWChris Williamson29:26

      They're really struggling to make a change in their life. How can someone get past that story that they tell themselves? What would you tell them to do? What's the first steps? How do they instantiate their life in a new way?

   5. JAJohn Assaraf29:40

      (sighs) Um, well, it depends, you know, how long they've been in a rut, right? So there's, um, a lot of work around the power of story, right? And so, you know, the story that goes on in our, in our mind about who we are, why we are that way, what we believe, what we expect, what we think we can achieve or have or do or be, that's a story. So the first thing that I, I share with, you know, my students especially in our Winning the Game of Money, um, programs that, uh, we have around brain retraining is what would your new story, if you could write one out ... Imagine you're a Hollywood actor, okay? And if you could write out a new script that's not even true right now...What would you write out for your life? So forget the story you have. If you had a blank sheet of paper and you could write out a story, what would you write out? And I share with all my students, uh, a process for doing this, and it always starts off like this, "I'm so happy and grateful for the fact that ... I'm so happy and grateful for the fact that ..." Now, why do I start off with that? Well, um, what's two plus two?

   6. CWChris Williamson31:00

      Four.

   7. JAJohn Assaraf31:01

      Is that a fact?

   8. CWChris Williamson31:02

      Yes.

   9. JAJohn Assaraf31:03

      What's four plus four?

   10. CWChris Williamson31:05

       Eight.

   11. JAJohn Assaraf31:05

       Is that a fact?

   12. CWChris Williamson31:06

       Yes.

   13. JAJohn Assaraf31:07

       Right. So our brain tends to believe facts. So when I start to write a story out, "I'm so happy and grateful for the fact that I am now earning X, and now my physique is this, and my relationship is Y, and my, and my, uh, ink-, and, and my, uh, net worth is this, and I'm traveling the world this, I'm driving this kind of car," even though initially when you write it out, it's not true. It's not true, and there's a part of you going, "This is bullshit." Well, what happens, you know, when you repeat something 2 times, 10 times, 20 times, 100 times, what happens when you repeat it and emotionalize it? What happens when you repeat it and emotionalize it and take small action steps towards making that happen? And to prove my point, I want to share something with everybody that'll, that'll show you how this works. Let's say somebody tapped you on the shoulder, you know, tomorrow or today at a café or a restaurant or a bar or wherever you go to work. If they tapped you on the shoulder and said, "Hey. Oh my God. Um, I'm so-and-so in Hollywood, and, um, we just finished writing a script, and you look like a person that is this script. Would you mind learning this script? And if you learn it, uh, we'll pay you a million dollars to, to perform it. And if you do it really well and you win an Academy Award, you'll get $10 million plus a whole bunch of stuff." Now initially, you might be afraid, go, "Oh my God. I'm not an actor. I'm not an actress. I, I don't know how to do this." And what if the person who tapped you on the shoulder says, "Oh, by the way, we'll give you an acting coach. We'll give you, you know, a nutritionist. We'll give you an exercise coach. We'll, we'll, we'll teach you everything, and you would practice the role that we have on this sheet of paper, on this pad of paper. If you practice the role every day, every week, every month for the next year, we're gonna film in a year." Do you think you'd learn the script? Do you think you'd be able to memorize it? Do you think you'd be able to raise your voice or lower it based on the script? Do you think you might hunch down a little bit this way if you learned how to do that, even though today you don't know how to act, you don't know how to, how to remember lines, you don't know how to, you know, change your v- If, even if you don't know, could you get better at it in 12 months and then have a camera in front of you with other actors that have practiced for 10 or 12 months every day for five, six, seven, eight hours a day? Could you remember that script and possibly act it? And the answer is, of course, you could. Well, why not write your own script? Why not write, you know, the kind of body you want, the kind of energy you want, the amount of money you want, the way you want to travel, the way you want to be, behave? Why, why don't you write the script and then become the script over time?

   14. CWChris Williamson33:49

       Yeah.

   15. JAJohn Assaraf33:49

       You know, because you be- you, you became the script already that you believe right now. And fear was there, and fear is there now, and limiting beliefs were there and limiting beliefs now. But when we take our most powerful, precious tool, our brain, and we focus it on what we want and how we can versus what we don't want and why we can't, then we're not in control. So the key is to get in control, use the tool better, and prime your brain every single day with the beliefs that you want, with the self-image you want, with the, uh, use of fear so that it fuels you instead of it holds

10. 34:30 – 36:57

    Determining our actions and where we look

    1. JAJohn Assaraf34:30

       you back.

    2. CWChris Williamson34:31

       I love it. Thinking about, uh, what we think about determining our actions and where we look determining where we go, I was stood outside of a nightclub, uh, which is what I do, I fill nightclubs, that's my job. Um, stood outside on the front door and a cyclist came round. It's like 11 o'clock at night. I don't know why anyone's on a cycle at this time. Anyway, comes blaring around the corner, and you can see there's this car in front of him that he really doesn't want to hit. And he could have easily missed it, but his eyes were just locked on this car, the back of this car. Sure enough, where your eyes go is where the bike goes, straight into the-

    3. JAJohn Assaraf35:03

       You got it.

    4. CWChris Williamson35:03

       ... straight into the back of it. He was fine. Well, he was- The embarrassment wasn't fine, but he was- he walked away (laughs) totally sweet.

    5. JAJohn Assaraf35:09

       Yeah. Absolutely. And so it, it all comes back down to learning, right, how to ... Listen, at, at one point, right, when we were babies, you know, if, um, if anybody who's watching has either had a brother or sister or had a, their baby of their own, at one point, you know, a baby will look up at its hand and realize, "Oh my God, that's my hand." And they realize that, you know, "I'm moving, I'm moving my hand." You know? Uh, initially they look at, you know, maybe a ball or something in front of them, but then all of a sudden, "Oh my God, that's mine." Well, I like to do that with people's brains. Um, I want people to understand that, you know, you have this brain that maybe you haven't learned how to optimize yet. You haven't learned some of the hacking techniques to use the most powerful ... It's the most powerful organism in the known universe. Not organ, it's an organism, uh, in the known universe. And, uh, the problem is we have, um, operators that just are not trained.

    6. CWChris Williamson36:10

       Yeah, there's no manual that comes with life, unfortunately.

    7. JAJohn Assaraf36:12

       That's right. That's right. Well, well now we're getting some of that manual, right? So now with the, you know, the advancements in technology and fMRI technology, SPECT scan technology, PET scan technology, where we can actually start to see the, the, the circuits, the, the salience network, the executive network, the default mode network in the brain, how they work, what triggers them, what turns them on, what turns them off, um, we're at a point in our...... evolution of our species, right, where it's like, oh my God, this is, this is just s- such a powerful understanding and recognition that I can achieve a lot more than I thought I could. I could become more, I can have more, I can give more. And, and that's a really empowered state to be in.

11. 36:57 – 38:13

    Meditation

    1. JAJohn Assaraf36:58

    2. CWChris Williamson36:58

       What habit would you say has had the most positive impact on your life over the last few years?

    3. JAJohn Assaraf37:05

       (exhales) Um, probably with ... I mean, there's a couple of them. Um, but probably without any hesitation, meditation, um, which I've been doing for 30-plus years, uh, really is the one. Meditation and mindfulness are, are, are very integrated. But let's ... You know, meditation allows you to recognize and know that, um, there's different states of consciousness, that, you know, I have a body, I have organs, I have, you know, hands and feet and eyes and ears, but I'm not them, that I'm really one with, uh, in this energetic field that everybody else is in as well, that I could control my thoughts and my emotions and I could, uh, uh, activate them or deactivate them at will, and that life is not happening to me, right? It's happening for me, uh, when I can be aware of the perfection of all of it. And so meditation would have to rank right up there with oxygen

12. 38:13 – 43:12

    Law of Attraction vs Law of Goya

    1. JAJohn Assaraf38:13

       for me.

    2. CWChris Williamson38:14

       (laughs) Yeah, I get that. Um, have you read Kamal Ravikant, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It?

    3. JAJohn Assaraf38:21

       Uh-huh.

    4. CWChris Williamson38:21

       He's got, he's got a wonderful bit in that where he talks about life happens to me, life hap- life happens-

    5. JAJohn Assaraf38:26

       Yeah.

    6. CWChris Williamson38:26

       ... for me, life happens through me.

    7. JAJohn Assaraf38:28

       Yeah.

    8. CWChris Williamson38:29

       Um, I absolutely love that.

    9. JAJohn Assaraf38:30

       Yeah, he's a good friend.

    10. CWChris Williamson38:31

        He's a good guy. He was on not so long ago-

    11. JAJohn Assaraf38:33

        Yeah.

    12. CWChris Williamson38:33

        ... him and James Altucher-

    13. JAJohn Assaraf38:34

        Yeah.

    14. CWChris Williamson38:34

        ... and we're swimming in, we're swimming in good waters. Um, I want to talk about the, uh, the difference between the law of attraction and the law of GOYA, because-

    15. JAJohn Assaraf38:47

        (laughs)

    16. CWChris Williamson38:48

        ... for, for a while, The, The Secret, the movie, h- huge blockbuster, did real well, the book as well, and, and for me there was something that felt like it was missing, and it's absolutely been identified in The l- The Law of GOYA. Would you be able to talk us through that?

    17. JAJohn Assaraf39:04

        Yeah. When, when the movie The Secret came out, you know, the premise of the book was think, believe, and you'll achieve. And that's bullshit. It's, it's, it's not. It's- that's not how it works. It's, you know, the law of GOYA, I learned if you, if you, uh, spell out the word attraction, law of attraction, the last six letters of the word attraction is action. And nobody talked about that in the movie. Um, the law of GOYA is the get off your ass law. And, you know, Newton's second law of motion says an object in motion tends to stay in motion, an object at rest tends to stay at rest. In the physical world, we live in this, you know, quantum field, but we also have this physical experience, uh, and around health, wealth, relationships, career, business, finances, uh, fun and experiences, et cetera, there are behaviors, right, that if y- you know, if you take this behavior, then X, Y, or Z will happen. And it's pretty predictable. The physical laws are so predictable. We can, you know, send a rocket ship to the moon and time it within a fraction of a second. And so in the physical world, um, there is a behavior that you need to take if you want to lose weight or gain weight. We know that weight is calories, it's energy, right? So, you know, one pound is 3,500 calories. You know, one gram of carbohydrates or one gram of fat, you know, carbohydrate's four, four calories, fat is nine calories. That's energy. Uh, if you want to earn more money, money is a means of exchange between people, countries, uh, et cetera. So if you want more money, you have to figure out, how do I exchange what I have, product, knowledge, service, uh, companionship, you know, for that exchange? It's not rocket science, but it is a science. And a lot of people misunderstand this law of attraction as some airy-fairy, you know, think about it, sit there, you know, meditate, and poof, you know, you're gonna have this, this wealth. It's just like, where'd you get that idea? The law of attraction should be renamed to the law of resonance. So if you study, you know, Tesla's work, if you study Nikola Tesla's work around energy all the way to, you know, electricity and, uh, positrons and electrons, um, you understand that resonance, if you hit the A440 key on the piano, how is it that 10 feet away the chandelier moves, right? That's resonance. So things that are in resonance are attracted to each other not like a magnet, because if you take, you know, positive and neg- or positive and positive in a magnet, it repels. Um, but if you understand that if you are in resonance with the people, the vision, the goals that you have, and you get your head, your heart, and your gut in alignment, in resonance, then you are basically doing with your brain the same thing that a radio, uh, dial does on a radio station. If you're at 90, let's say, 5.5, that may be rock and roll, you're in resonance with that...... a, a vibrational frequency. If you're at 95.6, that might be punk rock, 95.7 might be classical music. So the key for us humans is how do we get into resonance with the frequencies of what it is that we want to achieve? Health, wealth, relationships, career, business. Everything is energy in the universe, and that means that everything is amplified at a certain vibrational sequence. And if you get into alignment, into resonance, that's the law of attraction. It's not some magical airy-fairy pixie dust, you know, uh, think, believe, and you'll achieve. Uh, get your head, your heart, your gut, and your behaviors aligned, and then you will be in resonance and all of a sudden everything that you want is right there already.

    18. CWChris Williamson43:11

        The action was the

13. 43:12 – 45:04

    Take the right actions

    1. CWChris Williamson43:12

       missing step for me. That was where-

    2. JAJohn Assaraf43:14

       Yeah.

    3. CWChris Williamson43:14

       That was where I, I thought-

    4. JAJohn Assaraf43:16

       Yeah.

    5. CWChris Williamson43:16

       ... I, I didn't, I didn't quite get it, but you're totally correct. And as well, by leading with that action, it feeds back in... All of these feed into each other, right? The way that you feel, the way that you, your, um, gut and your passions-

    6. JAJohn Assaraf43:28

       Yeah.

    7. CWChris Williamson43:28

       ... are with regards to what you're doing in life, and then your actions feed back into that. So...

    8. JAJohn Assaraf43:33

       There's, there's one other piece to it though.

    9. CWChris Williamson43:35

       It is?

    10. JAJohn Assaraf43:35

        And, and this is, this is the piece that a lot of people just forget. Um, there's nobody who's watching or listening to this right now, okay, that... I believe. There might be, but very, very rare that somebody's trying to figure out how to colonize Mars right now. So for everything else, for getting in great shape, for making more money, for starting a business, for writing a book, for starting a podcast, for whatever you want, all the how-to already exists. All the how-to, all the blueprint of do this, do this, do this. So what I was gonna say is when we're thinking about taking action, you have to take the right actions in the right order at the right time. So one of the things that everybody is responsible for is to say, "Okay, before I act, what should I be doing? When should I be doing it? How should I be doing it?" And that is one of the other biggest mistakes most people make. They think that, "Well, I'm in action." Well, you could be in action doing the wrong damn things. So stop doing the wrong damn things and find out, "What should I be doing?" And here's the beautiful thing. There are experts in everything that you and I want. And all of the books, programs, CDs, courses, coaching, consulting is available, or YouTube video or Google. So it's already available. So all you need to do is say, "Okay, what's my goal? What are..." You know, "What, what do I need to think? What do I need to feel? And then what do I need to do?" Do that, and guess what? You'll be in resonance, and you'll achieve your goals and dreams faster and easier than ever

14. 45:04 – 48:04

    Planning

    1. JAJohn Assaraf45:04

       before.

    2. CWChris Williamson45:05

       There's certainly a lot of people... I know that I'm one of them. I have to work very hard at planning. So naturally, I would just, just do something. I would just blather out, "I'll just, I'll just-"

    3. JAJohn Assaraf45:14

       Yeah.

    4. CWChris Williamson45:14

       "... start, start doing." And taking that moment to consider and to lay out the plan-

    5. JAJohn Assaraf45:21

       Yeah.

    6. CWChris Williamson45:21

       ... I think it, it can make a, a huge difference. Perfect example of that is when I go on holiday. Like when you go on holiday, and-

    7. JAJohn Assaraf45:28

       Yeah.

    8. CWChris Williamson45:28

       ... if you've ever done it and not planned where you're gonna be on particular days, and you, you can write it off as an excuse. You can be like, "Well, you know, I just wanna, I just wanna kind of feel my way around the town. I don't wanna be stuck to a s- a rigid schedule." I promise you, if you plan a holiday and you've got tour on day one and a beach trip on day two and this, that, and the other, it got... You get so much more out of your time. It's unbelievable.

    9. JAJohn Assaraf45:49

       Yeah. Yeah.

    10. CWChris Williamson45:50

        Holiday, holiday hacks 101 there for you. So-

    11. JAJohn Assaraf45:52

        There you go.

    12. CWChris Williamson45:53

        I wanna finish up and, and ask about what you think or where you would direct people if they want to find out a little bit more or if there are some books. Innercise, I can't recommend it more highly.

    13. JAJohn Assaraf46:05

        Thank you.

    14. CWChris Williamson46:06

        Will be linked in the show notes below, of course.

    15. JAJohn Assaraf46:08

        Thank you. Thank you.

    16. CWChris Williamson46:08

        If there's... What else have you been, uh, struck by that you've consumed recently or over the last few years that you thought's really of value?

    17. JAJohn Assaraf46:17

        Uh, listen, I, I, I know you've had my friend James Clear on, um, before, and so habits are really... You know, Mastering Habits. So h- whoever's, you know, watching this, you know, listen to that podcast as well. Uh, he does a great job of dissecting podca- or, uh, the habit, uh, loop and the stuff in there. Uh, I think the, the stuff that I'm really fascinated with right now, um, is consciousness and just understanding, you know, the nature of consciousness, the nature of, you know, why and how we make decisions and, and, and really leveling up our awareness to the magic of being human, you know, and the gift that this is. It's just so... It's, like, mind-boggling, complex, and spectacular. And, um, and so yeah, for anybody who likes, likes this kind of stuff and "How do I become more and have more and give more?" um, follow my work. I'm all over social media, on Instagram and on Facebook fan page. I do trainings every week for free, and I have a, a little Facebook fan page, uh, called Achieve Even More that's private community that I give free stuff away in as well. So, um, read my books and follow some of my work.

    18. CWChris Williamson47:25

        Jon, that's awesome, man. Thank you so much. I have to say I really absolutely love what you're doing.

    19. JAJohn Assaraf47:29

        Thank you.

    20. CWChris Williamson47:30

        I think that you're genuinely making a great change.

    21. JAJohn Assaraf47:32

        Thank you.

    22. CWChris Williamson47:32

        Uh, it's been a, uh, a total pleasure to get you on here. Like you said, all will be linked in the show notes below. If you want to follow Jon online, you know where to go. Show notes will have that in as well. Like, share, and subscribe. But for now, thank you, Jon.

    23. JAJohn Assaraf47:47

        Thank you so much.

    24. NANarrator47:50

        (instrumental music)

Episode duration: 48:04