Modern WisdomWhat Is Happening With Modern Dating? - Vincent Harinam
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Modern Dating’s Collapse: Hypergamy, Simps, Incels, And Vanishing Monogamy
- Chris Williamson and data scientist/criminologist Vincent Harinam unpack how evolutionary psychology, female hypergamy, and modern technology are reshaping dating, sex, and marriage. They argue that female educational and economic overperformance, combined with globalized online dating, is funneling women toward a tiny pool of high‑status men while leaving many average men sexually and romantically excluded.
- This imbalance fuels simping, OnlyFans, incel culture, and a retreat by many men into porn and video games, while also leaving growing numbers of high-achieving women single, childless, or forced to “settle” for partners they’re not attracted to. Both sexes, they suggest, are being pushed by culture away from stable pair-bonding and toward short-term gratification.
- They discuss how traits like disagreeableness and dark triad characteristics benefit men in both economics and short-term mating, but make long-term relationships unstable unless balanced by responsibility and provision. The conversation ends with a call to re‑valorize marriage, family, and “celebrated monogamy” as a cultural counterweight to these trends.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasSimping and OnlyFans are maladaptive responses to male loneliness and fear of rejection.
Harinam defines simps as pliable men trying to buy affection with gifts and praise instead of genuine emotional connection; OnlyFans industrializes this, monetizing men’s desire for attention while letting them avoid the discomfort and growth that come from real-world rejection.
The sexual marketplace is increasingly ‘winner-take-most,’ favoring a small elite of men.
Data from Tinder and Pew show many young men are single and sexless while women, aided by globalized dating apps, concentrate their interest on the top ~10% of men by looks, status, and income, leaving average men pushed out and many women chasing a tiny pool of suitors.
Female educational and economic success often backfires in the dating market.
Women now outnumber men in universities and often outearn men in their 20s, yet studies show each 16‑point IQ increase boosts men’s marriage prospects by 35% but cuts women’s by 40%; high-achieving women frequently face a shrinking pool of men they find acceptable and end up single or needing to ‘settle’.
Masculine traits like controlled disagreeableness and ‘dark triad’ edges are attractive—if balanced.
Women are drawn to confident, boundary-setting men with a hint of danger, but long-term success requires combining those traits with the “three Ps”—provision, protection, and parental investment—creating what Harinam calls the “dark gentleman,” not an unrestrained psycho ‘Chad’.
Culture is discouraging the hard work of long-term commitment in favor of short-term gratification.
Memes like “boss bitch,” “don’t settle,” and hookup culture, combined with porn, games, and casual sex, erode the willingness of both sexes to endure the inevitable discomfort and sacrifice of building families, despite evidence that premarital promiscuity and unstable pair-bonding predict worse marital outcomes.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesOnlyFans is the industrialization of simping.
— Vincent Harinam
A man who is too ingratiating is ultimately a man who is too desperate.
— Vincent Harinam
Women hold the keys to sex, but men hold the keys to relationships.
— Vincent Harinam
For every 16 point increase in a man’s IQ, his prospect of marriage increases by 35%. For every 16 point increase in a woman’s IQ, her prospect of marriage decreases by 40%.
— Vincent Harinam (summarizing UK multi-university study)
We have ancient ideas in modern skulls.
— Vincent Harinam
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