Modern WisdomWhy Does Everyone Say ‘Like’ and ‘Um’ All The Time? - Valerie Fridland
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 0:21
Why fillers stand out more in boring speech (and less in engaging delivery)
Valerie opens with a key observation: audiences notice “uh” and “um” less when the speaker is dynamic and the content is compelling. Perceived filler frequency is shaped as much by delivery and interest as by the actual number of filled pauses.
- •Engaging speakers get “forgiven” for more filler usage
- •Monotone delivery makes fillers more salient
- •Content quality and vocal variety affect listener perception
- 0:21 – 0:49
What sociolinguists study: language patterns + social identity
Valerie explains sociolinguistics as the study of how linguistic patterns vary with fine-grained social factors. She frames language as shaped not only by dialect and region, but by identity, community, and social positioning.
- •Sociolinguistics links speech patterns to social variables
- •Variation can track age, gender, ethnicity, and status
- •Everyday speech contains systematic, often unnoticed structure
- 0:49 – 4:28
Why languages change: cognitive ease, articulation, and social pressure
The conversation breaks down language change into competing pressures: ease of articulation, cognitive preferences, and social identity. Valerie uses examples like consonant deletion and TH-sound difficulty to show how speech naturally drifts over time.
- •Speakers simplify difficult clusters (e.g., ‘whisks’, ‘sixths’) in fast speech
- •Many languages avoid certain sounds (like English ‘TH’)
- •Dialect shifts can reflect articulatory preferences (e.g., ‘teef’, ‘bruvva’)
- •Social identity influences which changes speakers adopt
- 4:28 – 11:09
Has English become ‘simpler’? Losing endings, gaining new complexity
Chris asks whether languages trend toward simplicity; Valerie reframes this as shifting types of complexity. English reduced morphological endings over centuries, but gained other complexities like stricter word order and pragmatic nuance.
- •Large languages with many adult learners often become less morphologically complex
- •Old English had extensive inflections (like modern German)
- •Irregular verbs and plurals (‘oxen’, ‘children’) are historical holdovers
- •English traded endings for fixed word order (different kind of complexity)
- 11:09 – 14:50
Language change happens through children, not overnight reinvention
Valerie explains that deep language change is transmitted generationally, not by conscious choice. Adults can learn new vocabulary, but rarely acquire fine-grained phonological systems the way children do.
- •Major change spreads via child acquisition across generations
- •Adults struggle with complex sound rules (example: New York vowel tensing)
- •Linguists focus on sound systems, morphosyntax, and structural change—not just slang
- •Pronoun systems have always changed across English history
- 14:50 – 18:33
Why every language has “um/uh”: universal filled pauses and their mechanics
They pivot to “um” and “uh,” arguing they’re universal features with language-specific variants. Valerie explains why these sounds are easy to produce and how different languages recruit different items (including pronouns) as filled pauses.
- •Filled pauses appear across languages; most have at least two
- •The central vowel “uh” matches a relaxed mouth posture
- •Some languages use other words as fillers (e.g., demonstratives)
- •‘Um’ vs ‘uh’ can reflect inherited patterns in language families
- 18:33 – 26:26
What “um” and “uh” do: planning signals, turn-holding, and listener benefits
Valerie describes filled pauses as cognitive ‘buffering’ cues that help speakers plan and help listeners predict what comes next. She also distinguishes the two: “uh” tends to signal a short delay, while “um” often precedes a longer pause.
- •Fillers signal active planning—not necessarily incompetence
- •‘Uh’ typically indicates a brief delay; ‘um’ a longer delay
- •Fillers help listeners process, anticipate, and remember information
- •They also function as turn-holding devices in conversation
- 26:26 – 30:38
Silence vs fillers: why quiet pauses don’t work the same way
Chris asks whether silence is better than fillers; Valerie points to research showing silent pauses don’t provide the same comprehension boost. In some contexts, silence can even be interpreted as anxiety or an invitation for someone else to speak.
- •Silent pauses don’t replicate the listener-processing benefits of ‘uh/um’
- •Other distractors (like coughing) can hurt comprehension
- •In speeches, silence can be rhetorically powerful but socially risky
- •Fillers clarify: ‘I’m not done—don’t take the floor yet’
- 30:38 – 34:25
Better listening through “backchanneling”: nods, “mm-hmm,” and timing
They explore listener feedback cues—nodding, “uh-huh,” “yeah”—and how these support the speaker. Valerie explains backchanneling, why it signals conscientious listenership, and how its timing affects how engaged someone seems.
- •Backchannels provide conversational support and encouragement
- •Podcasts discourage audible backchannels because they overlap audio
- •Delayed backchanneling can signal inattention
- •Some research found gender differences, though patterns may be changing
- 34:25 – 38:29
Why people say “like”: discourse marker, quotative, and approximation tool
Valerie defends “like” as a functional and systematic feature, not verbal clutter. She distinguishes multiple ‘likes’ (discourse marker vs quotative) and shows how it flags subjectivity, approximation, emphasis, and non-verbatim quotation.
- •‘Like’ has several legitimate modern functions beyond ‘I like ice cream’
- •Discourse-marker ‘like’ signals approximation or subjective framing
- •Quotative ‘like’ indicates paraphrase rather than verbatim quotation
- •Generational differences drive social judgment of ‘like’
- 38:29 – 45:38
The ‘27 likes in 48 seconds’ clip: salience, age-grading, and social meaning
Chris plays an extreme example of “like” usage; Valerie explains why it becomes glaring once you’re primed to notice it. She introduces age grading—heavy use in adolescence that typically reduces with professional and social pressure.
- •Excessive ‘like’ becomes highly salient when highlighted
- •Young speakers often overuse new features before stabilizing
- •‘Like’ aligns with subjective talk and personal impressions
- •Awareness + analysis can help people reduce usage if desired
- 45:38 – 52:47
Vocal fry explained: the physiology of ‘creaky voice’ and why it’s stigmatized
They shift to vocal fry (creaky voice), focusing on what happens in the vocal folds and why the sound appears at low pitch. Valerie argues the backlash is entangled with gendered expectations about professionalism, attractiveness, and vocal pitch.
- •Creaky voice involves thicker, heavier, irregular vocal fold vibration
- •It’s more noticeable in women due to larger pitch shifts
- •Broadcast norms historically pressured women toward lower pitch
- •The ‘double bind’: low pitch boosts competence perceptions but can reduce attractiveness ratings
- 52:47 – 59:53
Informal language and social media: spreading change vs inventing it
Chris asks whether social media is making language more informal; Valerie argues culture drives informality, and platforms mainly amplify changes that already exist. Social media accelerates dissemination by giving influential speakers massive reach.
- •Media is better at dissemination than innovation
- •Language acquisition and durable change still depend on social engagement
- •Informality reflects cultural shifts (like dress codes), not linguistic decay
- •Speakers still style-shift toward formality in high-stakes contexts
- 59:53 – 1:02:33
The ‘Black Twitter to white boy pipeline’: borrowing, stereotypes, and unequal consequences
They discuss how features and slang move from African American communities into mainstream youth speech via social platforms. Valerie highlights a critical asymmetry: AAE can be celebrated as style for outsiders but penalized for native speakers in high-stakes settings like court.
- •Examples of viral lexical spread (e.g., ‘rizz’, ‘no cap’, ‘bussin’’)
- •Borrowing often tracks identity aspiration and stereotype-driven meanings
- •Hip-hop lyrics and AAE can be misinterpreted in legal contexts
- •Native AAE speakers may face harsher judgments than casual adopters
- 1:02:33 – 1:06:32
Strange word developments: ‘hello’ vs ‘ahoy’ and why greetings evolve
Chris asks for favorite word histories; Valerie tells the story of ‘hello’ becoming the standard phone greeting instead of ‘ahoy.’ They also touch on why attention-getting words tend to be loud, voiced, and vowel-rich—and how shortening (like ‘hi’) can emerge in intimate contexts.
- •‘Hello’ was originally an attention-getter, not a greeting
- •Telephone adoption helped standardize ‘hello’ over Bell’s ‘ahoy’ preference
- •Sound properties (voicing, vowels) support shouted attention-getting
- •Word shortening often arises through frequent, familiar use
- 1:06:32 – 1:11:10
Dialect stigma and identity: R-dropping, glottal stops, and social meaning of sounds
They zoom out to sociolinguistic ‘why’: how tiny phonetic features gain strong social judgments. Using Chris’s accent, they discuss R-dropping’s shifting prestige over time and how even universal sounds (like glottal stops) become stigmatized in specific positions.
- •R-dropping flips meaning across places and eras (UK prestige vs US associations)
- •19th-century Britain helped popularize non-rhotic ‘high-class’ speech
- •Glottal stops exist in everyone’s speech, yet are stigmatized in certain words
- •Sociolinguistics studies how social narratives attach to purely acoustic features
- 1:11:10 – 1:12:05
Where to find Valerie: book, website, and participating in studies
Valerie shares where listeners can explore her work, including her book and website. Chris closes the episode with thanks and a quick outro to clips and subscribing.
- •Book: *Like, Literally, Dude*
- •Website: valeriefridland.com
- •Options to read more research and join studies
- •Episode wrap-up and channel outro
