Why We Fall for the Wrong People - Jessica Baum

Jessica Baum is a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author. What does it actually take to feel safe in a relationship? If you’ve had chaotic partners or a past where you never knew where you stood, safety can feel like work instead of something natural. So how do you rebuild that sense of security, and what steps help you learn to feel safe with someone again? Expect to learn what the best definition of safety in a relationship is, what some of the signs for someone feeling unsafe in a relationship from their nervous system are, the common protection strategies and inner protectors people develop, why we confuse independence with strength, why romantic relationships reflect early attachment wounds, why anxious and avoidant people find each other so magnetic, how to retrain the body to feel safe after chaos and much more… - 0:00 How Can We Create a Sense of Safety? 4:53 Are Independent Women Becoming Disconnected with Their Bodies? 13:26 The Power of Slowing Down: Why Our Nervous Systems Needs It 19:18 Why We Confuse Familiarity with Safety, Even When It Hurts Us 36:47 Why Feeling Safe Feels So Vulnerable 41:11 Anchoring, Co-Regulation and Reaching the Ventral State 47:11 Healing the Wounds You Inherited 54:02 Practical Tools For Building Safety in Your Relationship 58:42 Why Rupture and Repair is the Foundation of a Healthy Relationship 01:04:23 Should You Stay, or Should You Leave? 01:10:36 Where to Find Jessica - Get up to 60% off during Gymshark's Black Friday Sale starting Nov 16th at https://gym.sh/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM10) Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get 60% off an annual plan of Incogni at https:/incogni.com/modernwisdom - Check out Jessica Baum's new book "SAFE" here: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview Jessica's Socials: https://www.facebook.com/consciousrelationshipgroup?mibextid=wwXIfr https://www.instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ== https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-baum-lmhc-cap-038a1538?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Chris WilliamsonhostJessica Baumguest

Nov 15, 20251h 12mWatch on YouTube ↗

EPISODE INFO

Released: November 15, 2025
Duration: 1h 12m
Channel: Modern Wisdom
Watch on YouTube: ▶ Open ↗

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

Jessica Baum is a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author. What does it actually take to feel safe in a relationship? If you’ve had chaotic partners or a past where you never knew where you stood, safety can feel like work instead of something natural. So how do you rebuild that sense of security, and what steps help you learn to feel safe with someone again? Expect to learn what the best definition of safety in a relationship is, what some of the signs for someone feeling unsafe in a relationship from their nervous system are, the common protection strategies and inner protectors people develop, why we confuse independence with strength, why romantic relationships reflect early attachment wounds, why anxious and avoidant people find each other so magnetic, how to retrain the body to feel safe after chaos and much more… - 0:00 How Can We Create a Sense of Safety? 4:53 Are Independent Women Becoming Disconnected with Their Bodies? 13:26 The Power of Slowing Down: Why Our Nervous Systems Needs It 19:18 Why We Confuse Familiarity with Safety, Even When It Hurts Us 36:47 Why Feeling Safe Feels So Vulnerable 41:11 Anchoring, Co-Regulation and Reaching the Ventral State 47:11 Healing the Wounds You Inherited 54:02 Practical Tools For Building Safety in Your Relationship 58:42 Why Rupture and Repair is the Foundation of a Healthy Relationship 01:04:23 Should You Stay, or Should You Leave? 01:10:36 Where to Find Jessica - Get up to 60% off during Gymshark's Black Friday Sale starting Nov 16th at https://gym.sh/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM10) Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get 60% off an annual plan of Incogni at https:/incogni.com/modernwisdom - Check out Jessica Baum's new book "SAFE" here: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview Jessica's Socials: https://www.facebook.com/consciousrelationshipgroup?mibextid=wwXIfr https://www.instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ== https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-baum-lmhc-cap-038a1538?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

SPEAKERS

Chris Williamson
host
Jessica Baum
guest

EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of Modern Wisdom, featuring Chris Williamson and Jessica Baum, Why We Fall for the Wrong People - Jessica Baum explores why Familiar Pain Feels Like Love: Healing Attachment and Safety Chris Williamson and therapist-author Jessica Baum explore why so many people feel chronically unsafe, lonely, or emotionally numb despite outward success, and how this traces back to early attachment patterns and nervous system states.

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