Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin

Dr Stan Tatkin is a psychologist, couples therapist, researcher and author. How can couples effectively navigate and repair emotional wounds? While many believe it’s best to sleep on a conflict, could repairing the rupture quickly actually be healthier? What other habits help a relationship not only survive conflict, but flourish? Expect to learn why romantic attachment relationships are neurochemically the hardest ones to navigate, if love is enough to maintain a relationship, what the most important agreements couples should make are, why it’s important to have the ability to repair disagreements quickly, why resentment tends to accumulate in relationships, if we learn to truly love ourselves even if no one else ever truly has and much more… - Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy App at https://rpstrength.com/modernwisdom Get 160+ lab tests for just $365 and save an extra $25 at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom - 0:00 Are Great Relationships Design or Desire? 1:36 Why Are Relationships So Hard to Navigate? 3:36 Is Love Alone Enough to Make Relationships Last? 9:50 Why Relationship Practicalities Can Be Romantic 13:16 The Importance of Agreements 15:23 You Don’t Have to Just Prioritise Your Partner 16:56 How Memory Shapes Your Threat Response 28:06 Why Your Partner Can Suddenly Feel Like the Enemy 32:55 Don’t Let Bad Memories Ruin Your Future 42:17 The Impact of Distance on Rupture and Repair Conversations 47:38 Conflict or Incompatibility: How Can You Tell? 49:48 The “I Can’t Quit You” Biology 01:02:52 The Top Principles Behind Secure Relationships 01:07:55 Where to Find Stan - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spotify.modernwisdom.com or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.modernwisdom.com Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Chris WilliamsonhostDr. Stan Tatkinguest

Sep 5, 20261h 9mWatch on YouTube ↗

EPISODE INFO

Released: September 5, 2026
Duration: 1h 9m
Channel: Modern Wisdom
Watch on YouTube: ▶ Open ↗

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

Dr Stan Tatkin is a psychologist, couples therapist, researcher and author. How can couples effectively navigate and repair emotional wounds? While many believe it’s best to sleep on a conflict, could repairing the rupture quickly actually be healthier? What other habits help a relationship not only survive conflict, but flourish? Expect to learn why romantic attachment relationships are neurochemically the hardest ones to navigate, if love is enough to maintain a relationship, what the most important agreements couples should make are, why it’s important to have the ability to repair disagreements quickly, why resentment tends to accumulate in relationships, if we learn to truly love ourselves even if no one else ever truly has and much more… - Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy App at https://rpstrength.com/modernwisdom Get 160+ lab tests for just $365 and save an extra $25 at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom - 0:00 Are Great Relationships Design or Desire? 1:36 Why Are Relationships So Hard to Navigate? 3:36 Is Love Alone Enough to Make Relationships Last? 9:50 Why Relationship Practicalities Can Be Romantic 13:16 The Importance of Agreements 15:23 You Don’t Have to Just Prioritise Your Partner 16:56 How Memory Shapes Your Threat Response 28:06 Why Your Partner Can Suddenly Feel Like the Enemy 32:55 Don’t Let Bad Memories Ruin Your Future 42:17 The Impact of Distance on Rupture and Repair Conversations 47:38 Conflict or Incompatibility: How Can You Tell? 49:48 The “I Can’t Quit You” Biology 01:02:52 The Top Principles Behind Secure Relationships 01:07:55 Where to Find Stan - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spotify.modernwisdom.com or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.modernwisdom.com Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

SPEAKERS

Chris Williamson
host
Host of the Modern Wisdom podcast.
Dr. Stan Tatkin
guest
Psychotherapist and relationship expert, founder of the PACT Institute.

EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of Modern Wisdom, featuring Chris Williamson and Dr. Stan Tatkin, Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin explores how biology, memory, and agreements determine relationship security under stress Romantic attachment is a survival-based “I can’t quit you” biology that people often mistake for love, making both bonding and breaking up uniquely intense.

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