Origin Story w/ David McIntosh JrLosing My Father Taught Me How To Live - Michael Smoak
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 1:10
The 'Dead Parents Under Thirty' reality and why it feels unfinished
Michael describes the unique disorientation of losing a parent in your twenties—old enough to be an adult, but not yet established with your own family and life structure. He explains how it creates a feeling that your parent was still supposed to be there for key milestones.
- •The shared but painful identity of the 'Dead Parents Under Thirty Club'
- •Not a child anymore, yet still feeling like a kid in key ways
- •Grief includes the sense of missed future guidance and milestones
- •Loss hits differently before marriage, kids, and a settled home life
- 1:10 – 1:40
What dying people wish for: presence over productivity
Michael reflects on what he heard from his father near the end of life. The takeaway is stark: regrets aren’t about working more or avoiding risk—they’re about not being fully present with the people you love.
- •End-of-life regrets rarely center on career or productivity
- •Presence with loved ones is the recurring theme
- •Even an intentional, full life can still feel short on presence
- •Grief clarifies what actually matters at the end
- 1:40 – 2:20
Empty the tank: living with minimal regret
Michael explains how his father’s death changed his decision-making toward urgency, love, and experiential living. He shares that traveling full-time is part of a commitment to “play out” the hypotheticals now rather than later.
- •Mortality reframes priorities: live fully, love hard, be present
- •Aiming for ‘minimal regret’ by acting on meaningful desires
- •Traveling the world as an example of ‘emptying the tank’
- •Not taking life for granted after witnessing the end up close
- 2:20 – 2:50
Rocking chair cinema: choosing today for the memories you'll replay
David introduces a decision framework shaped by losing his mother: imagining your elderly self replaying your life as a movie. He uses that lens to choose adventure and opportunity that will become meaningful memories.
- •At old age, memories and stories become daily companionship
- •Make decisions by consulting a future ‘phantom older me’
- •Adventure and opportunity as inputs into future meaning
- •This mindset is learned viscerally through loss
- 2:50 – 3:29
From YOLO to YODO: you live every day, you only die once
David critiques the popular slogan ‘You only live once’ and replaces it with a more precise reminder: you only die once, but you live every day. The phrase becomes a practical rule for intentional living after grief.
- •YOLO reframed as misleading and incomplete
- •‘You only die once, but you live every single day’
- •Mortality as a tool for better day-to-day choices
- •Language as a way to encode a new life philosophy
- 3:29 – 4:26
Liberation and purpose: serving via them, not for them
David names a paradox of loss: the pain is immense, yet it can create a strange liberation where life feels self-directed. He argues that turning grief into purpose keeps a parent’s influence alive—service shifts from ‘to them’ to ‘through them.’
- •Grief includes both longing and a sense of liberation
- •Turning pain into purpose: ‘wound into work’
- •Loved ones ‘live on’ through the values and actions they shaped
- •Service becomes ‘via them’ even after they’re gone
- 4:26 – 5:27
Watching decline up close: what most endings look like
Michael expands on mortality with a sobering picture of how many people actually die—often slowly, with suffering and isolation. He contrasts the ideal of a peaceful death with the common reality he witnessed with his father.
- •Most people don’t die peacefully in their sleep
- •Aging often brings weakness, pain, and loss of autonomy
- •Friends die, family gets busy, visits become rare
- •Firsthand caregiving reveals the true texture of decline
- 5:27 – 5:37
You need enough 'material' for the final rewatch
Building on the rocking chair cinema idea, Michael describes the fear of reaching the end with too little lived experience to sustain you mentally. He wants a life full enough that reflection brings gratitude rather than torment.
- •End-of-life reflection can either comfort or haunt you
- •A ‘full movie’ requires lived experiences and meaningful chapters
- •Fear of regret: ‘all the things I didn’t do’
- •Motivation to proactively build a life worth replaying
- 5:37 – 6:38
Risk isn't real (unless it can harm your survival)
Michael presents a core lesson from grief: much of what we call risk is psychological narrative rather than true danger. If your basic needs and physical safety aren’t threatened, the fear is often your brain seeking familiarity, not truth.
- •Distinguishing real risk (safety/basic needs) from perceived risk
- •Fear as an evolved pattern-recognition system seeking certainty
- •‘You are not your thoughts’ and ‘your brain is not always your friend’
- •Reframing uncertainty as survivable and often worthwhile
- 6:38 – 7:32
Why the nomad life isn’t crazy: recalibrating risk with mortality
Michael explains how his mortality awareness changes his threshold for what counts as ‘crazy.’ Traveling while working feels practical to him, and he cites Marcus Aurelius to emphasize how the possibility of death should shape choices and character.
- •Nomad living as normal when basic stability is intact (bed, roof, income)
- •Different risk thresholds stem from different mortality awareness
- •Marcus Aurelius: letting death’s proximity dictate words, actions, thoughts
- •Trying to help others learn these lessons without experiencing the same trauma
