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Peter Attia MD241 ‒ Living intentionally, valuing time, prioritizing relationships, & more keys to a rich life
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CHAPTERS
- 0:02 – 3:11
Three tumultuous years and the calm from Flight 1549
Peter Attia welcomes Ric Elias back and asks about the highs and lows since 2019. Ric describes COVID, family losses and business changes, and credits his 2009 plane experience for his even keel.
- •Ric recalls a leadership conversation just before COVID hit
- •Over three years his kids went to college and several close family members died
- •His business went on offense when the market changed
- •He says he doesn't have big highs or lows and stays in the process rather than tying himself to outcomes
- 3:11 – 6:26
Parenting as a tug-of-war you must lose
Peter revisits the image of parenting as a tug-of-war that you ultimately lose. Ric retells his mother's advice and describes the shift from parent to coach, advisor and friend as his kids reach adulthood.
- •Ric's mother gave him this line shortly before her Alzheimer's progressed
- •You are always Dad, but no longer the parent
- •His kids now say they appreciate his opinion but are choosing their own path
- •Ric's view that teenagers are difficult so you don't miss them when they leave
- 6:26 – 12:18
The Friends summit and the currency of friendship
Peter recalls Ric's invitation to a gathering of about 30 friends at his home. Ric explains his motivation of creating memorable experiences with people he loves and what he learned from it.
- •Ric believes the year's memorable moments are experiences with deeply connected people
- •Everyone was a curated friend, so guests arrived open-minded
- •Good friends became great friends, and new friendships are hard to make at their age
- •Ric's lessons: leave a gap after vacation and let everyone's guard down regardless of status
- •He describes it as a way to make deposits into important accounts
- 12:18 – 25:05
Looking forward: Marshall, aging and finishing life well
Ric tells of his friend Marshall, who is nearly 100 and still looks ahead, and Peter compares him to his own father. They discuss staying in the arena, crystallized intelligence, and growth as the opposite of aging.
- •Ric says age can be told by whether you use the rear-view mirror or the windshield
- •Marshall at 96 pitched a business based on 10-year trends
- •Peter says his father never looks back and keeps building, even into old age
- •Ric says staying in the arena keeps you relevant, as with Henry Kravis
- •They discuss Arthur Brooks and the move from fluid to crystallized intelligence
- •Ric says the day you stop growing is the day you age
- 25:05 – 30:53
Little kids, relived childhood, and evolving purpose
Peter reflects on missing his sons' early years and on his young son's age math, prompting thoughts on longevity and the Centenarian Decathlon. Ric talks about relating to his adult children as a coach and the moment his daughter's graduation brought his purpose full circle.
- •Peter would freeze time with his young boys and feels lucky to have them later in life
- •Ric says kids let us relive life and perpetuate ourselves
- •Ric is evolving his relationship with his son into a mentor-like one
- •Peter describes the timeline exercise from the Centenarian Decathlon
- •Ric cried uncontrollably at his daughter's high school graduation, recalling his post-crash kindergarten realization
- 30:53 – 34:27
Honoring Captain Sullenberger and the museum in Charlotte
Peter asks about contact with the flight's survivors and crew. Ric describes the plane's fate and his donation to name the Charlotte museum after Sullenberger.
- •Ric has stayed on the fringe of the survivor community
- •The damaged plane sits in Charlotte, and a local group rallied to keep it from moving to Dallas
- •Ric made a donation for naming rights; the museum will carry Sullenberger's name
- •Sullenberger hesitated at first, then agreed, and the naming is planned for January, the 14th anniversary
- 34:27 – 41:40
The last ten seconds and the three regrets revisited
Peter recalls Ric saying "I love you" to himself in the final seconds before impact and calls it a rare control experiment. Ric revisits his three regrets and reframes them around living with intentionality, valuing time, friendships and purpose.
- •Ric felt calm and sad, not scared, and said "I love you" to himself
- •The original regrets were that everything changes in an instant, that relationships matter more than ego, and that he wasn't living true to his purpose of seeing his kids
- •Ric now frames these as living with complete intention
- •He says time is undervalued because it's free, and can only be wasted, used or invested
- •He has 242 weeks until 60 and sets weekly intentions
- •He puts great energy into converting deal friends into real friends
- 41:40 – 49:55
Red Ventures and the changing relationship with work
Ric explains Red Ventures as a private equity-style platform of controlled companies. The conversation moves to remote and hybrid work, including the benefits, the mental-health costs and the lost apprenticeship for young workers.
- •Red Ventures controls about 17 companies and has 4,500 employees, up from 1,200
- •COVID showed that rigid work rules were not necessary
- •Ric worries that young workers are missing a decade of apprenticeship
- •Remote work can be productive for some roles but takes a toll on mental health; hybrid suits collaborative work
- •He expects to keep the firm private, let companies gain independence and end with a small team
- 49:55 – 54:49
The Giving Pledge and the role of philanthropy
Ric explains the Giving Pledge and why he waited until his kids were in college to sign. Peter tells the story of John Arnold, and they discuss how philanthropy can act as an early-stage investor for government.
- •The pledge commits signers to give away at least 50% of their wealth, during life or at death
- •Ric delayed signing to shield his kids from negative attention
- •Peter says John and Laura Arnold are deliberate philanthropists, and that giving away billions well is hard
- •Ric believes only governments can solve systemic problems
- •Peter frames philanthropists as angel investors who prove a model before government scales it
- 54:49 – 1:04:49
Golden Door Scholars and Road to Hire
Ric describes scholarships for undocumented students who lack DACA, work permits or financial aid. He also describes Road to Hire, a job-first coding apprenticeship in North Carolina.
- •About 80,000 undocumented students graduate high school each year without a path to a work permit
- •Golden Door Scholars has 520 students and received 1,200 applications
- •Federal aid isn't available and about half of states don't offer in-state tuition
- •Road to Hire teaches coding to Black and brown students in Title I schools, with apprenticeships and jobs
- •Ric says to start with the job and train into it, and fears such programs get cut in a downturn
- 1:04:49 – 1:07:15
Optimism about America, division and noise
Peter, speaking as an immigrant, asks whether the country will embrace this asset. Ric says he is optimistic and sees progress as non-linear, while both discuss media noise and what might reunite the country.
- •Ric says he would rather be nowhere else despite America's flaws
- •The trend line is up but not linear or fast enough
- •Peter says the 1960s were more tumultuous, but today's noise is unbearable
- •Ric believes the country is at a pendulum extreme and a common enemy tends to unite it
- 1:07:15 – 1:10:46
Health, learning new things, and letting go of basketball
Peter asks about Ric's health mindset and exercise changes. Ric describes strength training, leaving pickup basketball on his own terms, picking up tennis, and his list of things to learn.
- •Ric wants to stay active as long as possible and has trained in a gym for four years
- •He played his last pickup basketball game about three months ago and felt no sadness
- •He listened to his body's signals to avoid serious injury
- •He took up tennis for the humility of struggle and a zone two workout
- •He keeps a list of things to learn, such as salsa, and doesn't want to age by ceasing to learn
- 1:10:46 – 1:15:45
Letting go of guilt and self-love
Ric says the most important relationship is the one with yourself and that guilt is a useless emotion. He and Peter discuss how to own mistakes, break the habit and extend inner peace to others.
- •Ric has spent five years getting rid of guilt
- •He talks to himself with kindness and moves on to the next attempt
- •He owns mistakes with a quick apology, as in snapping at his wife
- •He says guilt is a habit that can be broken by examining your thoughts
- •Inner peace lets you give good energy freely to others
- 1:15:45 – 1:23:56
Happiness and wealth, the infinite game, and ignoring strangers
Ric argues that happiness and wealth are not coupled and that people should ask whether they are running the right race. They discuss Simon Sinek's infinite game, whether public companies can play it, and valuing only the opinions of people you care about.
- •Ric says some of the happiest people have no wealth, while others feel empty after chasing it
- •After the plane crash, he chose to run a different race and enjoy it
- •The infinite game has no winning, only perpetuating the game
- •Public markets generally demand winning, though Ric cites Bezos, Musk and Zuckerberg as examples of a long-term approach
- •He doesn't read about himself and values respect from people he cares about, not strangers
- 1:23:56 – 1:31:24
Greatness, privilege, and the value of struggle
Ric explains why he doesn't want his kids burdened by the goal of out-earning their parents. Peter recounts Arnold Schwarzenegger's claim that greatness needs deprivation, and Ric counters that being a great human differs from being elite and that struggle builds resilience.
- •Ric calls out-earning your parents a goofy starting point for life
- •He hopes his kids find their gift, are great parents and do good in the world
- •Peter relays Schwarzenegger's view that kids without deprivation can be well-adjusted but not great
- •Ric says being the elite 1% of something carries a heavy tax and greatness can be addictive
- •He says it is better to learn to struggle than to be great at something, since life is full of struggles
