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Dr Rangan ChatterjeeDr Rangan Chatterjee

#1 Communication Expert: "If Someone Says THIS, They’re Trying to Control You!" – Protect Your Peace

This episode is brought to you by: VIVOBAREFOOT: Get 20% off your first order https://bit.ly/4eAxtvK AG1: Get 10 FREE Travel Packs and Welcome Kit worth $80 visit: https://bit.ly/43FwxQl WHOOP: Try the New WHOOP today at https://join.whoop.com/livemore TIMELINE: Get 25% off your order of Mitopure https://timeline.com/livemore Most of us spend our lives in conversation - yet very few of us are ever taught how to communicate well. Whether it’s with our partners, colleagues, family or friends, we often assume that being heard is the same as being understood. But true communication isn’t just about the words we use - it’s about the tone, timing and energy behind them. This week’s guest believes that better communication can transform not only our relationships, but our health and happiness as well. Jefferson Fisher is a trial lawyer, a sought after public speaker and the author of the brand new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More. In this conversation, we explore: • Why good communication is about more than just words • The three essential principles to better communication • How to shift from reaction to reflection by making your first word your breath • What it means to “control the moment” • How to use the “I can tell…” framework to defuse tension • Why silence can be a superpower, when used correctly • How ego, fear and unspoken emotion are often the real reason for arguments This isn’t just an episode about talking. It’s about how to listen better, show up with more intention, and move from conflict to connection – one breath, one moment, one conversation at a time. I hope you enjoy listening. #feelbetterlivemore ---- Connect with Jefferson: https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXjnpu6lK0HoUyOMh2ZBwhQ https://www.instagram.com/jefferson_fisher/?hl=en https://www.facebook.com/justaskjefferson/ https://www.x.com/jefferson_fishr Podcast https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/podcast https://www.tiktok.com/@justaskjefferson?lang=en Jefferson’s book: The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More US: https://amzn.to/3GevUHn UK: https://amzn.to/3GeQrvs #feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast ------- Order MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS. US & Canada version https://amzn.to/3RyO3SL, UK version https://amzn.to/3Kt5rUK ----- Follow Dr Chatterjee at: Website: https://drchatterjee.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchatterjee Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Dr. Rangan ChatterjeehostJefferson Fisherguest
Jul 8, 20252h 1mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

How to communicate calmly, avoid control games, and connect deeply

  1. Many communication breakdowns come from assuming what was said is what was received, combined with defensiveness and a “competition to win” mindset.
  2. Fisher’s three-part framework—say it with control, confidence, and connection—shifts focus from controlling others to regulating yourself and creating mutual understanding.
  3. Breath, silence, and slowing down are positioned as tactical ways to regulate the nervous system in real time, preventing emotional flooding and improving outcomes.
  4. Better communication is framed as a health lever because relationship stress drives dysregulation and coping behaviors, while calmer conversations improve sleep, mood, and resilience.
  5. Practical language tweaks—being direct, reducing hedging/apologies, using “Did you mean…?” and “I see things differently”—reduce friction in texts/emails and in polarizing disagreements.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Stop trying to control people; control yourself instead.

Fisher argues the default in conflict is domination or “winning,” but influence comes from self-regulation; sounding calm and steady increases how much others listen and trust you.

Use breath as your first “word” to slow the moment down.

A short pause with a controlled breath (including a physiological-sigh style double inhale) prevents reactive blurting, keeps analytical thinking online, and changes the emotional tone you project.

Name your internal state to prevent it from driving your behavior.

A quick scan plus the phrase “I can tell I’m getting defensive/overwhelmed/tired” turns a reaction into information, helping you pause, reset timing, or request a better moment for the conversation.

Silence is a tool for choice—unless it becomes punishment.

Silence can’t be misquoted and creates space to decide whether to engage, but when used to punish or control (stonewalling/ghosting) it becomes “weaponized silence” that damages relationships.

Don’t accept every invitation to argue—especially online.

Engaging every provocation drains attention and health; both speakers emphasize responding only when calm (or not at all) and prioritizing real-life relationships over comment-section dopamine loops.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

The number one mindset to have in communication is this: have something to learn, not something to prove.

— Jefferson Fisher

The issue is rarely the issue.

— Jefferson Fisher

Silence can never be misquoted.

— Jefferson Fisher

You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.

— Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

Whenever you set out to win an argument, you will lose the relationship over time.

— Jefferson Fisher

Miscommunication: said vs receivedCompetition/ego vs curiosity mindsetThree rules: control, confidence, connectNervous system regulation via breath and paceSilence as power vs weaponized silence (stonewalling)Digital communication pitfalls (text/email tone)Directness, assertiveness, and removing hedging languagePolitics/identity and changing minds over time

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