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Dr Rangan ChatterjeeDr Rangan Chatterjee

Body Language Expert: “If You Get Anxious Around People, WATCH THIS!” (Command Instant Respect)

This episode is sponsored by: AG1: Get 10 FREE Travel Packs and Welcome Kit worth $80 visit: https://bit.ly/43FwxQl VIVOBAREFOOT: Get 20% off your first order https://bit.ly/4eAxtvK Order MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS. US & Canada version https://amzn.to/3RyO3SL, UK version https://amzn.to/3Kt5rUK When we want to make a good impression, we think about what to say, but not always how to say it. Yet as today’s guest explains, as much as 90 percent of our communication is non-verbal. And learning how to read – and use – non-verbal cues can turn you into a master communicator. #feelbetterlivemore ----- Connect with Vanessa: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/vvanedwards/ FB https://www.facebook.com/vvanedwards/ Twitter https://twitter.com/vvanedwards YT @Vvanedwards Website https://www.scienceofpeople.com/ Vanessa’s Book Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication https://amzn.to/3NOk1qo ----- Follow Dr Chatterjee at: Website: https://drchatterjee.com/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/drchatterjee Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk Instagram: https://instagram.com/drchatterjee Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Vanessa Van EdwardsguestDr. Rangan Chatterjeehost
Aug 14, 20251h 23mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Master confidence through cues: warmth, competence, and authentic connection fast.

  1. Confidence and charisma are built by accurately reading cues and expressing an authentic “flavor of confidence,” not by pretending to be extroverted.
  2. Authenticity matters: real smiles and congruent signals create positive emotional contagion, while “faked” cues reduce impact and memorability.
  3. Humans rapidly judge others on two questions—“Can I trust you?” (warmth) and “Can I rely on you?” (competence)—and strong communication blends both.
  4. Negative cues like contempt (one-sided smirk) are often misread, can predict relationship breakdown, and should be treated as actionable information to address early.
  5. Cues apply beyond face-to-face settings: warmth can be added to emails/texts/videos with small language choices, greetings, and camera-based eye contact to prevent misinterpretation and burnout.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Stop equating confidence with extroversion; aim for your authentic “flavor.”

Van Edwards argues people idolize the bubbly extrovert, but charisma also includes quiet power and nurturing empathy; broadening the definition reduces inauthentic performance and anxiety.

Authenticity is detectable and contagious—especially in smiling.

Real smiles (involving muscles around the eyes) can lift observers’ mood/confidence, while fake bottom-half smiles don’t; “faking it” often makes you less memorable and less trusted.

Watch for contempt: a one-sided mouth raise is a high-stakes red flag.

Contempt is frequently misread as boredom/ambivalence, but Gottman’s research links contempt in early interactions to a very high divorce prediction; it tends to fester unless addressed.

Treat every cue you notice as information, not a verdict.

Seeing a negative cue (at home or in a meeting) is an opportunity to ask clarifying questions or log it for later; naming it gently (“Are we good?”) can prevent escalation.

Charisma is warmth plus competence; missing warmth makes competence feel suspicious.

People first assess trust/safety (warmth), then capability (competence); highly competent people who under-signal warmth can be underestimated or perceived as cold/intimidating.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

In other words, when you are truly confident, you actually infect other people positively. When you are faking it, when you are trying to pretend to be an extrovert, you are less memorable. You are literally less impactful.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

He found that the one predictor of divorce was that in the intake interview, if one member of the couple showed contempt towards the other, there was with 93.6% accuracy they would get divorced.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

Non-verbal is about, and it's really hard to measure this exactly, but about 65 to 90% of our communication is non-verbal.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

This quote struck terror into my heart... What Dr. Fiske found is that competence without warmth leaves people feeling suspicious.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

I respect you so much that I don't wanna just listen to you with my ears. I j- I don't want to just hear the words. I wanna listen to you with my entire body.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

“Flavor of confidence” vs extrovert idealAuthentic vs fake smiling; facial feedbackContempt microexpression and relationship outcomes (Gottman)Four cue channels: nonverbal, vocal, verbal, imageryWarmth + competence as the charisma formulaPractical warmth cues: triple nod, head tilt, mutual gazeCompetence cues: open palms, posture/space, fluid gesturesFirst impressions protocol (doorway moment, eye contact, greeting)Digital communication: warm words, emojis, exclamation pointsLie-adjacent signals: nose touching, question inflection

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