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Dr Rangan ChatterjeeDr Rangan Chatterjee

The Uncomfortable Truth About Life Most People Learn Too Late | Maya Shankar

This episode is brought to you by: VIVOBAREFOOT: Get 15% off your first order https://links.drchatterjee.com/4nqvRI3 PELOTON: Let yourself ride, lift, stretch, move and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Bike+ at https://onepeloton.co.uk THE WAY APP: Get 30 FREE sessions and begin your journey towards peace, calm and wellbeing. https://thewayapp.com/livemore Most of us are quite comfortable with change when we’ve chosen it: a new job, new home or new relationship. It’s the unwanted, unexpected changes that tend to floor us - like an illness, loss or breakup - that leave us wondering who we are and how on earth we’re meant to go on. In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dr Maya Shankar, cognitive scientist and author of The Other Side of Change. Maya has spent years studying how our minds respond to change, and she’s also gone through some profound changes of her own – from a hand injury that shattered her hopes of becoming a concert violinist, to a long, painful journey with fertility. We talk about so many different topics related to the theme of change, including why our brains find uncertainty so stressful, how unwanted change can reveal hidden beliefs that we hold and why witnessing other people’s courage or kindness can quietly change what we believe is possible for ourselves. We also explore a variety of evidence-based practical tools to help us deal with things like rumination and negative thought spirals. Throughout the conversation, Maya unpacks some inspiring stories of people facing extreme adversity - things like illness, betrayal, loss and even imprisonment – who were still able to find meaning, new identities and unexpected gifts on the other side. Yes, change is something that many humans struggle with, but as you are about to learn, with the right approach, it can be one of the very best tools to help us transform, grow and evolve. #feelbetterlivemore Connect with Maya: Website https://mayashankar.com/ Instagram http://instagram.com/drmayashankar Twitter https://x.com/slightchangepod YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjPvX8i3s7ZKQv23gBmZ_4w/videos Maya’s books: The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans US https://amzn.to/46TMp5D UK https://amzn.to/4bzBJf9 #feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast ------- Order MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS. US & Canada version https://amzn.to/3RyO3SL, UK version https://amzn.to/3Kt5rUK ----- Follow Dr Chatterjee at: Website: https://drchatterjee.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchatterjee Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Dr. Rangan Chatterjeehost
Mar 10, 20261h 47mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

How unexpected change reveals beliefs, reshapes identity, and builds resilience

  1. Unexpected change is uniquely stressful because uncertainty triggers the brain more than known negative outcomes, making people anxious, ruminative, and overly focused on control.
  2. Resilience improves when people remember that big external changes also create internal change, and the “end of history illusion” falsely convinces us we won’t transform further.
  3. Change can act as revelation by surfacing unexamined beliefs—often formed in childhood—so they can be questioned, removed, or rewritten without collapsing one’s identity.
  4. Stories of transformation (amnesia, incarceration, bereavement, illness) show that the psychology of change is universal, and tools like moral elevation and identity reframing expand possible futures.
  5. Practical strategies—including mental time travel, affect labeling, third-person self-coaching, and self-affirmation—help interrupt rumination and restore agency during disruptive transitions.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Uncertainty is often more stressful than bad certainty.

Shankar cites research showing people feel more stress with a 50% chance of shock than a 100% chance, illustrating why ambiguous futures provoke anxiety and over-planning.

Resilience rises when you expect yourself to change, not just your circumstances.

The “end of history illusion” makes people underestimate future personal growth; remembering that you will evolve helps you face change with more hope and capability.

Treat disruptive events as “revelations” of hidden beliefs.

Change can surface self-limiting narratives (shame, worth, roles) that were never examined; once visible, they can be evaluated for credibility and updated.

You can remove a harmful belief without losing your whole identity.

In Ingrid’s amnesia story, shame is framed as a removable “Jenga block,” suggesting identity can remain stable while specific burdensome beliefs are pulled out.

Anchor identity to your ‘why’ to make it harder for life to take it away.

Shankar’s violin loss shows the risk of defining yourself by a role; defining yourself by underlying motives (connection, service, learning) creates a more durable self-concept.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

We are more stressed when we're told we have a 50% chance of getting an electric shock than when we're told we have a 100% chance.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

When a big change happens to us, it also leads to lasting change within us, and this is something that most people forget.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

Apocalypse actually comes from the Greek word apokalypsis... [meaning] revelation.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

Bilal carried himself like a man in uniform... he showed Dwayne what it meant to be lovely.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

I honestly now see my dad's death as a gift.

— Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

Uncertainty intolerance and the need for certaintyCognitive closure and “gray space” after disruptionEnd of history illusion and ongoing self-transformationChange as revelation; interrogating childhood beliefsIdentity anchored to “why” rather than “what”Moral elevation and expanding “possible selves”Rumination: mental spirals and psychological distancing tools

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