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Don't ask TWICE.

Aliza Pressman is a developmental psychologist who hosts the Raising Good Humans podcast. In this episode, Aliza and Adam dive into the evidence on effective parenting strategies, weighing the advantages and disadvantages of different styles and approaches from “gentle parenting” to “authoritative parenting.” They also reflect on ways that they have each faltered as parents, and suggest guidelines for parents to balance support and autonomy. And they identify which parenting skills are also hallmarks of good management and leadership. Join us in person at a TED conference: https://tedtalks.social/events Become a TED Member to support our mission: https://ted.com/membership Subscribe to a TED newsletter: https://ted.com/newsletters Follow our podcasts! Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcasts Fixable: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/fixable How to Be a Better Human: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/how-to-be-a-better-human ReThinking with Adam Grant: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/rethinking-with-adam-grant TED Talks Daily: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-talks-daily TED Business: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted_business TED Health: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-health TED Tech: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-tech The TED Audio Collective is a collection of podcasts for the curious. The TED Audio Collective videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organiz...). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com.

Aliza Pressmanguest
May 14, 20260mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 0:07

    Why asking more than twice doesn’t change kids’ behavior

    1. AP

      You're not more likely to get the response you're looking for behaviorally asking more than two times, right, than-

    2. SP

      Ooh

  2. 0:07 – 0:38

    The two-ask rule: request + reminder, then stop

    1. AP

      ... you would n- at nine times. So after two times, I feel like stop asking and just set the limit. Like, what w- if they're not doing it, what happens next that you're not gonna be able to do when they're younger? And then you also don't get as frustrated 'cause you're like, "I didn't ask nine times. I didn't set myself up to lose it because I said it once. I gave them a reminder. They know what's expected of them. I will await their, you know, good decision-making.

  3. 0:38 – 0:39

    Shift from nagging to limits: decide what happens next

    1. AP

      And if they don't do it-

  4. 0:39 – 0:39

    Staying calmer by not setting yourself up to ‘lose it’

    1. SP

      Wow

  5. 0:39 – 0:44

    Let natural consequences play out as the night goes on

    1. AP

      ... the night goes on, and the consequences will be whatever the sort of natural consequences are

Episode duration: 0:44

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