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Re:Thinking with Adam GrantRe:Thinking with Adam Grant

Why we people please

In our rapidly changing world, it might make you feel crazy to look around and see others going about life as usual. There’s actually a term for this phenomenon: hypernormalization. In this episode, Adam talks with Rahaf Harfoush, a digital anthropologist and expert on toxic productivity culture, about the immense pressures of living through “unprecedented times.” Rahaf breaks down the concept of hypernormalization, and Adam explains why it can fuel feelings of destabilization and disconnection. The two challenge the propaganda that promotes productivity for its own sake and explore healthier ways to get things done. Join us in person at a TED conference: https://tedtalks.social/events Become a TED Member to support our mission: https://ted.com/membership Subscribe to a TED newsletter: https://ted.com/newsletters Follow TED! X: https://www.twitter.com/TEDTalks Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ted Facebook: https://facebook.com/TED LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ted-conferences TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tedtoks Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcasts The TED Audio Collective is a collection of podcasts for the curious. The TED Audio Collective videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organiz...). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com.

Rahaf Harfoushguest
Nov 28, 20250mWatch on YouTube ↗

CHAPTERS

  1. 0:00 – 0:31

    Boundaries as self-care: an act of love

    Rahaf Harfoush reframes self-care as the practice of setting boundaries. She describes boundaries as a way of communicating what you will and won’t accept, which helps you put yourself first and show up more grounded and authentic.

    • Self-care can mean setting clear boundaries
    • Boundaries communicate what you’re willing to accept
    • Putting yourself first can help you show up authentically
    • Groundedness and authenticity increase when you honor your limits
  2. 0:31 – 0:59

    People-pleasing, validation seeking, and the cost of self-abandonment

    She explains that people-pleasing often comes from a deep desire for validation, acceptance, and being seen. Rahaf introduces the idea that many emotional wounds stem from self-abandonment—and that what we seek from others is often what we need to give ourselves.

    • People-pleasing can be driven by a need for validation and acceptance
    • Wanting to be seen is a core motivation behind pleasing behaviors
    • Many wounds may trace back to self-abandonment
    • The validation we seek externally may be something we need to provide internally

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