6 Steps to Emotional Self-Regulation - Overcoming Amygdala Hijack

1. 0:00 – 0:31

   Why emotional self-regulation matters (and the cost of “heat of the moment” reactions)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai0:00

      Think back to a moment in your life where you said or you did something in the heat of the moment that you later regretted. We've all experienced this at varying degrees, but let's face it, stressful situations are a part of life, so emotional self-regulation is an essential life skill. Thankfully, there are science-backed methods to better navigate your emotions and to manage the dangerous amygdala hijack. And in this video, I'm going to take you through the six science-backed steps that I train my clients to use for emotional self-regulation. [upbeat music] Hi,

2. 0:31 – 1:01

   What an amygdala hijack is and why it derails rational thinking

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai0:31

      I'm Shadé Zarri, and I help professionals to hack their careers, overcome their limiting beliefs, and confidently create the extraordinary life they deserve. Now, before we get into the six steps, I first want to share some background. When you're in an intense negative emotional state, what you often experience is something called amygdala hijack, which is a term coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his 1996 book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. The emotion center of the brain is rapidly triggered and almost cuts off communication to the prefrontal

3. 1:01 – 1:31

   Real-world stakes: how quick emotional slip-ups can damage brand, relationships, and career

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai1:01

      cortex. The prefrontal cortex is what we use for rationality and logic. It's right here. This is what leads us to make rash decisions or to do things that we later regret, and we're often left scratching our heads afterwards thinking, "What was I thinking?" Well, I guess you could almost say that your rational thinking was hijacked, so you weren't really thinking at all. Now, it's important to be aware of this because these four-second amygdala hijack slip-ups at work could significantly tarnish your personal brand, permanently damage a relationship, and ultimately your career prospects. So managing your emotions is not only

4. 1:31 – 2:01

   Step 1 — Stop and breathe deeply to calm the nervous system

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai1:31

      important for happiness, it's a core emotional intelligence quality and essential for advancing professionally. So here are six steps that I take my clients through to help them navigate intense emotional states. Step 1: As soon as you notice an unpleasant emotion, stop and breathe deeply. What often happens with strong emotions is that we breathe more shallowly because our amygdala becomes triggered. You want to make sure that you're breathing deeply and rhythmically. Research from Stanford and Yale found that drawn-out exhales [exhales] actually lower blood pressure

5. 2:01 – 2:32

   Step 2 — Bring awareness to thoughts and body sensations

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai2:01

      and reduces heart rate. I like to use the 4-7-8 breathing technique, which is used by Navy SEALs. What you do is you breathe in for four counts, you hold for seven, and exhale slowly and consistently for eight counts. This helps to calm your central nervous system. Step 2: Take a moment to bring awareness to what's happening in your mind and your body. First, ask yourself, "What am I thinking right now? What thoughts are racing through my mind?" Then ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now? What does it feel on my body? What physical sensations am I experiencing? Tight

6. 2:32 – 3:02

   Step 3 — Acknowledge and label the emotion (“name it to tame it”)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai2:32

      chest, dry throat, heavy limbs?" Sometimes just taking time to pay attention to what you feel can really help create a little emotional distance and can reduce the weight of the emotion. This is because you're consciously re-engaging the prefrontal cortex. Step 3: Accept it and acknowledge it. Don't try to deny it or to run away from it. Just say, "Okay, I see you. I know you're there." Take a moment to identify the emotion that you're experiencing. Research involving fMRI scans found that simply labeling an emotion actually disrupts the amygdala, the brain's fear center,

7. 3:02 – 3:32

   Step 4 — Remember emotions are temporary and will pass

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai3:02

      and it decreases the emotional reactivity to negative events or interactions. Now, an easy way to remember this is to think, "Name it to tame it," which comes from author and psychiatrist Dan Siegel. Naming an emotion reduces the negative intensity of it. Step 4: Realize that it's temporary. What you're feeling is impermanent and fleeting. What we know from research is that emotions are actually very short-lived. You're not going to be in this state forever. Remind yourself of that. It will pass. Step 5: Investigate it. This is where you channel

8. 3:32 – 4:03

   Step 5 — Investigate the trigger, fears, and violated beliefs/values

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai3:32

      your inner Sherlock Holmes and you try and locate the source. What triggered you? Did someone say or do something? Why did that trigger you? What are you afraid of or what are you responding to? Which of your beliefs may have been violated? By taking time to ask yourself these questions, you're again re-engaging your prefrontal cortex and looking at it from the perspective of wanting to learn more about yourself and improving your emotional intelligence. Importantly, to really reinforce this step, you can also ask yourself, "How am I getting in my way by being in this state?" And finally, step 6. This

9. 4:03 – 4:33

   Step 6 — Choose the most appropriate action you can trust yourself to take

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai4:03

      is where you trust yourself to choose the most appropriate action. What do you need to do differently right now to help yourself? What action will you take to help put you in a more productive state for what you need? Now, you might be thinking, "Well, that sounds great, but that's a lot of steps. What does that actually look like in practice?" So let me share a very quick example of these six steps in action based on an experience that a client had after we worked through this process. So my client was known for being very intense and occasionally hot-headed at work, especially in meetings that would needlessly go around in circles and no one

10. 4:33 – 5:03

    Case study setup: a high-intensity leader who snaps in circular meetings

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai4:33

       would make any decisions. In one particular meeting, she became so frustrated with people talking in circles and repeatedly making the same suggestions for the same issues over and over again that she finally snapped and she raised her voice, telling everyone they were wasting her time and needed to grow up. Now, as you can imagine, this didn't really help her professional reputation. And now that she's moved to a new organization in a new leadership position, she was worried that this might actually happen again and repeat itself. So we workshopped how she could move through these six steps. I shared with her that when she notices

11. 5:03 – 6:04

    Walking the six steps through the meeting scenario (from breath to choice)

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai5:03

       negative emotions bubbling up in a meeting, she can first take time to take some breaths, focusing on the exhale. Second, she should ask herself, "What am I thinking right now?" Her response might be, "Well, I'm thinking, why are these people going around in circles?" Then she should ask herself, "What am I feeling?" She would likely note the tensing of her chest, maybe shallow breathing, and an increased energy in her body. Third, she would need to identify that she's feeling frustrated or angry, naming the emotion. Fourth, she'd then remind herself that it's only temporary and it will pass. Fifth, investigate the source. She has to ask herself, "Why am I triggered by people talking in circles in meetings?" She might have a very strong work value around efficiency or speed to outcome, and she feels that this is being violated. Here she also wants to ask herself, "How is my emotional state getting in my way right now?" She'll likely conclude that getting frustrated and exploding isn't a productive response. And sixth, this is where she then decides what the most rational and suitable response is. In her case, it would

12. 6:04 – 7:15

    Results and close: better outcomes, peer validation, and applying beyond work

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai6:04

       really help to calmly speak up in a meeting and, for example, say, "I feel that we're not reaching any outcomes and we tend to be repeating the same ideas. Let me share a summary of what I've heard, and if we all agree on it, maybe then we can look at next steps." Now, here's the really interesting part. During her next meeting when the same thing happened and people seemed to be talking in circles, she applied these six steps and admitted that she wasn't as articulate as she could have been during the meeting when she drew everyone's attention to the repetition of ideas. But she said that she saw others around the room nodding in agreement. She provided the summary, they agreed, and they made some decisions, and she said that the outcome was even more positive than she could have imagined. A coworker actually approached her afterwards and thanked her for saying something. They'd been feeling frustrated too, but hadn't actually voiced it. So that's a really simple example of these six steps in action. Now, of course, every situation will differ, but it's worth keeping these steps in mind to help you emotionally self-regulate to reach better outcomes, not only at work, but even in life more broadly too. I'm Shadé Zarri, and I will see you next time. [upbeat music]

Episode duration: 7:16