WORKPLACE TOXICITY: How to Deal with Toxic Coworkers

1. 0:00 – 1:07

   Intro

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai0:00

      Every workplace has them, those negative, jealous, mean-spirited, gossipy, or super-competitive people who make your work life incredibly unpleasant in the office, the toxic ones. And sometimes it can even feel like they're working against you behind your back. Unfortunately, it's far more common than you'd expect. Early on in my own career, within my first couple of years, I was exposed to people like this, people who seemed to derive satisfaction from undermining others, creating chaos, and pushing other people's buttons. And when I was around these people, I felt completely powerless. Their presence sucked life out of the room and out of me. Maybe you've experienced something similar. A very common question I'm asked is, how do you deal with toxic coworkers in the workplace? In fact, a lot of people end up leaving companies because of toxicity. So in this video, I'm going to share with you five actionable tactics to help you deal with toxic people in the workplace without feeling like you're being rude or risking your own success. Hi, I'm Shadé Zarriah, and I help professionals to hack their careers, overcome their limiting beliefs, and confidently create the extraordinary life they deserve.

2. 1:07 – 1:50

   The problem

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai1:09

      At work, it's challenging when you have to share space with someone who falls into the toxic category because their presence alone can physically and emotionally impact you. Now, it's important to note here that while we're using the term toxic person to describe those who are negative, derive satisfaction from undermining others, and enjoy creating chaos, it's not that the whole person is toxic. Instead, their behavior is toxic, or your relationship with them is toxic. But the challenge for many is knowing exactly how to manage these people. Basically, you need a strategy that focuses on what you can control and eliminates what you can't. And the thing to remember is that you're in control of more than

3. 1:50 – 2:39

   Realise that maybe it could be all in your head

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai1:50

      you realize. First, you want to realize that it could all be in your head. Now, I know some of you may not like this one, but sometimes, just sometimes, we've created a narrative in our head that someone is toxic to help us make sense of an uncomfortable or a difficult situation because we want to believe that we are the wronged one. We are the victim of someone else's toxic behavior. But here's the hard truth: while the actions of so-called toxic people are their own, your reaction to it is always your own responsibility and totally within your control. Recognizing your power is the best place to start. Second, assuming you really are interacting with someone who is toxic, set limits and establish boundaries. What I've found is that

4. 2:39 – 3:45

   Set limits and establish boundaries

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai2:39

      many people I've worked with often end up feeling pressure to listen to complainers or to negative people within the workplace because they don't want to appear rude. But there's a fine line between being of support and lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into a negative toxic emotional spiral. It's really important that you're proactive and consciously set limits to distance yourself when necessary. Think about it. If you found yourself inhaling the secondhand smoke of a smoker, you'd likely move away as quickly as you could for your own health. The same thing applies with toxic people, but this time it's for your mental health and wellbeing. If you can physically distance yourself, then do it. You don't have to have the same one-to-one interactions with them that you might have with other coworkers. In fact, this also avoids being in a situation where you're unknowingly being manipulated. Now, if you can't physically distance, and if you're faced with someone who is obsessing over problems and issues, ask them how they intend to fix the problem. Shift the spotlight to them. You might find that this helps to quieten them down or at least redirect the discussion in a productive direction.

5. 3:45 – 4:23

   Rise above the toxicity

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai3:45

      Third, you really want to rise above the toxicity. The reason why toxicity is so challenging is often because the behavior is so irrational and destructive. But we react to this irrationality and sometimes with very, very strong emotions, which only means we've become embroiled in their game. One way to think of it is that if their behavior really is irrational, then you can just completely detach yourself from the situation or from what's happening. View it like a science project. Be completely factual, emotionless. Often toxic people compulsively seek attention. If you don't respond how they expect, sometimes that's enough for them to redirect their negativity elsewhere.

6. 4:23 – 5:31

   Manage your emotions

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai4:23

      Four, you want to manage your emotions. Highly skilled toxic people will try to manipulate people's emotions to engineer a social group to suit their needs. If you're really going to rise above the toxicity, it requires emotional distancing, and you first need to be aware of what you're experiencing and the root cause of it, emotionally speaking. If you find your buttons are being pushed by this person or you're being triggered, take time to identify what the trigger is so you can effectively manage it. Ask yourself, does their behavior trigger you to feel small, patronized, undervalued? What brought it on? Take time to reflect on what it was that was irritating or frustrating, why it made you feel that way, and how you can choose the best way forward. Now, another point worth noting here is that on some occasions, the so-called toxic person mirrors us. They remind us of ourselves. So you could start to investigate with curiosity. Is this person speaking over others? Is that perhaps something that you need to work on? Whatever it is, by being curious and having an open mind, you can start to work through whatever it is that you're experiencing.

7. 5:31 – 6:10

   Know your worth

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai5:32

      Five, know your worth. One of the most detrimental impact that people experience when faced with toxicity at work is a loss of confidence. They allow it to strip them of their sense of personal power. Many of my clients have struggled so much when dealing with these sorts of people and toxic cultures that they end up losing their sense of value and become plagued with self-doubt. It's absolutely important to remind yourself of your strengths and what you can offer. Avoid comparing yourself to others and recognize that your sense of self-worth comes from within. When you're confident in yourself, toxic people and environments have much less of an impact. You almost become impervious

8. 6:10 – 6:37

   Be assertive and speak up

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai6:10

      to it. And six, be assertive and speak up. One of the most effective ways of handling toxicity is to call it out. Speak up if you come across a bully and acknowledge that their behavior is damaging the culture of the team. You could consider framing it as a collaborative question, like, "How could we work better together to create a more positive environment?" Now, they might not change their behavior, but you've made your stance very clear and called out that you're not on board with their ways.

9. 6:37 – 7:10

   Closing thought - why you might be targeted

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai6:37

      Now, there is one other point that I want to make before I wrap up. You might feel that you're actually being targeted by certain people within the workplace, and often it's a result of their jealousy. Why would someone bother wasting their time to make your life difficult unless they had a real incentive to cut you down? It's highly likely that one of the reasons why you're a target is because you're a great performer, you're delivering high-quality work, and you're well-liked by management and coworkers. It could very possibly be a reflection of that person's insecurity, so don't take it personally.

10. 7:10 – 8:20

    You might be attracting toxicity

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai7:10

       The other alternative is more of an unpopular opinion and can be a hard pill to swallow, but I do want to cover it. You might be unintentionally attracting toxic behavior towards you as a target because of your own insecurity or because of your own negative attitude that's being reflected back to you by those around you. And so what happens here is you feel like you're lacking in something, and you have a negativity bias, so you then interpret the behavior of others as being personal and malicious, and you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy. So work on your self-acceptance and bring awareness to your approach. You might find that you feel you have more control over things, and naturally, things will start to improve. [upbeat music] I really hope that you're able to use some of these strategies so that you don't give away your personal power next time you're faced with toxicity. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one has the power to make you feel inferior without your consent." I'm Shadé Zahrai. I'll see you next time. [upbeat music]

Episode duration: 8:20