Simon SinekThe Quiet Power of the Empathetic Leader with Navy SEAL turned rowing coach Gordon Schmidt
CHAPTERS
Gordon’s post-SEAL transition: rediscovering rowing and finding a new mission
Gordon recounts leaving a 20-year SEAL career and stumbling into rowing again after a difficult, “wallowing” period. A former Navy teammate brings him to a masters practice, which reignites his love for the sport and opens an unexpected coaching opportunity.
- •20 years in the Navy/SEAL Teams and the early challenges of retirement
- •Reconnecting with rowing after decades away through a masters program
- •How a single practice (a seat race) reawakened passion and confidence
- •An unplanned career pivot away from the typical ex-military paths (consulting/speaking)
Becoming a high school head coach with no coaching résumé
Gordon explains how he landed the head coach role at San Diego Rowing Club’s high school men’s program despite having zero formal coaching experience. The hiring decision hinged less on credentials and more on leadership maturity and understanding group dynamics.
- •Coaching juniors (high school men) at San Diego Rowing Club
- •Why the club selected him over more experienced applicants
- •“The entire spectrum of the male ego” as relevant leadership preparation
- •Early identity shift: from operator to mentor/coach
What coaching teens revealed: patience, presence, and modern authority
Gordon describes surprising lessons about himself—especially patience and self-awareness—in the day-to-day realities of coaching teenagers. He also navigates informal norms (e.g., being called “Gordon” vs. “Coach”) and what respect looks like outside military structure.
- •Coaching requires patience—and noticing yourself practicing it
- •Staying grounded without military rituals while still holding authority
- •Generational differences and choosing what to “let go”
- •Leadership as quiet presence rather than dominance
Why crew and SEAL teams rhyme: interdependence, coordination, and culture
They unpack the deep similarities between crew and SEAL teams: synchronized execution, ego management, and success through collective performance. Gordon distinguishes “rowing” (can be solo) from “crew” (requires a team), echoing SEAL-team fundamentals.
- •BUD/S boat crews as an early lesson in forced teamwork
- •Coordination and shared rhythm as performance multipliers
- •Team success over individual excellence as the real standard
- •“Crew” as an identity built on mutual dependence
The hidden grief of leaving the Teams: brotherhood, finality, and acceptance
Gordon shares the emotional weight of separation from the SEAL community and the profound silence that follows. He explains how the loss was less about job title and more about belonging, and how acceptance—not numbing—became a turning point.
- •The “gate shutting behind you” as a visceral moment of loss
- •Distinguishing ‘I’m in the SEAL teams’ vs. ‘I am a SEAL’—and the reality of identity
- •Missing the brotherhood/sisterhood as a universal veteran experience
- •Choosing to stop numbing and to embrace grief as growth
A rowing selection story: setbacks, identity, and earning your way back
Gordon tells a detailed coaching story about selecting the top varsity boat under time pressure and later swapping out a senior for a sophomore. The removed athlete cycles through anger and isolation, then responds with relentless effort—ultimately winning his seat back.
- •High-stakes selection decisions (Head of the Charles and varsity boat composition)
- •Emotional response to losing status: anger → sadness → isolation → resolve
- •“Make your current boat the fastest” as a leadership expectation
- •Culture and composure matter as much as strength and talent
Would he coach SEALs again? Mentorship as a throughline
Simon presses Gordon on whether he’d return to coach SEALs if asked, forcing a values tradeoff between the SEAL community and his current athletes. Gordon admits it would be agonizing because mentoring has always been central to his leadership, both in and out of uniform.
- •Deep affection for the SEAL community and ongoing pull to serve
- •Coaching/mentoring younger teammates as his later-career focus
- •The difficulty of leaving current athletes for a new/old calling
- •Leadership identity anchored in developing others
Different kinds of grit: the ‘price of admission’ framework (including Simon’s book-writing)
A playful but serious debate reframes grit as context-dependent: Gordon claims Simon’s grit is writing books; Simon argues grit comes from purpose, not enjoyment. They land on the idea that every meaningful pursuit has a “price of admission,” and success depends on wanting what’s on the other side.
- •Grit as willingness to suffer for a meaningful reason
- •Simon’s dislike of writing contrasted with commitment to impact
- •Parallels to BUD/S: paying the cost to join a brotherhood
- •“Price of admission” as a practical decision tool for hard choices
(Sponsor segment) ‘Ad with authenticity’: True Classic, experimentation, and avoiding the ‘idea killer’
Simon inserts a branded conversation with True Classic CEO Ryan focused on entrepreneurial culture. The segment emphasizes speed, creativity, iteration, and leadership humility—testing ideas in the market rather than killing them in the boardroom.
- •Using speed/chaos to force creativity in a business
- •Leaders who say “Try it” instead of shutting ideas down
- •Learning through iteration and market feedback
- •Culture as the differentiator in a commoditized industry
Why candidates quit BUD/S: status illusions vs. honest motivation
Gordon argues many quit not because of cold water or pain, but because they aren’t honest about what they truly want. Some are attracted by perceived status without understanding the unglamorous reality of the job—so the cost stops feeling worth it.
- •Modern pre-selection is harder, yet attrition is relatively stable
- •The common self-deception: wanting the title more than the life
- •Reality check: bureaucracy and mundane burdens alongside heroics
- •True driver: wanting the brotherhood enough to pay the price
When a leader quits, others follow: the contagion (or relief) effect
They analyze the pattern Simon observed in BUD/S: when an officer (or visible leader) quits, several often quit soon after. Gordon explains it’s about perceived capability and morale; notably, if no one quits after a leader leaves, it may mean the leader was hurting the team.
- •Leadership impact is visible even in training attrition patterns
- •If a respected leader quits, others conclude they can’t make it either
- •Leadership is not rank—enlisted quit cascades happen too (less visible)
- •If the team cheers or no one follows, the leader likely lacked respect
Leadership beyond style: respect, authenticity, and knowing when to switch modes
The conversation shifts from personality preferences to universal leadership fundamentals. They differentiate “style” from respect and predictability, and discuss situational leadership—collaborative by default, command-and-control only when the context demands it and trust is established.
- •People may dislike a style yet still trust a leader who is authentic and predictable
- •Respect and tone are non-negotiables; leaders are ‘watched’ even when absent
- •Command-and-control is a temporary mode, not a permanent personality
- •Overuse of authority in civilian settings erodes commitment and retention
A combat lesson in quiet empathy: calm tone, shared reality, and moving the team forward
Gordon shares a mission thread from Afghanistan: an EOD officer (Brad Snyder) is catastrophically injured by an IED, forcing Gordon to lead through shock and grief. He describes empathy not as sentimentality, but as reading what the team needed—calm, clarity, and a purposeful return to action without theatrics.
- •Brad Snyder’s injury and the emotional disruption to a tight 12-man platoon
- •Empathy as operational leadership: acknowledging emotions and preventing drift
- •Choosing calm, human communication instead of ‘rah-rah’ speeches
- •Rebuilding purpose by sharing intent, involving the team, and returning to the mission
