If I Ruled the World: The One Where Everyone Tries Crack | What Now? with Trevor Noah Podcast

Trevor Noah 0:00 I believe everyone should try crack before they die.

Speaker 0:02 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 0:02 But like-

Speaker 0:03 He said he-

Trevor Noah 0:03 In a perfect world, you would know right before you die

Speaker 0:05 ... he said do it in hospice. He said do crack in hospice

Trevor Noah 0:06 I would. I would do it in hospice.

Speaker 0:07 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 0:08 Guys, if you're going out, go out with a bang.

Speaker 0:10 Yeah, but I don't know if crack-

Trevor Noah 0:10 With a snap, crackle, pop bang. Come on

Speaker 0:11 No, I don't think crack is the best hospice drug.

Trevor Noah 0:14 What would you choose, heroin?

Speaker 0:16 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 0:16 Yeah, I'm with you.

Speaker 0:17 But they give you that anyway.

Trevor Noah 0:17 Yeah, they give you that.

Speaker 0:18 That's what I'm saying, though.

Trevor Noah 0:18 No, but they give you-

Speaker 0:19 'Cause they already figured it out

Trevor Noah 0:20 ... morphine or something else. Yo, let me ask you something. Like-

Speaker 0:21 I'd rather do heroin

Trevor Noah 0:22 ... have you seen somebody do crack and then, like, not be, like, more mobile than they were?

Speaker 0:26 Crackheads keep jobs.

Trevor Noah 0:28 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 0:28 Fentanyl kills. Do you know what I mean?

Trevor Noah 0:30 So I'm saying hospice should have crack.

Speaker 0:32 But these people aren't gonna be working.

Trevor Noah 0:35 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Hospice will just have-

Speaker 0:36 They're dying

Trevor Noah 0:36 ... like, a different swag to it.

Speaker 0:37 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 0:38 This one is, like, a end stage thing.

Speaker 0:39 Yeah.

Speaker 0:39 Oh, okay.

Trevor Noah 0:40 I'm not saying crack for the people.

Speaker 0:41 Gotcha.

Trevor Noah 0:41 I'm saying crack-

Speaker 0:42 I don't hear you saying crack for the people.

Trevor Noah 0:43 No, I'm saying crack when it's done.

Speaker 0:44 No, no, he said when you're, like-

Speaker 0:44 I'm like, okay

Speaker 0:44 ... when you're old and dying-

Trevor Noah 0:45 When crack, when it's done

Speaker 0:46 ... you're, you want to do crack

Trevor Noah 0:46 Like, you know when an airplane-

Speaker 0:47 Okay, right, then

Trevor Noah 0:47 ... is going down and the masks come from the ceiling?

Speaker 0:49 [laughs]

Speaker 0:49 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 0:49 There should be a little crack as well. That's what should be in the mask.

Speaker 0:52 A crack pipe comes down.

Trevor Noah 0:52 Yeah, that's what should be in the mask. Plane's going down, crack pipe comes down from the top, and then it's like... And then you're like, "Man, this is not so bad."

Speaker 0:58 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 0:59 "This is not so..."

Speaker 0:59 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 0:59 They'll hold the plane up themselves.

Speaker 1:01 [laughs]

Speaker 1:01 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:01 Every other Indian. [upbeat music]

Speaker 1:08 This is What Now? With Trevor Noah.

Trevor Noah 1:20 So welcome to it.

Speaker 1:21 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:22 It's an episode of If I Ruled the World, where myself, Josh, and Christiana think about ways that we would change the world if we had all the power. As is usual, each of us suggests our idea.

Speaker 1:35 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:36 Everyone votes on it.

Speaker 1:37 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:37 We'll hear the other two votes on it, and if you get a majority or if you get two people, then your vote is passed. So, uh, Josh, Christiana, do you wanna start?

Speaker 1:48 After you, Josh.

Trevor Noah 1:49 Christiana, you're the only person I think who's had one pass the rule.

Speaker 1:51 I know, and I wanna be the one-

Speaker 1:52 Yeah

Speaker 1:52 ... that has it again.

Speaker 1:53 Yeah.

Speaker 1:53 Now in my competitive spirit. [laughs]

Speaker 1:54 Yeah, I feel like-

Trevor Noah 1:55 Now you, yeah. You have stakes.

Speaker 1:56 I feel like that's why she offered for me to go first-

Speaker 1:58 [laughs]

Speaker 1:58 ... 'cause it's like she knows mine'll be bad. [laughs]

Speaker 2:01 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 2:02 [laughs] Okay, Josh, you go first.

Speaker 2:04 Um, I think that if I ruled the world-

Trevor Noah 2:06 Mm-hmm

Speaker 2:06 ... everyone, every citizen of the world, uh, after the age of about 22, potentially 25-

Trevor Noah 2:14 Yeah

Speaker 2:14 ... would have to, at some point in the rest of their life, have at least one psychedelic experience.

Trevor Noah 2:21 Wow. Have to?

Speaker 2:23 You have to, and you don't have to do it at 22. I, I, I say 22 because t- between 22 and 25 are the years where the, the brain of the human being-

Trevor Noah 2:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right

Speaker 2:33 ... really, you're like-

Trevor Noah 2:34 So you're waiting for the brain to settle?

Speaker 2:35 The frontal lobe has to be in.

Speaker 2:36 'Cause I'm not-

Speaker 2:37 Okay.

Speaker 2:37 Yeah, 'cause I'm-

Speaker 2:37 Okay

Speaker 2:37 ... I'm not trying to offset where anyone was gonna go without this.

Trevor Noah 2:41 Okay, okay.

Speaker 2:41 And I want everybody to be able to be themselves.

Trevor Noah 2:43 Hm.

Speaker 2:44 But then I think that afterwards, it's probably one of the things... You can even save it until you're, until you're old. And if you die-

Trevor Noah 2:51 Wait, wait, I-

Speaker 2:52 What-

Trevor Noah 2:53 Yeah, but that's what I was gonna ask.

Speaker 2:54 Hm.

Trevor Noah 2:54 What if people die before?

Speaker 2:56 I mean, they could die before they're 22. So I-

Trevor Noah 2:58 No, but what I'm saying is-

Speaker 2:59 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 2:59 So this is what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 3:00 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 3:00 You- you've implemented a system, 'cause everyone has to.

Speaker 3:02 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 3:03 But there's no time limit on it.

Speaker 3:05 I would say the time limit on it is, like, probably 55.

Trevor Noah 3:10 55.

Speaker 3:11 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 3:11 So before 55, you have to have a psychedelic experience.

Speaker 3:13 Yes, because I think that if, if it has a life-altering effect on you at 55, there's still time to change your life around. And if you do it too late, I think it just reshapes how you feel about life you've already lived.

Trevor Noah 3:28 Huh. Okay. Um, I'm a little torn on this one. I think psychedelics can change the world in a positive way. I also do think not everyone should have to take them, and I think some people might take them and have, like, a really bad trip. And, uh, like, I don't know if you've read these people's posts on, like, ayahuasca, which I know is not exactly the same thing. You know when people go and do, like, ayahuasca at one of these-

Speaker 3:54 Yeah

Trevor Noah 3:55 ... gimmicky retreats somewhere in the world. And then they come back, and they leave their family, and they, like, quit everything, and then they go o-... I, I don't know if everyone... Would you give people psych evaluations beforehand?

Speaker 4:07 Would there be a guide?

Speaker 4:09 I think-

Trevor Noah 4:09 Would there be a guide?

Speaker 4:10 A perfect example, right?

Trevor Noah 4:11 Okay, go.

Speaker 4:12 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:12 Is that apparently we have a misunderstanding personally, and we've made a tourism out of ayahuasca.

Trevor Noah 4:18 Yes, we have.

Speaker 4:18 The, the tradition of ayahuasca was that the actual doctor, like the elder, would take the ayahuasca-

Trevor Noah 4:24 Yes

Speaker 4:24 ... and, and converse with you-

Trevor Noah 4:26 Yes

Speaker 4:26 ... and talk with you. We've made it so that we wanna take the ayahuasca.

Speaker 4:29 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 4:29 Yeah.

Speaker 4:30 So I would, I would say that there would definitely be, like, a sort of psyche eval to make sure a person could handle it and everything.

Trevor Noah 4:36 Okay, okay.

Speaker 4:37 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 4:37 Now I'm, I'm with you a little bit more.

Speaker 4:38 But I do think that the, between the years of, like, 22 and 55 are where you are at your most, um, your most potential for being, like, stuck. I don't wanna disparage people's choices, but I think that some people who do fall off the grid after a psychedelic experience maybe really are, like, loosening themselves. Maybe that's not the crazy that we think it is.

Trevor Noah 5:04 Okay, I'm willing to accept that.

Speaker 5:05 You know what I mean?

Speaker 5:06 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 5:06 'Cause we don't know who their families are.

Speaker 5:08 We don't know who their families are, and we even have-

Trevor Noah 5:09 Yeah, we don't know what their job was like

Speaker 5:10 ... what, what you would even call traditions of, like, you look at the Buddha, and the Buddha left everything to go find enlightenment.

Speaker 5:16 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 5:16 But he, but he had responsibilities. He had a wife, and he had children and everything. And so-

Speaker 5:20 Oh, so he's a... I didn't know he was a deadbeat.

Speaker 5:23 Little bit.

Speaker 5:23 Wow.

Speaker 5:24 Yeah.

Speaker 5:24 Didn't know that about him.

Speaker 5:25 Pretty sure, pretty sure he came back, but, uh, didn't come back to raise them. Just came back eventually.

Trevor Noah 5:29 Yeah, he just came back to tell them that, like-

Speaker 5:30 Oh, that's a bad person

Trevor Noah 5:31 ... the idea of him leaving isn't a real... He was like, "Why are you crying? I was never here."

Speaker 5:35 So he made someone a single mom.

Trevor Noah 5:37 Yeah, but he was like, "You were always single. You came into this world-"

Speaker 5:39 And people have made him a god.

Trevor Noah 5:40 He's like, "You came into this world. He's not a god." He's like, "It's an idea."

Speaker 5:43 He's like a prophet.

Trevor Noah 5:44 Yeah.

Speaker 5:45 Yeah, but he's just like, "Yeah, man, just like-"

Speaker 5:46 At least Jesus didn't have any kids. I'm not like saying you should be a Christian, but he had no kids.

Trevor Noah 5:50 [laughs] He was going to.

Speaker 5:53 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 5:53 But then Pontius Pilate happened.

Speaker 5:56 [laughs]

Speaker 5:56 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 5:56 And yeah, the rest is history.

Trevor Noah 5:59 So wait, Josh, you, you're saying this... Are you saying this firsthand, or are you saying this as, like, just an idea?

Speaker 6:04 No, as, as an idea

Speaker 6:06 So you've never done psychedelics?

Speaker 6:07 No. No, I haven't done psychedelics.

Trevor Noah 6:09 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 6:09 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 6:09 So you don't know what could happen to you?

Speaker 6:11 [laughs]

Speaker 6:11 Wait, no, okay, it's different.

Trevor Noah 6:13 I would love to-

Speaker 6:13 I thought, I thought we put you on shrooms

Trevor Noah 6:14 ... yo, I would love to do it with you.

Speaker 6:15 No, no, I-

Trevor Noah 6:16 I don't put anybody on shrooms

Speaker 6:17 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 6:17 Why would you say this about me?

Speaker 6:18 You're like the shroom pusher.

Trevor Noah 6:20 No, I'm not.

Speaker 6:20 You're like the-

Speaker 6:21 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 6:21 No, no, no, no, I'm the open-minded encourager.

Speaker 6:23 You're a highbrow, highbrow drug dealer.

Trevor Noah 6:25 I'm, I'm an open-minded encourager.

Speaker 6:27 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 6:27 I think everyone should be open to, like electric cars. I was one of the first ones saying to people, "Yo, guys, let's do electric car."

Speaker 6:33 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 6:33 And then if people don't want it, I was like, "I don't mind you not doing it, but let's be open to the idea of it."

Speaker 6:37 Mm.

Trevor Noah 6:37 We should all be open to more ideas that make the world a better place.

Speaker 6:40 Yeah, I, I agree with that.

Trevor Noah 6:41 I would never push anything on Josh.

Speaker 6:43 So, Josh, wait, you've, you've never done it, but you want everyone, including yourself, to do it?

Speaker 6:48 Yeah, it'll be easier for me to do it. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 6:50 [laughs]

Speaker 6:51 [laughs] Oh, wow.

Speaker 6:53 But also, also, I will say this, I don't do it now under the current system that we live in. I can't just be a, a, you know, a Black man out in the streets on psychedelics for the first time. I don't know. I might take my shirt off.

Trevor Noah 7:06 Josh, we go to-

Speaker 7:06 I might start running

Trevor Noah 7:07 ... we go to, no, we go to Oregon. We go to, we find like an open field, you know, and then we just get in touch with ourselves.

Speaker 7:13 I gu- I guess so.

Speaker 7:14 Wait, Dro- Josh, do you even drink?

Speaker 7:16 No. No, I don't drink. I've never done anything. This is just-

Speaker 7:20 Have you smoked weed?

Speaker 7:21 No, this is me raw.

Trevor Noah 7:22 Wow.

Speaker 7:23 This is just what I'm like.

Speaker 7:24 This is you.

Trevor Noah 7:24 Wow, I think, yeah.

Speaker 7:25 You've done nothing in life.

Speaker 7:26 No.

Trevor Noah 7:27 You know what we should do? We should... Well, you just made it seem like he's done nothing in life.

Speaker 7:30 [laughs]

Speaker 7:30 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 7:30 That's extreme.

Speaker 7:31 No, no, but I mean like-

Trevor Noah 7:31 You just made it like you were like, "Have you lived?"

Speaker 7:33 No, but-

Speaker 7:34 I, no, I know what she meant

Speaker 7:34 ... you don't take antidepressants. You're just raw dogging the world. No-

Speaker 7:38 Yeah

Speaker 7:38 ... no-

Trevor Noah 7:39 Wow.

Speaker 7:40 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 7:41 This is-

Speaker 7:41 Josh, you, this is deep.

Trevor Noah 7:43 I, so then what, what we should do then-

Speaker 7:43 I'm impressed

Trevor Noah 7:44 ... Josh, we should start, why don't we start with a cigarette? You might discover yourself.

Speaker 7:48 Have you ever smoked a cigarette?

Speaker 7:49 No.

Trevor Noah 7:49 You might like-

Speaker 7:49 Ugh.

Speaker 7:50 Oh, my God. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 7:50 No, you never know. Josh, you're so-

Speaker 7:52 A cigarette?

Trevor Noah 7:52 Josh, you're so pure-

Speaker 7:53 Ugh

Trevor Noah 7:53 ... that you might smoke a cigarette and have like an ayahuasca experience.

Speaker 7:56 [laughs]

Speaker 7:56 [laughs]

Speaker 7:56 I might smoke a cigarette and die.

Trevor Noah 7:59 That's right. [laughs] I'm saying you might smoke one cigarette and be like-

Speaker 8:01 We-

Trevor Noah 8:01 ... "I see my ancestors."

Speaker 8:03 [laughs]

Speaker 8:03 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 8:03 We'll give you like one like Marlboro, like an old school-

Speaker 8:06 That's insane

Speaker 8:06 ... ciggie. Yeah, yeah.

Trevor Noah 8:08 Just like one.

Speaker 8:08 I think nicotine would be enough for him.

Trevor Noah 8:10 Man, let's go... You know what, Josh, can I tell you, we, what we should do, we should do, we should do podcast episodes.

Speaker 8:16 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 8:17 And on each one, we give you one substance.

Speaker 8:20 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 8:20 You try it, and then we discuss it with you to see how you feel.

Speaker 8:23 I feel like in this scenario, you accidentally make crack the first episode. [laughs]

Speaker 8:27 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 8:27 [laughs]

Speaker 8:27 And we don't do another episode.

Speaker 8:30 Well, for Trevor-

Speaker 8:30 We're like, "We can't find one."

Speaker 8:31 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 8:32 [laughs]

Speaker 8:32 For Trevor, crack is the end game.

Trevor Noah 8:34 Yes, it is.

Speaker 8:35 Okay.

Speaker 8:35 So it'd be like season 40.

Trevor Noah 8:36 Yes, it would be.

Speaker 8:37 Gotcha, gotcha.

Speaker 8:37 Would definitely be crack.

Speaker 8:38 Yeah, gotcha.

Speaker 8:38 Yeah, I think, Josh, with your psychedelics thing-

Speaker 8:41 Mm-hmm

Speaker 8:41 ... since you, like, don't drink-

Speaker 8:44 Mm

Speaker 8:44 ... you don't smoke weed, I don't know if you're the best authority on people trying, the whole population trying other substances.

Speaker 8:51 Mm.

Trevor Noah 8:51 Josh, I think it's a fantastic idea, but carry on.

Speaker 8:54 No, but, like, it doesn't come from experience.

Speaker 8:57 Yeah.

Speaker 8:57 You know?

Speaker 8:57 Yeah, yeah. It comes from just a lot of reading.

Speaker 8:59 I thought, I thought you were-

Trevor Noah 9:00 Guys, the first-

Speaker 9:00 ... I thought you were on the same journey this guy is on.

Trevor Noah 9:02 No, guys, guys.

Speaker 9:02 No, no.

Speaker 9:03 Like a shroom expert.

Speaker 9:04 No, no.

Speaker 9:04 But now to find out that you-

Trevor Noah 9:06 Guys-

Speaker 9:06 ... actually seem crazier now that you haven't done it

Trevor Noah 9:07 ... people.

Speaker 9:08 [laughs]

Speaker 9:08 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 9:08 The first, the first helicopter was not invented by someone who flew in a helicopter. Let the man be.

Speaker 9:13 What does that even mean, Trev? [laughs]

Speaker 9:15 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 9:16 You don't have to do the thing to have the idea for the thing. That's what I'm saying. Josh is clearly an enlightened gentleman.

Speaker 9:21 No, but he could do, you could take him to Oregon, and you do the thing, and he comes back, and he's like, "Absolutely not." So I want-

Trevor Noah 9:27 We doing that, Josh?

Speaker 9:28 I think Josh should do it, 'cause Josh doesn't do anything.

Trevor Noah 9:31 Do it. Do it.

Speaker 9:32 Do it. Do it.

Speaker 9:32 Do it. Do it.

Speaker 9:34 Um, you know, so I, I hear what you're saying, Christiana. I, I do get it. But I'm just saying off of both the things that I've, uh, seen from people-

Speaker 9:43 Mm-hmm

Speaker 9:43 ... like from not my firsthand experience but from the knowledge of other people-

Trevor Noah 9:47 Yes

Speaker 9:47 ... trying things and everything, I just, in the same way that I have not seen anyone be better for being drunk, I have not seen people m- whole lots of worse off for having a psychedelic experience.

Trevor Noah 10:04 I agree with that

Speaker 10:04 ... especially, especially ones that they are even intended to be a little bit life-altering or mind-opening and are not habitual.

Speaker 10:11 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 10:12 I've just not seen any negative repercussions in, like, a major way. Maybe they had a bad trip, but I think that bad trip also made them think about why it was a bad trip and expose-

Speaker 10:22 No, I think you're coming from a, to it from a, like, very considered perspective. I respect it, but I still think you should do it.

Speaker 10:28 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10:28 'Cause I'm not gonna do it, so you do it. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 10:30 Can I tell you what's funny about Christiana is this: You are gonna be scammed. I'm letting you know, you're gonna g- get scammed by, 'cause m- remember this moment and bookmark this episode.

Speaker 10:40 [laughs]

Speaker 10:41 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 10:41 The pharmaceutical industry-

Speaker 10:42 Yeah

Trevor Noah 10:43 ... is working on synthesizing psychedelics that grow from our own Mother Earth.

Speaker 10:48 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 10:49 They're finding a way to synthesize it, and once they've figured it out, they're gonna get it passed by the governments, and then they're gonna make it illegal to have the stuff that everyone can grow for themselves and not lose all their money on, and then they're gonna sell the thing that was natural to the people. And it's not gonna have the full effects because they still want it to, like-

Speaker 11:06 Yeah, survive

Trevor Noah 11:06 ... make you, like, latch onto capitalism.

Speaker 11:08 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 11:08 So they're gonna find a way to, like, it'll make you feel good for a few moments, and then it'll, like, go away. But it won't have, like, the real life-changing possibilities that, like, real psychedelics can have, and then when that comes out, it'll be in a pill form. It'll be widely accepted by society, like most drugs are-

Speaker 11:23 Mm

Trevor Noah 11:23 ... that have, like, the worst side effects-

Speaker 11:25 Yeah, yeah

Trevor Noah 11:25 ... and that get people, you know, opiod addictions-

Speaker 11:27 Yeah

Trevor Noah 11:27 ... and you name it. And then you see, Josh, Christiana will take that bottle, and she'll tell us that she's on it. And we'll be like, "Why didn't you take the mushrooms?"

Speaker 11:34 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 11:34 And she'll be like, "Because my doctor prescribed this one."

Speaker 11:36 Wait, wait, wait. I'm gonna say after we, we spoke to Michael Pollan, right, Josh? After that, um, I'm in my politics group chat that you guys, my nerdy mum group chat.

Speaker 11:44 Yes.

Speaker 11:45 We had a thing, and we were like, "Okay, we're gonna do a trip, and we, we wanna get a guide and do shrooms."

Speaker 11:50 Oh.

Speaker 11:51 We wanna get your person.

Trevor Noah 11:52 Look at this. Look at this.

Speaker 11:53 We wanna get your person.

Speaker 11:54 Wow.

Trevor Noah 11:54 This is amazing.

Speaker 11:55 Wow.

Speaker 11:55 But we kept, being mothers, there's so many caveats already. It's just like-

Speaker 11:59 I'm with you

Speaker 12:00 ... should this person, like maybe this person sits out and, like, makes sure, like, our phones are this. So we w- we are considering it. I don't, I think we're all too chicken to ever do it.

Trevor Noah 12:09 Okay.

Speaker 12:09 And we're ti- uh, tired, exhausted mothers-

Trevor Noah 12:11 But that's, that's still one step in the right direction

Speaker 12:11 ... so probably just like sleep most of the trip.

Trevor Noah 12:13 Yeah.

Speaker 12:14 But like, I'm, I'm becoming more open to it. I, but I think you should do it before you propose a law about it.

Trevor Noah 12:20 I-

Speaker 12:20 It's only fair.

Trevor Noah 12:21 I, I mean, I-

Speaker 12:21 Unless it, unless political hypocrisy.

Trevor Noah 12:23 You know what, Josh? I see what she says. She thinks you're a chicken. You're not chicken.

Speaker 12:26 No.

Trevor Noah 12:27 After this episode, me and you, we go, and we're gonna make it happen. Any que- any questions from you, Christiana? I'm ready to vote on this.

Speaker 12:34 Yeah, I'm ready to vote on it. I don't have any questions. I-

Trevor Noah 12:36 Okay.

Speaker 12:36 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 12:37 And you're voting?

Speaker 12:38 I'm gonna vote no.

Trevor Noah 12:39 Damn.

Speaker 12:41 But I, I think that the spirit behind it is a really beautiful thing, 'cause you're saying everyone should get the chance to be free.

Trevor Noah 12:49 Yeah.

Speaker 12:49 Which is what psychedelics can possibly do. Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 12:51 But you're voting no.

Speaker 12:53 Yeah, 'cause I don't think we should compel anyone to do things with their bodies. I'm truly pro-choice.

Trevor Noah 12:58 Damn, Josh.

Speaker 12:59 Mm.

Trevor Noah 12:59 You are not pro-choice.

Speaker 13:01 [laughs]

Speaker 13:02 Well, we compel people all the time-

Trevor Noah 13:04 You are on the record-

Speaker 13:05 ... to do different stuff

Trevor Noah 13:06 ... as not being pro-choice.

Speaker 13:06 I'd ne- I wouldn't even force people to take vaccines, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like-

Trevor Noah 13:09 Wow. No, no

Speaker 13:10 ... libertarian-

Trevor Noah 13:10 Josh is, Josh is like-

Speaker 13:11 ... I'm libertarian when it comes to bodies.

Speaker 13:12 No, no. Let her-

Trevor Noah 13:12 We recorded Josh-

Speaker 13:13 Let her hang with me. She said no vaccines.

Speaker 13:16 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 13:16 [laughs]

Speaker 13:16 No.

Speaker 13:16 No, I, I do vaccines. I want my kids to be around people who have vaccines, but I would never say if I was running a government, I'd be like-

Trevor Noah 13:23 So like your body, don't come near it, don't touch it-

Speaker 13:26 Bodily autonomy-

Trevor Noah 13:26 ... don't do anything

Speaker 13:28 ... radical consent.

Trevor Noah 13:29 Okay.

Speaker 13:29 I'd be whatever, if I was Gen Z, I'd be like one of the people, "Can I kiss you? Okay, now I'm gonna take off your top."

Trevor Noah 13:34 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 13:34 I'd be like that type of person, but I'm n- I'm like a millennial, so no.

Trevor Noah 13:37 Oh, wow, okay.

Speaker 13:37 But yeah, I just, I feel we can't, I don't wanna compel anyone to do something with their body, especially that affects their mind.

Trevor Noah 13:42 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 13:42 So I'm sorry. It's a no, Josh.

Trevor Noah 13:44 Well, I still vote yes-

Speaker 13:45 Mm

Trevor Noah 13:45 ... because I think it's a wonderful idea that could set many people free, and I think we've lost many of the traditions that have helped people do that. But Christiana wants us to be stuck sipping on the juice that capitalism gives us only.

Speaker 13:56 [laughs]

Speaker 13:57 It does sound-

Trevor Noah 13:58 She wants us-

Speaker 13:58 ... a little like that.

Trevor Noah 13:59 Yeah. She wants us to be stuck in our little cubicles-

Speaker 14:01 [laughs]

Speaker 14:01 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 14:01 ... and doesn't want us to be free.

Speaker 14:02 'Cause you know what affects the mind?

Trevor Noah 14:04 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 14:04 You know what affects the body? The phone. We all have one of those.

Trevor Noah 14:07 Yep.

Speaker 14:07 We need them to survive.

Trevor Noah 14:08 Yep.

Speaker 14:08 We never let them go.

Trevor Noah 14:10 Well-

Speaker 14:10 Maybe I should've tricked everyone.

Speaker 14:11 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 14:12 [laughs] I believe.

Speaker 14:13 I aced everybody.

Trevor Noah 14:14 Josh got a no. We'll see what Christiana's suggestion is. We're gonna continue this conversation right after this short break. [upbeat music] All right, Christiana, it's your turn.

Speaker 14:31 Yeah, okay.

Trevor Noah 14:31 If you ruled the world.

Speaker 14:33 If I ruled the world, everyone would get an assigned partner. And whatever you'd want that partner to be, so if you're a gay man and you really want a husband, we'd make sure you get a husband. If you're a lesbian, you want a wife, I'd make sure you get a wife. Straight, da, da, da. Or if you're someone that's like, "I just want platonic love," we'd get you a best friend.

Trevor Noah 14:50 Now, when you say get you, w- what is this, wh- who's the getting and how is this-

Speaker 14:53 It's like, you know, like-

Trevor Noah 14:54 How does the getting work? But I'm like, am I gonna get got? Like, when you say-

Speaker 14:58 No-

Trevor Noah 14:58 ... getting, do I-

Speaker 14:58 So we'd have like-

Trevor Noah 14:59 Someone's like, "I wanna have Trevor."

Speaker 15:00 We'd have, like, social work. No, no, no, no. No. Everyone would be compelled-

Trevor Noah 15:05 Yes

Speaker 15:06 ... to have an assigned partner. You can say what that assigned partner has to be. Like, is this somebody I-

Trevor Noah 15:11 But we have to have them.

Speaker 15:12 Yes. Ev-

Trevor Noah 15:13 So, so no one's single in the world.

Speaker 15:15 No one's alone in the world. So, like, remember y-

Trevor Noah 15:18 But no one's single as well.

Speaker 15:19 Well, you can have an assigned partner and not be romantically involved with them. So you could-

Speaker 15:22 So you can just make your assigned partner a friend?

Speaker 15:25 Some of it would be a friend.

Speaker 15:26 Oh, okay.

Speaker 15:26 'Cause some people-

Speaker 15:27 Gotcha

Speaker 15:27 ... struggle to make friends.

Trevor Noah 15:27 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, wait, so-

Speaker 15:29 So I could... So imagine you're like, everyone has to have an assigned partner, and as long as you're both alive, you are contractually obliged to each other in some way.

Trevor Noah 15:37 Okay, but what does that mean? What does, what, like-

Speaker 15:39 It could be it, some people would be like, "I want a husband."

Trevor Noah 15:42 Okay.

Speaker 15:42 So I would make sure that person got a husband or a wife.

Trevor Noah 15:45 And so they would be matched up with somebody who wanted the opposite.

Speaker 15:48 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 15:48 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 15:49 And then some people would be like, "I, I never w- I don't want a husband. I don't want someone in my house, but I want to know that when I grow old, I'll have a companion, but I would prefer that person to be a woman."

Trevor Noah 16:01 Okay.

Speaker 16:01 "I don't wanna-"

Trevor Noah 16:02 All right.

Speaker 16:02 And then we'll be like, "Okay, we're gonna find you a best friend."

Trevor Noah 16:04 Uh-huh.

Speaker 16:04 And you would arrange it, and you'd have to be together. And this is what I think it does. It solves our loneliness problem. 'Cause there's so many people that, like, die alone and live alone.

Trevor Noah 16:18 Hmm.

Speaker 16:18 But if you have an assigned partner, that side of your life is taken care of.

Trevor Noah 16:24 I'm not mad at this idea. The only problem is I've read multiple studies that have said some of the loneliest people are those in a marriage.

Speaker 16:37 No, but it doesn't have to be a marriage. If you don't want a marriage-

Trevor Noah 16:39 Yeah, but what I, but what I'm saying is, like, imagine having as- an assigned person who doesn't like you.

Speaker 16:43 No, but we would do our best to ensure it's, like, a good match.

Trevor Noah 16:47 How do you, how do you... Okay, so you're, like, using, like, algorithms and stuff, and you're trying to, like-

Speaker 16:50 Algorithms, human wisdom-

Trevor Noah 16:51 Uh-huh, uh-huh

Speaker 16:52 ... prayer maybe. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 16:55 [laughs]

Speaker 16:55 I'm just saying. It's just like, let's, let's be clear. People make really bad choices picking their own assigned-

Trevor Noah 17:01 This is true

Speaker 17:02 ... partners.

Trevor Noah 17:02 This is completely true.

Speaker 17:03 So it's not like you can do it any better.

Trevor Noah 17:04 This is true.

Speaker 17:05 Right? And I'm like, let's outsource that to some sort of government body. And mind you, in the government, it's in their interest for you to be happy.

Trevor Noah 17:12 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 17:13 'Cause happier people are more productive citizens, and they, there's less crime, there's less violence, et cetera, et cetera. No, you guys are not sold. I'm not, looking at your faces.

Speaker 17:22 I-

Trevor Noah 17:22 Well, I mean, my face is giving me away.

Speaker 17:24 Yeah.

Speaker 17:25 Well, I think, uh, one thing to your point-

Speaker 17:27 Mm-hmm

Speaker 17:27 ... is I have to look it up, but I'm... It was like they did a s- this is a survey, but basically they found that the divorce rate in arranged marriages when divorce was allowed and the divorce rate of love marriages was, like, pretty close.

Speaker 17:41 Oh, interesting.

Speaker 17:42 It was like, it was, like, not exactly the same-

Speaker 17:44 Yeah

Speaker 17:44 ... but it was, like, very close. Um, so I do agree with your, your thing of, like, you are just as well off based off of your general personality and disposition-

Speaker 17:54 Mm-hmm

Speaker 17:55 ... of picking yourself as having someone pick for you-

Speaker 17:57 Mm

Speaker 17:57 ... because happy people make happy couples.

Trevor Noah 17:59 Yes, okay.

Speaker 18:00 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 18:00 My worry-

Speaker 18:01 Mm-hmm

Speaker 18:01 ... is that some people are, like, such proper, like, cat people that they're like, "Guys, I don't want a person. You don't understand. I only like alligators."

Speaker 18:11 But that person definitely needs a person As somebody who's had, like, family members who just, like, isolate themselves-

Trevor Noah 18:21 Mm-hmm

Speaker 18:21 ... from, like, the-

Speaker 18:22 Mm-hmm

Speaker 18:22 ... family for whatever reasons, and you, like, you don't know where they are, you don't know what they're doing, it's a big worry.

Trevor Noah 18:28 So in your system, you'd, like, pair them up with somebody who likes to dress up as an alligator?

Speaker 18:32 Y- sure, if that's your thing. I, m- I don't kink shame, you see.

Trevor Noah 18:35 No, no-

Speaker 18:35 So-

Trevor Noah 18:35 ... I'm just saying 'cause we're trying to solve-

Speaker 18:37 But, yeah, but I-

Speaker 18:37 ... problems here

Speaker 18:38 ... so, so I think in your scenario, you would have to align them with someone who was, like, so passionate about outreach and social work that they didn't mind just being a pen pal for maybe years until this person wanted to talk.

Speaker 18:51 Well, there are people like that.

Speaker 18:53 Yeah.

Speaker 18:53 Do you know what I mean? This-

Speaker 18:54 Yeah.

Speaker 18:54 You know-

Speaker 18:54 Okay

Speaker 18:55 ... I, I think it would, it'd be like, it wouldn't be like an opposites attract thing, 'cause I think-

Speaker 19:00 Mm-hmm

Speaker 19:00 ... fundamentally they'd have to be assigned someone that has the same value system as them.

Speaker 19:03 Okay.

Trevor Noah 19:04 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 19:04 Okay. Got it.

Speaker 19:04 Right? Even if they have a different personality. But it would just mean that you would always have a person.

Trevor Noah 19:10 What if I kill my person?

Speaker 19:12 Okay. Well-

Trevor Noah 19:13 Do you give me another one?

Speaker 19:14 [laughs]

Speaker 19:15 [laughs]

Speaker 19:16 Well, the thing is, if you go to prison, you're gonna have lots of assigned people.

Trevor Noah 19:20 [laughs]

Speaker 19:20 [laughs]

Speaker 19:21 In-

Trevor Noah 19:21 Wow, okay

Speaker 19:21 ... in other cells.

Trevor Noah 19:22 So my assignment's-

Speaker 19:23 So you're not gonna be-

Trevor Noah 19:23 ... following me.

Speaker 19:23 Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 19:24 Okay. I was just trying to-

Speaker 19:25 Oh

Trevor Noah 19:25 ... figure out, like, okay.

Speaker 19:26 No, I feel, I feel like I don't think it would become contentious. All human relationships have stuff-

Trevor Noah 19:31 Mm-hmm

Speaker 19:31 ... but it, I think it would do a lot of things for loneliness, 'cause people get to a certain age, and they just wake up, maybe they get widowed or-

Trevor Noah 19:38 So-

Speaker 19:38 ... maybe they, you know

Trevor Noah 19:38 ...

Trevor Noah 19:39 I hear, I hear, look, I think the sentiment behind it, like most of our sentiments-

Speaker 19:42 Yeah

Trevor Noah 19:42 ... are right.

Speaker 19:42 Mm.

Trevor Noah 19:42 I think it is a beautiful idea. Th- the area where I think it falls short is this. I think that loneliness is always relative to what we perceive the, the other thing to be, okay?

Speaker 19:52 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 19:53 So if you're on an island, and there's only one other person on the island, you might find over some time you're like, "This is life, and this is great," and the, y- you- you get what I'm saying. But if you, i- if you live in a world where there's, like, 1,000 people, and then you only know, like, one of them-

Speaker 20:06 Yeah

Trevor Noah 20:06 ... you might still be lonely, 'cause you're like, "Oh, I wish I had more friends. I only have one friend."

Speaker 20:11 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 20:11 "And I..." So I think people would just make that the baseline. Now you'd become the loser in your basement. "Oh, you probably only have an assigned friend. Oh, ho, ho."

Speaker 20:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Trevor Noah 20:19 "Oh, look at you. Oh, is that your wife? Is that an assigned wife? Oh, ho." So you would, I think you'd still have the same loneliness.

Speaker 20:25 Mm.

Trevor Noah 20:26 And I also think, like, on a societal level, this, this has gotta be a thing that, like, pushes us as humans a little bit and it's like, you know-

Speaker 20:31 That is the push.

Trevor Noah 20:32 Uh, I don't think it's the push.

Speaker 20:33 Okay. So there's been all these-

Trevor Noah 20:35 I don't think it's the push

Speaker 20:35 ... but every year we pick up the newspaper or we watch news-

Trevor Noah 20:38 Yeah

Speaker 20:38 ... and there's a story of somebody who has died in their apartment-

Trevor Noah 20:42 Yes

Speaker 20:42 ... and it's been there for years.

Trevor Noah 20:43 Yes.

Speaker 20:44 And there's a smell coming from it.

Trevor Noah 20:46 Right.

Speaker 20:46 And the neighbors are like, "What's that?" And then the police come, and-

Trevor Noah 20:48 Yes

Speaker 20:49 ... it's a skeleton. There's a, a specific case, um, case of actually a Black British woman, and it's her skeleton-

Trevor Noah 20:54 Right

Speaker 20:54 ... watching TV, and it's like the apartment's stuck in time, right?

Trevor Noah 20:57 Right, right, right.

Speaker 20:58 And I think about, that happens so much in cities-

Trevor Noah 21:00 Yes, but I, I-

Speaker 21:00 ... all around the world

Trevor Noah 21:01 ... but I'm arguing, I agree with you.

Speaker 21:02 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 21:02 We've never heard that story happen in an African village.

Speaker 21:06 Yeah, but Africa-

Trevor Noah 21:06 I've never heard a story one time-

Speaker 21:08 In Africa you need to unassign people. [laughs]

Speaker 21:10 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 21:10 That's what I'm trying to say. I, I, so what I'm-

Speaker 21:11 You need, like, you need less people in your business in Africa. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 21:13 No, so what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is I argue the thing that you're pitching isn't the root cause of what's happening. I would argue you've ruled the world and you've thrown in, like, a, a way to, like, treat the symptom. But the real issue is just, like, us living isolated lives in our worlds, in our ... You know what I mean? It's like I, I, I ... That's why I say I love the sentiment, but I personally am gonna vote no-

Speaker 21:34 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 21:34 ... because I think you've fixed it the wrong way in my opinion as a voter.

Speaker 21:38 Okay.

Trevor Noah 21:38 And I think it's just gonna be like, it's just gonna be a different way to be lonely.

Speaker 21:41 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 21:42 And then some people s- you know there's a weird thing. I think some people might even feel more rejected when their assigned thing doesn't work out, because, like, an algorithm said it's supposed to work out, and then it didn't work out.

Speaker 21:52 Mm.

Trevor Noah 21:52 And imagine how much lonelier you would be if you failed at the thing that was pre-chosen for you-

Speaker 21:59 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 21:59 ... that was supposed to be perfect.

Speaker 22:01 Oh.

Trevor Noah 22:01 So I'm gonna vote no.

Speaker 22:02 That's so-

Trevor Noah 22:02 That's my ... That's, I love, I love the sentiment behind it. I j- it's a beautiful idea, but it's a no.

Speaker 22:07 Okay.

Speaker 22:07 Before I ba- before I vote, I have one more question and one potential suggestion.

Speaker 22:12 Okay.

Speaker 22:12 One question, would you daisy chain the, the people? So, like, let's say you have your person, and then you're both, like, 28, and then your person, your assigned person passes.

Speaker 22:22 Mm.

Speaker 22:22 Do you get another person, or are you, like, alone for the rest of life now?

Speaker 22:27 No. I feel like, I think the assigned person is sacred.

Speaker 22:32 Oh.

Trevor Noah 22:32 Wow.

Speaker 22:33 Okay.

Trevor Noah 22:33 I am, oh, I'm gonna go-

Speaker 22:34 Okay

Trevor Noah 22:34 ... back now and vote more no.

Speaker 22:35 [laughs]

Speaker 22:36 [laughs]

Speaker 22:38 Because I feel like-

Trevor Noah 22:39 Damn

Speaker 22:39 ... knowing how human ... You know I have a very dismal view of human nature.

Trevor Noah 22:42 Damn.

Speaker 22:42 Yeah.

Speaker 22:43 I feel like to Trevor's point, somewhat-

Trevor Noah 22:45 You just forced soulmates on-

Speaker 22:46 ... s-

Trevor Noah 22:46 You know, have you watched that twin flames documentary?

Speaker 22:49 [laughs]

Speaker 22:49 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 22:49 You've just twin flamed people.

Speaker 22:50 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 22:51 Have you seen that scam?

Speaker 22:52 [laughs]

Speaker 22:52 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 22:52 Everyone who's just listened to this, go and watch Escaping Twin Flames-

Speaker 22:56 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 22:56 ... and you will see what Christiana has just pitched to us, 'cause she just said, "Sacred. Your partner's sacred."

Speaker 23:01 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 23:01 This is the fundamental premise of twin flame scams. I'm more voting no.

Speaker 23:07 [laughs]

Speaker 23:07 So I am voting yes.

Speaker 23:11 Oh.

Speaker 23:11 But I have a, I have a little tweak-

Speaker 23:13 Yeah

Speaker 23:13 ... because I do think it would work better this way-

Speaker 23:16 Okay

Speaker 23:16 ... if you were already gonna implement it.

Speaker 23:17 I'm, I'm on board for the amendment. I just want the vote.

Speaker 23:19 I think-

Speaker 23:20 [laughs]

Speaker 23:20 Wow.

Trevor Noah 23:21 This is the problem with politics today.

Speaker 23:22 [laughs]

Speaker 23:25 I think that your assigned person has to be someone on a different part of the world than you, and I think that, uh, at some point you each get a trip to see each other.

Speaker 23:36 Okay.

Speaker 23:36 So you can see each other as much as you want.

Speaker 23:38 So, like, cultural exchange, like-

Speaker 23:39 Cultural exchange-

Speaker 23:40 Okay

Speaker 23:40 ... exactly. Because I think that you having a person in a place that you would probably never go and something you know nothing about, that's actually what, like, brings more humanity into it.

Speaker 23:50 Okay.

Speaker 23:50 And-

Trevor Noah 23:50 What a terrible system.

Speaker 23:52 What?

Speaker 23:52 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 23:52 You guys are, like, ridiculously terrible.

Speaker 23:54 What? B- I-

Trevor Noah 23:55 Your, your assigned partner's gonna be in another country?

Speaker 23:57 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 23:58 Now you can't afford to go see the one person who's assigned to you?

Speaker 24:01 No, but you get a trip.

Trevor Noah 24:02 Yeah, one.

Speaker 24:03 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 24:03 Even worse-

Speaker 24:04 Yeah. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 24:04 ... than what you coulda had. Here's what you coulda had if you could afford flights.

Speaker 24:08 No one, no one says you have to go back

Trevor Noah 24:09 Yeah, but what if you f- you like, you're like, "This person's perfect for me."

Speaker 24:12 I think, I think, and I-

Trevor Noah 24:12 And now you can't go... Have you heard of visas, Josh? This is American-

Speaker 24:15 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 24:15 This is what this is. Americans travel the world-

Speaker 24:18 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 24:18 ... not knowing how hard it is to travel the world. You whip out your passport, every country lets you in.

Speaker 24:22 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 24:22 If you came from any other country, you would never make that suggestion.

Speaker 24:25 [laughs] I know.

Trevor Noah 24:26 Imagine meeting your assigned sacred partner, you fall for them.

Speaker 24:30 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 24:31 You're like, "Wow, this is the best person for me," and then the other country's like, "You can't come in because you don't have a visa." And then what?

Speaker 24:36 But if they're your assigned partner-

Speaker 24:37 But I think they-

Speaker 24:37 ... you wouldn't need visas.

Speaker 24:38 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 24:39 You wouldn't need, you don't need visas for your assigned partner.

Speaker 24:39 This is, this is her world where everyone has an assigned partner.

Speaker 24:42 You wouldn't, you wouldn't need a visa.

Speaker 24:42 So we don't have to worry about the borders in the same way over this.

Trevor Noah 24:45 I don't know. You guys are adding, like, a bunch of If I Rules into one If I Ruled.

Speaker 24:48 No, it's just-

Trevor Noah 24:48 No, no.

Speaker 24:49 No, it's amendments.

Speaker 24:50 No, she has the power to go ahead and make you the person.

Trevor Noah 24:52 Yeah. Vote. Go ahead.

Speaker 24:53 He voted.

Speaker 24:54 I, yes.

Trevor Noah 24:54 You voted yes?

Speaker 24:55 Yeah, yeah.

Trevor Noah 24:55 Well, mine's still a no.

Speaker 24:56 [laughs]

Speaker 24:58 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 24:58 This is the craziest, most ridiculous combination of ideas. Can I tell you something?

Speaker 25:04 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 25:04 This situation that you guy... I would make a movie about this world, and my movie would be about somebody escaping this world.

Speaker 25:11 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 25:12 And I would call the movie Unassigned.

Speaker 25:13 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 25:14 That's what it would be. I could see the trailer now, it'd be like, "In a world where everyone is forced to be with someone they don't know."

Speaker 25:20 "Michael, come meet your assigned partner."

Trevor Noah 25:23 "I gotta get out of here."

Speaker 25:24 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 25:25 "I gotta get out of here." "The government locks everybody down. They tell you who you should be with."

Speaker 25:31 "I say hello to your little friend."

Trevor Noah 25:35 "One woman decides to fight back."

Speaker 25:38 "I'm not gonna take this shit. I don't need to sign anything."

Trevor Noah 25:41 "It's sacred, Mary."

Speaker 25:42 "God damn it, you're sick."

Trevor Noah 25:44 "Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo. One girl. Get her. Get her now. Up against the odds. Mr. President, do we have permission to take her out? She's gonna shut it all down."

Speaker 25:57 "I hate this system."

Trevor Noah 25:59 "Bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Unassigned, coming to theaters soon." That's what I would make.

Speaker 26:07 Amazing. I, I mean, I would watch it.

Trevor Noah 26:09 Yeah. I would escape that world. [upbeat music]

Speaker 26:11 I would watch it, but I would also wish I was in that world. [laughs]

Speaker 26:16 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 26:17 Don't go anywhere, because we got more What Now? after this. [upbeat music] Okay.

Trevor Noah 26:30 If I ruled the world, I would say we have no more politicians. They're gone. No more. No more presidents, no more senators, no more congresspeople, no more none of them. I think it is a defunct position. I think we no longer need it, because the reason we needed it before was because we didn't have, like, telephones and internet.

Speaker 26:53 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 26:54 So, villages and communities needed to get a person to go to the central body to tell the people there-

Speaker 27:00 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 27:00 ... what they needed. And because we, like, we as the people were, like, working on our farms and stuff, we couldn't all leave our stuff to go and tell the people what we need.

Speaker 27:08 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 27:08 So we'd send a representative, that's where the term comes from, a representative, to go and tell the other-

Speaker 27:14 Mm

Trevor Noah 27:14 ... representatives what our neck of the woods needs.

Speaker 27:16 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 27:17 We no longer need this. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "But then Trevor, this seems like a world of chaos. Who is making the rules? Who is..." I, in my world-

Speaker 27:25 Mm

Trevor Noah 27:25 ... the rules are now made by the people, for the people. And what would happen is everybody would have a device. It is secure. Don't worry, we've done the, the, we've done the work on this already.

Speaker 27:35 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 27:35 It's secure. And what you would do in your daily life is you would pick the things that you want to be a certain way. So you would say, like, "Oh, I think we should spend more money on roads, and-

Speaker 27:45 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 27:46 ... I think we should spend more money on books and education. Teachers should get more salary. And no, I don't want more war. And I think we should-

Speaker 27:52 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 27:52 ... also do this, and we shouldn't do that." And that's all you would do.

Speaker 27:54 Every day?

Trevor Noah 27:55 No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. You just do it when you wanna do it. You don't even have to do it, like, at, in one go. Essentially-

Speaker 28:00 So elections

Trevor Noah 28:01 ... but all of, let's put it this way, all of this information-

Speaker 28:04 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 28:04 ... will be pertinent at the time that it needs to be pertinent, but it isn't on the fixed cycle that it is the way it is now in elections, because now this is arbitrary.

Speaker 28:12 So it's a referendum, which I hate, because of Brexit.

Trevor Noah 28:14 No, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. It's not a referendum, because it's going into law. It's not a referendum.

Speaker 28:19 Okay.

Trevor Noah 28:19 All right? So instead of voting for a person who could not do the thing you say, I must always point out.

Speaker 28:24 Okay.

Trevor Noah 28:25 Many people get voted in and then do not do the thing that they say. You would vote, and then if most people have voted-

Speaker 28:31 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 28:31 ... for free healthcare, there would now be free healthcare.

Speaker 28:34 But who would give the free healthcare?

Trevor Noah 28:36 Bureaucrats.

Speaker 28:37 Oh.

Trevor Noah 28:38 So, bureaucrats still run what's happening.

Speaker 28:41 Mm.

Trevor Noah 28:41 You need... Because people who push paper, this is what you need. You need actuary, actuaries-

Speaker 28:45 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 28:45 ... and you need, like, accountants, and-

Speaker 28:47 Oof

Trevor Noah 28:47 ... you need, you need this world, right? And they're making the thing happen. They're executing-

Speaker 28:51 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 28:51 ... what has come from the people, but there's no longer a leader who gets to take the thing that came from the people, and then, like, make it about themselves, and then not do it.

Speaker 28:59 How do you get to be a bureaucrat?

Trevor Noah 29:02 No, no, it's just qualifications. Because all you're doing is working things out. It's like economists, accountants, engineers, scientists. That's what they do. It's your job. You, you don't have power.

Speaker 29:11 Mm.

Trevor Noah 29:11 You just have to do what the people said.

Speaker 29:12 Okay, so-

Speaker 29:12 Bureaucracies have a lot of power.

Trevor Noah 29:14 No, no, no, no, but not in this system.

Speaker 29:16 So you-

Trevor Noah 29:16 Because in this system it has to be executed. It just has to be done. So let's say, let's say a community votes, they want a, a park, and they want the park to be funded with their taxes, then they would vote on this. Everyone has their little app, and they would vote on it, and it would get passed as a measure. And then the bureaucrats just have to make it happen.

Speaker 29:33 So you're almost having, like, elections towards policies, 'cause it's-

Trevor Noah 29:37 Yeah, there's no people involved

Speaker 29:38 ... there's no people involved.

Trevor Noah 29:39 There is no leader.

Speaker 29:40 There's no leader. It's just do you want-

Trevor Noah 29:42 There's no debates

Speaker 29:43 ... do you want access to this thing? Because the, the reason that I, that I worry about there not being debates is that I think there's a disconnect, and some of this is just how we live as people.

Trevor Noah 29:54 Yeah.

Speaker 29:54 But there's, like, a disconnect between when you get to the, um, uh, ballot box and how something is worded versus the points that people made before you got there.

Trevor Noah 30:05 Okay, cool.

Speaker 30:06 And so there are sometimes things that are like ... intentionally vague, as in, like, they, there've, there've even been courts that had to throw out certain ballots before the vote because they were like, "This is worded in a way to be confusing"

Trevor Noah 30:18 It, it becomes like m- it becomes backward mumble, right?

Speaker 30:21 Yes.

Trevor Noah 30:21 Where like the, it's like a riddle almost.

Speaker 30:22 Exactly. So then how would you stop people who, let's say, don't want women to have, like-

Trevor Noah 30:27 Right

Speaker 30:27 ... access to abortion? That's still a belief someone will hold.

Trevor Noah 30:31 Yes.

Speaker 30:31 How do you stop them from using, whether they're, it's the bureaucracy or their-

Trevor Noah 30:36 So the-

Speaker 30:36 ... ballot

Trevor Noah 30:37 ... the, the great thing in this system is, in the same way you can use your phone today-

Speaker 30:42 Mm

Trevor Noah 30:43 ... to reiterate or to explain or to define, right? If you use any of, like, even basically, basic level AIs now, I'm not even talking about ones connected to the internet.

Speaker 30:52 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 30:52 Like a simple large language model, you can have that on device, and it can just explain this to you. So it can say to you as Josh, "Hey, Josh, this is what this measure is." So you go, as Josh, I do not think, 'cause you've said this on the podcast, and I see you've brought it up again, you don't want women to have a choice over their bodies.

Speaker 31:09 [laughs]

Speaker 31:09 I, I, I would too.

Trevor Noah 31:10 I see you brought it up again.

Speaker 31:12 Well-

Trevor Noah 31:12 And so for you, Josh-

Speaker 31:13 That's not ... [laughs]

Trevor Noah 31:15 For you, the thing would say to you as Josh, "Josh, do you think that a woman should be allowed to make choices over her body medically?" And then you would say yes or no based on that. But it would make the language as clear for you as possible.

Speaker 31:31 You, so you're letting a robot do that work, like a-

Trevor Noah 31:34 What do you mean?

Speaker 31:35 An i- an AI would do the explaining.

Trevor Noah 31:37 The interpretation.

Speaker 31:37 The interpretation.

Trevor Noah 31:38 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 31:39 Oh, wow.

Trevor Noah 31:39 Yeah. I'll, I'll tell you why. Let me tell you why.

Speaker 31:41 AI is so-

Trevor Noah 31:41 The reas-

Speaker 31:42 No.

Trevor Noah 31:43 No, wait, wait. Let me explain why.

Speaker 31:44 Okay. Go for it.

Trevor Noah 31:44 Let me explain why. So the first thing we have to do is separate types of AIs, right?

Speaker 31:49 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 31:49 There's some AIs that are very, they're, they're insular, and then-

Speaker 31:52 Yeah

Trevor Noah 31:52 ... there are other AIs that are, that are not. So they're connected to things, and they-

Speaker 31:55 Mm.

Trevor Noah 31:55 No, no, no. This is locked in. It's insular. All it's doing is explaining. Does that make sense?

Speaker 31:59 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 32:00 It's not intelligent in that way.

Speaker 32:02 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 32:02 It is just, it's able to, like, rephrase the thing and explain it to you in a way it could tr- translate into your language.

Speaker 32:08 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 32:09 It could use, you know, words that you understand more than others. It, that's essentially what it's doing.

Speaker 32:13 Okay.

Speaker 32:14 Okay.

Speaker 32:15 So in, you're basically pitching direct democracy. It's like what the Greeks used to do, like, but a digital version.

Trevor Noah 32:24 Yeah.

Speaker 32:24 Yeah?

Trevor Noah 32:24 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 32:25 So that means everybody gets a say.

Trevor Noah 32:27 Everybody gets a say.

Speaker 32:28 And it's easy to have a say.

Trevor Noah 32:29 Yes.

Speaker 32:30 Okay, I don't like that. Everybody shouldn't get a say.

Trevor Noah 32:33 Everybody shouldn't get a say?

Speaker 32:35 No, everybody should get a say.

Trevor Noah 32:36 Huh.

Speaker 32:37 My other question is, is there still religious institutions?

Trevor Noah 32:40 Yeah, we, it's in the world we're in.

Speaker 32:41 But so that means you still have leaders and politicians.

Trevor Noah 32:44 No, no, no, no. I get what you're saying.

Speaker 32:46 Because you're, my worry is that-

Trevor Noah 32:48 Mm-hmm

Speaker 32:48 ... humans are, like, inherently hierarchical. And now we don't have politicians.

Trevor Noah 32:54 Okay.

Speaker 32:56 They are gonna find other, like, people to do the thinking on their behalf. So it's either gonna be religious leaders.

Trevor Noah 33:05 In my world, probably be TikTokers.

Speaker 33:09 Okay. It's gonna be [laughs] gonna pe- be people who used to dance as a hobby but now make bread.

Trevor Noah 33:15 Hey, man-

Speaker 33:16 Online

Trevor Noah 33:16 ... we all used to dance.

Speaker 33:18 I think, okay, so two, two last questions on it, right? One is, um, is, are you going to be voting all the way down to making distinctions about the spending when we judge the spending? Because we say-

Trevor Noah 33:32 Right

Speaker 33:32 ... we want free healthcare. Now someone has to decide, out of the money that we do have, how much of the budget should leave other things to go to the free healthcare.

Trevor Noah 33:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

Speaker 33:41 Is that also gonna get a vote?

Trevor Noah 33:43 No, because this is where I believe somebody who's good at numbers is better than somebody who's good at talking.

Speaker 33:49 Okay.

Trevor Noah 33:50 And I think a lot of the time, our issues in society come from the fact that politicians get involved in that, but what do they know about it?

Speaker 33:57 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 33:57 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 33:58 Like, who are they to divide up a budget and be like, "Oh, we should send this much to defense, and we should send-

Speaker 34:02 But aren't they getting advice from their bureaucrats?

Trevor Noah 34:04 No, they're not. But they're not. We know that they're not. They're getting advice from lobbyists. They're getting advice-

Speaker 34:09 Mm

Trevor Noah 34:09 ... from special interest groups. They're getting advice from, like, someone who's scratching their back. They're getting advice from the company they're gonna go to after-

Speaker 34:16 Mm

Trevor Noah 34:16 ... they leave government.

Speaker 34:17 Yeah.

Speaker 34:17 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 34:17 That's where they're getting their advice.

Speaker 34:19 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 34:19 So I'm, again, I'm not even saying my system is perfect.

Speaker 34:22 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 34:23 We will discover things we might need to tweak, but I'm saying-

Speaker 34:26 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 34:27 ... the current system is that humans who don't know numbers are saying what the number splits should be.

Speaker 34:33 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 34:34 Have you ever seen these stories where the American military has to, like, spend money, but, like, really fast, just because they have excess money?

Speaker 34:42 Yeah.

Speaker 34:42 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 34:43 Yeah.

Speaker 34:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Trevor Noah 34:43 Yeah. And they'll, they'll, they'll tell you these stories. They're like, "They told us, they said, uh, 'We have to build something.' And we were like, 'We don't need to build anything.' And they said, 'We don't give a shit. Build something.' And so we built a, we built, we built-"

Speaker 34:53 Yeah

Trevor Noah 34:53 ... "a warehouse in Afghanistan." And you're like, "What is the warehouse for?" They're like, "We don't know. We just built it."

Speaker 34:57 Yeah.

Speaker 34:57 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 34:57 But that, that's a, that's a system that's not working correctly, right?

Speaker 35:00 Mm.

Speaker 35:00 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 35:00 Because you had an excess. Instead of building an empty warehouse in Afghanistan, you could have built, like, 50 schools, maybe even more, but you just had to finish that money because then that's how budget ... You see, that's what I'm saying. I would eliminate, those people are not involved in that.

Speaker 35:12 Mm.

Speaker 35:12 My, the issue I'm having is people vote against their own interests all the time.

Trevor Noah 35:18 Yes.

Speaker 35:18 And they vote for things that are bad for them.

Trevor Noah 35:20 Yes.

Speaker 35:21 And in history, the best polit- not even politicians, the best leaders-

Trevor Noah 35:25 Mm-hmm

Speaker 35:26 ... have gone against, like, say, a Fred Hampton, RIP, gone against the status quo.

Trevor Noah 35:31 Yes.

Speaker 35:32 The people are like, "No way." [laughs] Do you know? Like, really deeply unpopular idea. And sometimes it's like top-down, "This is what we're going to do." Like, to give an example, like the COVID mandate.

Trevor Noah 35:45 Yes.

Speaker 35:45 Like, "Well, if you don't get this shot, you're not coming to work."

Trevor Noah 35:48 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 35:48 [laughs] And then people were like, "Oh." Some people were like, "Okay, I'm gonna quit my job," but most people were like, "All right, shoot me in the arm."

Trevor Noah 35:54 Yeah.

Speaker 35:55 And then it, you know, kind of didn't eliminate, but this life-threatening virus slowly receded from society, even though it's still there, right?

Trevor Noah 36:05 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 36:05 So the thing that we need about politicians is that they can push through unpopular things by force that people do not want, but we can take back that power. Right?

Trevor Noah 36:19 Yes. So now-

Speaker 36:20 And we can get rid of them.

Trevor Noah 36:22 Yes.

Speaker 36:22 However, if I'm in a society where I'm in, like, a minority that knows that this will be better for us as a group-

Trevor Noah 36:29 Yes

Speaker 36:30 ... let's think about gay marriage.

Trevor Noah 36:31 Okay.

Speaker 36:32 It was, like, never a popular thing.

Trevor Noah 36:34 Yes.

Speaker 36:34 People were like, "No, no, no, no," and then the Supreme Court one day was like, "Oh, yeah, actually, why not?" You know what I mean?

Trevor Noah 36:39 But by the time that happened, the American population in general was not opposed to it.

Speaker 36:46 But there were enough-

Trevor Noah 36:47 It did not, it was not contrarian when it was passed

Speaker 36:49 ... but there were enough people that would still vote no on the-

Trevor Noah 36:52 I, no, no-

Speaker 36:52 ... on the actual thing

Trevor Noah 36:52 ... but it's not big, not enough to win the vote. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 36:54 Oh, my bad

Trevor Noah 36:55 ... on the app, on the app, well, they wouldn't have won the vote.

Speaker 36:57 Mm.

Trevor Noah 36:57 That's what I'm trying to say. And, and so I agree with you. I actually think sometimes, I don't think people vote in, against their best interests just, like, randomly.

Speaker 37:05 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 37:05 I think a lot of people vote against their best interest because they've been sold something-

Speaker 37:08 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 37:08 ... that is different to what it is. So if we look at Fred Hampton as a good example.

Speaker 37:12 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 37:12 The, like, right, the leader of the Black Panther Organization. When his, when he formed his Rainbow Coalition, what did he do there? He found a way to connect poor white people and poor Black people and poor other color people, and he was like, "Whatever race you are, if you are poor, we're putting you together in a group."

Speaker 37:27 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 37:27 And he said to these white people, "I know you think that I'm a nigger. Forget that for now."

Speaker 37:32 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 37:32 "Are your kids hungry? Yeah, well, their kids are also hungry. Is your house leaking? Their house is also leaking. Let's forget your racism for now. Let's just fix these issues. Let's, let's band together, and let's, let's work on this, right?"

Speaker 37:43 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 37:44 And what that shows you is that those people, once presented with an issue that solves their problem, don't vote against their best interests.

Speaker 37:50 Mm.

Trevor Noah 37:50 But what politicians do is they get in the way of fixing things. So they say, "You, you wanna vote for, uh, free healthcare. You know who's gonna use your free healthcare? The Mexicans." And then people are like, "Damn, we shouldn't vote for free healthcare."

Speaker 38:04 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 38:05 So I'm actually arguing, get the politicians out of the storytelling. Everyone just has it on their app. And when they're in the privacy of their own home with their own little device talking to their own version of Siri, they just get to have a conversation-

Speaker 38:17 Mm

Trevor Noah 38:17 ... where it goes like, and they go like, "So w- where's the money going?" And it's like, "Well, the, the, the pool and," or, "Where, where, what are we spending?" "Well, your teachers need more money, and this is, do you want them?" And you can still vote no.

Speaker 38:27 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 38:28 But now what you vote is what happens. There's no one who inflames tensions. There's no one who gives you a story around it.

Speaker 38:35 Well, that's where, that's my issue, 'cause I think that you under- like, politicians is just a name and the label and a job-

Trevor Noah 38:41 No, I, I know what you're saying

Speaker 38:42 ... but humans are political animals.

Trevor Noah 38:43 No, I, I hear what you're saying.

Speaker 38:44 And there's gonna be that person that's gonna go around, do the work-

Trevor Noah 38:48 Yes

Speaker 38:48 ... go door to door-

Trevor Noah 38:49 Yes

Speaker 38:49 ... and say, like, "Well, the machine is telling you this, but I know different."

Trevor Noah 38:53 Right.

Speaker 38:53 Or they go straight to the machine, like Elon would just buy-

Speaker 38:57 No-

Speaker 38:57 ... whatever the thing is

Trevor Noah 38:57 In my system, you can't do that, Josh.

Speaker 38:58 [laughs]

Speaker 38:59 Why? There's money.

Trevor Noah 38:59 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 39:00 It's capitalism.

Trevor Noah 39:00 No, no, no. You can't-

Speaker 39:01 How are you gonna pay for all of this stuff?

Trevor Noah 39:02 'Cause I rule the world.

Speaker 39:02 [laughs] Oh my gosh.

Trevor Noah 39:03 That's how I'm doing it. You guys forgot that I rule the world?

Speaker 39:05 Oh my gosh.

Trevor Noah 39:05 I said after I rule the world-

Speaker 39:07 Oh my gosh

Trevor Noah 39:07 ... you think I'm gonna need money-

Speaker 39:07 So there's no, so there's no-

Trevor Noah 39:08 ... If I Ruled the World?

Speaker 39:09 So there's no wealthy people in this society-

Trevor Noah 39:11 No, no, no, no, no

Speaker 39:11 ... that can pervert-

Trevor Noah 39:11 They can't buy this thing, same way you can't just buy the election system.

Speaker 39:15 Oh.

Speaker 39:15 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 39:15 Like in, no, in a functioning country, you cannot.

Speaker 39:17 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 39:18 You can't just buy it. You can't just be like, "I'm buying elections."

Speaker 39:21 Well, one day I wanna buy ele- an election. [laughs] That's like one of my goals.

Trevor Noah 39:23 No, but what I mean is you can't just, like, buy election.

Speaker 39:25 Uh-huh.

Trevor Noah 39:25 It's not for sale is what my point is.

Speaker 39:27 Got you, got you.

Trevor Noah 39:27 That's the thing. I'm not a tyrant. I'm not saying no stories, no narratives, no. No, the difference is, though.

Speaker 39:33 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 39:33 Let's lo- let's use America as an example. In America, when you ask people about gun safety-

Speaker 39:39 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 39:39 ... overwhelmingly, I mean, the number moves, but, like, you find at some points it's, like, 75% to 80% of the American population agrees that there should be stricter regulations on certain types of weapons and who can hold them and who can sell them-

Speaker 39:53 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 39:53 ... and who can buy them and what magazines and what m- and all of it. It doesn't get passed by the people that have been elected to represent the people. That, for me, makes no sense.

Speaker 40:03 But why don't you just ban lobbyists?

Trevor Noah 40:06 Because I don't think it's a-

Speaker 40:06 Or, like, have less money in politics.

Trevor Noah 40:08 No, because I still don't think it's a, because I think this issue has long, it's, like, lived beyond lobbying, and it's lived beyond, does that make sense?

Speaker 40:14 Yeah.

Speaker 40:14 Mm.

Speaker 40:14 One thing I agree with within that is that, like, even without the lobbyists, you, you can never underestimate the level of laziness that a, any given politician has. Like, there's all this stuff where politicians have let their aides read the entire bill-

Trevor Noah 40:30 Yes

Speaker 40:30 ... then describe it to them.

Speaker 40:31 Yeah, but people are lazy.

Speaker 40:32 And then vote.

Speaker 40:32 We're giving them an app? Some people may just let their kid vote. They're like, "You go ahead. You vote for me."

Trevor Noah 40:37 No, no, no, no. Our thing has biometrics.

Speaker 40:39 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 40:39 You can't do that.

Speaker 40:39 [laughs]

Speaker 40:40 Oh, so it's a surveillance technology.

Trevor Noah 40:42 No, it's not. No, no, it's not.

Speaker 40:42 Oh, so it is.

Trevor Noah 40:43 It's not surveillance. It's biometric.

Speaker 40:44 It's surveillance technology.

Trevor Noah 40:44 It's not bi- it's biometric.

Speaker 40:45 Okay.

Speaker 40:46 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 40:46 It's biometric. The same way-

Speaker 40:48 This is, like, some fucking dystopian shit.

Trevor Noah 40:48 I like how you ... Wait, wait, wait. Can I just say, can I just say, I mis-

Speaker 40:52 This is dystopian. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 40:53 I'm sorry, assigned, misassigned by force, you're telling me about dystopian?

Speaker 40:56 That is dystopian.

Trevor Noah 40:57 I'm say- do you-

Speaker 40:57 I don't wanna give the government my eyes.

Trevor Noah 40:59 Okay, okay. Does your phone-

Speaker 41:00 Or my fingerprint

Trevor Noah 41:00 ... does your phone lock using your face?

Speaker 41:02 No.

Trevor Noah 41:02 What does your phone lock using?

Speaker 41:04 A number, like a normal person. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 41:05 So your phone, no fingerprint, no nothing.

Speaker 41:07 No, you can get my phone right now.

Trevor Noah 41:08 And your phone, yeah, so that's what I would do to you.

Speaker 41:10 I'm not taking, I'm not taking the mark of the beast.

Trevor Noah 41:11 Yeah, but- [laughs]

Speaker 41:13 [laughs]

Speaker 41:14 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 41:14 So then I'm saying to you, I'll give you a device that l- locks using a number. It's just biometrics, but I would know that it's you.

Speaker 41:21 Ah, Trevor, just paper, tick. Let's, let's, let's make it simple.

Trevor Noah 41:23 No, I would know, I would know that it's you. No, I'm making it the most simple. You don't have to go anywhere. You know, can I tell you what has the highest voting rates? American Idol. They never complain about low voter turnouts.

Speaker 41:34 Yeah.

Speaker 41:34 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 41:35 They've never once been like, "Nah, we couldn't get enough people to vote."

Speaker 41:38 Yeah, because it's, like, the same pool of people voting multiple times.

Trevor Noah 41:40 No, but it's also because it's simple.

Speaker 41:43 But why should, like-

Trevor Noah 41:44 It is simple

Speaker 41:44 ... okay, I don't think voting should be hard, 'cause now y- I'm gonna sound like a gerrymandering, like, Republican, but we shouldn't make it too easy to vote.

Trevor Noah 41:50 I think it should be too easy to vote.

Speaker 41:51 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Trevor Noah 41:52 I think it should be completely easy because it is the will of the people.

Speaker 41:55 Okay, and my last question, then.

Trevor Noah 41:57 Go ahead.

Speaker 41:58 Very last question, uh, 'cause one thing that comes to mind is, uh, something that just happened in Australia a little while ago, where the, uh, First Nation people-

Trevor Noah 42:07 Mm-hmm

Speaker 42:07 ... were basically trying to get a, uh, like, a parliamentary advisor, like-

Trevor Noah 42:12 Yeah

Speaker 42:12 ... recognition in the constitution or something like that.

Speaker 42:14 Re- recognition and, and basically because all of Australia had to vote for it, it got a no.

Trevor Noah 42:19 Okay.

Speaker 42:20 Even though it polled well- Obviously some of this is politicians, and by the time-

Speaker 42:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah

Speaker 42:25 ... people went there, they were like, "Wait, are they gonna lose their land if they get this?" And-

Speaker 42:28 Mm-hmm

Speaker 42:28 ... so there was some confusion there. But this is something that will never see the light of day-

Speaker 42:35 Yes

Speaker 42:35 ... as long as everybody gets a vote on it, people who really have no stake in it, and then the people with all of the stake in it, because they are such a minority-

Speaker 42:45 Yes

Speaker 42:45 ... of the group, they don't have the advocacy that shows the people who aren't affected by it how important it is.

Speaker 42:51 Right.

Speaker 42:51 So I'm not saying a politician, and not necessarily even a lobbyist, but if we're missing out on those people, do we miss the opportunities for, let's say we're in a country with more men-

Speaker 43:01 Yes, yes, yes

Speaker 43:01 ... than women.

Speaker 43:02 Completely.

Speaker 43:02 I want women, Josh Johnson wants women-

Speaker 43:05 [laughs]

Speaker 43:05 ... to have reproductive rights, right?

Speaker 43:07 Right, right.

Speaker 43:08 And so if more men are voting than women, and men feel some type of way-

Speaker 43:12 Yes

Speaker 43:12 ... or they're like, "I don't care, 'cause it's not me"-

Speaker 43:13 Completely

Speaker 43:14 ... how, how do we fix that in our system?

Speaker 43:16 Yes, so bad for minority rights.

Trevor Noah 43:17 So you say this, you say this, Josh. And this is what I love about you. You have a beautiful open heart, Josh Johnson.

Speaker 43:22 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 43:22 That's what I love about you. It truly is one of the things I love about you most.

Speaker 43:26 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 43:27 Contrary to popular belief, contrary to popular belief-

Speaker 43:31 Uh-huh

Trevor Noah 43:31 ... and popular being Christiana predominantly-

Speaker 43:33 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 43:34 ... human beings are good, and human beings are kind.

Speaker 43:37 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 43:37 Right?

Speaker 43:38 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 43:38 And it may seem like that is not the case, but you do realize for most of the biggest movements and changes we've experienced in society, the group who is not affected, or at least thinks they're not affected, has voted for. White people had to vote to give Black people the vote, in America, in South Africa, in many place. They're the... Literally, they had to be like, "Yes, the Black people." And in South Africa, think about how crazy it was, it was a minority as well. In America, you can be like, "Ah." They were like, "Well, what's the worst-

Speaker 44:09 Mm

Trevor Noah 44:09 ... that could happen?" In South Africa, a group of people who are, like, what? 7, 8% maybe of the population, were like, "We're gonna let 90% of the population vote and see what happen." They had to vote for that. When it came to women's voting rights, men were the ones who voted to let women vote. So I think we should not take for granted that human beings are a lot better and kinder than we think they are, because history is littered with examples of people voting even for people who aren't the majority and aren't the most. And to go back to what you said, there was confusion. People didn't know what it meant. They didn't know if they were actually disenfranchising the First Nations people. So in my system, it wouldn't do that. It would ask them a simple question, and it, they'd be able to get clarification, and then they would be able to vote on behalf of the people who do not have the majority, which is what I think most voting is anyway. And I think it would alleviate a lot of those problems, but humans have shown they have the capability to do it. So I've made my pitch.

Speaker 45:05 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 45:05 I'm ready to take the votes.

Speaker 45:07 Okay. I'm going to vote yes, because even if we don't see the politician as, um, as a sum, a zero sum good or evil, I do think that their ability to, like, just not care, like, just be like, "I'm chilling."

Trevor Noah 45:25 Yes.

Speaker 45:25 Like-

Trevor Noah 45:26 Yes

Speaker 45:26 ... "I represent these ideas, but, like, guys, I don't really care what happens. I just wanna get elected again."

Trevor Noah 45:31 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 45:31 "So, like, don't even make waves this time."

Trevor Noah 45:33 Mm, mm, preach, brother.

Speaker 45:33 [laughs]

Speaker 45:33 I think if you're-

Trevor Noah 45:34 Preach. Preach

Speaker 45:35 ... I think if you're missing that-

Trevor Noah 45:36 Preach

Speaker 45:37 ... then you, then you have a little bit more access to change quicker than the clip that we've seen.

Trevor Noah 45:43 Preach.

Speaker 45:44 Okay. Um, I'm going to vote no, but not for the reasons that Trevor thinks, not because I think human beings are so awful and terrible, even though I do think they are, but because I think that it's easy to get burnt out thinking... Like, most people do not like to think about political choices all the time. That's why they outsource these decisions. And I think what would eventually happen, it would be a dictatorship. Like, people would be so burnt out, they're like, "Actually, I don't wanna think about this ever again. Is there one person that can do it for me?" If it's a good outcome, it'd be a woman dictator, which we don't really get to see often, so.

Trevor Noah 46:19 There would be more burnt out than-

Speaker 46:21 Yes

Trevor Noah 46:21 ... the system we have now-

Speaker 46:22 Yeah

Trevor Noah 46:22 ... where people have to, like, see campaigns and go to a ballot station-

Speaker 46:25 Yeah, because most, most people-

Trevor Noah 46:26 ... listen to things and read things that-

Speaker 46:28 One thing I believe about humans is that there are a lot of apolitical humans out there. Like, most people do not-

Trevor Noah 46:33 I agree with you, but this is not-

Speaker 46:33 They don't wanna think about this

Trevor Noah 46:34 ... but this is not politics. This is just issues.

Speaker 46:36 They, they don't even wanna think about issues.

Trevor Noah 46:38 Politics are what humans put on top of an issue.

Speaker 46:40 No.

Trevor Noah 46:40 This is just an issue.

Speaker 46:41 I don't want a life with issues.

Trevor Noah 46:42 But everyone handles issues.

Speaker 46:44 No, no, some people have good lives, Trevor. [laughs]

Speaker 46:46 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 46:46 But even those people, even those people, if you say to them, "Should we build, uh, another opera house?" They're like, "Yeah, I would like a say in this." So you're saying no because you think that people won't like it more.

Speaker 46:56 I think it sounds ti- it sounds really tiring, this system, and I just say that. Like, parents, I'm telling you, they're gonna be like, "Please no."

Trevor Noah 47:03 Wow.

Speaker 47:04 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 47:05 Well, I guess my vote doesn't go through because Christiana is tired.

Speaker 47:11 [laughs] Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 47:14 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 47:14 I mean, I, I like that what we've-

Speaker 47:16 Josh, Josh-

Trevor Noah 47:16 Imagine-

Speaker 47:17 ... now's your ti- now's your chance to, like, defend me and be like, "There's reasons why she's tired."

Speaker 47:19 Well, here-

Trevor Noah 47:19 I mean, she's just saying she's tired.

Speaker 47:21 Well, well-

Trevor Noah 47:22 And that's why she doesn't wanna make the world a better place.

Speaker 47:24 No, no, here's my pitch. Here's my pitch for what Christiana is saying, though, is that I think that right now we think that people are politically exhausted because of, like, candidates or ads or just, like, a system.

Trevor Noah 47:36 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 47:37 I think that that l- that level of engagement doesn't necessarily increase just because the quality of someone's life gets better. It's, it's why people stop taking their medicine. You ever see somebody who's sick, and then they get-

Speaker 47:49 [laughs]

Speaker 47:49 ... prescribed a medicine and they're like, "Man, I feel great. I feel so good, I'm not gonna take my medicine."

Speaker 47:54 [laughs]

Speaker 47:54 That's-

Trevor Noah 47:54 I mean, this is true

Speaker 47:55 ... that, that's kind of what I hear when, when Christiana's, like, making these points, is that it's like there's a level of apathy that we think we're solving with this, which we are.

Trevor Noah 48:03 Okay, I'll throw one amendment at you.

Speaker 48:05 Yeah.

Speaker 48:05 Okay.

Trevor Noah 48:05 We gamify it like Candy Crush. Candy Crush has never struggled with people.

Speaker 48:08 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:09 I've never seen anyone on the train be like, "Aw, another level."

Speaker 48:12 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:13 So I'm saying I'm gonna gamify it.

Speaker 48:14 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:14 I'll make it really entertaining, really cool.

Speaker 48:17 This is, this is insane.

Trevor Noah 48:18 No, you'll be playing-

Speaker 48:19 He's, he's the joker

Trevor Noah 48:19 ... you'll be playing the game. You'll be playing the game.

Speaker 48:21 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:21 And then you'll be like, it'll be, like, exciting, and it, it'll be like, it'll be like, "Level four." And then it'll be like, in between level four, it'll be like, "Hey, do you wanna, uh, fund, uh, another school?"

Speaker 48:29 [laughs]

Speaker 48:29 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:29 And then it'll be like, you're like, "Yeah, we should fund another school." And then you go back. "Crazy candy."

Speaker 48:35 It is, it is a little dystopian.

Trevor Noah 48:37 People always have time for games. People, no one... Guys-

Speaker 48:40 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:40 ... there's a reason social media makes so much money. It's not because people are tired of being-

Speaker 48:43 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:44 People aren't tired of engaging. People are tired of engaging in boring things.

Speaker 48:47 I can't believe this.

Speaker 48:48 I mean-

Trevor Noah 48:48 People are tired of engaging in boring things

Speaker 48:50 ... I'm with you.

Trevor Noah 48:50 Not even one person puts down their phone and goes like, "Ugh, too much TikTok."

Speaker 48:54 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:54 Christiana, you're guilty of this.

Speaker 48:56 I know.

Trevor Noah 48:56 You spend-

Speaker 48:57 Yeah

Trevor Noah 48:57 ... seven hours on your phone, and you don't have 10 seconds to vote in my app.

Speaker 48:59 [laughs]

Speaker 49:00 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:00 10 seconds to vote in my app. Guys, I will make my voting system cutesy and demure.

Speaker 49:05 I'm with you, but now you're beholden to the attitude of somebody who is getting annoyed 'cause they can't pass a certain level.

Speaker 49:12 Yeah.

Speaker 49:12 And-

Speaker 49:13 Yeah

Speaker 49:13 ... and-

Trevor Noah 49:14 No, I'm saying there's different gamifications.

Speaker 49:16 I know.

Trevor Noah 49:16 We'll find a way.

Speaker 49:17 Why are you making it a game?

Speaker 49:17 I just think it's a little dystopian to be like-

Speaker 49:19 Yeah

Speaker 49:19 ... "Play for your rights."

Speaker 49:20 What? The i- the i-

Speaker 49:21 No, what I'm saying is we'll make it interesting

Speaker 49:23 ... opening the app with your iris wasn't dystopian enough?

Speaker 49:24 We'll make it interesting.

Speaker 49:25 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:26 You know what? If I ruled the world, I wouldn't ask you guys-

Speaker 49:28 [laughs]

Speaker 49:28 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:28 ... before I passed any laws. I should have said that. If I Ruled the World, I would just do shit.

Speaker 49:33 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:34 That's what I would do. I would just do shit.

Speaker 49:36 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:36 And we'd live in a better world.

Speaker 49:38 [laughs]

Speaker 49:38 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:39 You guys could play your game. Well, anyway, thanks, thanks for coming.

Speaker 49:42 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:43 Thanks for joining us here. I need to, I need to go and reevaluate my views on democracy and-

Speaker 49:49 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:50 ... and the system. Josh, Christiana, as always, it was a pleasure. [upbeat music]