Succeeding In Life, Business & Marriage - Aubrey Marcus | Modern Wisdom Podcast 375

... that question, the first person you ask that question to is yourself. Do I love myself for who I am, or do I love myself for what I do? You're expecting other people to do something that you haven't done, most of the time, right? You're like, "I wish they would just love me for who I am. Meanwhile, I'm gonna love myself for what I do." (laughs)

(wave crashes) Aubrey Marcus, welcome to the show.

Thanks, Chris. Happy to be here again, man.

I know, dude. Congratulations on the marriage.

Yeah, that's the big one, right? (laughs) I mean, I was expecting on it to come out of that, but the big one is the marriage. I got, I got my dream relationship. I mean, it's stunning. Just layers and layers of beautiful complexity. And, uh, I'm really, really so, so happy.

Man, that's amazing. Like, it's... Especially to do it during a pandemic as well?

Yeah, I mean, I, I think the pandemic is a bit subjective. You know, everybody had their own pandemic experience. Um, you know, for me it was... I've known Veilana for many years, so it was actually like, I don't know if our actions would've been that different. I mean, maybe a few more dinners out rather than cooking at home, but- (laughs)

(laughs)

... nonetheless, when you get into this kind of, uh, you know, passionate union, we were just gonna be spending a lot of time together anyways. (laughs)

Dude, I love it, man. It makes me happy to see you happy, and it really does look like you are.

Yeah. No doubt, man. No doubt.

There's a video that I saw of yours a little while ago, and I'm just gonna read out a transcript that I pulled from it. "I spent so much of my life terrified of what I was going to become and whether I was going to be right here, right now. God, how much time did I waste afraid I wasn't going to be right here, right now? If I could change, the only thing I'd change about my whole life would be fearing less that I wouldn't get here, the place that I was going anyway. I wouldn't change all those mistakes and mishaps. I needed those. But all the constant worry that I wasn't going to make it, that took me out of enjoying the moment, it took me out of enjoying these experiences, smiling or eating my lunch or doing whatever I was doing. Know your mission, have faith you're going to get there. Wherever you go, it's going to be all right. Just find ways to get out of your head." What's that mean to you?

Hm. This is the constant, ever-present reminder, advice that I give to myself. And as many times as I say it, I need to say it one more time, because this is, this is the task, this is the challenge. You know, I don't want to go to the end of my life and say, "Ah, I did a lot of good stuff, but I never really enjoyed any of it, because I was always worried about the next thing that I did," and that's how I've lived so much of my life. It was always been about projecting my mind into the future, solving future problems, figuring out what I was gonna do next, at the cost of really being present with what I was doing in the moment. Now, a lot of people might think that there's a trade-off, like it's one or the other. You're either just enjoying the moment and you're just blissed out, like, you know, somebody who's high looking at daffodils in a fucking field or something (laughs) like that, you know? Or, you're really focused. But there's a way to be really present in the actions that you're doing, and I've been able to touch that thing and experience it in small doses. But I wanna live that way. I wanna still... Of course I'm gonna be thinking about the future, thinking about what I can build, thinking about how I can contribute to the world. The world certainly needs it now more than ever, it feels like. But can I do that with my heart full and, you know, really present with what I'm doing, rather than in anxiousness or fear or concern about whether it's gonna work, whether I'm doing enough, all of these thoughts in the mind, and just move forward with this kind of confident knowing that I'm here, I'm doing my best, and that's all that matters. And, uh, it's going to, it's going to happen as it happens, which it always has. That's the thing. Like, I'm batting 1,000. Like, I've never struck out, you know? Like, I'm, uh, I've always... Whatever. Even if I've made a mistake, even if I've fallen on my face, I've learned from it, it's all been perfect. But nonetheless, I look ahead to the future with this anticipation of, "Maybe this time I'm gonna fail and the failure's gonna be the worst thing that's ever gonna happen." It never is. So it's like getting out of these patterns. And that's my, um, you know, that's my prayer. That's my daily constant reminder and prayer, and I have to go back to it all the time.