350k Q&A - Dating Advice, Jordan Peterson & Internal Fears

... the job will change, the location will change, the position will change, the salary will change. The thing that won't change is your requirement to actually do some work and be able to work hard and to know that you've got limits that are way, way, way beyond what you need to do. And that's kind of like a superpower, because most other people don't have that. (graphic pops) You discuss masculinity, intimacy, openness, so curious your thoughts on pegging. (explosion sounds) Bonjour, friends. Welcome back. It is a 350,000 subscriber Q&A episode. Uh, the 300,000 was missed because we blasted through that so quickly that I didn't have time to do one, uh, and now we're at 350. I have no idea what to think about the last month and a bit of attention and growth and stuff. Uh, so welcome if you are new here, and if you're a long-time listener, thank you for sharing and liking and being a part of the cult for all this time and whatnot. Uh, I asked for questions off Instagram and Twitter and locals and YouTube community, and there was nearly a thousand, so thank you to Assistant Ben as well for filtering them all. And we've picked some of the best ones, and I'm gonna try and get round to as many as I can. Let's get into it. Sam Weatherall, "Do you believe in semen retention/nofap superpowers?" Uh, no. No, I... As far as I can see, nofap is most beneficial to people that are pathological fappers, right, that can't keep their hand off their penis. And if that is you and you're fapping it, you know, three or four times a day, you are going to have kind of a superpower because you've just freed up maybe two hours of your day to do stuff that isn't fapping. Uh, outside of that, the levitation and the women being able to se- smell the pheromones and stuff, I'm less convinced. Sarah Russo, "What advice would you give to a young career-driven woman in her 20s?" Take no one else's word for it. I would say that you get to define how it is that you're going to live, and presuming that what some article, newspaper, cultural movement, friend has done as being, like, the thing that you have to do is wrong. Just continually reassess, where am I at? Am I doing what I want to do? Is this making me happy? Is this the path that I'm supposed to be on? You won't go far wrong if you do that. And this would be the same for a guy as well. Um, but yeah, there is a temptation with young career-driven women to have kind of a sunk-cost fallacy here that, like, this is my identity and I'm going to completely adhere myself to this. Um, just keep on checking, and maybe you will want to stay a career-driven woman for the rest of your life, and maybe you won't. But as long as you're doing the introspection, you'll be able to course correct en route. Isaac Mijangos, "Who would you like to have on next? Can you create a form on your website for us to request guests we'd like to see on the pod?" So there already is one, and it's chriswillex.com/contact, so go there and you can send me whoever you want. Um, I always appreciate getting feedback and suggestions from you guys. Sometimes they're fantastic, other times they're less fantastic, but sometimes they're really good. Who I'd like to have on next? What I really want to do with the show after the Jordan Peterson sort of special 4K big production cinematic thing, I'm really keen to try and do maybe two, between two and four of those a year. So find a very big guest and fly out to see them or fly them to see me, uh, and create something that's really visually beautiful. Uh, so next on the hit list, I think would be Jocko Willink. I've only half a degree of separation away from him with some mutuals, and I think that it's been a little while since we've seen something, like, really dramatic and beautiful with him. Uh, plus I love his content, and I think that his style of talking really lends itself to that super intense cinematic, like, very, very, um, beautiful look. So if you know Jocko Willink, tell him to get in touch, uh, or I'm gonna continue grinding away trying to find my way to him. But yeah, that's, that's what I think I'd like to do next as a, a big sort of project, and then maybe across the year, there's, you know, like, between two and four of these special bigger edition episodes. And that can kind of be the thing, that can be one of the, the big growth strategies, but also one of the things that kind of makes the show special and makes it stand out, 'cause I don't think many other people are doing that. Max H. Wilson, "What's your Fran time?" Uh, I think it was late seven minutes, like seven or eight minutes. Uh, and I made such a huge meal of that workout. So for those of you that don't know, Fran is 21-15-9 repetitions of thrusters, uh, 42 kilos, uh, and pull-ups. And, uh, it is, for me, it's just hell, because you can't go unbroken, uh, seven and a bit minutes of just, just pain, and then panting and, and complaining and, and making a meal of it. Megan Carey, "What's your thoughts on male and female platonic relationships?" They are difficult, in my experience. Uh, if you only had one party that would be able to get attracted, it would be kind of difficult. But the fact that you have two and that one, you can either have one person or both people that want the relationship to no longer be platonic, uh, it is very, very hard, I think, to make work. That's not to say that men and women can't be friends, and absolutely they can, especially, you know, like work colleagues and stuff like that. But you, I think it's right to be careful about which members of the opposite sex you become friends with, because if you develop feelings for them or they develop feelings for you, that can lead to quite a bit of suffering and awkwardness. Uh, so just be careful. That's all I'm saying. Martha...... tits or ass. Um, so I was a boob guy throughout almost all of my 20s, and then toward the end of my 20s, I've switched and now I'm a bum guy. And that, if anybody tells you that people can't change, there you go. There's some proof for you. Martin, (text popping) "Do you think the currently pretty immature and toxic manosphere scene will evolve into a more healthy and culturally accepted men's movement similar to second-wave feminism in its day?" (sighs) Man, I've never thought about that before. I have never thought that the current version of the manosphere, or whatever, is, like, just the first iteration of it, and that maybe you're gonna have another wave that comes through. Now, perhaps we've seen this going from pickup artistry, Neil Strauss stuff, pivoting into what is now more, like, red pill, evolutionary psychology, manosphere, men's rights, Black pill, incelly stuff. Um, I would absolutely hope so, and I think that if you were to kind of have a big clean-out of all of the toxic elements and all of the shitty elements, uh, that would make for a much better experience for both men that are trying to learn from it and from the women that are hopefully benefiting from the men that- that learn from it. Uh, so yeah. That would be- that would be fantastic. I really hope so. (sniffs) Uh, mindfulmitch, (text popping) "Your biggest internal struggle, if any, as your channel has grown." That's a good question. Um, I... So the last y- uh, last month and a bit, we've done 10 million plays and about 80,000 subs on YouTube. And it is... You do feel the scrutiny. Like, I- I feel the increased number of eyes on me, which is strange because that's what you wanted, right? We- I'm doing the show to reach more people, to get more exposure, to have amazing conversations that interest me, and to hopefully benefit the lives of everybody that l- listens or watches. But when it happens very intensely, you are super, super conscious of all of the extra scrutiny and eyes and attention that's on you. And s- I don't know, it- it's just something that you become aware of. You- you are very, very conscious of the fact that there are so many people watching, um, but it's the same as anything, right? Like, if you change- if you moved cities, or if you went from being in a relationship to being single, or if you lost a loved one or whatever, like, any sort of quick change in life, you're going to notice it, and this is kind of no different. But that's- that's the- one of the bigger internal struggles that I don't know quite how to deal with that increased level of, uh, attention yet. Uh, and because we spent so much time doing the show with barely any attention on it, you know? Like, it's been- we've been going for four years and have done more plays in the last, like, three or four months than in all of the three and a bit years up until then beforehand. So, yeah, that's one of the things I'm going to be working on learning over the next few months. Sean Powling, (text popping) "What did you eat when you went for dinner with Jordan Peterson?" Uh, so I spent a week with Jordan in New York after the episode, and it was obviously beef every single meal. Like, I- I felt like I would be spitting in the face of everybody sat round the table when everyone else ordered beef. And I was like, "Uh, could I have a look at the- could I have a look at the mac and cheese, please?" Um, so no, I had beef. A lot of beef. Uh, (text popping) mjdelaneyfit, "Is asceticism a big lie?" Very good question, and yes, I think it is. I think that most people that are recounting the trappings of the modern world and saying, "I don't need money, or success, or status," or whatever, I think that for most people, it's just a cope. I think that that is their way of not having to compete. Um, I spoke about the inner citadel, which is this Isaiah Berlin concept, uh, and I'm pretty sure that asceticism, for most people, is their inner citadel. By saying that they never cared about money or status or growth or friends or whatever it might be, uh, they don't need to face the potential pain of not winning at that game. I also think that MGTOW and that, whatever the female equivalent is, like PGTOW or, like, the pink pill or whatever it's called, I think that's a cope in the same way as well. I think that that's a lot of people's inner citadels, right? That they just... It's less about wanting to be on your own and more about not wanting to be hurt by being in relationships with people of the opposite sex. Mad Hat Matt, (text popping) "What are your goals for Modern Wisdom in 2022?" Uh, I want to really work hard on growing the audio plays. So if you're watching this on YouTube and you're not subscribed on audio, you can get the episodes 10 hours earlier every single day when they go up. They're available 10 hours beforehand on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and there will be a link in the show notes below and in the comment so you can just follow that through, press subscribe, and it supports the show, and it makes me happy, which is great. Um, I really, really want to grow that because that means that I would then be able to get a producer on board, which would help me to just free up some of my time. Like, this is so full-time. I look for the guests, so I'm doing scouting for guests, I'm scheduling for guests, I'm researching, I'm recording, I'm then doing all of the audio editing on the back end. I do all of the promotion on the back end of that, the YouTube briefs and the asset sheets for Dean, all of the clips and the asset sheets for that as well. That's all me still. And I- it's kind of becoming... Well, it's not kind of. Like, it is pretty unsustainable, I think, at this work rate. Um, and the reason that I'm able to continue going at the moment is that I've got this vision that hopefully soon I'll be able to delegate that to somebody else. Uh, so I would look forward to bringing some talented producer in that could work full-time and look after all of that stuff. And then it means that I can finally actually spend time doing something which isn't...... all of the little bits and I can focus on the show and researching and reading. I don't spend- I haven't had that much time to read stuff aside from what I need to do for the show. So, that would be the goals, grow the audio channels. So, if you want to help by subscribing and listening, please do. lewiskeenan13, "Do you believe everything happens for a reason in your life?" I'm really anti this. I, I don't like the term that things happen for a reason because I think it takes away the beauty of the agency that you had to make things go well. Let me give you an example. So, imagine that you break your leg, and upon breaking your leg, you end up losing your job or not being able to stick in your job, and then you change and you end up moving to a new city and getting a new job and that job's even better. You could say, "Well, you know, I broke my leg for a reason. Everything happens for a reason." But the reverse of that is you had something really shitty happen to you and you overcame it and made the situation even better on the back end of a move to a new city and a new job and a broken leg. Like, that's the more beautiful framing for me. So, it- things happening for a reason in retrospect seems to take a little bit of the, um, the pride that you can have in what you did. Like, don't attribute your successes to a higher power. They're yours. You were the one that made them happen so you can own them. harrykeenan37, "Have you tried to get Naval on the pod?" Uh, yes, I have. I reached out to him probably about two years ago now, and he said that he was taking a sabbatical. It was just after the Rogan episode, taking a sabbatical, uh, and I haven't pushed again. Like, he would be, between him and Sam Harris, those are my two must gets. Uh, and you know, if it happens, it happens. I look forward to him maybe reentering the world of doing podcasts at some point, and we'll see. But if I did, I would be- that would be one that I'd be very, very happy about. A- and would 100% be a, you know, 6K cinema crew, fly them out to wherever he is thing. harrisonmatthews, "Regret going on Love Island?" Uh, not at all. Not at all. It was a YOLO, you know? There's not many things you can do that only, like, less than 1,000 people have done. Uh, I think there's more people who have been to the top of Everest than have been on Love Island and I'm not equating the two. However, my point is that there's just not many things left that only a few people have done, and it was fun, and I was 27 at the time, so yeah, it was sweet. Uh, freddiebull, "Hi Chris, Eve Psych/mental health question. Do you think there's a mismatch between the anti-workaholic/pro-men's-mental-health idea you discussed with Matt Rudd and the desire to be in that top 20% of men needed to be successful with women? It seems the mental health episodes are saying release the tiller, care less, and the Eve Psych episodes saying work until you're earning £200,000 and have five gym sessions a week. Where do you think the balance is between the two?" Dude, that is an absolute monster of a question. Uh, but thank you. Yes, this is one of the core tensions that we have in life, right? That I genuinely do believe that releasing the tiller and just allowing yourself to be carried forward is a fundamental foundation that will make you more happy. That being said, we can't get away from the fact that there are certain quantifiable metrics of success that you want to have in life in order to give you access to objectively better modes of living, right? Being rich might not make you happy, but being poor can make you miserable. So, the balance between the two is something that we all need to find, and this is one of the tensions between those two. In fact, I would say for most people that are, you know, in the Western world and living an alrighty, standardized life, a good, standard life, this is the tension, right? How much do I want to push and work hard and how much do I want to enjoy? Now, the goal is to be able to get those two things to align over the top. You want to be able to have the thing that you push and work hard at to be the thing that you're able to release the tiller at. So, you could imagine, um, sports stars would be a good example of this, that they express themselves and they're in the moment and they find flow doing the thing to also gain some status. Um, this being said, you can make the work hard until you're earning money and go to the gym and do stuff like that, you can make all of that easier by trying to do things that you genuinely enjoy. So, if you find a gym routine that you actually fundamentally enjoy to do, you're not going to think twice about going to the gym five sessions a week. You're gonna wanna go ten sessions a week and you're gonna have to hold yourself back. So, I would continue to explore with what it is that you do to earn money and side hustles that you also do to earn money, and your training and your charisma training and other stuff and your personal development, until you find the thing that you're going to genuinely enjoy, and then that's going to allow you to care less because your program is going to carry you forward. Um, but that's, uh, an awesome question and a tension I think a lot of people feel. Uh, gee14, gee14, uh, "Did you have to pay Jordan Peterson to get on the podcast?" No. No, that is not the way it works. I- I've never heard of people ... There probably are people that do podcasts where they pay their guests to come on or something, but it's never the way it's worked on this show. angerpanda, good name, uh, "Did you find it difficult transitioning from party boy background into the thoughtful, productive human you are now? And if so, what were the biggest difficulties? Advice for an ex-party addict trying to put their life right, please." Um, yeah. It, it is strange because the things that you use to hold yourself...... used to have as values and what you, um, considered to be something valuable that you did, like who you knew, or what girl you'd slept with the last previous week, or how many people came up to you on a night out, or how successful your events were or whatever, all of that no longer serves you. So, you think, "Okay, well if that's not the thing that I genuinely value, what is the thing that I genuinely value?" And that's a very scary question. So, changing... A, a change of values and what you value in yourself is one of the biggest difficulties that you need to overcome. The things that you used to value no long- you no longer do. Uh, your friend group is probably going to change because you're going to be doing different things. Um, definitely one of the biggest bits of advice would be try and do something that puts you in a place like the sort of person that you want to be. So, I wanted to be someone that had a more holistic view of fitness, so I started doing CrossFit and I started doing, um, Muay Thai and fighting because I thought, "Well, these people will be more all-encompassing. They will be more on their diet. They're going to be training harder, which means they're going to party less. They're probably going to have good social lives because they're in a gym, which is... the training methodology is focused around a communal, uh, approach as opposed to an individual approach." Um, so look at different friend groups, assess your values and think about where you want to go. Um, consider trying to make some fundamental changes to your routine. Consider going sober for an extended period of time. You know, six months of sobriety is going to force you to find other things to do with your life, especially if you're partying regularly. So, those would be some suggestions. Apple Dom: "You discuss masculinity, intimacy, openness. So, curious your thoughts on pegging." Not for me, Dom. Thanks. Libby Rose: "As a single child, do you wish to have children? If so, how many do you wish to have and why?" Yeah, I, um, I keep saying this, I can't wait to be a dad. I really, really can't wait to. Um, I would probably want, I think, three children. That seems to be... Between two and three seems to be sort of optimal for the child's development. Um, I also know that, you know, I, I very much appreciate that more children is harder work. But I also think that to support the child's, uh, upbringing, probably having a couple of siblings around is a good idea. You know, you struggle to socialize kids as much when they're on their own, uh, versus if they've got siblings that they can constantly play with. I always think about what it would've been like if I'd had, uh, brothers or sisters. Uh, and you know, turned out relatively okay longer term. Uh, but yeah, it's I think probably about two or three. Um, I can't wait. It's going to be a huge challenge that I'm absolutely definitely not emotionally ready for, uh, but it's gonna be fun. Uh, Fernanda Cervantes: "Top five or 10 books you recommend." I can give you a list of 100, actually. My reading list, Modern Wisdom reading list is available and it's free, and you can get it somewhere up here or by going to chriswilx.com/books. It's 100 that you need to read before you die and they've all got summaries, and I tell you what I think about them and why I liked them, and there's links to just go and get them straightaway. And it's free. Chriswilx.com/books. Uh, Carl Dorrington: "Question, Eddie Hall or Thor? Who you got?" (sighs) Dude, I've seen some sparring footage on the pa- well, some, like, padwork footage of Eddie Hall and it doesn't look good. Like, it really doesn't look good. And I saw a video today of him and Thor in a, some corner shop, like some 7-Eleven somewhere, and they're kicking off at each other and Eddie's really lost him, his sort of cool. And maybe that's just all for the cameras, but I want Eddie to win, but I feel like Thor might have it. Uh, one thing that we can all agree on is their transformation, both of their body transformations, is mental. Absolutely insane. Jojo Maclaff: "Any lessons learnt this year so far and how to deal with others' opinions of you?" Uh, yeah, well, I mean, we're only into, what, March, but yeah, I would, I would say that there's been, uh, a little bit of pushback around some of the guests that I've had on the show, um, and that the- this increased scrutiny has given people that followed the show or people that had an idea of who I was or what I was trying to do this show for, um, to really kind of steam in and try and, I don't know, say that... Let's say that I'm supposed to be some pretty boy gateway drug, right, to the alt-right. The presumption there would have to be that I'm doing endless episodes about how to perfect your running form or about the best rep ranges to gain muscle or about how to survive productivity dysmorphia, just like bottomless numbers of life hacks episodes and like nerdy, nerdy bits and pieces like that. Meanwhile, what I'm actually doing is, like, rabidly scratching myself under the table with, like, gripping onto things, just not being able to wait until I get my hands on some new culture war problem. One of the most annoying things that you can do to people is disprove their presumption of what they thought you were. Now, sometimes you do this with a friend when they thought that you were a friend and you do something bad and they go, "That really, really hurt." One of the reasons is that you've broken their view that they had of you. Now similarly, there are people on the internet that presume that you're part of one side or one tribe, or they thought that they had you in a particular box, and if you do something that their version of you wouldn't have done, they get very, very upset. Um, so the how to deal with others' opinions of you and the lessons learned this year are kind of the same question for me because there's been a lot more scrutiny and I'm not 100% sure about how to deal with it. And I think as well...... it's, it's just a strange thing to have happen. Like, the human system is not designed to have 10 million people. We, we did 1.3 million hours of content watched, that doesn't include audio, in the last four weeks. What, that's like, it's a, I think we worked it out, it's 200 years of, uh, uninterrupted co- content that's been viewed. I don't know what to think about that. And that means that you're going to have more and more and more people giving their opinion. So, the main thing that I think I've learned is that as your platform grows and as you reach more and more people, you have to take input less and less seriously over time. Originally, when you start something, you need to take, or you can afford to take, the people who are contributing with, you know, you can actually take the time to read what they're saying. You can presume that they're saying it in good faith because the audience is so small that most of the people who watch are probably only there because they genuinely do have an investment in you, or maybe they're your friends or they're kind of part of a, a peri-social circle that you've got. Uh, however, as that grows, Tim Ferriss has this thing where he talks about how, um, million to one odds happen eight times a day in New York because there's eight million people that live there. So, there's million to one odds that have happened 10 times in the last four weeks on the show. Um, dealing with others' opinions of you, just do the thing that you think you're supposed to do as well as you can do it, and that's it. So, a lot of people would, I don't know, give their opinions and say that I should've done things better or worse or whatever, and that's fine, but I've really given it a good shot, and that means that I'm kind of immune to it. It could well look like maybe it would've been great if I'd said this or asked that or pushed back in this way, but I didn't, and I didn't think of it at the time. And maybe I'll do it again in future, I'll learn from that and try and do it better. But yeah, do the thing that you're here to do as well as you can, and it doesn't really matter what other people's opinions of you are. rjld, "Would you ever have someone non-famous on your podcast?" Yes, I do it all the time. Uh, I look forward to bringing people like, uh, Ana Codrea-Rado, you know, who's written a book, but has like a, a moderate online following or a Adam Lane Smith or a Vincent Harinam, you know, people who are basically like closet heroes and absolute monsters, but within a niche, and then giving them a platform. This is the coolest thing, and this is the coolest thing that Rogan's been able to do. You know, he's made, Rogan's made people's careers. He made Lex Fridman to a large degree, Jocko Willink, David Goggins, Jordan Peterson, Bret Weinstein, Eric Weinstein. You know, you can be a platform for people who absolutely deserve to have an audience because they're talented or they're brilliant or they're interesting or they're funny, but as of yet, they haven't done that. 'Cause for almost all of the come-up on any sort of platform, what you're doing is you're asking other people for favors. You're saying, "I want you, David Sinclair, Douglas Murray, Carl Benjamin, whatever, person who has way more clout than me, I want to kind of steal, I want to slipstream you and hold onto your coattails for a little bit." Um, and then after a little while, you realize, well, my platform's got to the stage where I don't just need to do that. I can actually be that platform for someone else. And that's the coolest thing, and it makes me so happy, you know, to find some awesome underground monster and then just say, "Look, go and put your brilliance out there." Govinda Boghul, perfect example, wrote a Twitter thread that went absolutely insane once. He's just a dude, and he's just like a computer science dude out of nowhere. Brought him on, smashed it, one of my favorite episodes of last year. Brilliant. Liam Michael Henderson, "Your personal experiences/opinion of monogamy?" Uh, I think it's right for most people. I think the trends around non-monogamy are as yet unproven to me generally as a, even a medium-term strategy. And my personal experiences of monogamy are, uh, vast and mostly littered with failures, um, but not always. (laughs) Uh, Charlie H Cooksey, "Why do you rate AirPods yet used wired earphones?" (laughs) Fuck, this is such a, a smart insight. Um, so the reason that I use these, which is literally just a pair of the old style aux cable, uh, Apple headphones, which you used to get with, uh, an iPhone but you can now buy on Amazon, is because when you're using the recording software that I use and all, the full setup that I have for recording the podcast with this microphone, Bluetooth headphones have a non-zero chance of fucking up. And I just find that being wired in makes very little change in terms of the quality, but means that nothing ever goes wrong in a audio setting. Uh, however, I am aware that me being a, such a evangelist for AirPods, AirPod Pros, and then not putting them on to recording, I appreciate the hypocrisy. Uh, right, some of the questions from The Locals community, if you want to join that, you can go to modernwisdom.locals.com. There's over 3,000 people in there that like the show and that think about the stuff that we're talking about today. Uh, Eloise Soleil, "Hey, Chris. Do you think you'll ever do a live show/meet-and-greet one day?" I would absolutely love to. Um, I've been in talks, very sort of minor talks about, uh, potentially doing a book or a couple of books, and if I did that, I would 100% be looking at doing some, um, shows off the back of that, doing a live tour. Meet-and-greets, I was considering doing one during SXSW, but I'm kind of nervous to do one a little bit because what if no one shows up? That would suck. Um-So, yeah, I mean, I- I probably should try and do one and just swallow my ego and see what happens. Or maybe do one with someone else. Maybe do one with Zach T- Tellander out here, and then if it fails then we can kind of both blame each other and say that each other doesn't have a big enough audience. Um, but yeah, if I can get past my fear of putting on a meet and greet and then no one showing up, uh, I would love to. I did- I've been to a few meet and greets here for other people's things since I've been in Austin, and they're so fun. It's just a group of people that all know the same content and talk about stuff, so it has been great. I should- I should get over myself and probably do that. Uh, Sean Rambles, "Was there a specific, if not too personal, reason you moved to Austin? Or are you just riding the wave of life?" Very much just riding the wave. Uh, I like it out here. It's the middle of March and 27 degrees Celsius, glorious sunshine, and my gym is a seven-minute walk, and I can record from here and go out for dinner on a nighttime and there's things to do and everybody's into health and fitness, and it's- it's great. I really, really do enjoy it. Plus, I was kind of tethered to the UK for a very long time, right? 15 years from when I moved to Newcastle for university until November 2021. I'd been there with some small periods of like a- a season in Ibiza or a trip to Bali. I'd basically been there my entire life, and I have quite a big wanderlust. I have- I love traveling, I love adventure. So the opportunity to go somewhere else and still do the main thing, contribute to that, is- that's one of the best things, right? To be able to have something that you can pick up and move and still enjoy all the stuff that you like about being on holiday, which is new people, new experiences, novel, intense, blah, blah. But also be able to still do the thing which gives you that sense of, um, industrious satisfaction. So I'm still contributing to my broader longer term meaning whilst doing something which is happiness, right? So you have happiness on one side and you have meaning on the other, and you're able to facilitate both. So yeah, it's pretty good. LJ22, "During the Geoffrey Miller episode, you discussed the issue of coddling people and Geoffrey posed the question, 'The last three times someone's broken up with you, have you asked them why?' With what you have learned about today's dating market in mind, if an amalgamated avatar of the partners you have broken up with over time was created and you were asked to conduct an exit interview or debriefing with it, providing honest, perhaps brutally honest feedback about the things that were within its control to change, and enabling it to level up future relationships, what would your advice be?" Fuck, this is another awesome question. (sighs) Right. Um, I think one of the common issues that I've had with exes has been their, um, tension between what I want to do in life, what I fundamentally feel is a calling, so usually business or personal development, uh, and me seeing them. And this is something that I think is mirrored in a lot of relationships that I have with- uh, that I see my friends in, where it- it feels like the girlfriend sees the pursuit as the boyfriend choosing that over them, and that is, uh, th- from that they infer that they maybe don't love them that much or that, you know, anxieties kick in. Um, if you, as a partner, begin to get in between your male partner and the thing that they think that they're on the planet to do, it's not going to go well because very quickly they're going to- the boyfriend is going to begin to resent the girlfriend for getting in the way of doing something that isn't with them. And like, what are you going to do instead? Especially if it's, "We'll just come round and we'll watch Netflix," and you go, "Hang on a second. So you're saying that I can't go and do the thing that I think I'm supposed to do to contribute to my highest purpose on li- in life, and the alternative is to go to the cinema or go do Netflix or something like that?" Um, now, you could say that it's the job of the boyfriend, me, to make the girl feel so comfortable that that isn't a concern because she's been reassured, and you might be right. But that's a- a, uh, mechanism that I have consistently seen happen and it's very, very destructive to relationships. Uh, I would also say that concerns around spending time with friends or going traveling is another one. So, you know, th- this again kind of comes back to the are you paying attention to something else instead of the girl and them not being happy with that, and then maybe making you feel guilty about doing that. And again, perhaps it's your job to make them feel sufficiently comfortable. But I also think that on average, um, this can bring up some anxieties that kind of aren't justified or aren't warranted. Um, you can spend, you know, two or three nights a week with a- a girlfriend that you're seeing and it's, you know, in just the middle chunk of a relationship. But if you decide to spend the other four nights with friends, you sometimes end up on the receiving end of a lot of tension. Um, those- both of those things I think are completely destructive. You're making the boyfriend choose between what he wants to do and his social support and his time with friends and you. Like, you're- you're actually creating a polarity or a, um, like an enemy, uh, dynamic between you and that. And that's not good. Uh, you don't want your partner to see you as the enemy of his purpose and his friends. Uh, how did you ever actually thinking about like, how was that ever going to work? Um, so that's what I'd say. Cole Campbell, "What is the biggest red pill you have swallowed in the last 12 months?" Um-Probably the corporate press very rarely know what they're talking about, and the people in power don't have a clue either. Uh, that's maybe been the last two years. I think that COVID has taught me more than anything that most of the people who are in positions of power are just idiots all the way up. They're no better or more informed or more virtuous or with higher integrity or better insight than me or you or anybody else. They're just fallible idiots that have managed to make their way into a position of power, and now they're trying to say that you're supposed to listen to them because they're in a position of power. Um, and that then gets weaponized by a media that has an agenda. So, a complete lack of, uh, faith in mainstream media and in the powers that be, which is obviously fantastically uplifting. Uh, Cole Campbell, part two. (blop) What work have you done to enable you to push back and probe more with guests that hold more controversial or challenging views or opinions? Good question. So, I said last time, on the 250 episode, which was only (laughs) three months ago or something, um, that I was, after a conversation with Chris and Matt from Decoding the Gurus, I was really working at trying to understand how to be more, um, uh, more disagreeable, uh, in episodes and be able to push back and find holes, uh, in the arguments of the people that I'm speaking to. And it's a skill that you need to learn. Um, you know, I said that that was something I'm really working on, and that's one of the fundamental skills that I'm trying to develop. But it's not going to come overnight, right? I- I- you don't just make a decision to be able to do something and then be able to do it. That being said, I am starting to see in a bunch of different episodes and in conversations with my friends, I'm practicing ways to be able to push back, to be able to, "Hang on, hang on, hang on a second, mate. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Are you actually saying that..." You know, just all of these little intonations and strategies that you have to not destroy the conversation, 'cause it's really difficult to, like, hammer someone and then have the conversation continue to move forward in a good faith way because, well, you've just said something that's made them, made their idea feel really stupid or that's made them, whatever, uncomfortable. Doing that and continuing the flow and continuing the rhythm of the conversation is a genuine art form, and that's when you realize that people like... (sniffs) I don't know. Like, uh, uh, uh, Rogan, Rogan's pretty good at doing this, that generally when he does give pushback, and pushback can continue for a long time where it fractures the conversation into little back forth, back forth, back forth. And then it's still amicable and stuff as it continues to go on. Um, that's, that's a real skill, and that's been constantly doing that when I'm having conversations with friends, if I'm sat in the sauna or if I'm listening to another podcast, thinking all the time, okay, where is, uh, an un- unsubstantiated claim here? Where is something that I don't think that they've expanded on enough? Where is a term that I don't think that they've defined? All of those points are... uh, they're areas that I'm trying to work on. You'd said hold more controversial or challenging views or opinions. I do think that there probably is a little bit of a responsibility to do that up against people who are more controversial or have challenging views or opinions. Um, that being said, it's not my job to be the, to say what the audience wants to hear. It's like to ask questions that would be interesting for the audience to hear, yeah, but if I just have a day where I want to have a conversation with somebody... Like we, we forget this about Rogan. I think someone had brought up, I can't remember which episode it was, that he'd done something and he seemed like he was really off in the relationship with him and this person were, were, was one way or another. You think, well, maybe that, or maybe he just had a bad night's sleep, or maybe he just had an argument with his missus when he left the house, and we forget that people, famous people or whatever, are people too, and they have all of the same issues that every other normal person has. So working on it in and outside of the show, and I think that with the skill acquisition and where it's at at the moment, I think that by the end of this year, I will be, uh, much, much better at doing it, and every episode, I'm, I'm trying hard to do it as well. Caroline Gray. (blop) If you were to recommend three other podcasts to listen to, what would they be and why? Okay, well, you'll already listen to all of the big ones like the Tim Dillons and the Rogans and stuff, so I'll try and pick three that are a little bit off the wall. Um, The End of the World with Josh Clark is a nine-part series on existential risk, one episode on different types of X risks, so nuclear threat or engineered pandemics or, uh, bio-weapons or whatever. And it's beautifully soundscaped. They've got gorgeous, uh, full interviews chopped up, integrated with the way that the sound, uh, track works. Just beautiful, really beautiful. So that's, uh, The End of the World with Josh Clark. That's great. Um, The Coming Storm, uh, on BBC Radio 4's podcast, which you can get on Spotify and stuff like that. Uh, that's about the QAnon, um, world and how that came about, and it tracks right back to sort of the mid-'90s with Bill Clinton and then Hillary Clinton, all the way up through January 6th. And I think that's maybe a six-part series, something like that. Uh, uh, that was, again, you can see a bit of a trend between both of these. Beautifully soundtracked, um, really, really lovely production. (sighs) What's a final one? Um...... I think it's called Reflecting on History, and it's got a red, red logo. I think it might have the tank from Tiananmen Square, and it's just this dude that breaks do-... Like, really small podcast, but this dude breaks down interesting stuff from history, and, uh, I really appreciate it. So there's three. Jonathan... Ah, fuck. Saldar- Saldarriaga. Jonathan Saldarriaga. Nailed it. "I loved your episode with Cosmic Skeptic. What are the reasons/justifications to keep consuming animals, and don't you see it as a moral imperative to decrease unnecessary suffering?" Uh, we- I agree. I do agree. I think that my diet is definitely at odds with my, uh, morals at the moment, because it is unnecessary suffering. I don't have a pushback against Alex's position. I think that it's... I'm sure that there is someone out there that would be able to find a hole in the philosophy, but I don't think that it would compel me as much as Alex's position has. Uh, the main reason, and I would say that this is the reason for most people, if you were able to give them an equally convenient, equally tasty, equally nutritious diet, uh, that reduced suffering, they would absolutely do it. The reason I don't is convenience, right? It's convenience and habit. And this is what I've said to Alex as well privately, that to get more people on board with veganism, it needs to be made easier. I understand you can... I, I'm a perfect example of this. Like, I'm convinced by the philosophy that underpins it, but it's effortful for me to do it, and I don't know how, I don't what... The first steps and so on and so forth. I really think that the same way as there is a, um, you know, like Sober October, Dry January, uh, I think it's like NoFap, Is it NoFap November or something as well? Uh, there should be a... If they did a vegan month. Oh, they do V- Veganuary, I suppose, don't they? That's not really very well promoted, or at least I don't think it is. That is the sort of thing. Introducing it, making it more easy and, and, um, integrating it with people's habits. I think that would make the biggest difference. Tim, "Is Jordan Peterson the same wise, kind, and humble man off camera that he is on camera?" Yeah, like, the guy's... He's the real deal, and he's very attentive, very caring. Um, he also absolutely spanked me at Topgolf as well, um, which wasn't an enjoyable experience. I arrived in San Antonio with Video Guy Dean, and Mikaela rang and said, "Uh, Dad wants to go to Topgolf, but no one else, like, wants to go to Topgolf. Will you go?" Uh, sure enough, "Fine." Turned up, thought, you know, Jordan's not that long out of recovery and, you know, he's in his, like, 50s or 60s that, "I've, I've got to get... I've got to have this guy." Uh, turns out that he is, uh, uncomfortably good at golf. Uh, significantly better than I am, so... Uh, but I was better than Video Guy Dean, which is what's most important, so here we are.