Finding Your Why - Diren Kartal | Modern Wisdom Podcast 260
Diren Kartal (guest), Chris Williamson (host), Diren Kartal (guest)
In this episode of Modern Wisdom, featuring Diren Kartal and Chris Williamson, Finding Your Why - Diren Kartal | Modern Wisdom Podcast 260 explores finding Your Why: Travel, Risk, and Ruthless Self-Honesty In Life Chris Williamson and Diran Kartal explore how to build a meaningful life by clarifying your ‘why’ and aligning daily actions with it. They argue that most people live on autopilot, adopting goals and values from culture, family, and friends instead of consciously choosing their own. Diran explains how travel, risk-taking, and surrounding yourself with the right people expand perspective and unlock potential, including his own painful decision to call off an engagement that conflicted with his future vision. Throughout, they tie fitness, motivation, and mental health back to self-awareness, environment design, and the courage to be selfish enough to pursue what genuinely matters.
Finding Your Why: Travel, Risk, and Ruthless Self-Honesty In Life
Chris Williamson and Diran Kartal explore how to build a meaningful life by clarifying your ‘why’ and aligning daily actions with it. They argue that most people live on autopilot, adopting goals and values from culture, family, and friends instead of consciously choosing their own. Diran explains how travel, risk-taking, and surrounding yourself with the right people expand perspective and unlock potential, including his own painful decision to call off an engagement that conflicted with his future vision. Throughout, they tie fitness, motivation, and mental health back to self-awareness, environment design, and the courage to be selfish enough to pursue what genuinely matters.
Key Takeaways
Travel aggressively to widen your worldview and build social confidence.
Diran insists that staying in one place limits understanding of people and opportunities; exposure to other cultures not only makes you wiser, it makes you easier to connect with and more adaptable in life and business.
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Define your own ‘why’ instead of inheriting goals from others.
Most people chase careers, body goals, or lifestyles they’ve absorbed from parents, peers, or media; sitting down to explicitly define your core values and what you actually enjoy makes decisions clearer and motivation more durable.
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Take calculated risks and develop faith in your future self.
Both men describe spending money or committing to projects before they ‘felt ready’, trusting that the future version of themselves would rise to the challenge—arguing that you often only perform at your best when you remove easy escape routes.
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Curate your environment and friend group ruthlessly.
Diran stresses that staying around risk-averse or resentful people keeps you small; he intentionally surrounds himself with friends who challenge his work, push him forward, and aren’t afraid to give tough feedback.
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Stop overvaluing other people’s opinions and learn to be healthily selfish.
He explains that caring too much about what others think ruined his football career and almost locked him into an unfulfilling life; now he bases decisions on what’s best for him, arguing that happier, more aligned people are better for everyone around them.
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Use exploration phases when you feel lost or stagnant.
Borrowing James Clear’s explore/exploit framework, they suggest saying yes to new sports, hobbies, places, and people as a deliberate strategy to discover what you actually like before committing deeply to a path.
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Don’t outsource your happiness to a partner or a contract.
Diran’s decision to cancel his wedding shows the cost of staying in a relationship for others’ expectations; he argues you must be happy and complete on your own first, otherwise marriage becomes a safety contract that breeds complacency and resentment.
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Notable Quotes
“If you don't travel, if you don't meet different people, if you don't see different cultures, your knowledge isn't gonna be great about what the fuck's happening in the world.”
— Diran Kartal
“People worry so much about feeling not a part of something or that not doing anything is a waste of time, because they're judged.”
— Diran Kartal
“It took me until I was 31 years old to define my core values in life… and as soon as I realized what they are, it made everything else easier.”
— Chris Williamson
“Being selfish is good because in the long run you make other people around you way happier, because you're happier, because you're doing what you like, what you want to do.”
— Diran Kartal
“You need to explore. If you're the smartest in the room, you're in the wrong room.”
— Diran Kartal
Questions Answered in This Episode
How can someone who feels stuck in a small hometown practically begin to incorporate travel or new environments into their life without a lot of money?
Chris Williamson and Diran Kartal explore how to build a meaningful life by clarifying your ‘why’ and aligning daily actions with it. ...
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What specific exercises or frameworks—beyond Taylor Pearson’s core values—can help clarify a personal ‘why’ and translate it into daily decisions?
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Where is the line between healthy, values-based selfishness and destructive self-centeredness in relationships and family life?
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How can you tell the difference between legitimate fear (a sign something is wrong) and limiting fear (a sign you should take the risk) when making big life changes?
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If divorce and dissatisfaction are so common, what would a more modern, realistic model of long-term relationships and commitment look like in practice?
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Transcript Preview
Listen, if you don't travel, if you don't meet different people, if you don't see different cultures, your knowledge isn't gonna be great about what the f-- is happening in the world, or what other people are like. So, then what happens? You have a kid. What the f-- are you gonna teach that kid? What are you gonna teach that kid? You- what have you seen? You know, like, you live in England, you got a British passport. You've got the luxury to travel the world, and you're telling me you're not gonna take advantage of that? It's crazy. I know people, yeah, (laughs) in Turkey that would kill for a British passport just so they can travel. (wind blowing sound)
Diran Bloody Kartel, how are you, my friend?
I'm excited to be here, man. I'm not gonna lie. I was disappointed you didn't have a studio lined up for me in Dubai, but I don't wanna talk about that. (laughs)
(laughs) A little bit of a different environment to the last time that we were together on a boat outside the Burj al-Arab.
Bro, how good was that day? I was hanging. I was hanging, but it was such a good day, man. It's just like vitamin D, man. It's good for everything. It- it- it- it solves all problems.
That's one hell of a wake-up call. You get up at, finally sort of surface, half past 10 in the morning, and you've got a couple of WhatsApps saying, "You have 45 minutes to get ready. I need to see you down at the marina because we're getting on a boat for the next five hours."
Bruv, I- yeah, I got the same effect. I didn't- I didn't know. I was like, "Yeah, we're going here, we're meeting." "With who?" "With the boys, with the guys you know." And those guys are crazy, man. They- those guys can drink for days, and I- I'm just- I'm just such a lightweight that, like... Which I'm proud of, by the way. Everyone's like, "Oh, you're a lightweight." I'm like, I'm proud of it. I'm like, "Oh, you're a lightweight." I'm like, "Yeah, bro, so what have you achieved by saying that? I don't care."
(laughs)
But it was- it was a great time. It was a great time. Those lads are funny people.
Yeah, they are, man. It's- when you get that group of people together, it's a- it's a recipe for chaos. But today, I wanted to talk about motivation. See, we're approaching a new year. People are gonna be making resolutions, wanting to change their routines. This is a lot of what you do with your work. Might- people might even be looking to change their lives, you know, create the foundations upon which their new life is going to be built. What are the principles that you give your clients when they want to make big changes in their lives?
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