15 Harsh Psychology Facts That Will Make Your Life Better - Adam Lane Smith

A human impact is the purpose of a man's life. Because some day you will die. You will be dust. Your money will be frittered away and taken through taxes and all kinds of things. Your property will be divvied up. Everything you've cared for in your life will be taken away. The only thing that endures is the future generations who are fundamentally altered because of your existence on this planet. That is the purpose of a man's life. That is why so many men want to kill themselves now, is because they find no purpose and no ability to create human impact.

My favorite thing to do is troll through your Twitter and find interesting tweets to do with your history as a psychotherapist, as a couples therapist working on attachment issues, uh, pull them out, and then discuss them with you. So, that's what we're going to do today. And well, a- actually before we get started, for the people that haven't heard you before, because the show's grown a lot since the last time you were on, briefly, what's your background?

Yeah. So, I was a psychotherapist for years, marriage and family therapist. And what I found through my training and through training other healthcare professionals was that attachment was the vehicle underneath that was driving all of the diagnoses that we saw in the book. But what they were teaching therapists was that they only needed to treat the diagnoses because nobody understands attachment theory. It is terribly misunderstood, and it became my obsession and my specialty. So, I've been training and experiencing this and everything, working with people on this for 15 years now through this process. I retired my license as a psychotherapist so that I could coach internationally and help people everywhere with attachment issues. And I am working hard to change this game that says attachment is just something women study when they want to cry more. And I'm teaching especially now men that I have found, and coaching men through fixing their attachment in a way that is practical and makes sense to them so that you can overcome a lifetime of dating problems, insecurities, fears, and everything else that comes with broken attachment.

Beautiful. Okay. My first favorite one that I picked up recently, "Most couples therapy is useless. Not because the therapy is wrong, but because most couples don't go to therapy together until one of them is absolutely not wanting to work on the relationship anymore. They're using therapy as an excuse to air their frustration one last time."

Mm-hmm. So many times I've had couples come in, and that's exactly what it is, is one is all in for it and is convinced I'm gonna fix their partner and tell them that they've been right all along. And the other partner comes in dreading it because their partner is the one who set it up. And they say, "What? Uh, what sort of buzzsaw am I walking into?" And it is a miserable experience for all three people involved unless I can turn them around and convince the other partner that I'm there to help them. In which case, the first partner c- is convinced that I have somehow sp- pulled, pulled a switcheroo. And they are now going to get betrayed by their, by their coach now who's working with them. It's an ugly process. It is really ugly. The only time couples therapy really works is when they are coming in because they both want to make it work, but they don't have the skills and they have no idea what to do. If they both want to make it work, it's an amazing experience. If one of them doesn't want to work and doesn't have the guts to say it, it's a horrible experience for both people.