Why You Shouldn’t Share Your Private Life Online - Mary Harrington (4K)

What do you mean by digital modesty?

(clears throat) Oh, yeah, that's- that's an idea I've been playing with a lot recently, which is really just about where we've got to with the exposure of everything on the internet. Um, this is something I found myself thinking about a lot more, uh, the more I- the more I found myself writing in public and speaking in public and really sort of being present online, whether it's on Twitter or wherever, which is, is- is there anything that we shouldn't be posting? Um, and the more I think about that, the more- the more I conclude that, yes, there are absolutely things that we shouldn't be posting, or rather, um, if there are things which if- if we- if we do share them, we should expect negative consequences to follow from that. I mean, I've... And the more I thought, I- I've read, I've derived a set, I guess, of basic principles for what I won't post. I won't post selfies online. I mean, I'll- I'll post... M- my face is all over the internet, right? But in the context of a conversation. You know, I'm, you and I here, you and I here is not, we're not here to talk about my face. I mean, my face is just my face. We're here to, uh, we're here to exchange ideas and to have a conversation. But I won't post, I won't post selfies. Yeah, I can... Uh, actually, I remember the point where I realized that you should, I shouldn't, I didn't want to post selfies was- was just after I could, I ran over the finish line of a marathon a couple of years ago, and I trained for it, and I trained for it, and I trained for it, and I worked so hard at it. And at that point, I think I had maybe 10,000 followers on Twitter, and I- and I took a photo of myself having crossed the finish line looking like hell, um, completely exhausted and I'd, uh, high as a kite on endorphins, and I nearly, I nearly pressed send and then I was like, "Whoa, don't do that. Do not do that." And I, and I deleted it, and I didn't, I- I did not post the selfie of myself having just crossed the finish line.

Why?

'Cause, because I realized if I did, like, probably 75% of the people who follow me would say, "Great, well done. Congratulations," and I get lots of love. The other 25% will be the people who hate follow, because they- they exist. Once you get past a certain point, you go, you have haters on the internet, 'cause like people can find, people can hate anything. You know, that's just the law of the internet. People will find something insane to hate, even if it's just people doing, like middle-aged women doing marathons. Um, and- and then, and- and it would have, there would have been one mean comment which would have just crushed me and it would have ruined my day. And I thought, what's the easiest way of not experiencing that one mean comment is just not... n- just don't post a picture. But it's more than that. It's also that it- it exposes something intimate and personal, which I realized was just not something which was, it wasn't for everybody else. It was my- my- my f- that- that moment was for me and it was for my, for my family and for the people who'd supported me. It wasn't for... And- and for the people who'd, who'd, who'd sp- who'd supported me to fundraise. It wasn't for general consumption. And- and I realized that- that actually there is a boundary. Um, and then I've, I've spent more time online. I've- I've- I've appeared in public more since then. And the more, the more I do it, the more I've- I've come to think that actually we need, yeah, the more exposed you are potentially online, the more, the more intentional you have to be about thinking, thinking, thinking clearly on, uh, where you draw the line.