AUBREY MARCUS | What Makes A Good Life? | Modern Wisdom Podcast 117
Aubrey Marcus (guest), Chris Williamson (host)
In this episode of Modern Wisdom, featuring Aubrey Marcus and Chris Williamson, AUBREY MARCUS | What Makes A Good Life? | Modern Wisdom Podcast 117 explores chasing Achievement, Facing Fear, And Designing A Truly Good Life Chris Williamson and Aubrey Marcus explore what actually makes a good life, contrasting external achievement with inner fulfillment and integrity. They discuss how many people must first attain their goals—money, status, success—before realizing these alone don’t create lasting happiness. Aubrey outlines his philosophy of living fully in both the physical and spiritual realms, while continually moving toward fears, telling the truth, and serving others. The conversation also covers non‑monogamy as a brutal but powerful teacher, the importance of community, and concrete practices for caring for the body and mind.
Chasing Achievement, Facing Fear, And Designing A Truly Good Life
Chris Williamson and Aubrey Marcus explore what actually makes a good life, contrasting external achievement with inner fulfillment and integrity. They discuss how many people must first attain their goals—money, status, success—before realizing these alone don’t create lasting happiness. Aubrey outlines his philosophy of living fully in both the physical and spiritual realms, while continually moving toward fears, telling the truth, and serving others. The conversation also covers non‑monogamy as a brutal but powerful teacher, the importance of community, and concrete practices for caring for the body and mind.
Key Takeaways
External goals are best transcended by actually achieving them.
Aubrey argues that people rarely let go of the illusion that money, status, or big achievements will make them happy until they’ve actually attained them and felt the inevitable letdown—only then does the deeper work of finding inner fulfillment become truly possible.
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Personas attract praise, but only vulnerability allows you to feel love.
When you present a curated character to the world, any admiration is directed at that mask, not at you; real connection and the felt sense of being loved require leading with vulnerability and authenticity.
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A ‘good life’ combines rich experience, spiritual connection, and service.
For Aubrey, living well means fully engaging with earthly pleasures and adventures, cultivating a spiritual relationship with life or ‘source,’ and consistently leaving people and places better than you found them.
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Most people hide behind ‘not wanting’ because they’re afraid to fail.
He suggests many who claim they’re satisfied with very little or ‘don’t care about money or experiences’ are often avoiding the risk of going after what they truly want, changing their value system so their ego can still “win.”
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Facing fear directly is a core life ethos, not a slogan.
Aubrey’s personal rule is to move toward emotional fears and discomfort—whether in relationships or practices like potential celibacy—rather than away from them, because un-faced fears eventually ‘chase you down’ and cause greater suffering.
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Community is as critical as romantic love for emotional stability.
Relying on a single partner as ‘everything’ is likened to putting your entire portfolio in one stock; cultivating a broad, vulnerable community spreads emotional risk and makes you more resilient when relationships fluctuate or end.
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Start with the body and simple systems; complexity isn’t the answer.
He reiterates that basic habits—sleep, real food, movement, hydration, sunlight—are the low-hanging fruit that stabilize mood and mindset; sophisticated spiritual or psychological work is much harder if your physical foundation is neglected.
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Notable Quotes
“The persona is incapable of actually receiving love. It can receive praise, but you're not gonna feel it because it's not you.”
— Aubrey Marcus
“If you think that writing a bestselling book is gonna make you happy, the best way to realize that it's not gonna make you happy is to get it.”
— Aubrey Marcus
“Get out there and live—really live—especially before you get in a situation that's going to restrict your ability to do that.”
— Aubrey Marcus
“We do not rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our systems.”
— Chris Williamson (quoting James Clear)
“To be of service, you have to be fit for service.”
— Aubrey Marcus (quoting Don Howard)
Questions Answered in This Episode
How can someone who hasn’t yet achieved their big external goals still internalize the lesson that these won’t ultimately make them happy?
Chris Williamson and Aubrey Marcus explore what actually makes a good life, contrasting external achievement with inner fulfillment and integrity. ...
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What practical steps can a person take to begin dismantling their persona and safely experiment with greater vulnerability in daily life?
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Where is the line between courageously pursuing desires (wealth, experiences, sex) and becoming trapped in endless hedonistic chasing?
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How might couples realistically pace and calibrate open relationship experiments to avoid turning growth into trauma, as Aubrey describes?
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What would it look like in concrete terms to design your life around Aubrey’s four pillars—body, mind, love, and community—over the next five years?
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Transcript Preview
If, like, you think that some external achievement is gonna make you happy, you're gonna get it and you're gonna realize that it's not gonna make you happy. Until you actually start to get the things that you're striving for, you're not gonna realize that they aren't gonna make you happy. So, I almost feel like everybody needs to learn the tactics and the techniques and get the tools to actually get what they're aiming for. So, like, if you wanna get some level of financial wealth and you think that's gonna make you happy and you just want that, well, the best way to transcend that is to actually get it. I don't know how you do it unless you actually get it. And then when you get it, then you're like, "Fuck, I gotta figure out some other things that'll work."
I'm joined by Aubrey Marcus, founder and CEO of Onnit, fellow podcaster, and all-around fascinating human. Aubrey, welcome to the show.
Oh, thanks, brother. Happy to be here.
Very, very happy to have you on. I'm sure there'll be a lot of people that are familiar with what it is that you do. But how would you describe what it is that you do on a daily basis and your life to someone who's never met you before?
(clears throat) Yeah, it's an interesting thing. I mean, obviously, you can describe the, the things that I've done, you know, in my personal history that I've accomplished. You know, founded the company, Onnit, you know, wrote the book, Own the Day, done the Aubrey Marcus podcast. I mean, there's these things that I've done. But really, if you're talking about me as a person, I'm just someone who's trying to learn a little bit more today, um, that'll make me a little bit better tomorrow than I am today. You know? So, um, just someone who's on the path of learning and the path of exploring and the path of asking questions, and, um, trying to figure out the small questions and the big questions.
Isn't that interesting that when asked that, one of the first things that we default to is our achievements, our quantifiable metrics of status?
Hmm. Yeah, I mean, that's what, that's what the typical response to that question is. You know? Like, what is it ... Who ... What's your job? Like, what have you done? Like, what are your, what are your validations? It's, it's reinforcing your somebody-ness, you know, as some of the spiritual teachers say. Like, this is what makes you somebody.
Mm-hmm.
You founded a company, you wrote a book, you have a podcast, you have this, you know, wife, you have this thing, you have these kids, you have... This is your somebody-ness. Um, and that's one level of expression, of course, and that's all fine, but the really interesting thing is like, who are you and how close are you becoming to the truth of who and what you are and how you serve? You know, that's, that's a really much more interesting question, for me at least. Um, but, you know, the other stuff is fine too.
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