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ADHD Chatter Podcast

Rox Pink (ADHD LOVE) confronts psychologist over childhood trauma

Rox Pink, one half of ADHD Love, is back! …but this time, she’s joined by renowned psychologist Jo Perkins to dissect her ADHD and help understand the root of her complex behaviours.

Dr. Jo PerkinsguestAlex Partridgehost

Jan 7, 20252h 0mWatch on YouTube

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Chapter summaries

Trailer, dedication, and Tiimo app sponsor message
A brief trailer teases the episode’s focus on ADHD, compliments, and family dynamics, including a sensitive-childhood theme. The host dedicates the episode to people who feel they’d benefit from therapy but haven’t booked yet, then shares a sponsor segment about using Tiimo to support routines and goals.
- •The trailer frames the episode as a deep dive into ADHD-related behaviors, self-belief, and family experiences
- •The host dedicates the conversation to listeners considering therapy but lacking confidence to start
- •A sponsor message explains Tiimo features like breaking tasks into steps, mood tracking, and visual scheduling
- •The host links New Year’s goal-setting challenges to executive functioning struggles in ADHD
Is ADHD “obvious”? What clinicians notice and why context matters
Alex asks Dr. Jo Perkins whether ADHD can be “obvious” in someone before they speak. Dr. Jo explains why she’s cautious about judging outside an assessment context, and how anxiety and reduced masking during evaluation can make traits more visible.
- •Alex shares that a psychologist told him his ADHD was “clear as hell” during diagnosis
- •Dr. Jo explains why it’s difficult to comment without an assessment context and full history
- •She suggests an assessment setting may lower masking and heighten visible signs due to anxiety
- •They discuss that “dead giveaways” often aren’t meaningful in isolation
Telltale signs of ADHD: fidgeting, lateness anxiety, people-pleasing, and empathy
Dr. Jo describes behaviors that can resemble ADHD—while stressing they aren’t diagnostic on their own. Rox and Alex relate strongly, sharing personal stories about chronic fluster, extreme efforts to avoid lateness, and emotional sensitivity.
- •Dr. Jo lists possible signs: jumping into conversations mid-thought, fidgeting, disorganization, chronic lateness/fluster
- •She highlights people-pleasing and heightened empathy/sensitivity to others’ needs as common patterns
- •Rox describes getting very early to avoid being late and recounts a meltdown after taking the wrong bus
- •Alex describes intense anxiety about lateness and the energy cost of preventing it
- •Dr. Jo points out how lingering worry after interactions can reflect this heightened sensitivity
Why compliments don’t land: negative messaging, imposter syndrome, and “celebrating wins”
Alex and Dr. Jo explore why many people with ADHD struggle to internalize praise after years of negative feedback. Rox describes a past habit of deflecting success with self-degradation and explains how she learned to post and speak about achievements without bullying herself.
- •Alex describes noticing that “big compliments” often bounce off people with ADHD
- •Dr. Jo ties difficulty receiving praise to a lifetime of negative messages and habitual dismissal of achievements
- •Rox describes internalized shame, imposter syndrome, and fear of being “found out”
- •Rox shares changing her social media language to stop self-degrading posts and allow pride
- •Dr. Jo supports intentionally acknowledging growth and how someone “showed up,” not just outcomes
ADHD and trauma: how repeated micro-corrections can create hypervigilance
The conversation shifts to the complex relationship between ADHD and trauma. Rox describes being a very sensitive child in a non-sensitive household, while Dr. Jo emphasizes that the daily experience of being neurodivergent—especially repeated “not good enough” messaging—can create trauma-like responses.
- •Alex raises the debate about whether trauma can cause ADHD, and asks what role trauma played for Rox
- •Rox says she wouldn’t claim trauma caused ADHD, but describes deep scars from being sensitive in a non-sensitive environment
- •Dr. Jo describes trauma as potentially “in the mix,” shaped by how environment interacts with neurodivergence
- •They discuss how repeated negative feedback can produce hypervigilance and physiological triggering
- •Rox shares a therapy incident where a canceled train triggered a meltdown and fear of rejection
Family relationships and emotional invalidation: chasing approval and carrying grief
Rox describes dynamics with her parents, including craving approval from a more emotionally withdrawn parent and rejecting comfort from a more loving one. The discussion becomes emotional as Rox reflects on grief, estrangement, and the painful contrast between losing one parent and having limited connection with the other.
- •Rox reflects on parental differences and her childhood drive to please and “perform” for approval
- •She describes suppressing anger for years and only beginning to feel it fully later in life
- •Dr. Jo explains how intermittent validation can reinforce pursuit and shape relationship patterns
- •Rox describes how her ADHD diagnosis disclosure to family was dismissed in a hurtful way
- •Rox shares the difficulty of distancing from her father and the grief of losing her mother
Creativity as emotional processing and survival mechanism
Alex asks what creativity provides emotionally, and Rox explains she channels difficult feelings—especially anger—into music. Dr. Jo expands the idea, suggesting creativity is often required just to navigate a neurotypical world and compensate for learning and functioning challenges.
- •Rox describes “splitting off” emotions into music and using an alter ego to carry anger
- •She links creativity to RSD-related people-pleasing and difficulty expressing certain emotions directly
- •Alex asks whether creativity is more common in the ADHD community
- •Dr. Jo frames creativity as a survival mechanism for problem-solving in a neurotypical world
- •They discuss how creative coping can also hide struggles in school or daily life
Hyperfocus explained: brain activation, flow-like calm, and time loss
Alex asks what hyperfocus looks like “in the brain,” and Dr. Jo offers a simplified explanation of how attention and motivation systems become highly recruited in that state. They explore why time disappears and how hyperfocus can be both rewarding and risky depending on what it locks onto.
- •Dr. Jo describes hyperfocus as activating neurotransmitters and recruiting underactive executive-function areas
- •She explains mind-wandering systems quiet down, creating a locked-in focus
- •Rox shares that “relaxing” days can still trigger business-idea hyperfocus that feels calming
- •They discuss the downside: getting stuck at inconvenient times and losing track of time and needs
- •Dr. Jo compares the state to a flow-like calm and notes the difficulty of switching it on at will
Obsessions, impulse projects, and “fantasy mode”: when ideas feel better than execution
The conversation turns to how hyperfocus and impulsivity shape work, identity, and abandoned projects. Alex and Rox discuss domain-name “graveyards,” the dopamine of planning, and how self-awareness can help differentiate glittery impulses from aligned motivations.
- •Dr. Jo distinguishes between “unhealthy obsession” and obsession that fits one’s environment and role
- •Rox says her lifelong obsession with singing helped her persist until it finally began working
- •They share examples of impulsive business ideas, researching rabbit holes, and burnout paths
- •Alex describes delaying action by placing ideas on a mental “shelf” to see if interest remains
- •Rox describes enjoying planning/logos/names as a playful “entrepreneur board game,” often without follow-through
When ADHD looks like something else: bipolar, anxiety, OCD, depression, addiction, and more
Alex asks what conditions can mirror or mask ADHD, especially when symptoms are “invisible.” Rox describes being treated for complex trauma symptoms before ADHD entered the conversation, and Dr. Jo outlines common misdiagnoses and overlapping presentations.
- •Alex raises how peaks/troughs of productivity can be mistaken for bipolar patterns
- •Rox describes being treated for complex trauma-related symptoms before ADHD was recognized
- •Dr. Jo lists frequent misdiagnoses: anxiety disorders, OCD, depression, insomnia/sleep issues
- •She mentions medical investigations like thyroid checks due to exhaustion and overlapping symptoms
- •They discuss how addiction treatment or sobriety can reveal ADHD traits more clearly
Masking and social battery collapse: multiple masks, burnout, and identity drift
Rox describes switching between different “masks” depending on context—online persona, home life, and performing on tour. Dr. Jo explains how masking can be so ingrained people don’t realize they’re doing it, and they discuss the toll of staying in situations when the social battery runs out.
- •Rox describes multiple context-dependent masks and refusing to keep the “I’m organized” mask
- •Dr. Jo explains many people only recognize masking after diagnosis or new environments
- •Alex describes the panic of going quiet/non-verbal at a dinner table when stuck socially
- •Rox describes learning from her partner to leave early and protect her energy without guilt
- •Dr. Jo explains masking becomes a problem when it’s unsustainable, fueling anxiety and burnout
ADHD Agony Aunt: “Therapists are all mad” and why people resist help
In the “Washing Machine of Woes” segment, the host reads a listener question about a husband refusing therapy and claiming therapists are “mad.” Dr. Jo responds from professional experience, focusing on readiness and defenses, while Rox adds the value of role-modeling therapy rather than trying to control others.
- •The listener question centers on persuading a partner to get therapy for childhood issues
- •Dr. Jo says therapists are human and reframes the statement as a sign the person isn’t ready
- •She suggests therapy won’t work until the person feels safe or personally wants to go
- •Rox shares a parallel experience encouraging a stepchild and emphasizes role-modeling therapy
- •They discuss focusing on what you can control in yourself rather than forcing change in others
RSD in the body: intrusive rejection certainty, shutdown, and compassion-first coping
Rox describes a recent RSD episode where she suddenly felt certain close collaborators didn’t like her, despite years of positive evidence. Dr. Jo and Alex discuss how disproportionate pain can appear “out of nowhere,” and how naming the response, pausing, and practicing compassion can reduce damage to relationships.
- •Rox describes sudden conviction of being disliked at work, triggering desperation to perform for acceptance
- •She explains how recognizing RSD helped her talk it through instead of cutting off relationships
- •Alex shares a personal example of instant shutdown after a small correction while making pancakes
- •Dr. Jo emphasizes compassion in the moment: the pain is real even if the trigger seems small
- •They discuss how triggers may be visible to partners and how coping can include pauses and safe words
ADHD and narcissism confusion: intent, empathy, manipulation, and boundaries
Alex asks whether ADHD behaviors can be confused with narcissism, and Dr. Jo carefully distinguishes diagnoses while acknowledging overlapping surface behaviors. Rox reflects on love-bombing fears and past abusive dynamics, emphasizing intent and self-awareness, and the conversation ends by focusing on pattern recognition and boundaries.
- •Dr. Jo distinguishes ADHD as neurodevelopmental from narcissistic personality disorder, while noting people can have both
- •They discuss overlaps that can look similar: emotional outbursts, thrill-seeking, self-focus, early relationship intensity
- •Dr. Jo contrasts relationship harm caused by ADHD executive-function issues versus deliberate manipulation for control
- •Rox reflects on “healthy narcissism,” pop-culture overuse of the label, and the importance of self-questioning
- •Rox shares how empathy and low self-esteem contributed to staying too long in harmful relationships and learning boundaries
What parents can do differently: seeing the child behind the behavior and building safety
Rox asks what guidance parents of an ADHD child could follow to reduce the risk of long-term self-hatred and self-destructive coping. Dr. Jo emphasizes seeing the child behind behavior, building routine and stability, seeking support, and tracking patterns like hunger, overstimulation, and difficult transition times.
- •Rox frames the question through her history of missed needs and later self-destructive behaviors
- •Dr. Jo urges parents to look behind behavior for pain and avoid feeling solely responsible to “fix” everything
- •She recommends not parenting alone when possible—seeking resources and support groups
- •She highlights structure and routine (like consistent bedtime routines) as stabilizing anchors
- •They discuss noticing data patterns: overstimulation after school, hunger/dehydration, overfull weekends, anxiety that doesn’t look like anxiety
Closing tradition: a letter from the previous guest with “three rules to live by”
To close, Alex delivers a letter from a previous guest containing three “rules to live by,” which Rox reads out. The episode ends with brief reflections on the rules and thanks from the guests and host.
- •Alex introduces the tradition of sharing a letter from the previous guest
- •Rox reads three rules: don’t go to sleep on an argument; give and get a hug daily; laugh at yourself and don’t take yourself too seriously
- •They react positively to the rules and call them meaningful
- •The host thanks Rox and Dr. Jo for joining and wraps the conversation

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