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ADHD Chatter Podcast

Roxanne Emery & Richard Pink (ADHD Love): From Addicts to Best Selling Authors

If you've got ADHD and a social media account, you'll definitely recognise my guests this week: husband and wife duo, ADHD Love!

Alex PartridgehostRichard PinkguestRoxanne Emeryguest

Nov 6, 202353mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

The Tampon Story That Started ADHD Love
Richard and Roxanne tell the story behind their first social media video, which began with a late-night tampon exchange. Roxanne explains that the content grew from a joke into something that helps partners and parents understand ADHD.
- •The first video came from a late-night exchange about whether Roxanne was using a real tampon
- •They filmed it at about half eleven at night and registered ADHD Love
- •They have now been creating content for two years
- •Followers often send videos to partners or parents to help them understand
- •Richard says the content now tries to guide people on how to talk to someone with ADHD
Roxanne's Road to Diagnosis
Roxanne describes her difficult twenties, her recovery from alcoholism, and the therapy that eventually led to an ADHD suggestion. She explains how symptoms got worse once she stopped self-medicating and how a therapist first raised attention deficit.
- •Roxanne struggled in her twenties with alcoholism, debt, broken relationships and self-harm
- •She entered her first recovery meeting in 2018
- •Symptoms got worse after she stopped drinking, leading to a breakdown in early 2020
- •Therapy first identified C-PTSD, then she mentioned going the wrong way on trains and losing headphones
- •Her therapist suggested attention deficit
Looking Back and Feeling the Diagnosis
Roxanne reflects on how her childhood ADHD symptoms were read as personality flaws and how that shame shaped her life. She describes the mix of joy and grief on being diagnosed.
- •She saw her symptoms as being a difficult, explosive, too-sensitive kid
- •Internalised shame became a self-fulfilling prophecy
- •Diagnosis brought laughter and crying, joy and grief together
- •It was a first doorway to self-kindness
- •She hopes sharing her story helps others realise they are not broken
Richard's Learning Curve and Understanding in Relationships
Richard explains that he knew nothing about ADHD when Roxanne was diagnosed and had read her behaviours as not caring. The couple discuss the late birthday dinner and how understanding ADHD has changed their relationship, while still requiring work from the non-ADHD partner.
- •Richard knew nothing about ADHD and saw Roxanne hyperfocus on learning about it
- •He had previously interpreted lateness and forgetfulness as her not caring
- •Roxanne says they probably wouldn't be together without knowing about the ADHD
- •The late birthday dinner story shows her panic and self-hatred when she messed up
- •Richard says understanding helps only to a degree and he has worked on calm communication, so it becomes both of them against the symptoms
Family Reactions and the Generational Divide
Roxanne shares how her father and stepmother reacted when she told them about her diagnosis. She and Richard discuss the older generation's attitudes and how this shaped the stories in their book.
- •Her family never spoke about emotions, so she was seeking validation where it had never been
- •Her father looked away and her stepmother said she had been coddled
- •Richard notes her father was a schoolteacher who saw ADHD as the naughty kids
- •Roxanne sees older generations as having had no mental health support
- •Alex says the generational divide lacks an understanding bridge, and Roxanne says her pain of being misunderstood drives their work
Self-Esteem Poll and Neurodiversity in Society
Richard and Roxanne describe an Instagram poll on core beliefs that revealed how harshly people with ADHD see themselves. Alex and Richard discuss how workplaces and society are not set up for neurodivergent people.
- •The poll answers included I'm broken, I'm lazy and I don't deserve love
- •Richard says these beliefs came from family and society, not just from within
- •Roxanne says these beliefs can destroy chances of happiness and love
- •Alex uses the hunter-gatherer image and describes ADHD as a difference, not a disorder
- •Richard describes his banking hall's ten desks as a sensory nightmare
Addiction Then and Now
Roxanne and Richard compare life in sobriety with life while drinking and gambling. Both say it is harder to feel everything but far better, and they describe what recovery has given them.
- •Roxanne says sobriety is harder because you feel everything, but hard choices make beautiful lives
- •Five years ago she was in debt and on her tenth broken relationship; she now tours as a musician
- •Richard describes needing alcohol daily to calm his nervous system
- •His gambling addiction took him to his lowest point, including spinning slot machines while driving
- •His first Gamblers Anonymous meeting led to therapy, which started to unpack childhood sexual abuse
What Good Mental Health Looks Like Now
Roxanne explains that good mental health is tolerating difficult feelings with better skills rather than being calm all the time. She and Richard describe therapy as lifelong and Alex relates it to his own experience.
- •Roxanne once thought good meant calm and stoic
- •She now defines good mental health as feeling anxiety or low self-esteem but tolerating it with new skills
- •Richard says they treated therapy like a video game they had completed, stopped, then returned
- •Roxanne says modelling healthy behaviour is a privilege, especially for Richard's kids
- •Alex says accepting being human is freeing
Washing Machine of Woes: Masking
Alex introduces a new segment in which he reads a community member's ADHD problem aloud. The first woe is about masking emotions behind a cheerful exterior, and the guests discuss unmasking, RSD, and masking in work and everyday life.
- •The segment is inspired by a Regina Brett quote and uses a washing machine to represent forgetfulness
- •Roxanne says everyone needs a mask, but the ADHD mask covers internal chaos with a bubbly front
- •She says unmasking begins in safe places
- •Richard links masking with RSD and fear of what others think
- •Richard says his corporate career as a bank manager was masking
- •Alex says masking is a human experience not exclusive to neurodiversity
Writing Dirty Laundry and Imposter Syndrome
They discuss how their first book, Dirty Laundry, came about and how they wrote it together. They talk about reader reactions, the Sunday Times bestseller list and feeling like an imposter.
- •The idea came during a car journey after a Hank Green podcast question about what would help their audience most
- •Roxanne's creativity and Richard's structure and imposed deadlines produced a finished manuscript
- •They wanted a messy, human, real-life book rather than a clinical one
- •Roxanne says she feels imposter syndrome daily and cites Seth Godin saying everybody's an imposter
- •Richard is prouder of reviews and readers' comments than the bestseller list
Small Talk and the Book They Threw Away
Roxanne describes their next book, Small Talk, which addresses ten harmful self-beliefs found in the poll. Richard explains how they scrapped a half-written book, Late Bloomers, shortly before the deadline.
- •Small Talk is a play on the negative way we talk to ourselves internally
- •It covers ten self-beliefs with chapters like I Am Lazy and Everybody Hates Me
- •Roxanne says it is not a fixing book but one about not being broken
- •Richard says they were halfway through writing Late Bloomers for Penguin when Roxanne decided to start afresh
- •It is available for pre-order on Amazon as Small Talk
Responding to 'ADHD Is a Trend' and 'Too Much'
Roxanne and Richard answer critics who call ADHD a trend and people who say those with ADHD are too much. Roxanne uses the left-handedness analogy and Richard explains how they moderate their community.
- •Roxanne asks why people are invested in ADHD not being real
- •She compares the rise in diagnoses to left-handedness being noticed once it stopped being beaten out of people
- •Richard says they block and delete comments that invalidate their community
- •Roxanne says people are different, and shaming difference is shortsighted
- •Richard says there is no need for shame whatever someone's needs are
Their Most Impulsive Acts
Alex asks an ADHDer and a non-ADHDer for their most impulsive act. Roxanne shares the story of losing over £100,000 to a scam, while Richard names leaving his bank career to become an author and content creator.
- •Roxanne transferred over £100,000 from a lawsuit settlement to someone with no legal paperwork, and it was a scam
- •She still speaks about it in therapy and carries shame
- •Richard says his most impulsive act was leaving a 20-year banking career
- •He still struggles to say what he does for a living
- •They joke about claiming the title best-selling author

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