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ADHD Chatter PodcastSara Pascoe made to take ADHD test LIVE. Husband disagrees with result!!
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Who Has ADHD? Steen's Traits at Home
Alex asks about the dynamics, and Steen says he is diagnosed while believing they both have it. Sara calls herself an ADHD refuser and describes Steen's half-finished tasks, the washing machine and the towels, and the nagging and mental load that follow.
- •Steen is diagnosed; Sara describes herself as an ADHD refuser who sits in 'the squidge'
- •Steen's intentions get derailed, leaving tasks half done like a spaniel chasing a squirrel
- •Washing machines and towels become a running joke
- •Sara says prompting creates a resentful partner and the mental load of remembering tasks
- •Before diagnosis, Steen says he saw himself as an idiot, not incompetent
Early Dating, Low Self-Esteem and Last-Minute Work
Alex asks Sara whether she saw impulsivity in the early days of dating. Sara describes the low self-esteem she noticed, and Steen describes leaving work to the last minute. They compare Steen's sprint-to-the-finish dopamine with Sara's organised, steady process.
- •Sara noticed low self-esteem in Steen rather than impulsivity
- •Steen leaves essays and show endings to the night before and describes needing a hotel room to avoid distraction
- •His ADHD therapist linked last-minute work to a bigger dopamine hit
- •Sara gets dopamine from starting, lists and working a little each day
Does Sara Have ADHD? Public Diagnoses and the Squidge
Alex asks Steen whether he thinks Sara has ADHD, and he says yes, partly because of online content. Sara talks about strangers diagnosing her and about traits that surfaced around having children. She argues that the world asks too much of everyone.
- •Both describe strangers offering unsolicited diagnoses after shows
- •Steen says yes, he thinks Sara has ADHD
- •Sara cites breastfeeding boredom, eating without distraction and talking over people
- •Sara says ADHD is partly defined by failure to achieve potential, and she dislikes that
- •Impulse buying of Peppa Pig items comes up as an example
Benefits of Diagnosis and Grieving the Past
Steen says his diagnosis let him be kinder to himself and a better dad and partner. Sara notes he had earlier been misdiagnosed with depression. Steen describes looking back at his younger self and an early mention of ADHD to his parents.
- •Diagnosis reduced Steen's self-hatred and explained patterns
- •Sara says Steen was previously misdiagnosed with depression
- •Steen sought a more specialised therapist and looked back with kindness at his younger self
- •He recalls being told as a child he had ADHD and the 'Lift' drink anecdote
Parents Pushing Back and Family Stigma
Sara explains how Steen's parents resisted the idea, and Steen describes the assessment where his mother's form differed from Sara's. Alex says his own psychologist saw the same split between his mother's and partner's forms. They discuss stigma and generational catch-up.
- •Steen's parents say 'we're all like that' and cite his school success
- •Steen had to justify the differences between his mum's answers and Sara's to the doctor
- •Alex's psychologist said parents often don't see the difference because they see themselves in the child
- •Sara says older generations hear ADHD as something negative
Neurodivergence in Their Circle and Parenting
Alex asks whether Sara attracts neurodivergent people, and she describes friends, comedy colleagues and overlapping conditions. The conversation moves to parenting, with Sara's tendency to distract their toddler and Steen's strict upbringing versus messy play.
- •Sara's two university friends and Steen are all diagnosed with ADHD
- •Sara says diagnoses have multiplied in comedy and that ADHD and autism can mask each other
- •Sara admits she overloads their toddler with food options out of excitement
- •Alex raises shame that older parents feel about earlier parenting
- •Steen describes a strict Greek upbringing and still struggles with messy play
Sara's Informal ADHD Test
Alex gives Sara a short informal online screening question set, with Steen weighing in on her answers. She scores one on task completion and organisation, with high scores on restlessness, mood swings and irritability. The 25 out of 50 result is described as not consistent with ADHD, and Sara reflects on the squidge and environmental factors.
- •Sara scores one on finishing tasks and organisation, and says she finishes things out of panic
- •Fidgeting, mood swings and irritability score high
- •The test is presented as unofficial and not a replacement for assessment
- •Total of 25 out of 50, not consistent with ADHD
- •Sara says her problems are largely environmental: workload, stress and kids who don't sleep
Rejection Sensitivity and Shutting Down in the Relationship
Alex asks about sensitivity to rejection, and Sara describes how a minor comment at a gig left her upset. They discuss how comedians cope with rejection, then how Steen hears criticism and shuts down. Sara describes flagging 'I'm not criticizing you'.
- •Sara feels rejection like physical pain and links it to the need to be safe in a group
- •Both say comedians and actors face constant rejection
- •Steen hears criticism in reminders, fears mistakes and goes silent
- •Sara cites a therapist's tip of saying 'I'm not criticizing you'
- •Alex says a partner's shutdown can leave two separate conversations
- •Steen describes internal self-analysis rather than shutting off
- 42:18 – 45:10Read this chapter
Washing Machine of Woes
Alex introduces his segment with community-submitted ADHD woes, starting with Steen's family laundry business. A listener asks how to get a husband assessed. Sara separates asking someone to understand you from telling them they have ADHD.
- •Steen's family owns a commercial laundry business and he worked there as a child
- •Sara notes his mother still does his washing
- •A listener's husband won't get assessed, and she wants help persuading him
- •Sara says understanding a partner and getting a diagnosis are separate asks
- •She says not everyone needs a label
The ADHD Item: The Unfilled Prescription and Medication Fears
Steen reveals his item, a prescription dated 08/11/2023 for ADHD medication he hasn't collected. He explains that a bad antidepressant experience made him wary. They discuss coping strategies like routines and small tasks, and Alex shares his own experience.
- •Steen's item is an uncollected ADHD prescription
- •He was prescribed antidepressants in 2017 after a misdiagnosis and describes an abrupt withdrawal
- •Sara says the fear is cyclical, since medication might help his self-employed career
- •Steen tries exercise, routine and small tasks like cleaning the kitchen before bed
- •Alex says medication has been life-changing for half the people he has spoken to and negative for others
Sara's Book Weirdo and Her Writing Process
Alex asks about Sara's novel Weirdo and whether she felt weird growing up. Sara links the book to postpartum isolation and describes writing in short windows. She describes an inner 'angry army major' who pushes her to finish work.
- •Sara sees links between the character and her postpartum state after an interviewer's comment
- •She wrote in the back of Ubers on the way to gigs
- •Her inner voice is an angry army major insisting it just needs to get done
- •Steen praises how many things she juggles
Two Comedians Together and Why Comedy Suits Neurodivergent People
Alex asks how both being comedians shapes their relationship. Steen says he needs validation, while Sara says a comedian partner understands the stakes of every gig. They discuss less masking in comedy, outsourced admin, and why Sara prefers working alone.
- •Steen says he needs validation more than Sara does
- •Sara says a fellow comedian never dismisses a bad gig
- •Comedy involves less masking and more tolerance of oddness
- •Agents, managers and PAs outsource the adulting
- •Steen likes the regimented structure of film sets, while Sara finds compromise hard
Comedy, Trauma and Waving the ADHD Flag
Alex asks whether comedy goes hand in hand with trauma and depression, and Sara says she thinks the rate is the same as everyone else's. Alex then raises Paul Whitehouse's comment about comedians waving the ADHD flag. Sara says it is mostly women comics, and that ADHD is easy to joke about.
- •Sara says comedians talk about trauma more simply because they have a microphone
- •Steen says audiences are surprised when comedians aren't cheerful offstage
- •Alex relays Paul Whitehouse's comment about comics opening with 'I have ADHD'
- •Sara says it's mostly women, tied to late diagnosis and masking
- •Sara says about 50% of recent bills include ADHD material
Looking Back, Then Their Most Impulsive Acts
Sara says nothing from her early years makes sense; she blames having two kids while working. Alex then asks for the most impulsive thing they have done. The stories include a surprise puppy, a switch to a Craig David gig, impulse shopping and leaving plays at the interval.
- •Sara blames sleepless kids and workload for her confusion
- •Sara surprised Steen with a puppy even though he had said not to
- •She swapped Hannah Gadsby tickets for a Craig David gig after a security guard's tip
- •Sara has lost money buying online and never processes returns
- •She and Alex both struggle to sit through the second half of a play
Publisher timestamps
- 0:00Trailer
- 1:38So let's clarify the dynamics first, which one of you has ADHD or do you both?
- 2:49Sara, what ADHD traits do you notice most in Steen?Read this chapter from 2:50
- 6:59Do you have memories of extreme impulsivity from the dating phase of your relationshipRead this chapter
- 12:53Now for the fun part, Steen, do you think Sara has ADHD?Read this chapter
- 17:59Steen, what did you benefit from by getting a diagnosis?
- 19:40Did you go through a grieving process?
- 24:02Do you tend to attract neurodivergent people in your life, Sara?Read this chapter
- 26:51Navigating ‘shame’ within the family dynamics
- 28:48Sara’s unofficial, just for fun, ADHD test
- 33:31Dealing with rejection at work and in your marriageRead this chapter
- 45:10The ADHD Item
- 50:45Your book is entitled "Weirdo" and even though it's a novel, are there auto-biographical references and did you feel "weird" growing up?Read this chapter
- 54:14How do you think both of you being comedians plays a part in your relationship and more specifically - arguments in relationships?
- 56:50Is there a huge overlap in comedy and being neurodivergent?
- 58:20In your experience on the comedy scene, do you think being a comedian goes hand in hand with trauma and/or depression?
- 59:18We had Paul Whitehouse on a few weeks ago and he said he sees a lot of comedians "waving the ADHD flag", do you tend to notice this in the comedy community?
- 1:01:44Impulsive thingRead this chapter from 1:01:45
