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Alex Partridge on aDHD masking fueled by shame, overthinking, and fear of rejection.

Alex Partridgehost
Mar 2, 20260mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

ADHD masking fueled by shame, overthinking, and fear of rejection

  1. Many people with ADHD feel shame about being different and try to "blend in" to avoid standing out.
  2. This often results in masking behaviors—constant adjusting, adapting, and people-pleasing to keep others comfortable.
  3. Inside, the person may be intensely overthinking and rehearsing communication to avoid mistakes or negative reactions.
  4. Fear of rejection sensitivity (RSD) can drive hypervigilance and an ongoing need to stay a step ahead.
  5. The cumulative effect is significant personal strain and chronic exhaustion.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Masking is often a shame-management strategy.

The drive to not be "too much" can come from deep discomfort about being different, leading to constant self-suppression to feel acceptable.

People-pleasing can be protective but costly.

Adapting to "give the people what they want" may reduce immediate social risk, but it creates long-term emotional strain and identity fatigue.

Perfectionistic communication habits are a common internal burden.

Rehearsing in meetings and rereading emails repeatedly reflects an attempt to prevent missteps and control how one is perceived.

RSD can create hypervigilance in everyday interactions.

Staying "a step ahead" is partly about preventing rejection-triggered emotional pain, which can keep the nervous system on high alert.

The hidden workload of masking leads to exhaustion.

Even when someone appears composed externally, the internal monitoring, editing, and anticipation can be draining and unsustainable.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Lots of people with ADHD, they struggle with being different. They struggle with very strong feelings of shame.

— Alex Partridge

So constantly adjusting, constantly adapting, constantly trying to give the people what they want.

— Alex Partridge

It comes at a huge personal strain to you.

— Alex Partridge

Having to read the email 17 times so that they can reply to it properly.

— Alex Partridge

It's exhausting.

— Alex Partridge

ADHD masking and blending inShame and feeling differentPeople-pleasing and self-editingOverthinking and rehearsalEmail/communication perfectionismRejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)Emotional and cognitive exhaustion

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