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BigDeal by Codie SanchezBigDeal by Codie Sanchez

Get Your Sex Life Back! What Everyone Gets Wrong About Sex & Libido: Dr. Rena Malik

My new book Own Or Be Owned is out now! I wrote Own or Be Owned to answer one question: How do you make more money, less miserably?

Codie SanchezhostDr. Rena Malikguest
Jun 11, 20251h 6mWatch on YouTube

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At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Sex myths, libido, porn, and health signals behind better intimacy

  1. Dr. Rena Malik and Codie Sanchez discuss why many people have “bad sex,” arguing that porn/media depictions and lack of education distort expectations about arousal, orgasm, and performance.
  2. The conversation challenges common myths—especially that penis size and penetration are the main drivers of female orgasm—and highlights the role of clitoral stimulation, adequate arousal time, lubrication, and communication.
  3. They explore libido changes over time, describing “responsive desire,” the effects of stress and distraction (like phones), and how couples can improve intimacy through intentional conversations, planning, novelty, and lowering performance pressure.
  4. They frame sexual function as a biomarker of overall health, covering erectile dysfunction’s links to blood flow and heart health and discussing lifestyle changes and medication options mentioned for libido and ED.
  5. They address porn, sex education, parenting conversations about sex, pelvic floor dysfunction, substance effects (cannabis and alcohol), and speculative future issues like intimacy with AI/robots.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Penetration and penis size are overvalued; anatomy and stimulation matter more.

She emphasized that most women need clitoral stimulation to climax, and that focusing only on penetration (or on penis size) leaves many women unaroused and unlikely to orgasm, especially when intercourse is brief.

Arousal timing mismatch is a major reason many women don’t orgasm.

She cited research that women take about 25 minutes on average to become aroused, while timed studies of penetration-to-climax average about five to six minutes, which helps explain why orgasm often doesn’t happen for women in typical encounters.

Faking orgasms happens for both women and men, often to manage expectations or discomfort.

She said studies suggest 40% of women have faked orgasms, and added that men also fake orgasms, sometimes due to delayed ejaculation that can take 30+ minutes and leads them to want to end sex.

In long-term relationships, planning and “responsive desire” are normal—not a sign something is broken.

She described how, in long-term relationships, desire often shifts from “spontaneous” to “responsive,” meaning people may only feel desire after intimacy begins; she suggested reducing pressure, scheduling intimacy time, and adding novelty.

Sexual function can be an early warning sign of broader health issues—and lifestyle can meaningfully affect ED.

She framed erectile dysfunction as a health signal, noting it is commonly related to blood flow and can precede cardiovascular events; she also cited a study that 150 minutes/week of moderate cardio can be as effective as Viagra.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Like, there's a lot of bad sex because people are not educated.

— Dr. Rena Malik

So 85% of women need clitoral stimulation to climax.

— Dr. Rena Malik

It takes about 25 minutes on average.

— Dr. Rena Malik

So there's actually a study that shows that if you exercise 150 minutes a week, moderate intensity cardiovascular exercise, it's as good as taking a Viagra.

— Dr. Rena Malik

It is your job. Like, you just have to teach them because that is your job. You are the adult. Get over it.

— Dr. Rena Malik

Read the available transcript
Female orgasm and clitoral stimulationArousal time vs average intercourse durationFaking orgasms and delayed ejaculationResponsive desire and libido in long-term relationshipsLow libido options (lifestyle, mindfulness, medications, testosterone off-label)Erectile dysfunction as a cardiovascular/blood-flow signalPorn: shame cycles, relationship mismatch, couples viewing patterns, sex education gaps and parenting talks about porn/sex early exposure age, pelvic floor dysfunction (weak vs tight; therapy/massage; breathing and stretches), substances and sex (cannabis, alcohol), declining sex frequency and modern stress/phones, sex span vs lifespan, future intimacy with AI/robots

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SPEAKERS

  • Codie Sanchez

    host

    Host of the BigDeal podcast and entrepreneur/investor.

  • Dr. Rena Malik

    guest

    Physician (MD) and sex/health educator who discusses clinical aspects of libido, orgasm, and sexual dysfunction.

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

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