The Psychology of Cheaters (According To A Divorce Lawyer) | James Sexton

He says he can often hear it in the tone: the repeated "What? Huh? Yeah, whatever" that signals contempt and disinterest replacing curiosity. He also points to behavior like talking past each other, not listening, and disengaging (e.g., phones while the other speaks).

He argues disconnection usually builds through small daily choices and attention shifts (work, mental load, parenting) until people suddenly realize how far apart they’ve gotten. He compares it to bankruptcy: "very slowly and then all at once."

He frames reconnection as reversing the same spiral with small, consistent actions—more grace, praise, affection, and attention. He gives an example of sending a quick text in the middle of the day to express appreciation or attraction, describing it as low-cost with potentially high return.

He repeatedly returns to “evidence” as a lawyer’s mindset: not “I love you,” but what actions prove it. He suggests a weekly check-in such as naming three things that made someone feel loved, three things that could be better, and three things that were attractive/connecting.

He argues social media can reduce loneliness at its best but often becomes a “performative self” where people post highlights while living their “gag reel.” He describes clients publicly presenting “hashtag blessed” while privately negotiating divorce, and says genuinely happy people are often too busy being happy to convince others.