The Psychology of Cheaters (According To A Divorce Lawyer) | James Sexton

ℹ️ EPISODE INFO

Released

August 26, 2026

Duration

1h 30m

Channel

BigDeal by Codie Sanchez

Watch on YouTube

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📝 EPISODE DESCRIPTION

Thanks to SoFi for sponsoring this episode! Looking for funding to help grow your business? Get started at https://SoFi.com/Codie. #SoFiPartner #ad My new book Own Or Be Owned is out now! I wrote Own or Be Owned to answer one question: how do you make more money, less miserably? I broke it into the 12 Profit Levers… the 12 levers I've seen determine whether you print cash or hate your life. Check it out: https://contrarianthinking.biz/bigdeal-sexton -cs You've been telling yourself the same story. That you need to work harder on your marriage. That you need to read more books, take more courses, find the perfect framework. Here's the truth: the only thing between you and the relationship you want is believing you need something you don't already have. James Sexton is one of the world's most famous divorce attorneys who has represented clients in more than a thousand divorces. He's seen every way a marriage can fail and every pattern that predicts it. In this episode, you'll learn:

• The sound of a dying marriage: why the tone of voice that says whatever or what reveals more than any argument ever could, and how contempt kills connection faster than cheating
• Why babies don't cause divorce but disconnection does, and how the mental load of parenting makes couples forget that their love built the baby in the first place
• The menu framework: how offering your partner options instead of expecting them to read your mind creates safety, and why asking do you need space or do you need to talk right now changes everything
• Why men ask did you have sex with him and women ask do you love her, and what that reveals about how men and women experience betrayal completely differently
• The eight mile strategy: how getting ahead of your own weaknesses in a relationship disarms defensiveness, and why showing your partner your flaws is the only way they can truly love you

Want to grow your business? Join me in-person at our upcoming Growth Accelerator Workshop, where my team and I will help scale your business: https://www.contrarianthinking.co/growth-accelerator-workshop Bizee handles the busywork and paperwork, so you can get your small business set up right. Check it out: bizee.com/codie ___________ 00:00:00 Introduction: The Sound of a Marriage About to End 00:01:33 The What Huh Whatever: How Contempt Kills Connection 00:04:46 The Story Retelling Test: When Your Partner Becomes Boring 00:05:57 The Spiral of Apathy: How Disconnection Happens Slowly Then All at Once 00:07:16 The Text Message Strategy: 30 Seconds That Could Save Your Marriage 00:10:15 The Eight Billion People Problem: Why Your Partner Is Your Favorite Person 00:11:50 The Evidence Test: Cross-Examining Your Own Relationship 00:15:24 Social Media and the Performative Self: Hashtag Blessed While Negotiating Divorce 00:18:06 The Manual We Never Got: Why No One Teaches Us How to Love 00:22:38 Babies and Disconnection: The Crisis That Pulls Couples Apart 00:24:56 You Can't Pretend You Meant to Get Divorced: The Humility of Failure 00:27:29 Men and Women Get Each Other Wrong: The Defensiveness Trap 00:30:10 Creating Safe Space: Why Men Don't Tell You What You Don't Want to Hear 00:34:46 Love Is Not Permanently Gifted, It's Loaned: The Fragility of Connection 00:36:59 Cheating and Infidelity: The 70 Percent Reality 00:39:56 Did You Have Sex With Him: How Men and Women Experience Betrayal Differently 00:42:35 The Economy of Monogamy: What We Owe Each Other in a Committed Relationship 00:47:32 The Imaginary Perfect Partner: Comparing Real People to Fantasy 00:59:19 The Shaving Story: How You Ask the Question Dictates the Answer 01:03:46 The Eight Mile Strategy: Owning Your Weaknesses Before They're Used Against You 01:06:13 The Persuasion Principle: Great Advocacy Doesn't Look Like Advocacy 01:10:57 A Good Lawyer Knows the Law, A Great Lawyer Knows the Judge 01:14:27 The Menu Framework: Listening, Fixing, or Distraction 01:17:48 Does Marriage Still Work: The 70 Percent Failure Rate Question 01:19:45 Chapters in a Long Book: Reframing Divorce as Part of Your Story, Not Failure 01:26:09 The Vulnerability Invitation: Showing Your Weaknesses So You Can Feel Real Love ___________ MORE FROM BIGDEAL 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@PodcastBigDeal 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigdeal.podcast 📽️ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@big.deal.pod MORE FROM CODIE SANCHEZ 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CodieSanchezCT 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/codiesanchez 📽️ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@realcodiesanchez OTHER THINGS WE DO 🌐 Our community: https://contrarianthinking.typeform.com/to/WBztXXID 📰 Free newsletter: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3XWLlZp 📚 Biz buying course: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3NhjGgN 🏠 Resibrands: https://resibrands.com/ 💰 CT Capital: https://contrarianthinking.biz/4eRyGOk 🏦 Main St Hold Co: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3YfGa8u

🎤 SPEAKERS

• James Sexton

  guest

  Divorce attorney known for high-profile family law cases and commentary on relationships and marriage.

• Codie Sanchez

  host

  Entrepreneur and media host of BigDeal by Codie Sanchez, interviewing business and subject-matter experts.

🧾 EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of BigDeal by Codie Sanchez, featuring James Sexton and Codie Sanchez, The Psychology of Cheaters (According To A Divorce Lawyer) | James Sexton explores How disconnection, contempt, and attention predict divorce—and prevent it James Sexton describes the early signs of marital breakdown as a shift from curiosity to contempt, often audible in dismissive tone and visible in disengaged behavior.

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