The Diary of a CEOBillion Dollar NIGHTMARE! The Tragedy Of A Billion $$ Beauty Business - Nicola Kilner, The Ordinary
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 9:00
Roots, Role Models, and Early Ambition
Nicola describes her loving but traditional upbringing, her parents’ contrasting personalities, and her early desire for both motherhood and financial independence through entrepreneurship. She explains why she chose a management degree entwined with corporate placements and how she thought about university versus learning by doing.
- •Mother as stay‑at‑home carer and emotional anchor; father as charismatic, big‑ideas extrovert with a temper.
- •Nicola’s dual childhood dream: be a present stay‑at‑home mum yet never be financially dependent on anyone.
- •Early fascination with entrepreneurship, watching Dragons’ Den and equating business ownership with freedom.
- •Decision to study Business Management in Company at Nottingham Trent, working four-and-a-half days a week for Boots.
- 9:00 – 23:00
Boots, Buying, and Learning the Mechanics of Brands
Nicola outlines her time at Boots, where she moved from assistant buyer to buying manager, curating innovative products and mentoring small founders into a major retailer. This role exposed her to the full value chain and sharpened her instinct for consumer behavior and launch execution.
- •Managed the ‘Latest Finds’ stand, giving new brands a 3‑month test window.
- •Learned to work across supply chain, finance, legal, and PR to launch and sustain products.
- •Adopted a ‘launch and love’ philosophy: a listing is only the start; the real work is driving off‑shelf pick‑up.
- •Experience with many founders gave her insight into what differentiated those who succeeded.
- 23:00 – 34:00
Meeting Brandon and the Birth of DECIEM
Nicola recalls first encountering Brandon through his previous brand Indeed Labs and being drawn to his infectious energy and idealism. She shares how her own startup idea morphed into joining him to build DECIEM, despite family concerns about leaving a secure job.
- •Brandon’s emails stood out for energy and positivity, signed off with ‘Smiles, Brandon’.
- •Indeed Labs’ launches at Boots were among the most successful in her program.
- •Her original concept: a TripAdvisor‑style review platform for beauty (BeautyWise).
- •Brandon pitched DECIEM (Latin for ten) as a multi‑concept engine; invited her to co‑build it while he helped with her platform.
- •Nicola left Boots in her early 20s, against conventional advice, sensing she wasn’t meant to stay corporate.
- 34:00 – 45:00
Ten Brands, ‘Focus Is Overrated’, and a Startup Family
The conversation explores DECIEM’s unusual model of creating ten brands at once and building a fully integrated ecosystem in-house. Nicola describes the benefits and drawbacks of this approach and how a tight-knit, almost cult-like culture formed around Brandon’s desire for a work ‘family’.
- •Multi‑brand strategy justified shared overheads in manufacturing, comms, and R&D and allowed fast, cheap experimentation.
- •Downside: when The Ordinary took off, other brands were neglected without dedicated teams.
- •They hired almost exclusively fresh graduates, avoiding industry ‘preconditioning’ and encouraging first‑principles thinking.
- •Brandon’s background of difficult relationships drove his obsession with building a ‘family’ at work where no one left him.
- •Nicola embraces the ‘cult’ analogy in the sense of deep dedication and shared mission, but stresses happiness and mutual care.
- 45:00 – 56:00
Culture, Fun, and the Question of Work–Life Balance
Nicola and Steven dive into how DECIEM’s early culture was shaped: all‑in commitment, weekends together, and fun as a driver of creativity. They contrast that era with today’s emphasis on mental health and examine whether such imbalance was necessary for their success.
- •Best ideas often emerged during off‑work fun—weekend trips, dinners, and shared experiences.
- •Early DECIEM staff wore every hat: founders helped on production lines and shipping during crunch times.
- •Nicola now sees tension between high expectations and kindness, acknowledging they didn’t fully understand burnout then.
- •She agrees with a flexible view of ‘balance’: different life stages permit different intensities of work.
- •Family culture, to her, means belonging and safety, not the absence of performance standards.
- 56:00 – 1:07:00
Kindness, ‘Family’ vs High-Performance Team, and Leadership Style
The discussion zooms in on Nicola’s philosophy of kindness in business and her view of ‘family’ as deep belonging rather than boundaryless loyalty. She explains the difference between being nice and being kind, especially around performance management and layoffs when the business hits a downturn.
- •Nicola defines family at work as a sense of belonging where people feel loved and safe.
- •Kindness may require difficult conversations about performance, redeployment, or even exit, done with sincere intent to help.
- •She realized starkly that if revenue dipped and didn’t recover, headcount reductions could become unavoidable.
- •Therefore, to be kind to the whole group, the company must remain high-performing; kindness and performance are not opposites.
- •During downturns, DECIEM has offered counseling and career support for people being let go.
- 1:07:00 – 1:17:00
Scaling Up, Imposter Feelings, and Bringing in Experience
Nicola explains why she calls herself the ‘least qualified CEO’ in a traditional sense and how rapid growth exposed operational gaps. She describes losing confidence when numbers dipped, repeatedly offering to resign, and eventually hiring an experienced general manager and strong finance leadership to complement her strengths.
- •Leading 10–100 people is very different from leading 1,500 in a majority-owned public-company environment.
- •DECIEM’s explosive growth masked structural weaknesses; when a post‑COVID dip came, Nicola felt out of her depth on planning and numbers.
- •She asked Estée Lauder for help, acknowledging her limits rather than pretending competence.
- •A seasoned GM ‘couldn’t believe the basics we didn’t have’, and professionalized supply chain, scaling, and market expansion.
- •Nicola now focuses more on brand, culture, belonging, and social impact—areas where she adds most value.
- 1:17:00 – 1:27:00
Inventing The Ordinary: Transparency, Pricing, and a Breakout Year
The Ordinary’s origin story is unpacked: conceived as the eleventh DECIEM brand from frustration with opaque skincare pricing, it broke category conventions by foregrounding actives and low prices. Nicola discusses retailer skepticism, early rejections, and how staying true to the concept led to extraordinary demand.
- •Inspired by pharmacies: everyone knows what paracetamol is and its narrow price band; no one can sell it for £100.
- •Skincare lacked this: similar formulas sold anywhere from £10 to £100 with little transparency.
- •The Ordinary used long‑known, well‑researched actives and emphasized their names and concentrations.
- •Two major retailers initially rejected the brand as too confusing and visually ‘dust collecting’; they wanted generic names like ‘anti‑aging serum’.
- •Because DECIEM had other revenue streams, they could afford to say no and protect the concept.
- •Upon launch, The Ordinary immediately sold out; six years on they still produce ~400,000 units a day and face stockouts.
- 1:27:00 – 1:40:00
Estée Lauder Investment and the Unusual Seven-Year Acquisition Path
Nicola recounts how The Ordinary’s early momentum drew intense investor interest, culminating in a swift minority investment by Estée Lauder Companies. She explains the phased deal structure, valuation growth, and how a gradual transition allowed both sides to learn how to work together.
- •Early 2017: at just a few months old, The Ordinary’s buzz led DECIEM to seek capital for scaling.
- •Met multiple PE firms and another big conglomerate before meeting Estée Lauder’s M&A team.
- •After an 8‑week sprint—diligence, negotiation, and leadership meetings—the deal closed with ELC taking 29%.
- •Initial valuation around $160m; by 2021 the stake‑increase deal valued DECIEM at $2.2 billion.
- •Ownership is stepping from minority to 76%, and eventually to 100% after about seven years—unusually gradual for such deals.
- •Nicola sees this phased approach as beneficial for mutual understanding of where ELC should help and where DECIEM must stay independent‑minded.
- 1:40:00 – 1:58:00
A Sudden Change: Psychedelics, Psychosis, and Nicola’s Firing
The narrative takes a dark turn as Nicola describes Brandon’s abrupt behavioral transformation after an Amsterdam trip experimenting with magic mushrooms. His personality shifted from warm and loving to cold, erratic, and hostile, culminating in her firing and increasingly abusive, public actions.
- •Before late 2017, Brandon barely drank, didn’t use drugs, and was naturally high‑energy.
- •He became intellectually curious about psychedelics and accessing different parts of the brain; traveled to Amsterdam to experiment.
- •After New Year, Nicola flew 20 hours in tears, sensing something was very wrong.
- •He returned radically changed: detached, cold, grandiose ideas about time, and erratic management choices (e.g., canceling a brand and retailer on Instagram without warning).
- •When Nicola challenged him, his responses were cruel and accusatory; she was fired in February 2018 via HR despite governance rules.
- •She oscillated between believing she’d failed him and recognizing his behavior was irrational and connected to serious mental illness and drug abuse.
- 1:58:00 – 2:21:00
Public Meltdown: Instagram Chaos, Sectionings, and Board Intervention
Nicola describes the escalating crisis of 2018: abusive all-company emails, mass firings, and Brandon’s increasingly disturbed Instagram posts. Despite multiple psychiatric sectionings across London, Canada, and the US, he was repeatedly released quickly, leaving colleagues and investors powerless until a dramatic shutdown announcement forced legal action.
- •Brandon sent abusive, often humiliating emails copying the entire company, retailers, media, and customers.
- •Nicola, six weeks pregnant, even considered revealing her pregnancy to him hoping his innate kindness might re‑emerge.
- •He was sectioned five times in three countries: each time only briefly held, then released, despite serious crises.
- •Nicola likens trying to reason with him to speaking a different language; there was no comprehension bridge.
- •In June he begged her back with tearful videos; she returned hoping to help, only to find things worse.
- •In October he posted on Instagram that DECIEM was shutting down, threatening 800 jobs and compelling shareholders to seek a court order removing him as CEO.
- •The legal move was framed as temporary, to protect DECIEM until he could get help and hopefully return.
- 2:21:00 – 2:37:00
Taking Over While Pregnant and Rebuilding a Traumatized Company
After the court order, Nicola—seven months pregnant—was named sole CEO. She immediately focused on reassembling key early team members, stabilizing operations, and trying to lead a staff that had endured a year of public chaos, all while Brandon loitered around the office and demand surged from global attention.
- •Her first moves: bring back fired co‑founders and senior leaders like Steven (former CFO, later COO) to restore structure.
- •Despite reputational turmoil, The Ordinary’s sales soared—controversy attracted attention, and product quality retained customers.
- •Brandon sometimes waited in a car outside HQ, creating a fraught emotional and safety dilemma for staff who still loved him.
- •Nicola describes feeling more sadness than fear; leadership had to balance compassion for him with protecting employees.
- •She gave birth to her daughter in late December 2018 while juggling these responsibilities.
- 2:37:00 – 2:56:00
Brandon’s Death, Shock, and Unprocessed Grief
In early 2019, Nicola learned of Brandon’s death via a media inquiry. She recounts the shock, the logistics of informing loved ones and staff, and her lingering sense that his fatal fall was likely not a deliberate suicide. She admits she has yet to fully process the trauma and intends to seek therapy when life allows.
- •A journalist emailed DECIEM asking if it was true Brandon had died; no one at the company knew yet.
- •Steven confirmed his body had been found by going to the police; Nicola received the call while breastfeeding her newborn.
- •She immediately had to notify his partner, close friends, Estée Lauder, and then the wider team, before the news broke publicly.
- •She believes he did not intend to end his life, noting his love of words and absence of a final message; high balcony, storms, and intoxication may have played a role.
- •Brandon had been posting erratic Instagram videos that night; he remained in a cycle of heavy drug use and mental illness.
- •Nicola says she’s been in ‘doing mode’ ever since—stabilizing DECIEM, raising children—and has not yet done deep therapeutic work on this loss.
- 2:56:00 – 3:12:00
Secrets, Identity, and What Nicola Didn’t Know
Nicola reflects on learning, only after Brandon’s breakdown, that he had a male partner of ten years and a deeply troubled past. She wrestles with the realization that someone she thought she knew intimately had concealed core parts of his identity, and what that says about acceptance and belonging.
- •She discovered post‑crisis that Brandon had a long‑term male partner, Riyad, he had never told her about.
- •She infers he never felt fully safe or accepted enough—perhaps due to his Iranian background—to be open about his sexuality.
- •His mother died when he was young; he had a fraught relationship with his father and longstanding feelings of not fitting in.
- •Nicola laments that DECIEM, with its strong LGBTQ+ representation and inclusive stance, would have embraced him fully.
- •His will named every beneficiary as a DECIEM employee and stated that if his partner could not decide on his remains, Nicola should—affirming their bond.
- 3:12:00 – 3:27:00
Patterns of Addiction: Her Father, Brandon, and Helplessness
The interview reaches its emotional peak as Nicola connects Brandon’s story to her father’s rapid decline into alcoholism after losing his long-held radio job. She talks through their similarities, the medical framing of severe addiction as a terminal illness, and the anguish of loving someone whose brain won’t let them choose recovery.
- •Her father was a beloved local radio presenter; losing that role in his late 40s/early 50s triggered heavy drinking.
- •Within two years, alcohol dependency escalated to hospitalizations and his death when she was 20.
- •A doctor told them to treat his addiction like a terminal disease, as relapse can always recur in the brain.
- •She recalls struggling with the question: ‘If they love us, why can’t they just stop?’ and had to accept they literally couldn’t.
- •Watching Brandon’s decline—fast, severe, and intertwined with drugs and mental illness—felt like history repeating itself.
- •Nicola admits she likely hasn’t fully processed either loss, but remains remarkably grounded and grateful for her stable, loving childhood.
- 3:27:00
Current Life, Non-Negotiables, and Redefining Success
Nicola talks about her present sense of contentment: a supportive husband, two children, and 1,500 ‘work children’ at DECIEM. She outlines her non‑negotiable values as a leader, how she thinks about strategy now, and her long-term desire to focus deeply on motherhood in a future chapter.
- •She feels privileged to have achieved many life goals by 34: family, a home, and an impactful global business.
- •Core non‑negotiables: kindness, doing the right thing when no one is watching, caring about small details, and thinking differently from the industry.
- •On inspiration: urges founders not to copy category norms but to borrow from different domains (e.g., pharmacy for skincare).
- •DECIEM’s distilled strategy today: ‘build growth, power good’—use commercial success to fuel social and environmental impact.
- •She still hot‑desks, has never had her own permanent desk, and uses that to stay close to different teams.
- •Asked who she is becoming, she says she’s learning to be content with who she is, and ultimately hopes for a chapter focused on being a present mum.
