The Diary of a CEOBillion Dollar NIGHTMARE! The Tragedy Of A Billion $$ Beauty Business - Nicola Kilner, The Ordinary
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 9:00
Roots, Role Models, and Early Ambition
Nicola describes her loving but traditional upbringing, her parents’ contrasting personalities, and her early desire for both motherhood and financial independence through entrepreneurship. She explains why she chose a management degree entwined with corporate placements and how she thought about university versus learning by doing.
- 9:00 – 23:00
Boots, Buying, and Learning the Mechanics of Brands
Nicola outlines her time at Boots, where she moved from assistant buyer to buying manager, curating innovative products and mentoring small founders into a major retailer. This role exposed her to the full value chain and sharpened her instinct for consumer behavior and launch execution.
- 23:00 – 34:00
Meeting Brandon and the Birth of DECIEM
Nicola recalls first encountering Brandon through his previous brand Indeed Labs and being drawn to his infectious energy and idealism. She shares how her own startup idea morphed into joining him to build DECIEM, despite family concerns about leaving a secure job.
- 34:00 – 45:00
Ten Brands, ‘Focus Is Overrated’, and a Startup Family
The conversation explores DECIEM’s unusual model of creating ten brands at once and building a fully integrated ecosystem in-house. Nicola describes the benefits and drawbacks of this approach and how a tight-knit, almost cult-like culture formed around Brandon’s desire for a work ‘family’.
- 45:00 – 56:00
Culture, Fun, and the Question of Work–Life Balance
Nicola and Steven dive into how DECIEM’s early culture was shaped: all‑in commitment, weekends together, and fun as a driver of creativity. They contrast that era with today’s emphasis on mental health and examine whether such imbalance was necessary for their success.
- 56:00 – 1:07:00
Kindness, ‘Family’ vs High-Performance Team, and Leadership Style
The discussion zooms in on Nicola’s philosophy of kindness in business and her view of ‘family’ as deep belonging rather than boundaryless loyalty. She explains the difference between being nice and being kind, especially around performance management and layoffs when the business hits a downturn.
- 1:07:00 – 1:17:00
Scaling Up, Imposter Feelings, and Bringing in Experience
Nicola explains why she calls herself the ‘least qualified CEO’ in a traditional sense and how rapid growth exposed operational gaps. She describes losing confidence when numbers dipped, repeatedly offering to resign, and eventually hiring an experienced general manager and strong finance leadership to complement her strengths.
- 1:17:00 – 1:27:00
Inventing The Ordinary: Transparency, Pricing, and a Breakout Year
The Ordinary’s origin story is unpacked: conceived as the eleventh DECIEM brand from frustration with opaque skincare pricing, it broke category conventions by foregrounding actives and low prices. Nicola discusses retailer skepticism, early rejections, and how staying true to the concept led to extraordinary demand.
- 1:27:00 – 1:40:00
Estée Lauder Investment and the Unusual Seven-Year Acquisition Path
Nicola recounts how The Ordinary’s early momentum drew intense investor interest, culminating in a swift minority investment by Estée Lauder Companies. She explains the phased deal structure, valuation growth, and how a gradual transition allowed both sides to learn how to work together.
- 1:40:00 – 1:58:00
A Sudden Change: Psychedelics, Psychosis, and Nicola’s Firing
The narrative takes a dark turn as Nicola describes Brandon’s abrupt behavioral transformation after an Amsterdam trip experimenting with magic mushrooms. His personality shifted from warm and loving to cold, erratic, and hostile, culminating in her firing and increasingly abusive, public actions.
- 1:58:00 – 2:21:00
Public Meltdown: Instagram Chaos, Sectionings, and Board Intervention
Nicola describes the escalating crisis of 2018: abusive all-company emails, mass firings, and Brandon’s increasingly disturbed Instagram posts. Despite multiple psychiatric sectionings across London, Canada, and the US, he was repeatedly released quickly, leaving colleagues and investors powerless until a dramatic shutdown announcement forced legal action.
- 2:21:00 – 2:37:00
Taking Over While Pregnant and Rebuilding a Traumatized Company
After the court order, Nicola—seven months pregnant—was named sole CEO. She immediately focused on reassembling key early team members, stabilizing operations, and trying to lead a staff that had endured a year of public chaos, all while Brandon loitered around the office and demand surged from global attention.
- 2:37:00 – 2:56:00
Brandon’s Death, Shock, and Unprocessed Grief
In early 2019, Nicola learned of Brandon’s death via a media inquiry. She recounts the shock, the logistics of informing loved ones and staff, and her lingering sense that his fatal fall was likely not a deliberate suicide. She admits she has yet to fully process the trauma and intends to seek therapy when life allows.
- 2:56:00 – 3:12:00
Secrets, Identity, and What Nicola Didn’t Know
Nicola reflects on learning, only after Brandon’s breakdown, that he had a male partner of ten years and a deeply troubled past. She wrestles with the realization that someone she thought she knew intimately had concealed core parts of his identity, and what that says about acceptance and belonging.
- 3:12:00 – 3:27:00
Patterns of Addiction: Her Father, Brandon, and Helplessness
The interview reaches its emotional peak as Nicola connects Brandon’s story to her father’s rapid decline into alcoholism after losing his long-held radio job. She talks through their similarities, the medical framing of severe addiction as a terminal illness, and the anguish of loving someone whose brain won’t let them choose recovery.
- 3:27:00
Current Life, Non-Negotiables, and Redefining Success
Nicola talks about her present sense of contentment: a supportive husband, two children, and 1,500 ‘work children’ at DECIEM. She outlines her non‑negotiable values as a leader, how she thinks about strategy now, and her long-term desire to focus deeply on motherhood in a future chapter.
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