The Diary of a CEO

Dr. Orion Taraban: Why Apps Funnel Women To 10% Of Men

Taraban frames modern romance as a harsh value marketplace today: dating apps funnel women to the top 10% of men, while porn drains male energy.

OTDr. Orion TarabanguestSBSteven Bartletthost

Aug 26, 2024·2h 22m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1
   2:27 – 6:56

   The Modern Relationship And Sex Crisis

   Taraban outlines a global decline in all forms of relationships: historic lows in marriage, fewer people dating or even hooking up, and birth rates below replacement in many countries. He argues this is paradoxical given technological ease of connection and warns of both macro‑level risks (population collapse, economic strain) and micro‑level confusion for individuals seeking partners.

2. 2
   6:56 – 18:03

   Dating Apps, Male Invisibility And The Masculinity Crisis

   The conversation shifts to how dating apps and changing gender norms have reshaped the sexual marketplace. Online meeting has exploded, but overall relationship formation has dropped. Taraban diagnoses a masculinity crisis, where men are unsure what it means to be a man, increasingly invisible, and drawn to performative masculine figures like Andrew Tate as navigational aids.

3. 3
   18:03 – 22:08

   Women’s Challenges And Orion’s Path Into Relationship Work

   Taraban explains that most women who consult him are trying to figure out how to get a man to commit or marry them, something earlier generations were socialized for from childhood. He then sketches his professional background in clinical psychology and men’s mental health, noting that men’s core issues cluster around money and women, while women disproportionately use therapy and self‑help resources.

4. 4
   22:08 – 30:27

   Business Principles Applied To Dating: Funnels, Value And Selection

   Taraban maps sales and economics onto dating: attraction is like marketing, dates are leads, relationships are closed deals. He argues that the same behaviors that work in business—understanding your product, targeting, volume, and negotiation—also work in romance. He emphasizes selection (choosing the right partner) as far more important than in‑relationship ‘work.’

5. 5
   30:27 – 44:35

   Becoming Attractive: Surface Marketing, Seduction And Communication

   This section dives into practical attraction strategy. Taraban distinguishes external ‘surface marketing’ (clothes, grooming, photos) from deeper seduction (directing attention, behavioral testing, emotional resonance). He critiques asking women how to be attractive because they omit the key prerequisite: they want kindness and safety from men they are already attracted to.

6. 6
   44:35 – 51:31

   Keeping Partners, The Crisis Of Disappointment And Top‑10% Dynamics

   Moving down the funnel, Taraban explains that keeping a partner requires different skills than attracting one. Relationships inevitably pass through a ‘crisis of disappointment’ when fantasies collapse and real personalities emerge. He then outlines how women empowered to choose freely tend to chase the top 10% of men, creating instability and dissatisfaction for both genders.

7. 7
   51:31 – 1:10:24

   Relationships As Exchanges Of Value, Monogamy And Community Loss

   Taraban formalizes his economic model: people only move toward others when they perceive something they want. He broadens ‘value’ beyond money to include sex, security, excitement, emotional support, and childrearing, emphasizing that men and women (and life stages) weight these differently. He also notes how the loss of extended kin and community has made us expect one partner to be an entire village, stressing monogamy and love marriages.

8. 8
   1:10:24 – 1:22:25

   Approach Anxiety, The Game Of ‘Please, No’ And Practical Pickup

   Here Taraban provides a mini‑masterclass in approaching and influencing. Drawing on an NYU acting exercise called the Game of ‘Please, No,’ he shows how nonverbal cues, emotion, and incremental requests can turn a default ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ in any human interaction. He critiques men’s typical mistakes when approaching women—overthinking, weirdness, overcompensation—and offers concrete, low‑threat tactics.

9. 9
   1:22:25 – 1:29:57

   Women’s Initiation, Eye Contact, And Love As A Non‑Transactable Gift

   The focus turns to how women should initiate and what love actually is. Taraban argues women historically initiated indirectly (the ‘dropped handkerchief’), and that sustained eye contact is a powerful signal. He then distinguishes between transactional value and non‑transactable goods like love, loyalty and friendship, which cannot be bought or earned and must be freely given.

10. 10
    1:29:57 – 1:55:17

    Porn, OnlyFans And The Future Of AI Lovers

    Taraban addresses pornography and its broader ecosystem (OnlyFans, social media, future AI/VR). He sees porn as a massive behavioral trap that satisfies sexual impulses cheaply, undermines sublimation, and reduces men’s motivation to pursue real partners or meaningful goals. For women, the attention and money of platforms like OnlyFans and Instagram become their own addictive substitutes.

11. 11
    1:55:17 – 2:08:15

    How To Be A Man In 2024: Spine, Balls And Smart Selfishness

    Taraban condenses his view of mature masculinity into two core traits: a spine (principles and willingness to stand up) and a pair of balls (capacity to endure the backlash that follows). He advocates for ‘selfishness’ properly understood—knowing what you want, not over‑compromising, and selecting partners who fit you instead of trying to mold them. He also shares his pared‑down partner criteria and the importance of accepting rather than fixing partners.

12. 12
    2:08:15 – 2:22:28

    Relationships As Veiled Transactions And The Limits Of Therapy ‘Bullshit’

    In the final substantive segment, Taraban returns to the economic model. Just as companies disguise the centrality of salary with talk of ‘culture’ and ‘mission,’ relationships disguise core exchanges of value with narratives about communication, love languages, and typologies. He argues you must understand what you actually want and what you truly offer, and accept that if you want a lot, you must give a lot.