The Diary of a CEOThe Rise, The Fall & The Rebuild Of True Geordie | E87
CHAPTERS
- 7:00 – 22:00
Growing Up Hard: Council Estates, Aggression And Authority
Brian rewinds from his YouTube fame to childhood on a rough North East council estate. He describes being a sensitive kid forced to act tough, constantly fighting, getting excluded from school, and inheriting a volatile streak from his rebellious father while also absorbing deep compassion from his mother.
- •Council-estate environment where ‘all our dads were in prison’ created a survival culture.
- •As a smart but disruptive child he clashed with teachers and authority, once being told he was ‘destined for prison.’
- •Early expulsions and stunts (like urinating on the staffroom window at age eight) signalled defiance plus intelligence.
- •He sees his aggression as partly genetic, mirroring his father’s ‘switch’ before a fight, tempered by his mother’s kindness.
- •Being effectively an only child made him live in his head and crave solitude, something he links to susceptibility to depression.
- 22:00 – 29:00
From Oil Rigs To Viral Rants: The Rise Of True Geordie
Brian explains leaving a lucrative deep‑sea diving job on oil rigs for a shot at happiness via YouTube. A spontaneous football rant went viral, giving him a window of hope that grew into a full‑blown career, eventually out‑earning his old life and inflating his ego and lifestyle.
- •He previously earned ~£10k per month diving, in a macho culture of violence, women, drugs, and drink.
- •Chose to walk away from money because the job made him miserable, preferring minimum wage making videos.
- •A random football rant video went viral locally, establishing him as an authentic, angry fan voice.
- •As YouTube income grew into the thousands, he realised he could surpass diving money doing something he loved.
- •Initially upgrades were modest – better car, nicer flat – before London’s environment and income spike sent spending ‘tits up’.
- 29:00 – 37:00
Cars, Ego And Addiction To ‘New’: When Success Warps You
With money flowing, Brian fell into a cycle of status spending and ego gratification. He bought an Audi R8 in cash, then a McLaren, then a Bentley in 18 months, chasing the high of novelty and the feeling of having ‘made it’ compared to his humble beginnings.
- •Buying a £100k Audi R8 in cash felt ‘better than a drug’ and validated his rise from nothing.
- •Serially swapping supercars was about the addictive rush of ‘the new shit’ rather than utility.
- •He likens his behaviour to rappers ‘spunking money up the wall’ on jewellery, clothes and clubs.
- •Admits the spending and self‑indulgence amplified ‘all the worst parts’ of him – ego, arrogance, mistreatment of others and himself.
- •In hindsight he sees it as a necessary lesson he needed to get out of his system before life ‘slapped’ him.
- 37:00 – 53:00
The Fall: DMs, A Lost Multi‑Million Deal And Wanting To Die
Brian details the week his life imploded: leaked sexual DMs made him a joke online, while behind the scenes a huge betting sponsorship collapsed and a large tax bill loomed. The combination left him financially overextended, publicly humiliated and genuinely suicidal.
- •A nearly-completed, multi‑million, multi‑year betting deal fell apart after a new exec tried to reshape terms; he refused to surrender ownership/IP.
- •In the same week, his explicit sexual DMs were leaked and he trended on Twitter as a punchline, especially with homophobic slurs.
- •He had already signed a two‑year flat lease assuming the deal would close and was hit with an unpayable six‑figure tax bill.
- •Felt utterly alone, ridiculed and financially ruined; he says he ‘literally wanted to kill myself.’
- •Responded strategically by staying silent for a day, then filming a self‑roasting video with friends to puncture the scandal and move public focus on.
- 53:00 – 1:06:00
Grief, Parents And Carrying Family Mental Illness
The conversation turns to family: Brian’s profound, private grief over his mother’s death and his complex relationship with his bipolar father, including recently managing his father’s suicide attempt. These losses and responsibilities underpinned much of his later anxiety and depression.
- •Brian deliberately kept his mum’s death off YouTube for years, viewing her as ‘too precious’ to use as content.
- •He describes losing her as reality itself changing – like waking to find the world underwater while others act normal.
- •Despite only referencing her once in ‘The Rebuild’ video, he has deeply processed her loss privately and feels her presence.
- •His father, a rebellious ‘wild man’ with bipolar disorder, has been intermittently present; Brian now parents him as next of kin.
- •He recently handled his father’s serious overdose attempt, battling a slow ambulance response and subsequent sectioning, all while running his business.
- •These experiences spotlight the emotional double‑load of being both creator and family caretaker.
- 1:06:00 – 1:20:00
Anxiety, Depression And The Morning He Called The Doctor
Brian recounts his first major panic attacks after his mother’s death and later, crippling anxiety and depression amid public scandal. He describes daily suicidal ideation, numbness through alcohol, and the pivotal morning he recognised he would likely kill himself unless he sought medical help.
- •Early anxiety surfaced as tight chest and breathlessness after his mum died, initially treated with Valium and alcohol.
- •During the ‘fall’, he drank whiskey and smoked weed heavily to collapse into sleep and escape waking dread.
- •Suicide became a repeated mental ‘solution’ to stressors; he was planning methods, having nightmares, and lashing out at colleagues.
- •He feared antidepressants might dull his intellect or ruin his libido, delaying treatment until the situation became critical.
- •One morning he woke thinking ‘I really don’t want to live anymore’ and immediately called his doctor, asking for any help available.
- •Antidepressants significantly levelled his mood, reduced volatility, and improved his ability to communicate calmly and lead his team.
- 1:20:00 – 1:42:00
Hustle, Burnout And The Trap Of Chasing Financial Freedom
Steven and Brian dissect the relationship between ambition, money and peace. Brian outlines his grinding schedule across multiple shows and brands, his sense of being chained to content contracts, and belief that a big financial win will buy him freedom – while Steven challenges the idea that happiness can be deferred to a number.
- •Brian sees himself as ‘on a treadmill’, tied to weekly obligations for The Kick Off, his podcast, Twitch, and poker content.
- •He differentiates between wanting money for ego versus wanting financial safety and freedom of choice.
- •Steven argues that true ambition emerges when you no longer need external validation or money to feel ‘enough.’
- •Brian agrees intellectually but still wants ‘it all’ – peace, meaningful work, money, and security for his team.
- •Both acknowledge the inner kid who still wants to show off (fast cars, Rolls‑Royce fantasies) and the need to stay conscious of that driver.
- •Brian frames his insecurity as ‘rocket fuel’ that drove his rise but now needs to be mastered, not obeyed.
- 1:42:00 – 2:01:00
Undervalued Pioneer: Media Ambition, Resentment And Owning His IP
Brian lays out his broader media vision – dominating football, fighting, and podcasting – and vents frustration at being underpaid and under‑recognized compared to legacy media and well-packaged YouTube networks. He also details his refusal to sign away IP, his ownership of The Kick Off, and missed big deals he believes should be his.
- •He aims to be ‘king’ in multiple verticals: long‑form podcasting, live football coverage and fight entertainment.
- •Sees The Kick Off as the future of UK football coverage, superior in authenticity and production to TV formats like Soccer Saturday.
- •Frustrated that big brands (Budweiser, major platforms) pour money into channels he believes fake views or rely on old‑boys’ networks.
- •Highlights that he and a tiny team self‑produced high‑end projects like ‘The Rebuild’ on a shoestring, unlike Netflix‑scale productions.
- •Proudly notes he owns his formats and IP; even demanded and received money from Heineken for using ‘The Kick Off’ branding.
- •Feels he should already be a multimillionaire based on impact and numbers, but recognises he needs better packaging, sales, and corporate-facing representation.
- 2:01:00 – 2:13:00
Boundaries, Comments, And The Contradiction Behind The Persona
To protect his mental health, Brian has turned off comments on social media and some videos, rejecting the trade-off between engagement and psychological safety. He and Steven explore the apparent contradiction between his hardman persona and his sensitivity, and how his ‘two sides’ – mum and dad – shape his content and character.
- •Brian disabled comments despite YouTube orthodoxy, arguing content doesn’t need live feedback to be valuable (Netflix analogy).
- •He doesn’t care if people like or hate him in the abstract, but acknowledges insults hurt, so he opts out of hearing either praise or abuse.
- •He wants fans to enjoy the work but won’t sacrifice mental health to monitor their reactions.
- •Off‑camera he describes himself as ‘soft as shit’ and surprisingly chilled, versus the intense, sweary, definitive on‑camera persona.
- •Attributes his interviewing empathy and vulnerability to his mother’s side, and his showmanship and ego to his father’s.
- •Sees his life as a continuous evolution, revealing vulnerable layers in stages as he personally grows.
- 2:13:00
Looking Forward: Fighting, Fitness And A Challenge To Be Valued
In the closing stretch, Brian reflects on how boxing and fitness rebuilt some self‑esteem and hints he may fight in a charity bout one day. He and Steven then circle back to business: packaging his operation as a media company, potential investment, and Steven’s offer to help him finally get the valuation and recognition he deserves.
- •Boxing training and sparring gave Brian a sense of toughness and self‑worth during his lowest mental-health period.
- •He’d consider a charity fight against a real amateur, focusing on respect rather than YouTube spectacle and trash talk.
- •He openly critiques mainstream attempts to copy his formats and sees his multi‑platform reach as a massive, underleveraged asset.
- •Steven suggests reframing Brian’s operation as a media company (e.g., ‘True Entertainment’) to command bigger deals and valuations.
- •Brian reiterates he has done everything from a ‘bomb shelter’ start, through debt and near‑ruin, and wants the payoff for himself and his loyal team.
- •The episode ends with mutual respect, a semi‑serious challenge for Steven to ‘sell True Geordie’ to the mainstream, and a shared belief that YouTube‑native formats are the future.
