The Rise, The Fall & The Rebuild Of True Geordie | E87

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 0:00 ... feel like I'm struggling to breathe. It blew my fucking mind. I don't know whose dick I've gotta suck to get fucking respect round here.

Steven Bartlett 0:06 True Geordie went through incredible adversity to get to where he is today: depression, anxiety. And he's one of the few people that's willing to tell you about it.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 0:16 My ego was just going fucking crazy. "I'm the man." All the worst parts of me amplified. It was, it was better than a drug. It was better than anything. It was like, "Wow." I would have carried on doing that, probably, if I hadn't have had a moment of like, boom. It just felt like everything I'd been building to had been, like, really, like, fucked up. I know I needed humbled, but it was brutal. I literally wanted to kill myself, like. You know, I really, really did. When you love someone more than anything else in this world, that matters more than anything. And where others would have capitalized on a sob story, she was far too precious for me to share. She was mine. She wasn't there for anyone else. She was just my mum. And I miss her every fucking day, bro. But once you give it, there's no taking it back. The day I don't need money anymore, that's gonna be a scary day for the rest of me. And I... I don't, I don't wanna let the fans down and, and I don't wanna stop doing what they, they love me for, but...

Steven Bartlett 1:26 True Geordie, Brian. He's one of the real pioneers in the YouTube space. He runs one of the biggest football shows, the biggest podcasts, the biggest boxing shows, and much, much more. But he is, at heart, not the guy you see on screen. He is a gentle giant, one born in a council estate who went through incredible adversity to get to where he is today. Billions of views. His conversations seem to sway cultural conversation, but he's still not getting what he deserves, in his opinion and in mine. When you see True Geordie, what you see is this big, six-foot-five guy with tattoos and huge muscles. But when you peel the layers back, you find the total opposite. You find a small kid in there, one that's still living in the council estate in his mind, and one that's missing his mother after her tragic death a few years ago. He's been to rock bottom: depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. And he's one of the few people that's willing to tell you about it, and tell you about it with full honesty and vulnerability. I've known Brian a long time, and I've been so fascinated by him because he appears to be this contradiction. He appears to be someone that does not give a eff, but at the same time, he's incredibly, incredibly sensitive. To me, he's the ultimate reminder that we are all a contradiction, and that you should never judge a book by its cover. What you're gonna hear today are some stories that Brian has never told, stories that will move you, some that might move you to tears, but also stories that will inspire you and teach you some important life lessons about what it really is to be a human being, scars and all. Without further ado, I'm Steven Bartlett, and this is the Diary of a CEO. I hope nobody's listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself. How would you define and describe the rise of True Geordie? And when I say that, I'm talking about

Steven Bartlett 3:27 ... Take me back-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 3:28 The early days.

Steven Bartlett 3:28 ... to the early days.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 3:29 Okay.

Steven Bartlett 3:30 The stuff that made you the, who you are today.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 3:33 Um, I'm an opportunistic person. Uh, I, I... When I see a, a tiny little op- like thing, I just blow it open straightaway. So, like, uh, the first, um, thing that happened to me was I made a random rant about a footballer that went viral, didn't really do YouTube at all, just boom. And then loads of people seeing it in the North East, it was like, "Look at this crazy son of a bitch," 'cause no one really did stuff like that there. And I was one of the first guys to do a football rant.

Steven Bartlett 4:04 I wanna go back further.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 4:06 What? Really?

Steven Bartlett 4:06 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 4:07 What... Further in how? What, like-

Steven Bartlett 4:08 I wanna know the, the, the, the, the k- insecure kid on the council estate.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 4:12 Oh, right. Okay. Um, kind of sensitive inside but had to act sort of tough, because if you didn't, you would be fucked up (laughs) like, you know, on the estate. Like, like my shed once got burned down, like set on fire just by some kids just 'cause it was a shed and it was there. You know, like you had to carry yourself in a certain way 'cause all of our dads were in prison. All of our dads. Like, it was, like, weird, you know what I mean? So we were sort of raising each other. And like, I was like a milk kid at school just 'cause I could, like, drink extra milk and that at like-

Steven Bartlett 4:50 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 4:51 ... dinner time and stuff. And, uh, I was smart, obviously. I'm, I'm a smart guy, but, like, I was looked upon as, like, a nightmare. Like, my... When I was 10 years old, my teacher told my mother at parents' evening, she went, "You can just tell when some of them are destined for prison, can't you?"

Steven Bartlett 5:08 You j-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 5:08 But, like, she worded it like that, you know what I mean? And my mum's like, "I know exactly what you're saying." But, like, it was 'cause I hated her. She didn't understand me, get me. She talked down to me. So being talked down to, that really pisses me off, even at a 10-year-old age. Like, I didn't like that. You can win me over and I'll be, I'll be brilliant for you, but just respect there's ask me. Don't tell me. You know? Like, even...

Steven Bartlett 5:30 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 5:31 And I know that's, like, a naive way to look at the world, but I was 10 and I just had a chip on my shoulder. And, um, yeah, didn't like authority. Um, and, but I always was quite, like, a little bit competitive. Uh, I remember, like, there was a couple of kids... Like, just little random memories I have of, like, I was fighting all the time. But, like, I remember I always thought of myself as one of the smarter lads. And there was this thing about, like, some sort of school day where they selected, like, the brightest boys and the brightest girls, and I wasn't selected. And I'm up there thinking, "I'm smarter than them." You know? Like, but...... I couldn't prove it or whatever, or, I don't know. It was, I was in detention a lot. I got thrown out of school multiple times. Once for pissing on the, (laughs) uh, the school teacher's lounge window and telling them all to fuck off when I was eight years old. One for fighting, uh, just, just wi- like rebellious, you know? But, like, but with a brain, and I just needed to, like, find something, uh-

Steven Bartlett 6:34 What caused you to be that rebellious eight-year-old kid?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 6:37 I think it's genetic a little bit. My dad was a rebellious man, very much so. My mum, not at all. My mum, loving, caring, kind, Mother Teresa. My dad, uh, like a punk rocker who wanted ... He, like, he did mad shit when he was at school. Like, took the whole school on strike once just 'cause he didn't like a teacher, and, like, he, he was known for, like, he was thrown out of schools for, like, beating teachers up and stuff like that. 'Cause when he was, like, 14 violence was his life, you know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 7:04 Do you actually think it's genetic?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 7:05 I think that, um, yeah, I think, I think part of what makes me aggressive is my genetic, yeah, 'cause even the look I get on my face when I'm about to fight is identical to the look my dad gets. Like, it's that, that switch. Do you know what I mean? So, I'm lucky that I've got it diluted with the kindness of my mother, and I finally managed to channel the aggression into, later on in life, into, like, focus-

Steven Bartlett 7:34 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 7:34 ... into drive, into the good stuff. You know what I mean? But at the time, I didn't... I was overwhelmed with whatever the fuck was going on in my head. I didn't really know what the hell it was.

Steven Bartlett 7:42 I had Joe Wicks sat here, you know, The Body Coach guy, and he, um, he told me about his mum and his dad, and his mum was very, very caring and compassionate-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 7:51 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 7:51 ... and his dad would punch do- um, holes in the door-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 7:54 (laughs) Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 7:54 ... every day and, you know, was violent and abusive.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 7:57 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 7:58 And Joe Wicks has come out as really, really compassionate and s- and kind.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:03 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 8:03 I don't know if you know him personally, but-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:04 No.

Steven Bartlett 8:05 ... even, you know, uh, uh, during the, during the lockdown, people saw him doing pee with Joe and dancing and doing pee in his, in his room and stuff-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:11 Was that the k- the guy-

Steven Bartlett 8:12 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:12 ... who went popular for the pee stuff?

Steven Bartlett 8:14 Yeah. But he was, he was crying.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:17 Oh.

Steven Bartlett 8:17 And he was, he was ups- deeply upset that there was a lockdown because it would hurt other people. S- one of the most compassionate people I've ever ha- met, and his dad was, from his account-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:25 Uh-huh.

Steven Bartlett 8:26 ... very, very, um, aggressive. So I've always wondered about these generational cycles, whether it's, you know ...

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:32 I think it's different for different people. I, personally, I believe that there's a cocktail in me that's a real weird mixture of a self-obsessed arrogant showman, who was my dad, body builder, hard man, went to prison, fighter, and then a woman who worked, uh, like looking after people, very caring, compassionate, loving-

Steven Bartlett 8:53 Mm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 8:53 ... charitable, generous. You know, all the good things. And I'm not saying my dad can't be good in any way, but it was just they were very polar opposite people, and for me, I, I see that come out in me, and there's m- and there's, there ... I believe in both genetic and, uh, like, the sociology side of it as well.

Steven Bartlett 9:10 Even ... M- any brothers or sisters?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 9:12 I've got a half sister-

Steven Bartlett 9:13 Right.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 9:13 ... from my dad's side. Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 9:15 Do you think it makes a difference being an only child, of sorts?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 9:19 Uh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Me and Lawrence have had a few conversations about this.

Steven Bartlett 9:22 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 9:22 He's an only child too.

Steven Bartlett 9:24 Are we?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 9:24 Um, and I think it does make you just live in your own head a little bit, you know, and it makes you ... Like, I have times where if I spend too much time around people, I'm like, "I need a fucking break from this. Like, I wanna be on my own and just listen to music for a bit."

Steven Bartlett 9:40 I heard you say this thing, um, I heard you say that people who live in their own heads and think the most struggle the most.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 9:46 They're the, they're the ones who are more susceptible to depression, I would say, yeah.

Steven Bartlett 9:49 Psst. Do you wanna come in and watch this podcast live from behind the scenes?

Steven Bartlett 9:53 If you do, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button, and now that the world is opened up, you'll be behind the scenes as many of our subscribers have been. I can't wait to meet you. So take me through the ride. So we, I know every- it's well documented how you became to be a YouTuber.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 10:06 Yeah, apologies, I'm just used to rehearsing it now.

Steven Bartlett 10:08 Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. And I, I d-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 10:10 You're the same.

Steven Bartlett 10:10 Yeah, yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 10:11 You, you, you tell the story a l- a lot, that you just rolls off the tongue and it loses its emotion-

Steven Bartlett 10:15 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 10:16 ... because I've said it that many times, but ...

Steven Bartlett 10:17 Yeah. So you, you, you, you rose as a YouTuber. I wanna get to the point where we, you know, money starts coming in.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 10:23 Mm.

Steven Bartlett 10:23 'Cause for me, uh, 23, 24 years old, when money started coming in, I was going to every nightclub on the weekend and getting five bottles of Dom Perignon, and I was trying to fill some kind of gap in me.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 10:33 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 10:34 And from what I saw in your videos, you did a similar, followed a similar path.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 10:36 Well, I'd, I'd had a bit of money before YouTube 'cause I was working offshore on the oil rigs, doing me deep sea diving, so that was good money. I was earning about £10,000 a month doing that, and that was a bit of a wild lifestyle, 'cause I was young, I was working class, I was surrounded by men who were military men who wanted to go out, beat men up and fuck women and take drugs and, and, and get drunk, you know? So I was surrounded ... They were my male role models. N- uh, you know? So it was a crazy lifestyle, that. So that was kind of partly me getting raised by these fucking men around me, and then obviously, um, when I found YouTube, it was like a rebirth of, like, "Oh." Um, like, I, I went in ... It's a long story, but I went into a bit of depression coming out of diving and not knowing what the fuck I wanted to do with my life 'cause I didn't know ... Like, I kn- I knew I didn't wanna be a diver anymore. I knew I was done with that, and when I found YouTube it felt like a little, uh, window of hope, and then obviously that took off, and once I, uh, once I started getting money, yeah, it was like, "Okay, I, I've, I made it." 'Cause I, I basically gave up my money. I chose YouTube as a path to happiness. That was the idea, was give up the money, forget about that, you're not happy doing that job. I'd rather make minimum wage doing videos than make, uh, six figures doing diving. So I went on that path, and then, uh, uh, it dawned on me, "Oh, I'm gonna make more money doing this actually." Once, uh, once I was in the thousands a month, it was a bit of a, "Oh fuck," like, "Okay."... how do I handle this? And, I thought I had a good handle on it. Like, it was little stuff at first; new car, move, move house, better place and all that. And then, once I came to London, that was when it really went tits up, to be honest with you. I just started spending money like crazy. I bought three new cars in the space of about 18 months. Um, not all together. Like, one after the other sort of thing. But like, um, it- I was able to get things that I never dreamt possible, and that was the moment of like, "Oh, I can have this?" Like, my favorite car ever. Wow. Uh, bought an Audi R8 first.

Steven Bartlett 12:50 Nice.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 12:51 That went fast.

Steven Bartlett 12:51 Nice.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 12:52 Nice blue Audi R8. Beautiful. Then I swapped that for a McLaren, uh, which they had the convertible, the roof come down.

Steven Bartlett 12:59 Oh, nice.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 12:59 I thought I was the dog's bollocks in that.

Steven Bartlett 13:01 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:01 Especially a guy like me. Like, "W- what the fuck am I doing in a McLaren?"

Steven Bartlett 13:05 (laughs) yeah, yeah, yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:05 You know, it looked ridiculous-

Steven Bartlett 13:07 When you see it in the car.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:07 ... 'cause I'm so huge and that. And then I swapped that for a Bentley, um, GT, 6 liter, um, the continental.

Steven Bartlett 13:14 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:15 Um, white leather interior.

Steven Bartlett 13:18 Ugh.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:18 Gorgeous. Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 13:19 I, I, the-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:19 All black. Wheels, black, everything. Oh, it's just so nice.

Steven Bartlett 13:23 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:23 Black and white (laughs) .

Steven Bartlett 13:24 There's this bit where you talked about when you leave diving-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:26 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 13:26 ... and you kind of lose your orientation, and that gives you minor depression, which i- seems to be so common in people when they, they lose their purpose.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 13:34 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 13:35 And I mean, I had Tom Bloomfield sat here as well, and it was, it was very similar. They lose their sense of purpose in life, their direction. They feel that disorientation, they feel the depression. Then you went after something that you thought would give you, like, intrinsic internal joy, and then it becomes a, a career. And I read this study which I found fascinating that in, um, in, in psychology, if they give someone a game that they enjoy and they play it, they enjoy it, da da da da, and then if they then give them the same game and pay them to do it, they lose joy.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 14:04 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 14:05 So when you start paying someone to do something that they once did for the sheer fun of it, they lose the fulfillment they're getting from it.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 14:11 Mm-hmm. I've seen it in boxing and stuff like that a lot. Like, the passion goes once it becomes monetary and obli- obligatory-

Steven Bartlett 14:19 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 14:19 ... or you have to do it.

Steven Bartlett 14:20 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 14:21 It's not, "I'm getting up and doing this passion now." And, but, I've, I've never lost the passion for video making. That's still there. I love it. Um, but, um, yeah, I lost my way. Like, this whole thing of doing something for the right reasons, because I'd never experienced that kind of money before. I, I remember like driving that Audi, the first one, the Audi R8, when I drove that off the parking lot, that was a moment of like, "What the fuck?"

Steven Bartlett 14:51 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 14:51 Like, it just blew me mind. You know what I mean? The fact that I was able to, to drive a car worth, um, it was worth £100,000, and I paid for it in cash.

Steven Bartlett 15:02 You didn't? Really?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 15:04 Boom. Yeah. I was like... (laughs) And, uh, and I remember just driving it, and it was j- it, it honestly, I, I don't regret it because even though it was a complete waste of fucking money, and I wasted even more money swapping it for the other two cars, it was a real healthy lesson to learn and get out my system. But, it was like a drug, you know? It was, it was better than a drug. It was better than anything. It was like, "Wow, this i-..." Like for me, I don't know what it is about fast cars and them, they look nice and the way you feel when you're in just makes you feel like a fucking movie star or something, you know? Um, especially you coming from a place where people set fire to your shed because there was a shed, you know (laughs) ? Like, nobody had a nice car where I came from, you know? Wasn't ... People didn't even have like a Mercedes or a BMW, let alone a supercar. So that was mind-blowing, you know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 16:00 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 16:00 And it just, it was too much for me. It just was. And, a lo- a lot ... Me ego was just going fucking crazy, you know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 16:07 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 16:07 Like, "I'm the man." (laughs) You know, all the worst parts of me just amplified.

Steven Bartlett 16:13 There's, there must be a reason why you got, you traded it in so many times though, right?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 16:16 No, I was addicted to that feeling, the new, the new shit. That, that was the, "Oh, but, but what if ..." Oh, and then I see in the McLaren, I remember driving (laughs) it into the fucking, this supercar place. I look at the McLaren or look back at me Audi and I was like, "I don't really ..." And then I just kept looking at my car going, "That's new, that's the new shit, the new hotness." And I, you know, it's ridiculous. Just absolutely idiotic.

Steven Bartlett 16:39 It never ends.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 16:40 Yeah. But I would've carried on. I would've carried on doing that probably if I hadn't have had a moment of like that boom. You know what I mean? "What are you doing, mate?" You know? Health, health, life's good at that. Give you a good slap around the head when you need it, and I really needed it. You know what I mean? Because everything that a man does when he's from nothing, like all these rappers, you know, I was doing the same thing. Like, spunk money up the wall, buy pointless jewelry, clothes, bullshit like that, treating people the wrong way, treating myself the wrong way, not looking after myself. I piled away on, uh,

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 17:16 I think I just skipped like the good years to Elvis at the end. Do you know what I mean? Like, I just went s- full throttle. Um, so yeah.

Steven Bartlett 17:24 You said boom.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 17:26 Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I had a bit of a moment where everything was just, you know, came crashing down. There was, um, a lot of people know there was the DMs.

Steven Bartlett 17:34 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 17:34 But also in the same week, there was the, um, the loss of a huge deal, um, which-

Steven Bartlett 17:43 For anybody that doesn't know the DMs, some, somebody leaks some DMs that you're selling some sexual DMs.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 17:46 Yeah, yeah. Some sexual DMs that were, were out there.

Steven Bartlett 17:49 Yeah, yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 17:49 Um, and, uh, me being the crazy wild bastard that I was at that moment, you know, drinking a lot, just doing all sort of ju- just fucking lost my way. And then in the same week, I also had a, a deal that was on the table that was pretty much negotiated, done, signed, sealed, delivered, which would've secured my financial future for the next two years with a huge company, big betting company.... multi-million pound deal. It wasn't, it wasn't just one, you know what I mean? It was the, the deal. Um, and they had hired a new guy who thought he knew better than the last guy. Um, and he, I think he just, like, didn't like me. Th- it, he also, I think it was partly, like, you don't want to carry on th- the work of the guy who used to have your job.

Steven Bartlett 18:39 Ah, man.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 18:39 So, he, he was trying to find any reason he could to, um, you know, fuck it up and, uh, you know, he did what he did. We got to a point where I was like, "Are you gonna do the deal or not, mate?" Like, and there was, um, I can't go into specifics 'cause I, I agreed to, like, keep it, you know, respectful, like, but there were some things asked of me which were just outrageous and, um, we, we, we couldn't move on, basically. And I'm, I'm very glad I didn't because otherwise everything I now have m- might, it might not have ended up that way. Do you know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 19:12 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 19:13 When, when you're put in a position where do you wanna, do you wanna keep your ownership of things or, or not? You know what I mean? So, uh, but yeah, that was a devastating blow and then obviously having people laughing at you for sexual DMs and stuff when, you know, it was... I was drunk as fuck at the time and it was just a stupid moment, but regardless, you know, k- knowing that there's just such little compassion out there for you when you're having a, a awful time, it really, it, it, it took me... I got from as high as I was, it took as, as low as possible in that moment of like no one cares, everything you've worked hard for you now don't have. I, I'd literally agreed a tenancy agreement on my flat-

Steven Bartlett 19:56 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 19:56 ... for two years on the basis that this was all gonna be signed. So I'm like, "How the f- what, w- what the fuck do I do now?" You know what I mean? So... And then I was hit with a tax bill that was way more than I could handle as well because in my head it's like, "Got the cash coming and got the tax bill paid off, man."

Steven Bartlett 20:15 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 20:15 "Don't worry about it." So everything that could go wrong, went wrong and, um, you know, I knew I needed humbled, but it was brutal. That was... And, and I know it might sound to some people, like, out there, like, "Oh," uh, (clicks tongue) "Oh, poor pitiful, you know, white boy problems," and shit like that, but it, I literally wanted to kill myself, like, you know? I really, really did 'cause it, it, it was just too much even for me, like, and I'm a pretty tough person. It was just, it was awful. Like, the level of abuse and ridicule I got online and, and the financial mess I was in, it just felt like everything I'd been building to had been, like, really, like, fucked up and, uh, yeah. It was, uh, even just talking about it now is hard to, to say.

Steven Bartlett 21:05 Mm-hmm. I can tell.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:05 Do you know what I mean? 'Cause it was bad, it was awful. Um, so that left me in a really, really low place.

Steven Bartlett 21:13 The people online would have had no idea because I, I remember watching that play out from afar.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:20 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 21:20 And it was just online, it was just kind of jokes and-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:23 Well, what you have to remember is they didn't know I'd lost a multi-million pound deal that week.

Steven Bartlett 21:26 Yes.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:26 They didn't know I had a, a six-figure tax bill to pay.

Steven Bartlett 21:30 Yes.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:31 Uh, so that's happening behind the scenes and that happened before-

Steven Bartlett 21:36 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:36 ... the, before the DMs. So then the DMs happened as well, the icing on the cake was the DMs.

Steven Bartlett 21:41 Right.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:41 If it was just one or the other-

Steven Bartlett 21:43 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:44 ... you could say maybe, but when you're financially fucked and you're also trending on Twitter being called... (sighs) I'm not even gonna say the words, but, you know, the things people say about gay people that are-

Steven Bartlett 21:56 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 21:56 ... to hurt them. The things people, uh, you know, "You should go and do this. You should..." Y- you know, and, uh, people love to kick people on the way down, but what they especially love, and this is the differences, if you're a vulnerable person publicly or seen to be, (sighs) hmm, I don't know. Let, let's say you're, you're seen to be in a, some sort of subculture that people view in a way that's like, "Oh, poor them. I hope they're all right." I'm a big, strong alpha male. I look tough. I look like I can handle all the ridicule in the world. I'm pro- brash, cocky, like, you know. So they, people probably didn't think, you know, like, and also when you're a man, you don't get sympathy the way women get sympathy when they go through revenge porn or anything like that.

Steven Bartlett 22:39 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 22:39 You, it's not looked upon the same and I just had to sort of think about it and take and go, "Yeah, this isn't fair, but life isn't fair, so what the fuck do you expect, Brian?" Like, you know. Um, so I drank a lot of whiskey and s- uh, smoked a lot of weed that week (laughs) if I'm honest with you.

Steven Bartlett 22:56 Do you know what's so funny?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 22:56 Uh!

Steven Bartlett 22:57 Is I remember g- I remember seeing it trending and I, I thought, "Go on his, Brian's account and see what he said about it."

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 23:02 Yeah, yeah.

Steven Bartlett 23:02 Nothing. Silence.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 23:04 Yeah, yeah.

Steven Bartlett 23:05 And that for me was really surprising.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 23:07 Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of people thought that, actually, but I, even in the chaos, I act quite cerebrally. I'm a, I'm a, um, I can be quite reptilian when I need to be to get myself out of a... You see, in diving, for example, in the moment of panic, in that moment of like, "I could fucking die here." I've been in those situations. If I don't act smart I could... I'm in a sh- a shit sit- situation here. I gotta use, I've gotta pull my knife out, cut this rope, do this, do that. I'm used to thinking, like, in that way, you know?

Steven Bartlett 23:40 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 23:40 So, I just thought I'm gonna, I'm just gonna say nothing. I'ma have a, have a, have a night to think about this. Just, just think about how r- I was, I felt awful, don't get me wrong, but I knew I wasn't gonna give up. But, uh, even though I wanted to kill myself, I also thought that... Weirdly, I think, all the, uh, the shit sort of, it gave me something to resist.

Steven Bartlett 24:00 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 24:00 Do you know what I mean? It gave me... 'Cause I'm a fighter in my heart so I was like, "Nah, fuck you." Um, so, um, within a day I was like, "Okay, this is how we're gonna do this. I'm gonna get the two best piss takers I know and I'm gonna get them to rip the piss out of me, make everyone feel like it's over and done with now." Because the minute you acknowledge it, laugh it off, ensure that you're not frightened-... people will move- get bored, move on to something else, and they'll scratch the itch of saying... 'Cause what they really want me to do is self-destruct, but if I show I'm brave, they'll respect that and then move on. What they don't realize is I was pretty fucking drunk during that whole episode.

Steven Bartlett 24:37 Really?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 24:38 Like, I was dr- it was... We were recording at 11:00 AM. I was on the whiskey. Like, I'd had, like, fucking two massive glasses full of whiskey straight, and then I was like, "Right, let's do this." And, like, 'cause I knew they were gonna be brutal, but I said, "You have to be. You have to just say every worst thing 'cause then people will leave me the fuck alone, and then I'll really get on with my depression then." Do you know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 24:57 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 24:57 So that's how I was, like, kind of, like, sensible in planning out my own self-destruction.

Steven Bartlett 25:05 Smart, yeah (laughs) .

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 25:05 Yeah, it was very weird. And I've spoken to other people about this when they've been in similar situations, like when Logan went through his thing, and he was like, "Yeah, same. I just, uh, drank a lot and smoked a lot." (laughs) And that was- that was- that was-

Steven Bartlett 25:18 Really?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 25:18 ... what we both did, like, you know. So, yeah. So that... after that happened, I then had to, um, okay, where do we go from here then? Um, and I had a production company who were partnered with us at the time who agreed that they would carry the cost of the kickoff while we were looking for another sponsor. So that was very kind of them. Shout out to who he is. And, um, we... Don't get me wrong, those costs had to be paid back at some point.

Steven Bartlett 25:48 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 25:48 So every show is X amount of money. Every single fee, uh-

Steven Bartlett 25:52 Debt.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 25:53 ... you know, and this is the thing that people forget. I've probably got the biggest crew on YouTube really.

Steven Bartlett 25:57 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 25:57 So, there's like 15 people every show who need paid, and every- every single time we do a kickoff show, that cost was building. My- my tax wasn't going anywhere. I needed a fucking sponsor big time.

Steven Bartlett 26:10 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 26:10 Um, so that was... it was a bad time. You know what I mean? A lot of pressure. I think that was the thing. Pressure. I felt it from every angle, you know (blows raspberry) .

Steven Bartlett 26:20 Yeah. How- how does... how does that impact other areas of your life? I- I've heard you talk about the impact it had on your sleep, which I think is something people don't-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 26:27 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 26:27 ... think about enough, 'cause I think sleep is probably the foundation of your mood, how you make decisions and everything in between, so...

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 26:33 (sighs) Uh, probably, um... I- I still haven't quite mastered that. I think that's the thing that... I think partly it's 'cause when you have your own business, there's not enough hours in the day, so you're always, like, late night being like, "What else can we do? What else can we do?" So I'm shit at sleeping, and like as soon as I wake up, by the time I've made it to the toilet for a piss, I'm thinking about what we need to do. Like-

Steven Bartlett 26:54 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 26:55 ... I- it... so, that's part of it. Um, but yeah, (sighs) I- I drank myself to sleep to a point where I was more collapsing rather than sleeping, you know? And, uh, it was awful like.

Steven Bartlett 27:09 I'm gonna play... uh, like, just 'cause these are the questions that come to mind. You're drinking yourself to sleep, but you're a smart guy. You know that that's not good.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 27:16 Oh, yeah, yeah. But- but at that point, I cared more about... uh, it was like a... almost like it was like a- a mathematical equation. It's like what- what- what is more important right now, me being... like, I didn't care about myself. I just thought get through the days 'cause... so my mom died, right? This is totally side thing, um, previously to that. And I remembered when I got through that, I did a similar thing where I would just... I drank myself to sleep for about a month at least, (sighs) and I knew if I could just get a few weeks under my belt, no matter how I got through it, it would be easier. So I just had to get to that point. And I think... I'm not reg- recommending this, by the way.

Steven Bartlett 28:02 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 28:02 But few people will go through the kind of week I went through, so luckily it won't be necessary. But sometimes you've just got to put distance between you and the event, and daylight will slowly become v- uh, see-able. I'm not saying it was a good idea.

Steven Bartlett 28:18 Yeah. I- yeah, this is... this is... yeah. It doesn't-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 28:21 But-

Steven Bartlett 28:21 It sounds like kind of-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 28:22 It looked good on the movies.

Steven Bartlett 28:23 Yeah (laughs) . I can imagine, yeah. It... for me it... 'cause if those issues aren't ever properly addressed-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 28:28 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 28:29 ... then they kind of reemerge or they stick there.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 28:31 They- they were... they w- so, I hear you, but there's a time and a place. And right in the aftermath isn't always the best time to go and go, "Right, let's- let's figure out what went wrong here." It was em- emotionally so distressing, I just thought, "I am gonna fucking..." Every- every waking moment was they're all... like, the- the whole thing, the finances, the Twit- the- the... all this bullshit, I couldn't... I couldn't address it at that point. I couldn't think about it at that point. I couldn't work out what had gone wrong or all of that. I just thought, "Get a fucking sponsor, keep doing the shows, drink yourself to sleep if you have to, just get a fucking sponsor, keep the money coming in," because right now w- without money you're- uh, you're fucked, so fucked. Like, I'm homeless. You know what I mean? Like, uh, the, uh, amount of bills that were accruing up and the amount of money I had, I was gonna end up... like, I was like, "I might end up fucking wherever." You know what I mean? Like... so it really wasn't about, "Oh, let's go and work through my problems."

Steven Bartlett 29:33 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 29:33 It was like, "Let's put some fucking money in the, uh, bank here."

Steven Bartlett 29:37 Was there one day through that period which you remember as being the most agonizing, one particular day? You know-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 29:42 Ev- ev- every single day.

Steven Bartlett 29:43 Every day?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 29:43 Every single day was just as bad as... It was like when my mom died. That was what it reminded me of. It was like I had died almost, like every day I'd wake up... So when my mom died, I remember, wake... when I'd wake up, I'd go, "Oh," and it was that first moment when your eyes wake u- an- and you go, "Oh, it's real. It's- it's actually happened." And that's the moment where when- when my life had ended, it was that moment of when I'd first wake up, I'd go, "Oh, it's- it's real. It's real." And then I'd have to (sighs) get up and face the day. You know what I mean? And just try and block it out. When I'd go outside, I wore a cap, I'd try everything I could to- to hide who I was 'cause I felt ashamed that I was the DM guy or... I- I used to think of myself as, like, a great podcaster, someone who had changed his life.... brought themselves from, and now I was, like, being, like, shamed, laughed at, all of that shit. So I just felt so, like, humiliated. You know what I mean? I just didn't feel like me anymore.

Steven Bartlett 30:43 When you said you woke up and you, the first couple of seconds you thought, "It's real."

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 30:47 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 30:47 Does that mean that your sleep was a place of peace or a place of escapism?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 30:53 Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steven Bartlett 30:56 I'm asking this question because Tom Bloomfield from One Zero sat there and he talks about being anxious and depressed for about two years.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 31:01 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 31:01 And he said, "When I'd wake..." And he literally said, he was, he was here last week, he said, "When I woke up, for two or three seconds, I didn't know who I was or where I was." (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 31:08 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 31:08 "Those were the best..." And then he said it would just come crashing back down.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 31:12 Yeah. No, so the best time was when I was drunk before I went to sleep. That was the point where I really enjoyed it, 'cause I was like, "Oh," it's like, "I'm not even here." (laughs) You, you know what I mean? So that was the best time, 'cause then, then nothing felt... I, I couldn't feel anything. You know what I mean? That was ideal. That's why I kept going back there every night. But

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 31:33 I wasn't a, an alcoholic or anything. It was that feeling that I was chasing, the I don't feel pain.

Steven Bartlett 31:39 Numbness.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 31:39 Yeah. That was the good bit.

Steven Bartlett 31:41 You, when your mother passed away-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 31:43 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 31:43 ... you didn't talk about it.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 31:45 No. No. I mean, YouTube's a shitty place, isn't it? It's a horror. Like, as I found out the hard way, you know? So, um... And also, she's just precious to me, so I, uh, I keep it to myself always. Um, I keep her to myself always. I've only talked about her once online, and that was the rebuild.

Steven Bartlett 32:06 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:06 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 32:07 And even in, even in that video, which I watched twice-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:10 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 32:10 ... um, I still had no idea when it ha- when it happened.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:13 Yeah. Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 32:15 Because I was trying to pinpoint-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:16 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 32:16 ... if there was, like, a, a change in you-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:18 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 32:18 ... or if you, or if it was during your YouTube career, at the height of your YouTube career, before. And b- and I thought it was just... You know, for a guy that does really pour it out on the internet, and I've seen you, you know, when the Logan Paul incident happened, I watched that video, and you were pouring out your heart in a-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:32 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 32:33 ... way that was just remarkably vulnerable.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:35 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 32:36 And that was just a secret.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 32:38 Yeah, but it, it's like, um... (clicks tongue) it's like what I said earlier, I can be (yawns) quite cerebral when I have to be, and I can make decisions when I have to be (yawns) ... pardon me, from me own, me own sake. And here's the thing, when you love someone more than anything else in this world, that matters more than anything. And where others would've capitalized on a sob story, she was far too precious for me to share with anyone. You know, it wasn't about... She was mine, she wasn't there for anyone else, she was just my mum. Do you know what I mean? And that's the way I, I plan to keep it. Do you know what I mean? Um, I've, I've explained what she meant to us in that video, and how much I love her, I always will, and I miss her every fucking day, bro. But, um, (clicks tongue) it's just one of those things where I think to meself certain things, I think, you draw the line online, you know? You have to... There has to be some stuff that's for you. And even if I say, "Yeah, my mum died and I loved her and she meant the world to us," and I, and I did try and give some ins and outs of what my relationship was like with her so that people could feel how much, feel the love. You know what I mean? Um, (clicks tongue) I didn't want to give everything, because (sighs) I don't know, it's just too special for me to, to, to give everything. Do you know what I mean? Like that. And I think that's one thing that some creators could do with learning as well, is like, (gasps) what is... How much value does something has if you'll just share it with everyone? And I do think you gotta pick and choose, you know what I mean, carefully. Because once you give it, there's no taking it back. And that'ss the problem, isn't it? You know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 34:29 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 34:29 With YouTube, it's like once it's out there, it's out there. So...

Steven Bartlett 34:32 In that video you say when you're, you've, I think you've just been fighting with, um, is it vi- v- Vlad's dad?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 34:40 Oh, with Vidal's dad, yeah.

Steven Bartlett 34:41 Vidal, Vidal's dad.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 34:42 Yeah. Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 34:42 And you, y- I mean, you, it looks like you've gone, like, 12 rounds with him or something, and you fall over and your back, and you get emotional, 'cause... And, and he says, you know, "That's what boxing does, it brings all those emotions back."

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 34:51 (laughs) Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 34:51 And you said a line, you said, "I'm just a m- a guy that misses his mum."

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 34:54 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 34:56 Have you ever processed that?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 34:59 (clicks tongue) (sighs) Um, yeah. A lot. A lot. R- uh, I've truly faced... I know everything, like, about me that's good, bad. I really face up to my, to everything in my life. You know what I mean? I know where I've gone wrong, I know... (snaps fingers) I, I really face things head on. And, and with my mum, I, I faced it more than anything, because it was, (gasps) it was a constant in my... It, it, it's like losing a parent if you're... Especially if it's an, it's an, if you're an only child and there's only one parent, it's, um, so severe, because it's like... I tried to describe it to someone, it was like one day I went outside, and, um, the whole world was full of water. And people are swimming around in their scuba gear or whatever, going, "What, what, what? Everything's normal, Brian." I'm like, "No, no, you don't understand." Like, like the constants in my life have been, like, the sun comes up in the morning, I breathe air, you know, the moon comes out at night, my mum loves me. Those four things, like, are, this is reality. So to remove one of those components, it blew my fucking mind. Like that she couldn't be here anymore. I was like, "That doesn't make sense to me." You know what I mean? So (gasps) I had to face it, and I, and I really have processed it as, as... And, and I think that's why I never felt the need to share it either, because I was like, you know, "I'm at peace with, with that, as hard as it is, it's just part of my life now." And, uh, and I, and I feel like as, uh, people say things like this, but I, I feel like she's there.

Steven Bartlett 36:32 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 36:32 I don't, I don't need...... anything from anyone to make me feel better because when, when a mother loves a son the way my mother loved me, there's nothing anyone can tell me in this world about her, about, about me, about us. So I don't need to share it. You know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 36:49 Hmm. You said you had one parent, then?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 36:52 Well, me dad was, you know,

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 36:54 around sort of, but like in and out (laughs) you know. He's like, he's a, he's an old school guy, me dad, you know, like, like, fucking shagged around, went to prison. Just a wild man. Um, but I'm, I'm, I'm okay with me dad now. Um, I've just reached a place of like (breathes deeply) understanding that my dad's got bipolar disorder. He's, uh, he's never gonna be "normal." Like he's just that guy. And, uh, you know, he recently had a, a suicide attempt, which I had to phone the ambulance for and that, and it's like what the fucking hell is this? Like you know what I mean? You're panicking, um, hoping he's gonna be all right. He then got sectioned again, um, which this was this year, you know, and, uh-

Steven Bartlett 37:41 You, you had to phone the ambulance?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 37:42 Yeah. Yeah. Um, he texts me basically a sort of, a message that let me know what was going down, you know. So instantly got on the ambulance, and then you're panicking 'cause the ambulance, they're like, "Oh, COVID, COVID." I'm like, "Will you fucking just get there?" Like are you shitting me? Two hours it took them to get there, you know? Two fucking hours, and like, it, it was like a full-blown suicide attempt. Like the pills were already gone. You know what I mean? So, um, yeah. Just like the... It, it's stressful, you know, um, when y- when you go through that. And it was... I did a podcast about it because, you know, you don't really know what to do. Like my m- last time my dad was sectioned, I was a fucking child. Like so I'm now his next of kin. I'm his, his parent now in this situation, so he's mentally unstable. They're coming to me asking me for the answers. I'm trying to run a company and, and do my YouTube videos. "Hey, everyone. Welcome back." (laughs) You, you, you know what I mean? It's fucking mental, and that's one of the weird things about, uh, being a YouTuber is like I know that people rely on me for their escape, but it's sometimes... That's why like you, you messaged me to do a podcast around that time.

Steven Bartlett 38:58 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 38:58 And I said, "Mate, I ain't doing a fucking podcast right now."

Steven Bartlett 39:01 I know, exactly. Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:01 I'm not in a... And I didn't... 'Cause I just said, "I'll just be fucking miserable." I'm in great style anyway. We're talking about sad stuff, but-

Steven Bartlett 39:07 No. (laughs) No, no, no.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:08 But yeah, I, I, I just knew I couldn't, I couldn't do it. You know what I mean? But, um, yeah, it's been a... Me and my dad are all right. Like he sometimes, he just, um... He sees things from a different angle because he's got bipolar. So it's be- it's challenging, you know what I mean, to get him to see where I'm coming from sometimes.

Steven Bartlett 39:28 It's so difficult when, uh, when eventually I think a kid has to kind of forgive their parents and start parenting their parents.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:35 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 39:35 It's even kind of happened to me in a strange way because I think my mum-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:38 Mm.

Steven Bartlett 39:38 I think my mum has bipolar.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:39 Dude, your mum's such a character.

Steven Bartlett 39:41 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:41 I've heard stories and I'm like, "No."

Steven Bartlett 39:43 Yeah. I remember being young and, and being told that... Well, I mean, the first one I wrote in my book is when she came to the school in her lingerie.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:49 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 39:49 When I was like four or five years old.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:51 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 39:51 Because she wanted to put on a show. And then, uh-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 39:53 Right.

Steven Bartlett 39:53 ... the other instance that sticks in my mind, there's one where she chased my dad through the house with a knife, and the third one I remember is being told that she had been locked up because, um, they'd come to repossess her, her restaurant and she was stood in the street with a, a knife and she was smashing up her own shop.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 40:08 Mm.

Steven Bartlett 40:08 And there was police in the street and everything.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 40:10 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 40:10 And I w- I didn't see that, but (clicks tongue) yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 40:12 We'll have to set them up for a date

Narrator 40:14 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 40:15 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 40:15 ... when they were both broken.

Steven Bartlett 40:15 No, but there is. You get to a point where you realize that m- I'm not gonna have the perfect family-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 40:19 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 40:19 ... that I see in the films, and I'm gonna have to forgive these people who were meant to be my idols and guardians for their own flaws. And then I just-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 40:27 Yeah. (sighs) It's the... I'm, I've made... I've s- I've sort of... I've made peace with my dad's mistakes in life. Uh, it, it's difficult though, you know? You, you (sighs) , you know, uh, uh, it's a really long process of, "Why don't you love me? Why won't you be like this? Why aren't you doing that? Why..." You know, and as the years go by, you realize other people's parents are also fucked up.

Steven Bartlett 40:51 Mm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 40:52 You know, how many people can actually say they've got two parents who love each other in a great marriage and have been great parents? Most people I know don't have that situation.

Steven Bartlett 41:02 Mm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 41:02 Even if their parents are together, it's a fucking shit show. So yeah. People are, aren't perfect and, um, I think just accepting that is a good start in life.

Steven Bartlett 41:12 Mm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 41:14 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 41:14 Okay. Quick one. One of my best friends in the world, Francesca, sent me a text message this week, and I'm going to read it out to you. She said, "Happy Sunday. So we're thinking of joining the Huel hype. I'm forgetting to eat all of the time and I end up eating rubbish, so I need to sort it out. Any recommendations to start off with?" And my response to her was, "Um, any of the ready-to-drink Huels would be my suggestion, whatever flavor you think is your preference." Honestly, Francesca, this is a very, very good health decision. And she then replied and said, "Amazing. Excited to get started on it." Um, and I think that demonstrates, um, the genuine, authentic relationship I have with Huel. I genuinely depend on Huel, um, because I'm prone to missing meals, and when I do have my meals, sometimes they're not nutritionally complete to say the least. I'm definitely not getting my vitamins if I don't have Huel because a lot of the food we have today is processed and it's, it's filled with a lot of bad stuff. So Huel has been a lifesaver of mine for three years, and as I've said before, it's such a joy to have a sponsor that you genuinely believe can help people change their lives if they would only start using the product. So let's get back to the podcast.

Steven Bartlett 42:25 Anxiety is a really interesting topic. I've, uh, been involved in this mental health company for some time now-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 42:29 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 42:29 ... Atai, and I've just got really fascinated about the concept of anxiety.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 42:33 Oh, it's fucking horrible.

Steven Bartlett 42:34 Just I... And I've experienced it as well.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 42:36 Mm. I've, I've...Oh, yeah. Been there.

Steven Bartlett 42:39 Tell me about your experience with anxiety.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 42:41 Um-

Steven Bartlett 42:42 And when ... And was it later in your life that you first ...

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 42:46 Uh, I think the first time I'd had anxiety was after my mum died. In the, in the immediate, I didn't know what was going on. I just remember being in the room and saying to my mates, "My chest is getting really tight. I'm s- ... I feel like I'm struggling to breathe." (gasps) And I was like, (gasps) uh ... And then, you know, the doctor has hired us some Valium and fucking, I think, uh, had that with some alcohol at the same time, and that, that was when the forcing myself to sleep sort of was h- was started. But, um, as I got older, um, (sighs) I realized, uh, through the YouTube thing, just like being known is, is a really weird thing, particularly obviously around that time with the fall of True Geordie, as I called it, on the video. (gasps) Uh, lots of anxiety and depression. Um, and it is just such a horrible feeling to go through, 'cause it feels very serious at the time.

Steven Bartlett 43:47 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 43:48 But it, it, it is in your head, innit, really?

Steven Bartlett 43:51 You've been very open about your ... And I don't wanna, uh, continue on this topic, 'cause we got a lot of, a lot to talk about.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 43:56 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 43:56 And you've been very open about your dep- depression.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 43:58 Mm.

Steven Bartlett 43:58 And suicidal ideation.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 44:00 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 44:00 And one thing that I haven't quite managed to, uh, get over in your head is what you said earlier, where you said one of the things that act- actually made you hang in there was that people didn't want you to hang in there. And that's the fire in you.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 44:13 Yeah, yeah.

Steven Bartlett 44:14 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 44:14 Yeah. Uh, uh, I like ... I sort of ... There, there was a, there was a tweet that was tweet- (laughs) tweeted at me. It's such a weird little confession, uh, where a guy went, um, "I've heard about your financial issues," or whatever he said in this tweet, "and it couldn't have happened to a better guy." And (laughs) I've got like a dark sense of humor, and I sort of smirked at it. And I went ... (laughs) And I thought, in my head I thought, "I know I am not beaten. Like, I just know it, and I, and I know I'm gonna be rich, and I know shit's gonna go, come back around." So I just screenshotted the tweet, and I remember thinking, "I'm gonna use that as like an air freshener on a Ferrari or something."

Steven Bartlett 44:50 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 44:50 You know what I mean? Like, I have this like s- ... I don't know. You know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 44:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 44:56 Like I, I want to prove people wrong.

Steven Bartlett 44:57 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 44:57 And, and, and I think that drive at the start was ... A lot of that was like, when I started YouTube, so many people were like, "The fuck is this idiot doing, like shouting on his camera and all that?" So then, all of a sudden there was that, that, that negativity came in droves, f- in thousands of tweets. Um, and yeah, it was sort of a weird like, oh. It's like starting the game again, but like on a different level. So I'm like, "Okay, now I'm fucked, but I've been fucked worse before." So like it's kind of like a, "All right. Let's, let's use this a bit." So, but to sort of ... Uh ... (sighs) Yeah. The depression, it's, it's like ... It's awful, and it's so negative. And you think about like ... I was thinking about suicide on a, on a daily basis at one point. I was, you know ... I'm sorry if this is bringing people down when they're listening to this, but-

Steven Bartlett 45:50 No, no.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 45:50 Um, you know, I was really seriously contemplating it in a, in a way of like, "Here's what I would do." And, and, and when the anxiety attacks were coming over me, it was just an awful way of living, and I honestly don't know how I got through what I got through. Like, uh, looking back at it, uh, it was fucking mental. Um-

Steven Bartlett 46:08 I've never been d- um, to that point.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 46:10 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 46:11 So when I hear people talking about it, it just ... It's like incomprehendible to me.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 46:16 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 46:16 That y- you could get to the point where you think the best route is to end your life.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 46:22 So, (sighs) yeah. I mean, looking, looking at it at the time, I thought I had what was like situational depression, where I'm in this horrible situation and that's why I'm depressed, which was partly true obviously. But I was also chemically, uh, depressed as well. Like, there was ... What I now realize is, through that, my mum dying, other trauma in my life, I definitely had chemical depression. Like I needed dep- ... I needed medication, you know? Um, but, um, I sort of, um, didn't believe in it, didn't wanna do it, didn't think it would work, uh, for me, you know? And also like, when you're a, a guy who's, um ... lives in his head and thinks, you know, "I'm a smart guy," yada, yada, yada, you sort of ... You're worried it's gonna change the way you think and make you a bit, "What if it makes me dumber?" (laughs) you know?

Steven Bartlett 47:21 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 47:21 Some- something silly like that, or you hear about other people's bad experiences on it. (paper rustles) Like, it fucks your libido, all of this sort of weird shit. Puts weight on you. There's just all sorts of little fears. So, um, it had to get so bad, uh, before I would try medication. But like one day, it got bad enough where I was like ... I re- ... I realized, I thought, "I'm definitely gonna do it soon. Otherwise," um, "I'm, I'm gonna have to ..." Uh, I was like frightened, almost like as a ... kind of like as a friend of me, if that makes sense. Like em- I was frightened for me, 'cause I was like, "You're really gonna fucking do this, yeah, soon." Like, uh, the way I was thinking and the way my life was going and the way I was feeling about small things that really are like ... You know when people sort of push your buttons a little bit?

Steven Bartlett 48:10 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 48:10 The way that was making me feel was awful. Like, I was shouting at my friends and my crew, and, uh, when someone was challenging me in any way, the, the fear and anxiety was bubbling underneath. It was just overwhelming. And I had like really bad nightmares, and I'd wake up in the morning, and I remember just waking up one morning just being like, "Oh, I really don't wanna live anymore." And that was when I was like on the phone to the doctor, and I was like, "Give us whatever the fuck you've got, 'cause I'm willing to try anything now." And, uh-... thank fuck (laughs) you know. Um, so they, uh, they prescribed us some antidepressants and I'm really fucking glad I tried them, mate, honestly.

Steven Bartlett 48:51 You called the doctor yourself?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 48:53 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 48:54 One night? One morning?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 48:55 Uh, it was in the morning. I, it was-

Steven Bartlett 48:57 You woke up and thought, "I need to c- call..."

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 48:59 Yeah. I just knew. I thought, I'm, uh, like, "I'm, I'm, I'm a liability to myself here." And it was, like, the fear of, "Oh, fuck, you're getting dangerously close." Like, uh, you, like thoughts become things, right? So, like, we, we know that because when we challenge our, um, channel our brains in an ambitious way, we can make magic happen.

Steven Bartlett 49:19 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 49:19 But also, if I'm thinking negatively, I can go to the worst possible place.

Steven Bartlett 49:24 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 49:24 And I really knew I was, like, almost manifesting it because it... I was spending so m- I wa- there were so many times it would pass through my head if the, "Oh, well, I'll just kill myself. Oh, well, I'll just kill myself. Oh, well, I..." Like, "If this doesn't happen, if this doesn't happen, if this doesn't happen." It was, it was becoming an answer. It was becoming a solution to all of the problems that felt like they were mounting on my shoulders and stuff like that. Um, so yeah. (breathes deeply) Um, and when I took the medication, that was when it really dawned on me, like, "Oh, that wasn't just 'cause of what I've been through or..." It was a m- It was... Yeah. Post-traumatic stress disorder and all sorts of other shit, but it was also, like, a chemical imbalance probably in the brain where my serotonin levels were real low. Um, and, you know, I was desperate, so I'm glad I took them.

Steven Bartlett 50:15 I never see you meditate, go on holiday, relax-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:21 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 50:21 ... chill out, go to the jungle.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:23 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 50:23 I was in the jungle and you, you messaged me and said, "Oh, I need a little bit of that."

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:27 Yeah. I mean, you look like you were having a, a, a whale of a fucking time.

Steven Bartlett 50:30 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:30 Um, yeah, but I am on like a treadmill, you know what I mean? Like-

Steven Bartlett 50:36 That's how it feels.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:36 ... and I'm not quite at that point of, um, financial, um, w- what I want from life financially. I haven't quite clinched that moment of-

Steven Bartlett 50:49 Will you ever-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:49 ... I'm set. Yeah. I, I will. I will.

Steven Bartlett 50:52 You think so?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:52 Yeah. Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 50:53 'Cause I don't think I have.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:55 Um-

Steven Bartlett 50:56 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:57 Y- y- No, but-

Steven Bartlett 50:58 'Cause it leaves, doesn't it? You s-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 50:59 Ugh. Yeah, but we're at different points, you know what I mean? Sort of like, um, financially speaking, um, I'm nearly there. I think I'm, I'm getting there. Uh, I've got a really good organized team now.

Steven Bartlett 51:12 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 51:12 Money is, is sorting itself out. And it's like, if I just carry on the way I'm going, we'll be okay. And then I can have those moments where I go, "Now I'm gonna rest, I'm gonna enjoy myself." But, yeah, I don't, I don't meditate. I don't, uh, (breathes deeply) you know, have a rest.

Steven Bartlett 51:30 How do you relax?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 51:31 Um, glass of wine and, um... I say a glass. A bottle of wine.

Steven Bartlett 51:37 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 51:37 Uh, but, you know, um-

Steven Bartlett 51:40 Were you ever taught how to relax?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 51:43 No, not really. I, I feel like I don't really rela- Like, the minute I put out something I'm really happy with, I get this feeling of, like, content. Like, I'm like, "Oh, that's class, that. That's a really good piece of work, that. I'm really happy with that." But then, like, 10 minutes will go by and that'll be when I'm like, "Okay, what, what we doing next then?" You know what I mean? And I think, like, you know, we have that in common, for sure. And I've no doubt that when, when I hit that point where I'm financially secure, (breathes deeply) I'll still carry on being a bastard.

Steven Bartlett 52:14 This is it. (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 52:16 But I will chill out more. I will, I will chill out more. And I'm already chilling out more since I started the antidepressants, actually. Like, in terms of the way I behave. Like, all of those... I'm so much more in control of myself now. My anger, my ups and downs, like, you know, they're, uh, everything's a lot more relaxed and, and I communicate in a way that's not as, um... Like, you know, there was times where people have pissed me off and I would just not even look at them because I would be so frustrated that when I'd tell them, I wouldn't, I wouldn't even be able to look at them 'cause I'd be like, "I wanna punch you right now, so I'm not gonna look."

Steven Bartlett 52:52 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 52:52 You know what I mean? Like, I'd, I'd, I'd just exude anger. Even when I was trying to hold it back, it was there, obvious. And I don't want people who work with me to feel like they're working with a fucking lunatic. You know what I mean? So the, the antidepressants have been a godsend and, um, that's really helped me communicating. Now, now, if I have an issue, I just sit down and I'm just honest and calm and I just go, "Here's what's gone wrong. Here's what I think we should do better. If you wanna hear, tell me what I need to do better, I'm all ears." And it's like, I'm a different... I'm a better person now. You know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 53:26 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 53:27 Still not the finished article by any means. Got lots of work to do. But it just made me realize, like my... And it, it goes by ironically g- to, to the trolls, you know. Even, even the trolls who gave me all that shit. It's like, when you're really unhappy within yourself, it comes out every way. And, and that was really what was happening to me. I was like... And part of it actually made my YouTube videos good 'cause, like, the pain that... Like, that fall of True Geordie video, uh, it, it was just, I just said, "Laurence, you need to fucking sit down and I need to sit down 'cause I've got so much shit I wanna say right now. And if I don't get this out there, I'm gonna fucking explode."

Steven Bartlett 54:04 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 54:04 "So we're doing this." It wasn't thought out or anything. Um, but it brings sometimes, it's like that struggling artist thing, isn't it? Uh, people like that a little bit. Like, to feel like they're battling something.

Steven Bartlett 54:15 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 54:16 So it makes the videos better. So it worked in my favor a

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 54:19 little bit.

Steven Bartlett 54:20 I just, I've just come to, I mean, from my own experiences, I'm sure you've heard this, uh, heard me say this before, just that when I, when I was insecure, broke, and striving to be rich and successful, upon actually getting there, I realized that that was totally unfulfilling because it just moves off into the future. And so when I, what I think I've come to learn maybe is happiness is in fact finding peace today irrespective of uncompleted goals.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 54:44 That's definitely in my head as well.

Steven Bartlett 54:46 Yes.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 54:47 Peace. That word, peace.

Steven Bartlett 54:49 Today.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 54:49 Yeah. Like-... in, even in the last month actually, I remember thinking, "I only wanna be around people who are, who make me feel peaceful." If you bring drama, if you bring aggro, stress, you can fuck off-

Steven Bartlett 55:04 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 55:04 ... because I'm trying to turn over a new leaf now.

Steven Bartlett 55:06 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 55:07 And not deal, like, and I think a lot of people just did not realize, like, while they were heaping stuff onto my plate, because I'm the mountain of a man who can handle anything apparently, that I was at fucking breaking point-

Steven Bartlett 55:18 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 55:18 ... and I just wasn't saying it, you know? Whereas now, I'm saying it. I'm like, "No, I'm not doing that." Like, you know, the other day, one of the lads in the team said it was, um, oh, c- um, it was about research or something, like, you know, for graphic design and stuff. And, and m- mate went, it was, um, "Oh, uh, it would help if you, if you had a look." And I said, "Would Joe Rogan's team tell him to do that, would they?"

Steven Bartlett 55:41 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 55:42 Yeah. Or, "Do your own research, Joe,"-

Steven Bartlett 55:44 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 55:44 ... you know? And, and now I'm just very much like, here's the standards, this is what we do. And, you know.

Steven Bartlett 55:50 And are you still at, do you think, and this is what, really what I'm getting at here is, do you think you're still attaching some happiness to the future attainment of some goal, or, or-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 56:02 (laughs) Yes.

Steven Bartlett 56:02 And this is like, this is scary. This scares me.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 56:04 No, but, but, it's, it's, it's, it's healthy in a way because it's like, I'm not under the illusion that the minute I hit the big number that all of a sudden I'm gonna, um, that will make me happy. But the freedom that that number will then give me is what I'm looking for.

Steven Bartlett 56:24 Freedom from what?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 56:26 Freedom to, freedom of choice, freedom to do whatever I want with my life. No, right now, I'm a slave to the game. The game for me right now is, I've got the, all these shows, all these brands that I'm trying to build. I'm doing the fighting, I've got the Kick-Off, the football brand, I've got the podcast, and other things I'm working on as well, like my poker, and, and stuff, and Twitch. I am on a treadmill where every single week, I have to do, I, I'm contracted to do this show, this show, this show. I, I'm the most consistent YouTuber in the UK, and it's just nobody really realizes it because it's kind of always been that way. I've always been that, the guy, like even though I slowed the podcast down, in terms of, like, the amount of videos I've been putting out, it's been insane from, for years now. Um, so I, I, I have to do them because I'm not at a point of financial freedom. And even when I am, I might still carry on, but it would be nice to have the option to go, "Yeah, I'm gonna do this, and, and yeah, I'm gonna interview that guy. Hey, if I wanna interview a guy in America, I can stop the Kick-Off 'cause I just don't wanna do it this week, or I'll let my other boys do it, and I'm gonna go to LA and interview Joe Rogan," you know?

Steven Bartlett 57:33 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 57:33 I'd love to have the ab- but I can't do that. I'm-

Steven Bartlett 57:35 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 57:36 ... chained to my content. And I love my content, fortunately, and I love the people I'm around.

Steven Bartlett 57:42 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 57:43 But if I, if I, if, if I didn't, it would be really hard.

Steven Bartlett 57:47 Got you. I've been, I've been thinking a ton about this. It's actually, again, the last chapter in, in, um, in the book I was writing, and I, I think my conclusion-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 57:54 My, my book's actually quite similar to yours, called Happy Sexy Geordie.

Steven Bartlett 57:57 Is it? (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 57:58 (laughs) No.

Steven Bartlett 57:58 Where'd you get the name from that? (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:00 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 58:00 No, it's just that last, I was, I thought so much about ambition.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:04 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 58:04 And my conclusive point was when you realize that you are enough and you actually don't need more money or you don't need more external validation, that foundation is such a contradiction, right, that when you realize that you're actually, you've got everything you need, then you, then the result is true ambition.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:20 Uh-huh.

Steven Bartlett 58:20 Not ambition to impress girls with a Lamborghini, not ambition to prove everyone wrong, but you go after the things that you actually genuinely give a shit about.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:27 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 58:28 And when you get to the point where you are, you know that you're enough, then you start to go for things just for the sake of, like, the intrinsic and tonal feeling.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:34 And that's what I'm talking about, bro.

Steven Bartlett 58:35 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:36 That, that's where I am. It's like I know I wanna get there-

Steven Bartlett 58:39 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:39 ... but I'm not there yet. And, and when I, when I get that big fuck off deal that's insane-

Steven Bartlett 58:45 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:46 ... then I can be like, I mean, unfortunately, that'll mean more work. But-

Steven Bartlett 58:50 (laughs) Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:51 Um ...

Steven Bartlett 58:51 There you go, right? (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:51 But, but I'll have the money to then have that in, um, bring the plane into land eventually and go, "Okay, now what do I wanna do?"

Steven Bartlett 58:58 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 58:59 Um, ultimately, the funny thing is, I'm doing what I wanna do now. I'm just doing a lot more of it than probably physically I should be. You know what I mean? It would be nice to have a bit more, (inhales deeply) bigger, a bigger team-

Steven Bartlett 59:13 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 59:13 ... is really what I'd like to do, is put, put, invest more into the team and have, like, more people to co- help me 'cause-

Steven Bartlett 59:20 Hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 59:20 ... uh, uh, me and the boys, we do a lot.

Steven Bartlett 59:22 It's funny because it feels like the snowball then gets bigger as it's rolling down the hill.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 59:26 Yeah, possibly.

Steven Bartlett 59:27 Add five more people-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 59:28 Mm-hmm.

Steven Bartlett 59:28 ... then that means more brand obligations to pay for that.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 59:30 Do you know what it is, though? It would make me so fucking happy to be, um, (laughs) I, I, I know this is like, I, I get why this is bullshit, but it's also like, it's enough for me. Even people from Newcastle have, like, underestimated me. Even people who should be championing me and supporting me are telling me I ain't shit. So just to, like, go beyond what anyone could even imagine, it would be such a fucking ride. And ultimately, that's all I wanna do at

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 59:59 the end, is look back and go, "Fuck me, I showed those cunts, didn't I?" Like, and, uh, and have a good laugh and spend time with my friends, make great videos. That's what I wanna do.

Steven Bartlett 1:00:09 What, what, what are your ambitions now, then? I don't think you've, you know, you've signed this deal with, um, obviously Gymshark, which is great. And you've, you've done a deal with Beats, which is great. You're, you're over on Twitch now.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:00:19 PokerStars as well.

Steven Bartlett 1:00:20 PokerStars, yeah, yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:00:20 Shout out to PokerStars 'cause I love PokerStars.

Steven Bartlett 1:00:22 What is the big, when you talk about that big, you know, vision that you have in your mind of where you will be in, in five, ten years from now, what, what is that?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:00:30 Um, I feel like I've, um, I'm in a bit of a unique situation in that I wanna kind of be the king of multiple different things, and, uh, it's gonna be interesting to see how that, that goes. Uh, I think I'm the best podcaster currently, um, about, uh, aside from Joe Rogan. No offense to your good self, sir.

Steven Bartlett 1:00:53 No, it's fine. It's where we're just starting out. (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:00:56 Um, I think you're very good. Uh, and, uh, I, you know, I, I wanna kill the podcast game-But that's been something that I've had to, uh, in the, in, in the past, there, when that shit happened, I, I kinda had to put that back and go, "W- where's the money gonna come from?" And sports is a lot easier to make money out of. So, I, I, I went full steam ahead with The Kickoff. I think I've got something really special with The Kickoff. That, to me, is the f- the future of ... football, uh, in terms of how people will consume it in the UK. That, that show, the, the brand The Kickoff, the, the, the personalities I've got there. I'm working on rebranding it right now. You know, s- s- Gillette Soccer Saturday is dying a death. I seen it coming a mile off. Soc-, uh, Soccer AM is so fucked. Like, they've all piled ... Like, there's ... What the happened in that space right now, there's so many YouTube channels, they're faking their views. They, you, I know them all. They, they've got all the big brands. Budweiser, you're getting robbed. I'm just saying- (laughs) ... that right now. You wanna check the fu- (laughs) And why have, why have certain YouTube channels switched the likes off, switched the views off, switched the comments off? 'Cause they're fucking buying views and stuff like that. What we've got is so authentic and real. My studio, wh- I've spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on the equipment in there. We've, we, we've got something special there. So, uh, this is about watering it, and, and letting it grow. And if I build a team right, I think we could like ... No one can fuck with us. Like, everyone's copying us. Everyone's copying The Kickoff. No one can copy The Kickoff. They're all wasting their time. All they do is make us look better. Mm-hmm. They, their shit attempts at The Kickoff make us look 10 times stronger. So, with that one, I think we've got something really special there. And I'm surprised a, a huge brand has not seen that yet. Like, an Amazon, or a, or a Google, or whoever the fuck. You know, 'cause, all right, we swear on there, but we are killing it, you know. And, and credit to Twitch, they did see it, and, you know, I'm proud of that. But the potential for that brand, I just think is enormous. I just, like I say, I've been through so many financial struggles while keeping that going. I haven't really been in a d- uh, had a chance to put it in third gear yet. But, um, we're getting there. Um, and then there's the fighting. I feel like with thanks to Logan Paul and KSI, they've put me in a really particular position where I really know fighting, but I also know the entertainment side of fighting. And as b- as boxing moves towards that direction, and M- and MMA as well, and my history of loving boxing and UFC, I can really nail down a special place in that, where, you know, livestream wise, we're, we're number one on fighting and football. How weird is it that there's one guy in the world who does a livestream on football, and he's got the number one audience and fighting? Mm-hmm. You know, that alone puts me in a really unique position without having to talk about the podcast where it's Ricky Gervais one week, it could be Kamaru Usman, UFC champion the next, Tyson Fury,

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:04:10 Logan Paul. Do you think you've got the credit you deserve? I, I definitely don't. No. Why? Um ... I don't know. I don't know. Um ... I think, you know, I just did an interview, for example, with Kamaru Usman. And the older I get, and the wiser I get, and the better at questioning I get, and the, and the, and the better I get as an interviewer, and leading the, the guest and, and taking them on that journey, my emotional, compassionate side is really another gear that I have that other interviewers are just ... You know, I've always aspired to be like Joe Rogan. But Joe Rogan has things I don't, and I have things he doesn't. He knows every- everything about everything. This guy can talk to anyone. I, I just don't have that. But my emotional, compassionate side, my empathy, I think gives me something else. And on that, on that interview, I got so many comments because it was one of the first interviews I've done which was the same guest Joe Rogan had. And- I saw the comments. People were saying- And loads of people were going- ... "You did a lot better." ... "You fucking outdid Joe Rogan with that one." Yeah. And I knew I did. And I don't mean that as a disrespect, 'cause he's like a god to me. But on that one, it really showed because I just did a totally different interview. And, um, and I, um ... Joe was always gonna be the GOAT to me, but sometimes even the GOAT can be got, and I can get him every, every now and then. (laughs) And I, and, um, he, uh, he's who I aspire to, to, to beat on every podcast, you know. So, maybe, I'm, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck it's gonna take. Um, I don't know if it's 'cause I'm w- I feel like it's 'cause I'm working class and I don't necessarily ... Like, some people just get credit thrown at them. F- like, MrBeast, "Wow, you spent loads of money on a video." Uh, what's the other fucker who's always surprising his friends with cars? I don't give a shit. Like, with all due respect, y- you don't impress me. None of your, like, you know, your creativity is bang average. You know, like, I could turn up with fucking money and buy a car for a friend. You know what I mean? So, I'm trying to tell stories. Like, with the fall of True Geordie, with the rebuild, with the podcasts, tho- that content is like, I poured my heart and soul into it. I edited it with my, uh, editor, Gio. Shout out to him. Amazing, uh, editor. We sat together and did frame by frame. I do the grade, I fucking th- everything. Like, every minute detail, I care about. Why does my podcast look different to everyone else? 'Cause I care, and I will literally go and go, "Right, we're gonna do the grade, we're gonna do the, the sound. That doesn't sound right." And I, I ... Every fucking detail, I care about. So, it frustrates me that I'm not where I think I should be because the numbers are there, the deals are there, but the critical acclaim, for whatever reason, isn't there. And I guess it's 'cause I swear and I'm not like mainstream-worthy. Like, I'm never, I'm never gonna be the kid who Jonathan Ross invites on, or, you know, I'm not that. And I don't want to. I don't give a fuck about being well-known on telly. I don't wanna go on it particularly. Um, and it's not because there's anything wrong with it. It's just ...... I'm happy where I am, you know. But, um, I don't know what it's gonna take, bro.

Steven Bartlett 1:07:19 Do you think-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:07:19 I feel like I've got to move a fucking mountain.

Steven Bartlett 1:07:21 No, I know. I was, I was, I was just thinking about it then, 'cause I agree with everything you said in terms of the influence you have. And I, and you, I also agree that you are the best podcaster in this country. And really, you're the p- one of the real pioneers of a certain style of podcasting, but also on the Kickoff, right? You're a real pioneer there. But from what I've learned about company valuations and even how brands do deals, it's the way that it is packaged.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:07:43 Yeah. And look, I'm not greasing the wheels-

Steven Bartlett 1:07:46 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:07:46 ... of these companies, and that's definitely a thing I need to do better. Because you talk about certain YouTube channels-

Steven Bartlett 1:07:50 Branding.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:07:51 Yeah. Certain YouTube channels will take people out for dinner, they'll schmooze, they'll do all of that shit, and I'm clearly not doing that, bec- But l- like, credit to the companies who have invested in me, 'cause I've just went, "Look, I'm the best." And that, and, and, and, um, d- You know, I learned how to do decks myself. I was, I've done decks, I do all my own decks.

Steven Bartlett 1:08:12 You shouldn't be.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:13 Uh, I, I sell, uh, uh, well, I've just hired a guy, so-

Steven Bartlett 1:08:15 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:16 ... he's gonna do them from now on.

Steven Bartlett 1:08:18 Okay.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:18 But the point is, is like, I got, I've done all right, you know?

Steven Bartlett 1:08:20 Yeah, you've done really well.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:21 I've d- I've done well.

Steven Bartlett 1:08:22 But, I don't, I'm gonna say it, you're not getting the credit you deserve.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:26 Yeah. Um, and, and it's, uh, you know, I-

Steven Bartlett 1:08:28 And you're not getting the money you deserve either.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:30 Uh, it's fucking frustrating, bro. Try, like, you know what I'm saying?

Steven Bartlett 1:08:33 I don't know what money you're getting, but I know it's not what you deserve.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:35 No, yeah, yo. Trust me, bro. It ain't what I, no, um, credit to the partners we've got-

Steven Bartlett 1:08:40 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:08:40 ... 'cause they've looked after us. Um, particularly, um, Gymshark and PokerStars and Twitch, um, I, I'm grateful for, for those people to be, uh, partnered with us. But yeah, I, I, I definitely feel like where, where I am is not reflected. Um, but yeah, I need to do the, the, the schmoozing bullshit a lot better. And, and the deck side of things, we've built that out, and we're packaging it. And branding-wise-

Steven Bartlett 1:09:06 Salesman.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:06 ... I need to be a bit more... There's a lot of rich old white dudes who sign the fucking checks, who I need to be more friendly towards, I, I, and I get that.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:16 I don't even think you do. I think you need a bunch of rich old white dudes to be friendly with rich old white dudes.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:20 Yeah. (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 1:09:20 And I think you should probably call your company, like, Tru, Tru Entertainment.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:24 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:24 You put it all under there. The min-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:25 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:25 So when people, when they look at something, if they, if they value it as a YouTube channel, you're getting paid X.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:30 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:31 If they value you as a media company, a BuzzFeed or a VICE-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:34 Well, well, which I am.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:35 Yeah, you are.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:36 W- w- which I am.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:36 But you're not pres-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:37 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:37 You're not packaged like that.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:38 Yeah.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:38 You're, you're packaged as a YouTube channel. VICE is worth five, like, I don't know, hun- no, it's, what, it was $1.5 billion.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:44 Mm-hmm, yeah.

Steven Bartlett 1:09:45 Like, if you think about the influence and reach, you're probably up there with VICE, but you, you, you're branded differently, you're branded as a YouTube channel, so-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:52 And, and I've done all this on a shoestring as well, bro, this isn't-

Steven Bartlett 1:09:54 Exactly, yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:09:55 I've been in, look, I've been in debt for the tax man, I got that rug pulled out from under me with the deal, I've had to scramble to get other deals, I had to pay off the production company-

Steven Bartlett 1:10:04 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:10:04 ... all the o- money I owed them.

Steven Bartlett 1:10:05 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:10:06 You know, you know that one who kept us going after the deal? I had to pay them off, and then I went solo and got my own production company set up. So we are beginning, which is the, obviously the concept-

Steven Bartlett 1:10:17 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:10:18 ... we're the promotion, we're the distribution, we are a fucking media company. It's just fucking frustrating, because I don't know whose dick I've got to suck to get fucking respect around here.

Steven Bartlett 1:10:28 (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:10:29 Um, but I'd, I should be a multi-fucking-millionaire right now, balling out of control. Um-

Steven Bartlett 1:10:34 Not balling out of control, we love you. (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:10:36 I'll be, I should be going back down to the fucking Audi garage. No. Yeah, I'm pissed off, and I, and I think that chip on my shoulder is a healthy thing in a way, because it'll just keep driving me to get that respect I deserve, and ultimately to get the money to look after the people I care about, and that's, that's the goal. It ain't about like, ultimately yes, I've got an ego, yes, I wanna be respected, yes, but I could quit all that as long as I get the money to secure everyone who, all my team, all of that, you know what I mean?

Steven Bartlett 1:11:07 And you 100% own your f- your format still?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:11:09 Absolutely.

Steven Bartlett 1:11:10 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:11:10 I pulled up on Heineken 'cause they used the Kickoff trademark and said, "I want my fucking money."

Steven Bartlett 1:11:14 Really?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:11:15 Yeah, shout out to Heineken, they paid me off. (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 1:11:17 Oh, did they? (laughs)

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:11:20 Yeah, they, they used the Kickoff and, um, I was like, "The Kickoff, the European Champions League night, uh, on, with Heineken." And I'm like, "What the fuck?" Uh, tweeted them and, uh, and yeah, I had everyone fucking, "Oh, can we make this go away?" And uh, but to be fair, the, the gaffer at Heineken was cool as fuck.

Steven Bartlett 1:11:40 Well, he better have been 'cause-

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:11:41 Yeah, he should sponsor the fucking Kickoff.

Steven Bartlett 1:11:43 Yeah.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:11:44 (laughs)

Steven Bartlett 1:11:45 Quick one, as a serial entrepreneur that's currently building multiple pro- projects across multiple industries, everything from the marketing industry to blockchain to consumer goods, everything, one of the things that has been a lifesaver for me, and again, a company that I reached out to to evangelize about on this podcast because I'm a loyal customer and they ultimately ended up sponsoring this podcast, is fiverr.com, F-I-V-E-R-R. What that site allows me to do is extend my capacity across all of my projects. If I'm looking for a graphic designer, someone to edit a video, someone to do a, a website for me, it allows me to extend my capacity without hiring people, and the quality of freelancers on Fiverr has been amazing. And when the, the trust and the service you get is that phenomenal and the services offered, offered are that diverse, it's a no-brainer. Whether you have one member of staff, you're a freelancer yourself, or a thousand members of staff, Fiverr can be a game changer for you, and I'd love you guys to check it out. Use the link below, go to fiverr.com/ceo and send me a screenshot if you end up using the service. One of you is gonna win something very amazing. Do you think you're happy now?

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:12:59 I wanna, I wanna answer this honestly.

Steven Bartlett 1:13:01 Mm-hmm.

True Geordie (Brian Davis) 1:13:01 I was, um, I'm really, really going there. Um, no, I wouldn't say happy is the right word, but I'm closer to in the middle than I have been in a long time....