The Top 6 Habits Destroying Your Relationships! - Lewis Howes

Lewis’ therapist pushed him to heal specific ages of his ‘inner child’ because old memories were still dictating current patterns—especially people‑pleasing and self‑abandonment in love. He keeps childhood photos as his phone background to stay in contact with those wounded parts and consciously “reparent” them. Action: identify the age where you felt most hurt or unsafe, find a photo from that period, and start journaling or talking (with a therapist or trusted person) directly to that younger self about safety, protection, and new choices.

Lewis repeatedly chose partners he tried to keep by changing who he was, suppressing hobbies, work decisions, even travel, just to avoid conflict and ‘buy peace’. It always led to resentment, anger, and emotional exhaustion for both sides. His rule now: if you must fundamentally change your core self to keep the relationship, it’s not authentic love. Action: list concrete ways you’ve changed or shrunk yourself to keep someone; decide which are healthy adjustments versus core self‑betrayals, and start saying ‘no’ to the latter.

A brain surgeon and neuroscientist Lewis interviewed told him the most important human skill is emotional regulation. Unregulated reactions—anger, shame, insecurity—create domestic violence, broken businesses, road rage, wars, and destroyed marriages. Lewis now sees a therapist twice a month as ‘emotional accountability’, the same way he uses business coaches and personal trainers. Action: treat your emotional life like the gym—schedule regular ‘training’ (therapy, men’s/women’s groups, coaching, or structured self‑work) before a crisis, not after.

Lewis frames healthy partnership around explicit alignment on: values (what you care about), vision (where you’re going individually and together), and lifestyle (how you actually live day‑to‑day). He and his girlfriend did a five‑hour facilitated session to surface expectations, dreams, and potential friction early—when things were good, not in crisis. Action: with your partner, separately write your top values, personal vision, relationship vision, and ideal lifestyle (sleep, travel, work, social life). Then share and reconcile them point‑by‑point to spot misalignments before they become long‑term resentment.

Lewis told his partner very early: she would never be his number one or even number two priority—those places belong to his health and his mission. He clarified that protecting those two actually makes him a better, more loving partner. He also told her he would evolve and accept feedback, but would not fundamentally change who he is to make her comfortable, and he’s willing to walk away if that’s not acceptable. Action: rank your top three life priorities; communicate them clearly to your partner and check if they can genuinely support them rather than compete with them.