Skip to content
Good Inside with Dr. BeckyGood Inside with Dr. Becky

How to Be a More Confident Parent (Even When You Feel Lost)

You’ve probably said it - or heard it: “Nobody knows what they’re doing.” It’s meant to comfort us as parents. And sometimes it does. But… is it actually true? In this episode of our ongoing Is It True? series, Dr. Becky and Myleik Teele take a closer look at this belief - and what might be more helpful to hold onto instead. They explore: - Why this idea can feel relieving… and also limiting - The pressure to “prove” you’re a good parent in hard moments - What it really looks like when a parent *does* know what they’re doing - And the powerful role of **curiosity**—about your child and yourself Through real-life moments (public meltdowns, getting hit in a school line, vacation chaos), they show how parenting isn’t about having it all figured out - but about learning, adjusting, and building skills over time.

Dr. BeckyhostMyleik Teeleguest
May 5, 202631mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Curiosity builds confident parenting between perfection and helplessness mindsets

  1. They challenge the comforting but limiting mantra “nobody knows what they’re doing,” arguing it can shut down learning just as much as the fantasy that some parents always know what to do.
  2. Myleik shares public parenting moments (a restaurant meltdown, a school line incident) to show how fear of being judged often pushes parents toward overreacting to “prove” competence.
  3. Dr. Becky introduces “decoding behavior” as a core skill: treat misbehavior as a clue to an underlying need, feeling, or mismatch rather than as a final verdict on a child’s character.
  4. They connect curiosity about kids to self-curiosity, showing how understanding triggers (like travel transitions) enables practical planning that reduces yelling and improves follow-through.
  5. They highlight how repeated, imperfect practice gives children language and regulation tools over time, exemplified by a child learning to say, “I wasn’t expecting that,” instead of melting down.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Avoid the two curiosity-killers: perfectionism and resignation.

“Some parents always know” and “nobody knows anything” both stop you from investigating what’s happening and trying something new; confidence grows in the middle ground: nobody knows all the time, but you can build skills in specific moments.

Treat behavior as a symptom, not a diagnosis.

Throwing a tablet, hitting, or lying is observable, but it doesn’t reveal the whole story; using a “most generous interpretation” helps you look for the fear, overwhelm, or unmet need that actually drives the behavior.

Public meltdowns often trigger “prove I’m a good parent” reactions.

Myleik describes feeling “on stage” and wanting everyone to know she’s not okay with the behavior; naming that audience-pressure can help you choose sturdiness over performative punishment.

Sturdy boundaries can be brief and calm.

In the school line incident, “No thank you. You do not hit me,” shows how to set a clear limit without escalating into a lecture or spectacle—saving the deeper conversation for later.

Decode patterns to prevent predictable blowups.

Both describe recurring triggers (e.g., the first minutes in a hotel room); once you identify the pattern, you can design tiny structural fixes—games in the room, swimsuits in backpacks—that reduce chaos and yelling.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

There's a sentence parents say to each other like it's a warm blanket, "Nobody really knows what they're doing."

— Dr. Becky

Both are completely anti-curiosity.

— Dr. Becky

Do you know what is remarkably similar about nobody knows what they’re doing, and some people have it all figured out?

— Dr. Becky

I find it exciting, and maybe it's a limited understanding, but I think experts are kind of at the end of their learning journey. Like, they've reached the top of the mountain, and that feels very sad to me.

— Dr. Becky

The update to nobody knows what they're doing is nobody knows what they're doing all of the time.

— Myleik Teele

The limits of “nobody knows what they’re doing”Public parenting and performance pressureDecoding behavior vs. labeling kidsCuriosity as a parenting skill/muscleSelf-compassion and trigger awarenessMismatch between parent needs and child needsTeaching expectation language: “I wasn’t expecting that”

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

iOSAndroidClaudeChrome