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The New Fatherhood: “You Either Sort It Out or Pass It On” with Kevin Maguire

**The New Fatherhood: “You Either Sort It Out or Pass It On”** For generations, fathers were taught that their job was simple: protect, provide, preside. But what happens when those old rules no longer fit? In this conversation, Dr. Becky talks with writer and fatherhood advocate Kevin Maguire about the emotional transformation happening inside modern fatherhood — and why so many dads are trying to parent differently than they were parented themselves. They explore: - why presence matters more than ever in parenting - the hidden identity shift that happens when men become fathers - why play can feel surprisingly hard for dads - anger, emotional regulation, and repair - the pressure men feel to disconnect from vulnerability - paternal postpartum depression and why so few people talk about it - how healing ourselves changes the way we show up for our kids This is an honest, deeply human conversation about masculinity, parenting, emotions, and the courage it takes to break generational patterns. Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: - Ole Henriksen: https://olehenriksen.com/collections/eyecare/products/banana-bright-eye-creme Use the code DRBECKY30 for 30% off the Banana Bright+ Eye Crème - Airbnb: https://click.pscrb.fm/2f: Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb - Knix: https://knixteen.com/: Use the code GOODINSIDE for 15% off period underwear - Oso & Me: https://www.osoandme.com/Use the code OSOGOOD15 for 15% off clothes newborn through age ten

Kevin MaguireguestDr. Becky Kennedyhost
May 12, 202636mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Modern fatherhood redefined through presence, vulnerability, and breaking generational patterns

  1. Kevin Maguire contrasts “old fatherhood” (protect, provide, preside) with today’s expectation that dads be actively present, emotionally engaged, and relationally involved.
  2. They discuss how achievement-identity and workplace culture can crowd out family presence, and how dads can begin untangling self-worth from job performance.
  3. Maguire shares his experience with paternal postpartum depression, including how it can manifest in men via addictive coping, and how vulnerability and therapy can be transformative.
  4. The conversation reframes emotions—especially anger—as useful information rather than weakness, emphasizing regulation skills, boundaries, and the power of repair after missteps.
  5. Both emphasize “bridge-building” into a child’s world (play, curiosity, meeting kids where they are) as the foundation of connection that sustains parenting long-term.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

The “problem” is often the parent’s baggage, not the child.

Both argue that kids reliably surface adults’ unhealed patterns; progress comes from noticing what you bring into moments (stress, inherited scripts, fear of feelings) and “getting out of the way” so you can respond instead of react.

Old fatherhood optimized for authority; new fatherhood requires participation.

Maguire’s “protect, provide, preside” model highlights how dads were historically positioned as distant providers and disciplinarians; today’s family life increasingly expects dads to be engaged caregivers, not occasional enforcers.

Untangle identity from work to reclaim choice in fatherhood.

After paternity leave, many dads realize work priorities feel misaligned; separating “who I am” from “what I do” creates room for boundary-setting, presence, and aligning daily actions with values.

Vulnerability is strength-building, not status-losing.

The episode challenges the masculine norm that emotion equals weakness or exploitable “soft spots,” arguing that empathy and openness are what older children actually need from dads—especially in adolescence.

Paternal postpartum depression is real and can look different in men.

Maguire describes sadness, disconnection, and late-night searching for answers, noting male presentations may amplify addictive or numbing behaviors (alcohol, gambling, gaming, etc.); naming it and seeking support can be a major turning point.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

The old version of fatherhood is we were meant to do three things. We were there to protect, we were there to provide, and we were there to preside. We were there to be the boss over our family.

— Kevin Maguire

We're jumping out of the plane without a parachute, and we're assembling it on the way down.

— Kevin Maguire

So much of the time the issue isn't with the child. The issue with is with us, and we have to get out of the way.

— Kevin Maguire

I would sit down and I would cry just to myself. And I would cry because I didn't love my son, and I didn't know what was going on.

— Kevin Maguire

And she said, in a moment, she said, "You know that anger and violence are not the same thing?"

— Kevin Maguire

Old fatherhood: protect/provide/presidePresence and play as core modern dad rolesWork identity vs. family valuesPaternal postpartum depression and male coping patternsVulnerability, empathy, and emotional language for menAnger vs. violence; regulation and boundariesRepair and accountability; breaking generational cycles

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