Good Inside with Dr. BeckyHow to Encourage Independent Play With Lizzie Assa
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 1:47
Independent play as a win-win: why this episode matters for parents and kids
Dr. Becky sets the stage for why independent play is one of the most requested—and most essential—parenting topics. She frames independent play as both a child-development skill and a parent sustainability tool, promising practical, repeatable steps.
- •Independent play is a highly requested topic from listeners
- •The goal is actionable, manageable guidance (not just theory)
- •Independent play benefits children and reduces parent depletion
- •Reassurance that it’s a learnable skill, not a personality trait
- 1:47 – 3:44
Meet Lizzie Assa: play-based learning background and mission
Lizzie shares her mission to simplify independent play so parents can get real breaks and return more present. She adds her credentials and experience as a NYC early-childhood teacher and mother of three, grounding the approach in true play-based learning.
- •Founder of The Workspace for Children
- •Mom of three; former early-childhood NYC teacher
- •Play-based learning as a misunderstood ‘buzzword’
- •Breaks for parents improve the whole family system
- 3:44 – 6:15
Defining independent play: self-discovery and a mindset (not a specific toy setup)
They redefine independent play as self-directed, identity-building time where kids learn what they like, how they think, and how they cope. Lizzie emphasizes it’s a mindset that can look wildly different depending on the child.
- •Independent play helps children learn about themselves
- •It’s never too late (from babies to older kids to adults)
- •Independent play doesn’t have to look like quiet blocks in a playroom
- •Different kids = different versions of independent play (sports, nature, tinkering)
- 6:15 – 7:23
Self-directed vs. adult-directed play: why stepping back matters
Lizzie contrasts independent play with children acting out someone else’s ideas (a parent directing, fixing, teaching, or leading). When adults step back, kids practice frustration tolerance, problem-solving, and following their own ideas through to action.
- •Opposite of self-directed play is playing someone else’s ideas
- •Adults often ‘teach’ or ‘fix’ inside play without realizing it
- •Independent play includes space for mistakes, big feelings, and repair
- •Children build agency by generating and executing their own plans
- 7:23 – 14:22
Why independent play pays off long-term (and reduces parent burnout now)
They frame independent play as a small change that creates big habits: autonomy for kids and emotional bandwidth for parents. Dr. Becky links independent play to future academic and life skills like idea generation, planning, and iteration.
- •Small changes build big habits
- •Parents need non-caregiver time to avoid depletion and rage buildup
- •Kids use play as a sandbox to process experiences and emotions
- •Independent play builds skills that later look like ‘school’ skills (planning, revising, executing)
- 14:22 – 17:34
Start with the child you actually have: interests first, not Instagram standards
Lizzie’s first step is to identify the child’s real interests and strengths, not what adults expect play ‘should’ look like. They offer examples of interest-based entry points, including for high-energy “climbers.”
- •Begin by observing genuine interests (not external expectations)
- •Use strengths-based reframing instead of viewing ‘can’t play alone’ as a flaw
- •Garbage trucks, kitchens, animals, sports, climbing can all be entry points
- •For active kids: create safe indoor challenges (masking-tape balance paths) and reenactment with toys
- 17:34 – 19:20
You don’t need to fill the silence: building early foundations from infancy
Lizzie argues kids are born knowing how to play; adult over-involvement can crowd it out. They normalize giving babies and toddlers space to observe, stare, and explore without constant stimulation.
- •Children are inherently wired for play
- •Over-structuring and constant engagement can disrupt self-direction
- •Babies can build independence by observing shadows, mirrors, surroundings
- •Reducing pressure on parents: you don’t have to narrate every moment
- 19:20 – 23:07
From zero minutes to a routine: kitchen and animal examples you can copy
They walk through concrete setups for families starting at “zero minutes,” using a child’s interests to design simple invitations to play. The focus is less stuff, more clarity: a small, curated play area that matches current fascinations.
- •Connect first by asking what the child loves about the topic (make them the ‘expert’)
- •Kitchen play: controlled water pouring, tools, washing produce—mess-managed with bins/towels
- •Animal play: post-zoo replay with a towel, animal figures, Magna-Tiles, and a favorite book
- •Simplify the environment; you don’t need a full playroom or elaborate stations
- 23:07 – 24:36
Handling ‘Play with me!’: quiet time vs. independent play and what to say in the moment
Lizzie separates independent play practice from expecting long, closed-door quiet time right away. They provide scripts for when kids demand participation, emphasizing predictable boundaries plus reconnection afterward.
- •Don’t jump from constant togetherness to 30 minutes alone—start where the child is
- •Script: ‘I’m doing my work while you do yours’ and ‘It’s your turn to be the lion’
- •Use a timer or visual so kids trust reconnection is coming
- •Guilt reduction: you can connect about the play after, without being in the play
- 24:36 – 27:35
Expect pushback like swim lessons: building the ‘some’ before the ‘all’
Dr. Becky reframes resistance as normal skill-building, not a sign you should stop. They emphasize setting tiny initial goals (seconds, not minutes) and treating progress as gradual conditioning rather than instant compliance.
- •Parent leadership includes making helpful decisions kids may dislike at first
- •Pushback is expected; plan for it instead of being surprised
- •Replace the ‘all’ goal (45 minutes) with a ‘some’ goal (30–60 seconds)
- •Motivation grows from small wins and a felt sense of capability
- 27:35 – 31:11
Pre-work and identity-building: ‘I am as I am seen’ + calling out independence
They introduce “priming” as the pre-routine phase: noticing and naming moments of independence already happening. This shifts a child’s identity from ‘clingy’ to ‘capable,’ making the new skill more achievable.
- •Start by naming existing independence (even brief moments)
- •Avoid labels like ‘You can’t do anything by yourself’—they undermine growth
- •Use expertise language: ‘You know a lot about…’ to build confidence and autonomy
- •Identity cues from parents shape children’s self-belief and behavior
- 31:11 – 38:03
Launching quiet time with clear messaging, authentic selling, and a pushback plan
Lizzie offers a first-day script that frames quiet time as a “grown-up” change, emphasizing choice and ownership. They stress clarity (not asking permission), co-learning, and preparing in advance for boundary testing.
- •Script: ‘We’re trying something new and kind of grown-up’
- •Define what quiet time is and why it’s for them (no sharing, their ideas)
- •Offer choices: play, read, rest—‘Mommy’s not in charge; you’re in charge’
- •Plan your response for when they leave the room; expect testing
- 38:03 – 38:45
After quiet time: reconnect, celebrate the idea (not the duration), and let creations live
They explain how the post-play reunion cements the habit: ask about the child’s process and reflect success regardless of length. Allowing kids to keep projects up (when possible) increases ownership and reduces frustration from constant cleanup or sibling disruption.
- •Reconnect by entering their world and showing real curiosity
- •Praise the child’s idea and effort whether it was 1 minute or 10
- •Let kids save builds/projects to return to—boosts continuity and pride
- •Quiet time can be uniquely “theirs,” especially valuable in sibling-heavy homes
- 38:45 – 43:13
Where to get more help: Lizzie’s course + Dr. Becky’s closing and community resources
Lizzie shares where parents can find her step-by-step audio course and a discount code, reinforcing that independent play is an ongoing practice. Dr. Becky closes with listener resources, membership info, and the show’s signature mantra.
- •Find Lizzie on Instagram: The Workspace for Children
- •Audio course: step-by-step setup, troubleshooting, and building the routine
- •Independent play is a lifelong practice (like meditation), not one-and-done
- •Good Inside membership, voicemail/email for episode ideas, and closing affirmation
