Good Inside with Dr. BeckyHow to Encourage Independent Play With Lizzie Assa
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Independent play as a learnable skill benefiting kids and parents
- Independent play is framed as a self-directed mindset where children explore their own ideas and learn about themselves rather than acting out an adult’s script.
- The practice is positioned as a win-win: it restores parents’ capacity (reducing burnout and reactivity) while strengthening children’s confidence, creativity, and problem-solving.
- Parents are advised to start by identifying a child’s genuine interests (not Instagram ideals) and designing simple play invitations that reflect those interests.
- Successful implementation depends on gradual exposure, expecting pushback, and using clear, kind leadership with short initial time goals (seconds to minutes).
- Connection remains central: parents don’t need to join the play, but should debrief afterward to validate the child’s ideas and reinforce growing independence.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasIndependent play is self-directed, not adult-led entertainment.
It’s the child practicing their own ideas, emotions, and iteration (e.g., building, failing, rebuilding) without a grown-up fixing or steering the storyline.
Treat independent play as a buildable skill—like learning to swim.
If a child is starting at “zero minutes,” jumping to 30 minutes will backfire; plan for pushback and build stamina gradually (seconds → minutes → longer).
Start with who your child actually is, not a ‘perfect playroom’ fantasy.
Independent play can be bug-hunting, solo basketball, watching the garbage truck, or reenacting a zoo trip—use real interests as the entry point.
Prime independence by naming it when it already happens.
Catch small moments (“You stayed with your show while I switched laundry”) to help your child see themselves as capable and independent—shifting identity before demanding behavior change.
Set up environments that are simple and interest-matched.
A towel + a few relevant items (e.g., animal toys + Magna-Tiles + a zoo book) beats overwhelming toy clutter and invites the child to process experiences through play.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesIndependent play is really about teaching your child to l- learn about themselves. So independent play is the opportunity for everyone to take a break and really learn about who they are.
— Lizzie Assa
Independent play is the opposite of that, because independent play children are using their own experience and their own ideas and implementing them.
— Lizzie Assa
Your child comes into the world inherently knowing how to play. It is the parents, the well-meaning parents who start to make noise and get in their way.
— Lizzie Assa
You have to expect the pushback. You have to be present in the messy because the magic happens on the other side of that. It is rarely automatic.
— Lizzie Assa
Do you know where that skill comes that looks like an academic skill? Not from a classroom. That comes from independent play, where a person has practiced over and over noticing their own ideas, thinking those ideas are valuable, putting those valuable ideas into action, and iterating.
— Dr. Becky
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