The Parenting Shift Nobody Prepares You For (Introducing The In-Between Years)

This episode marks the launch of Good Inside’s new podcast, The In-Between Years with Dr. Sheryl — a show about raising tweens and teens. To kick things off, Dr. Becky sits down with the show’s host, clinical psychologist Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, to talk about the parenting shift that catches so many families off guard when kids enter the tween years. One day your child wants you for everything. The next, they’re shutting their bedroom door, wearing AirPods, and suddenly the strategies that used to work… don’t. In this conversation, Becky and Sheryl unpack what’s actually happening during this stage — and why it can feel so destabilizing for parents. They explore: - why tweens start pulling away - the parenting role shift that many parents struggle with - the difference between pursuing your kid and becoming a steady anchor - how to stay connected when your child seems more distant - and why this stage isn’t a rupture in your relationship, but a transition New episodes of The In-Between Years with Dr. Sheryl — will drop every Wednesday, exploring the emotional, social, and developmental realities of raising tweens and teens. Because your kid doesn’t need you less. They just need you differently. Follow Dr. Sheryl on IG: @DrSherylatGoodInside Let us know what you think! podcast@goodinside.com Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com (https://pcm.adswizz.com) for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Sheryl Zieglerguest

Mar 12, 202632mWatch on YouTube ↗

CHAPTERS

0:00 – 1:02
Sponsor: Virtual eating disorder treatment with Equip
Dr. Becky opens with a sponsor message about how eating disorders can be hard to recognize and even harder to treat quickly. She introduces Equip as a virtual, at-home treatment option with a full care team and parent support.
- •Eating disorders don’t always match common stereotypes
- •Early support can significantly change outcomes
- •Equip offers virtual care at home with a multidisciplinary team
- •No waitlist; treats all ages and eating disorder types; insurance-covered in all 50 states
- •Where to learn more: equip.health/goodinside
1:02 – 2:33
When your tried-and-true parenting instincts stop working
Dr. Becky describes the jarring emotional shift when a child begins changing in the tween/teen years. Behaviors that once felt connecting—touch, questions, warm tone—suddenly land as intrusive or “cringe,” leaving parents feeling rejected.
- •A child’s emotional/physical/relational changes can feel abrupt
- •Ordinary bids for connection are met with flinching, eye rolls, or pushback
- •Parents can feel sadness, anger, and rejection at once
- •Grief for the “little kid” relationship is common
- •This stage requires a fundamentally different parenting approach
2:33 – 3:34
Meet Dr. Sheryl Ziegler and the focus on the ‘messy middle’
Dr. Becky introduces Dr. Sheryl Ziegler and frames the episode as a deep look at tweens and teens. They name the “in-between” stage as its own developmental period—neither childhood nor adolescence—and one that catches families off guard.
- •Dr. Sheryl specializes in tweens and teens
- •The tween window often spans roughly ages 8–13
- •The in-between stage is inherently “messy” and variable day-to-day
- •Parents often feel disoriented because expectations don’t fit
- •The conversation will normalize and map this transition
3:34 – 5:16
Launching new Good Inside resources for tween/teen parents
Dr. Becky announces a new podcast and app content designed specifically for the tween and teen stage. The goal is to help families ‘grow alongside’ changing needs with targeted support.
- •A new Good Inside podcast for tween/teen parenting is introduced
- •A puberty/tween/teen vertical is coming to the Good Inside app
- •The expansion responds directly to parent requests
- •Focus: staying anchored through disorienting shifts
- •Sets the stage for ongoing guidance beyond this episode
5:16 – 6:32
Why tweens surprise parents: ‘I finally felt competent… and then it changed’
Dr. Sheryl explains how parents often enter tweendom feeling newly confident—only to have their child’s preferences, moods, and identity markers suddenly shift. The lack of a ‘memo’ makes parents feel like they’ve lost their footing.
- •Parents feel they knew how to calm and connect—until it stops working
- •Kids abruptly reject former favorites and routines
- •The change can feel like it happened overnight
- •Parents experience competence-loss as much as child-change
- •Tween identity experimentation drives rapid preference shifts
6:32 – 8:56
The emotional cost: loss, quieter house, and changing access to your child
They name the feelings under the surface: loss, confusion, anger, sadness, and rejection. Dr. Sheryl highlights a practical shift—parents often need “permission” to enter rooms, hug, or even talk—because tweens begin setting more of the relational terms.
- •Common parent emotions: loss, sadness, anger, rejection
- •House dynamics can feel suddenly quieter and more distant
- •Parents lose the sense of being the clear ‘leader’ of the family vibe
- •Kids set boundaries around space, touch, and conversation
- •This is developmentally normal but emotionally hard
8:56 – 9:46
Attachment reframed: from orbiting around you to exploring away from you
Dr. Becky uses an attachment metaphor: young kids orbit parents as the secure base, but tweens begin exploration—often through withdrawing, changing preferences, and asserting independence. The parenting challenge is staying a stable anchor without retaliating or clinging.
- •Secure base is designed to enable exploration later
- •Exploration shows up as new dislikes, privacy, and alone-time
- •Parents may respond by retaliating or withdrawing the anchor
- •Maintaining connection matters even when it isn’t visibly welcomed
- •The relationship model must evolve, not break
9:46 – 12:33
Two common traps: passive-aggressive withdrawal vs. anxious pursuit
Dr. Sheryl describes polarized parent responses to tween distancing: rejecting back (‘fine, we’ll have fun without you’) or chasing harder (constant questions/invitations). Both dynamics tend to intensify the child’s distancing, even when motivated by love.
- •Trap #1: ‘reject them back’ through passive-aggressive exclusion
- •Trap #2: pursue harder, which often makes tweens run faster
- •What worked at age 7 can feel smothering in puberty
- •Tween reactions can feel harsh but are often protective/instinctive
- •A middle path is needed: steady availability without pressure
12:33 – 18:44
The ‘middle way’: steady presence (the potted plant) and observing vs. fixing
They develop a concrete alternative: be reliably present without flooding the space with solutions. Dr. Sheryl likens tweens to kids solving a hard new puzzle—parents should observe, reflect feelings, and trust the process while remaining available.
- •Puberty involves brain restructuring and hormonal shifts
- •Parents’ job shifts from solving to observing and reflecting
- •Support can be as simple as: ‘That sucks’ or ‘You seem disappointed’
- •Presence means not disappearing into phones/chores, but not hovering
- •The ‘potted plant’ metaphor: quiet, grounding, non-intrusive presence
18:44 – 22:05
Don’t confuse support with being a punching bag: boundaries and ‘redos’
Dr. Becky raises the concern that calm presence shouldn’t mean tolerating disrespect. Dr. Sheryl emphasizes holding boundaries while validating feelings, using tools like naming the line (‘not okay to talk to me that way’) and doing a ‘redo’ later.
- •Many parents feel like they’re ‘walking on eggshells’
- •Validate feelings, but set clear limits on disrespect
- •Use ‘redo’ conversations to practice better interaction
- •Tweens aren’t usually trying to be cruel; they’re dysregulated and separating
- •Boundaries protect both parent dignity and relationship health
22:05 – 23:25
Seeing the good inside: responding to rudeness with grounded curiosity
They highlight a regulating stance: pause, breathe, and interpret behavior as information. Naming the child’s underlying goodness and the possibility of a hard day often de-escalates shame and opens space for connection.
- •Take a breath before reacting to rude behavior
- •Try: ‘I know you don’t usually talk like this—what’s going on?’
- •Assume confusion/dysregulation rather than intent to harm
- •Reminding kids you see their goodness reduces shame spirals
- •Curiosity and steadiness outperform lectures in this stage
23:25 – 27:14
Repair over apology: accountability, deeper honesty, and modeling change
Dr. Becky and Dr. Sheryl differentiate quick apologies from real repair. Repair includes accountability, naming impact, and adjusting future behavior—showing tweens the secure base remains strong even when parents mess up.
- •Repair is more than ‘sorry’—it opens connection rather than shutting it down
- •Avoid excuses; take responsibility while giving context
- •Name what you’ll do differently (self-care, boundaries, timing)
- •Modeling repair teaches relational skills during a volatile stage
- •Try: ‘I’ve never parented you at 12 before—I’m learning too’
27:14 – 30:10
Parents’ past gets activated—and a reframe for the in-between years
They discuss how tweenhood can trigger parents’ memories and emotions about their own adolescence and upbringing. The reframe: this stage doesn’t have to mean rupture; entering with curiosity and noticing growth moments can preserve connection.
- •Tween/teen stages often evoke parents’ old wounds and memories
- •Hold accountability and compassion at the same time
- •Reframe: your child isn’t ‘gone’—the relationship is evolving
- •Look for awe moments (new responsibilities, emerging competence)
- •A ‘shift’ is required—growth in both child and parent
30:10 – 32:43
Call to action: Introducing ‘The In-Between Years’ podcast and core takeaway
Dr. Sheryl formally introduces her new Good Inside podcast, outlining themes like identity, independence, conflict repair, boundaries, and trust. She closes with the grounding message: even when tweens act like they don’t need you, they still do.
- •New show: ‘The In-Between Years’ with Dr. Sheryl
- •Focus areas: emotional/social/physical development, connection, and steadiness
- •Includes research-based approaches and real stories from parents/teens
- •Extends Good Inside’s belief: parents and kids are good inside
- •Closing mantra: ‘They act like they don’t need you. They still need you.’