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Good Inside with Dr. BeckyGood Inside with Dr. Becky

The Parenting Shift Nobody Prepares You For (Introducing The In-Between Years)

This episode marks the launch of Good Inside’s new podcast, The In-Between Years with Dr. Sheryl — a show about raising tweens and teens. To kick things off, Dr. Becky sits down with the show’s host, clinical psychologist Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, to talk about the parenting shift that catches so many families off guard when kids enter the tween years. One day your child wants you for everything. The next, they’re shutting their bedroom door, wearing AirPods, and suddenly the strategies that used to work… don’t. In this conversation, Becky and Sheryl unpack what’s actually happening during this stage — and why it can feel so destabilizing for parents. They explore: - why tweens start pulling away - the parenting role shift that many parents struggle with - the difference between pursuing your kid and becoming a steady anchor - how to stay connected when your child seems more distant - and why this stage isn’t a rupture in your relationship, but a transition New episodes of The In-Between Years with Dr. Sheryl — will drop every Wednesday, exploring the emotional, social, and developmental realities of raising tweens and teens. Because your kid doesn’t need you less. They just need you differently. Follow Dr. Sheryl on IG: @DrSherylatGoodInside Let us know what you think! podcast@goodinside.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com (https://pcm.adswizz.com) for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Sheryl Zieglerguest
Mar 12, 202632mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Parenting tweens: navigating rejection, hormones, and the new secure-base role

  1. The tween shift often blindsides parents because strategies that worked in early childhood suddenly feel ineffective and even “cringe” or intrusive to the child.
  2. Parents commonly experience grief, rejection, anger, and confusion as kids move from orbiting their parents to seeking separation and identity experimentation.
  3. Puberty-related brain and body changes drive volatility and role-trying; the parent’s job becomes steady presence and observation rather than problem-solving or rescuing.
  4. The healthiest stance is the “middle path”: stay available and anchored without pursuing, interrogating, or retaliating with withdrawal when a child pulls away.
  5. Repair—not just apology—is framed as a core skill in this stage, combining accountability, context, and a plan to show up differently next time.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Expect a competence crash—and name it as a normal stage shift.

Parents often feel they were just getting good at parenting when the child changes preferences, privacy needs, and reactions; reframing it as a developmental transition reduces shame and blame.

Avoid the two reflexes: chasing harder or checking out.

Pursuing (“interrogating,” over-offering solutions) tends to make tweens run faster, while retaliatory withdrawal (“fine, we’ll have fun without you”) deepens disconnection; aim for steady availability instead.

Be a secure base in a new form: present, not performative.

Tweens don’t need a playmate; they need a consistent adult nearby who can tolerate mood shifts and silence—“potted plant” presence that doesn’t fix, hover, or disappear.

Treat moodiness and identity flips as brain/body remodeling, not personal attacks.

The conversation frames tween behavior as puberty-linked restructuring and hormone shifts; interpreting it as “they’re figuring themselves out” helps parents respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness.

Use reflection more than solutions when they’re upset.

Rather than problem-solving (“take more classes,” “here’s what to do”), reflect experience (“You seem really disappointed”) and let the next moment unfold; this keeps connection open without taking over their process.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

There's a moment when your child starts changing emotionally, physically, relationally, and suddenly the instincts that guided you so well when they were young, the ones that you practiced year after year and honed in on, now all of a sudden they don't land the same way anymore.

— Dr. Becky

I have this super soft spot for that, like, "I'm one foot in childhood, and I'm one foot in adolescence, and, like, I don't know which day, uh, where the foot is." But, like, the middle is always messy.

— Dr. Sheryl Ziegler

Loss. Loss is the first one. And some confusion, and sometimes some anger, and sometimes just some sadness.

— Dr. Sheryl Ziegler

Think to yourself, "Okay, my job here is to observe them trying to figure out this problem, not to solve it."

— Dr. Sheryl Ziegler

If you remember nothing else, remember this. They act like they don't need you. They still need you.

— Dr. Becky

The “tween” as a distinct developmental stageParental grief and perceived rejectionSecure base and autonomy/explorationPursue-vs-withdraw extremesSteady presence (“potted plant” metaphor)Boundaries and respectful communicationRepair vs apology in parent-child conflict

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