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Tween Friendship Problems: What to Do When Your Child Is Caught in the Middle | Dr. Sheryl

Friendships get more complicated around age 10 — and sometimes kids find themselves caught in the middle of dynamics they don’t know how to handle.

Dr. SherylhostEringuest
Mar 25, 202633mWatch on YouTube ↗

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At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Helping tweens navigate friendship triangles while parents step back wisely

  1. Tweens’ friendships become more complex around age 10, with heightened loyalty, conflict, and “caught in the middle” dynamics.
  2. Parents’ role shifts from fixing problems to maintaining connection, offering empathy, and co-creating ideas only when the child is receptive.
  3. A child who tends to be a caretaker/peacemaker may feel responsible for repairing others’ relationships, and needs help learning what isn’t hers to manage.
  4. Low-pressure “nuggets” of relatable parental experience plus silence and reflection can open conversation better than direct advice.
  5. Boundary-setting is practiced first at home—kids learn to assert needs and tolerate discomfort through repeated, supported experiences.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Start with a simple observation, not a solution.

Try naming what you see—“This situation with your friends seems like a lot”—and pause; it signals attunement without taking over.

Treat silence as information, not failure.

If your child goes quiet after you share a brief, relatable comment, it often means it landed; if it didn’t, they’ll correct you, giving you useful feedback for next time.

Use “nuggets,” not lectures, to earn openness.

Instead of telling her what to do, share a short personal parallel (e.g., “I remember wanting everyone to be okay and feeling stuck”) and let her decide whether to engage.

Reinforce the core lesson: you can’t fix other people’s relationships.

Help your child separate caring from responsibility—she can be kind to both friends, but she cannot make them be friends or manage their conflict for them.

Build boundary skills by practicing at home first.

Respecting your child’s reasonable boundaries (space, timing, knocking, “not ready to talk”) models how boundaries work and gives her reps she can transfer to peers.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Eating disorders don't always look the way we expect. As parents, sometimes the hardest part isn't noticing something feels off, it's figuring out what to do next.

— Dr. Sheryl

We can't control other people, can only control ourselves and our choices.

— Dr. Sheryl

I can see my role as her parent is shifting, and it's not to just flat out give her advice the way it used to be. But now it's sort of supporting her.

— Dr. Sheryl

And she's not gonna make perfect choices, and she's going to mess up, and it's literally her job to do that. That is her job, right?

— Dr. Sheryl

I like to say to people like, "They're not growing away from you. They're actually just growing into themselves," but I think there's a loss there.

— Dr. Sheryl

Tween friendship triangles and loyalty pressuresBeing the peacemaker/caretaker in peer groupsParent role shift: advice-giving to connectionOpening conversations without an agenda“Sprinkling” empathy and lived examplesBoundaries and responsibility (self vs. others)Grief and uncertainty in parenting transitions

SPEAKERS

  • Dr. Sheryl

    host

    Clinician and podcast host providing parenting guidance and coaching.

  • Erin

    guest

    Parent caller seeking guidance about her 10-year-old’s friendship dynamics.

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

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