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When Food Feels Scary: Eating Disorders in Kids & Teens (Early Signs & What Helps)

Eating disorders affect an estimated 30 million Americans in their lifetime. They are common. They are serious. And they are not caused by “bad parenting.”Dr. Sheryl revisits a recent conversation between Dr. Becky and Dr. Erin Parks, Chief Clinical Officer at Equip Health, to talk about eating disorders and disordered eating in kids and teens—what the early signs look like, what’s happening emotionally underneath, and how parents can respond without escalating shame or control struggles. In this episode, we cover: - Early warning signs of eating disorders in kids and teens (including boys) - When “healthy eating” becomes rigid or concerning - The role of perfectionism and control - How diet culture shows up in family language - What shame sounds like inside a teen’s head - How to hold boundaries around health without turning food into a power struggle - When it’s time to seek professional help Disordered eating behaviors are not about vanity or defiance—they’re often attempts to regulate overwhelming feelings. This conversation will help you feel more oriented, more compassionate, and clearer about your role.Equip Health is a sponsor of "The In-Between Years."Learn more about [Good Inside](http://www.goodinside.com/?utm_source=podcast_teen&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=teen_evergreen&utm_content=shownotes_20260422_Equip).

Dr. Erin Parksguest
Apr 22, 202641mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Recognizing early eating disorder signs and how parents should respond

  1. Eating disorders and disordered eating often start with socially praised behaviors like “clean eating,” increased exercise, or subtle restriction, making early problems easy for parents to rationalize away.
  2. A key differentiator is whether “healthier eating” expands variety and flexibility (adding foods) versus increases rigidity and avoidance (removing once-enjoyed foods, skipping desserts, weight loss concerns).
  3. Dr. Parks frames eating-disorder behaviors as emotion regulation tools that “work until they don’t,” encouraging parents to respond with curiosity and firm support rather than shame or moralizing.
  4. Family-based treatment emphasizes that parents must temporarily take over food decisions and structure (“pilot the plane”), even when teens resist, because early, decisive involvement improves outcomes.
  5. The conversation highlights cultural drivers (diet culture, morality language about food, body talk) and urges parents to trust their gut, ask direct questions, act quickly, and seek specialized care.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

If you’re asking “Is this a thing?”, it usually is.

Dr. Parks notes parents often delay because diet culture makes restriction look like “discipline,” but a persistent gut feeling is a strong signal to investigate and intervene early.

“Healthier” is safer when it adds flexibility, riskier when it removes joy.

Trying new foods, increasing variety, and eating family meals is different from cutting out desserts, avoiding previously loved foods, or growing rigid about rules—those patterns warrant concern.

Replace food morality with health nuance and development reality.

Kids and teens need calories for growth; framing sugar/carbs as inherently “bad” can intensify restriction and perfectionism, especially in vulnerable, high-achieving kids.

Your behavior teaches louder than your explanations.

Kids closely track parent food choices and body talk; sometimes the most effective “intervention language” is modeling flexibility (e.g., eating dessert) rather than giving a perfect speech.

Watch for control traits that can flip into eating pathology.

Anxiety, perfectionism, rigidity, and the ability to ignore body cues (fatigue, pain, hunger) can be adaptive in school/sports but become dangerous when directed at weight, food, or exercise.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

By the time a parent asks me, even if it's just on the soccer field, "Is this a problem?" answer's almost always yes.

— Dr. Erin Parks

There is no one right way to eat.

— Dr. Erin Parks

One of my favorite things in how I fell into eating disorders is because they really are about regulating emotions. ... They work until they don't work anymore.

— Dr. Erin Parks

"You don't have to think about this anymore. I'm going to tell you what you're eating for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner. You don't have to like it. You do not have to compliment me, and you are even allowed to swear during it. I'm going to sit next to you and provide comfort while you do this hard thing."

— Dr. Erin Parks

"Can you believe they let me make that decision?"

— Dr. Becky

Diet culture and moralizing food (good/bad, clean eating)Early warning signs vs normal developmental shiftsPicky eating vs disordered eating overlapAnxiety, perfectionism, rigidity, and controlInteroceptive awareness and “pushing through” signalsEating disorder behaviors as emotion regulationFamily-based treatment and parental involvementBoys/men and overlooked eating disordersHow to talk to kids about bodies and foodWhy early action matters (speed, secrecy, medical risk)

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