Good Inside with Dr. BeckyTween Behavior Changes: Talking Back, Eye Rolls, and Hidden Anxiety | Dr. Sheryl
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Managing tween attitude with partnership, boundaries, and emotional understanding skills
- Dr. Sheryl reframes tween “attitude” and not listening as common developmental signals of growing independence rather than proof something is wrong.
- She helps the parent identify the fear beneath frustration—worry about who the child is becoming—and shows how that fear can drive reactive yelling and control struggles.
- The episode emphasizes a parenting “shift” from CEO-style control to shoulder-to-shoulder partnership, using pre-teaching conversations and shared problem-solving before predictable conflict moments.
- Practical tools include setting firm, consistent boundaries (not moving goalposts), reducing repeated commands, and using short “sprinkle” conversations to teach one skill at a time.
- The conversation normalizes that tweens act differently with friends, highlights competence-building as the core task before identity formation, and reminds parents that kids still need connection even when they seem dismissive.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasFrustration often masks a deeper fear about who your child is becoming.
Dr. Sheryl guides the parent to name the underlying worry (raising a disrespectful person), which reduces reactivity and helps parents respond with intention instead of escalation.
At 9–10, the parenting job starts shifting from “manager” to “partner.”
Instead of repeated commands in the moment, use shoulder-to-shoulder collaboration: reference what happened last time, acknowledge both sides had a hard time, and co-design a plan for next time.
Pre-correction works better than power struggles during the heat of the moment.
Before the next playdate or transition, talk when everyone is calm: “Last time was tough—what can we do differently so you can stop when I say it’s time?” This leverages the child’s motivation to earn privileges and feel capable.
The goal of this stage is competence—help them practice success, not avoid challenges.
Automatically canceling playdates after one rough experience can communicate “I don’t trust you (or me) to handle this.” Instead, set the child up to succeed with clear expectations and support.
Boundaries should be firm and consistent, and both parents need alignment.
Dr. Sheryl notes that limit-testing is the child’s developmental job, but parents must show where the “brick wall” is (e.g., after 2–3 prompts), avoiding mixed signals where one parent bends and the other clamps down.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesI just remember when she was little, thinking, "It's gonna get easier." I'm like, "Oh, it's the opposite. It gets harder."
— Anna
You are kind of trying to learn how to parent, and then, you know, they get through that phase, and you have to learn a new way to parent because there's just, it- it's just something new all the time.
— Anna
Your child may be growing up, but they don't need you less. They just need you differently.
— Dr. Sheryl
So I want you, the first thing I want you to realize is it's, it's, like, really helpful actually when we're mad, when we're feeling anything that's... Even the word frustrated or disappointed, at the root of that is still a fear.
— Dr. Sheryl
If you can remember nothing else, remember this: They act like they don't need you. They still need you.
— Dr. Sheryl
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
